October 19th 2022

Chapter 292
Our Peace in Growth

Maya didn't know exactly what Ash's reaction had been when they had received their sketchbook at the start of the second week. They had been returned not one but two, first the one whose cover they'd done, and then a second one, looking exactly as the other had done when first received, with only their name on the spine and a note inside. This one was just the same, but there was an added note, in the communications, where Maya had explained precisely why the second-time freshman was being asked to start over. They had done as asked, more or less. The next two times Maya got it back, while the assignments inside were done, the cover remained blank, and it was hard to tell whether Ash had heeded her advice of leaving it that way until true inspiration struck or if they just didn't want to do it. But then the time after that, there was the start of something on the cover, looking as though Ash had run out of time to finish it before handing it in. This time around, as Maya received the boxes on Friday, the whole of the cover had been completed, not a sad imitation of the previous year's design but something new and much more Ash-like.

They were getting better. The fact that they had been forced to repeat freshman year still didn't sit well with them – which Maya easily sympathized with – but they didn't go around in a grumpy, dejected mood the way they'd done at the start of the year. A lot of that, she was certain, went to how they had found their way, begrudgingly or not, to make friends with the very people they'd been told they might bond with. MJ and Lamar, and Lydia, even their XC Matt Cullen as he'd trail after the youngest Sullivan-Reyes girl. Oh, Ash was still their usual dark and moody looking self, but to know them as they were, that was a good sign. They made a particularly interesting duo alongside MJ, who absolutely thrived on Ash's stylistic instincts and for that was becoming great friends with sophomore Maia Bennett as well.

As far as what went on in the would-be sophomore's classes, they were clearly putting in the extra work, as much as they could to ensure that they didn't get held back a second time. They didn't perform astronomically better than last year, but it was agreed that they were showing enough improvement, minimal though it was, to be optimistic. Now they just had to keep going, to not give up or be brought down if ever things took a turn for the worse.

"So, are you and Lamar still going around pretending?" Maya had to ask, recalling the first day of class, when MJ had come along hand in hand with his friend and explained that they were pretending to be boyfriends, to mess with some idiots.

MJ was helping her set up for the freshman class so, while it was just the two of them, she had to ask. It had been a few weeks, sure, and they'd seen each other countless times since, but they had never discussed it again, as though it was something reserved solely for school grounds. When presented with the question though, MJ didn't reply, and Maya turned to look at him to find her brother had a strange sort of look on his face. When she gestured at his expression, asking what it was about with a raised eyebrow, he shrugged.

"I'm not exactly sure what we're doing anymore."

"Meaning…" Maya asked.

"Just that… Well, we've kept up the story all month, and like everyone except those guys knew exactly what we were doing, and they were going along with it, so much so that we barely had to think about it anymore, like when we're here, we're boyfriends. I put my arm around him, he holds my hand… It can be a bit… confusing…" MJ admitted awkwardly, and she understood.

The more he was going on like his friend really was his boyfriend, the more at ease he was getting with the scenario, which could become a problem…

"Then on Friday, he was there with me when I tried out for the musical and we left together. We ran into the guys again. I don't know how we got there, I figured he was committed to our thing, so when we walked past them, he said something and… I guess I misheard him at first, but I said 'yeah.' I just had time to realize what he really said was 'can I kiss you?' and then… he kissed me. I mean he kissed me," MJ pressed on the word, his eyes aiding in telegraphing that this was no peck on the cheek.

"Okay…" Maya slowly nodded, guessing there was more to the story, or at least more that he needed to let off his chest, even as she stood with the surprise of his revelation.

"We haven't spoken all weekend, barely said anything after that happened on Friday because he took off almost as soon as it was over, but… I haven't been able to stop thinking about it…" MJ shook his head, an echo of his stunned expression on his face. "He's only the second boy I've ever kissed, and it wasn't even like I knew it was going to happen, but… I keep playing it back in my head, the way he held on to me, how his lips felt, I… I was so startled for a second or two at first, but then I was kissing him back, and it felt different, I guess. Like, when it was me and Mikey, I didn't feel much except that I was kissing this really cute guy and it felt nice. Lamar is my friend, I know him, and then… I don't know…"

"And now you're concerned that… what?" Maya asked.

"I just don't know if he was just really good at pretending, and that was all it was for him, or if there was more to it than that and he actually wants us to be… for real… And if I ask him and it's the first thing, then he might be upset that I thought it was the other, or…"

They didn't get the chance to talk more, as other students were starting to arrive, but Maya gave her brother a nod. They would get back to this talk later. MJ thanked her and moved to take his seat, even as Lamar Whitley came into the room. Knowing what she knew now, Maya observed the boy. She clocked the moment he spotted his friend and quote-unquote boyfriend across the room, knowing that a lot could be found in a look like that. Under the right circumstances, it could feel as though the heart was so near to boiling over that it had no other choice but to press out its emotions on the outside.

What she found here, with Tre's younger brother, was either a very good actor – and according to Morgan and Miranda who had seen his musical audition, not very likely – or this charade of pretend boyfriends had really started to feel not so pretend for him. To see him though, she might be willing to bet that he still believed that it was pretend, that everything he was doing – going so far as making out with his best friend, was all for the benefit of messing around with some jerks. All she could hear in her head was Ray's voice, or Chiara's, saying how they used to affirm their straightness with such certainty, even though their actions, subconscious though they often were, said otherwise. Did it mean that Lamar was gay, specifically? Who was to say except Lamar, and he wasn't there yet… It wasn't up to them to stick a label on him, and they wouldn't. But whatever came of this, they would be there for him.

When he sat down next to MJ, there was a definite awkward beat, like all morning long Lamar had been aware that they hadn't spoken all weekend, since The Kiss, and they hadn't gotten the chance to address it up to now either, but with art class being what it was, with their proximity and the ability to chat… Surely, something would come up. His hands were there, on the station top, holding on to the sides of his diary like it would give him something to do, possibly keep him in check. MJ being who he was, Maya could see him make the conscious decision to pretend like everything was normal, at least for now. Lamar happily ran with it.

"Afternoon, Mrs. Friar," Lydia gave her that good, sweet smile as she came into the room with Matt Cullen. It was so funny, always, the way her smile would be different for her. She'd have one that was directed at just about everyone else in the school, but then when it would be Maya, or her big sister Lara, it would feel as though the clock had turned back, and there was the small girl with itchy stockings that her father had to remove, having dinner with the newly engaged Maya and Lucas. She had changed so much since then, but that smile was still part of her, and it meant so much to her family.

"Afternoon, Miss Sullivan-Reyes," Maya smiled back at her, resisting the urge to toss out a 'Hypnoteyes.' Her old nickname may not have been commonly known to the school at large but it was never far away when surrounded by her fathers, her sisters and little brother, or her cousin and his wife and daughters…

"I'm really glad you're back," Lydia told her, not going so far as hugging her but giving every indication that she was thinking about it. Maya appreciated it as much as the real thing.

"So am I," Maya told her. "I was surprised to hear you didn't audition for the musical. I thought you wanted to," she recalled. Both her big sisters had done it, all through their high school days, and it felt like a near done deal that Lydia would do the same.

"I don't know, I was going to, but when I was figuring out what to sing for it, I realized I didn't actually want to. I was just doing it because Lea and Lara did it and I didn't want to be left out, but… I'm actually okay with it now. I'll find my thing. Not sure what yet, but I will," she admitted, showing confidence, and Maya smiled, nodded. She thought so, too. Maybe I'm starting to come around on you and the quiz team…

She had known Lucas' cousins, all of them, since they were babies, since their fathers had adopted them and brought them home, had barely been his friend when Lea had come around, but she'd seen her, held her, a tiny babe, one of few babies she'd ever held at the time, which was a strange thought to consider nowadays. All three girls had always looked so distinct from one another, thanks to each of their own biological parents. There was Lea, half Filipino, and a quarter each of Chinese and Welsh. There was Lara, split in quarters between Haitian, French, Dominican, and English. And there was Lydia, half Portuguese, a quarter Italian, and another Spanish. Even before they'd started exploring their roots and been able to understand where they came from, Lydia had been known to feel so hyperaware of how different they all were from one another but also desperate to cling to the things that made them the same. Looking at it from that perspective, it was understandable why she would have gone in with the assumption that she would definitely join the musical. But she'd chosen differently in the end and maybe that would be for the better in the end.

As class officially began for the afternoon, Maya looked upon her freshmen and she was beyond happy to be back here with them, as though the year was now truly beginning.

TO BE CONTINUED


See you tomorrow! - mooners