Author's Notes

The following will contain unsettling topics.


Chapter 2: Walk Before You Run

Severus I

1976

"Look… at… me…."

Severus nearly threw himself out of bed as he awoke, cold sweat covering his body. "When- when is it?" He scrambled out of bed and found the calendar Dumbledore had bought for him. Every day that had passed had been crossed out, and as the 1st of September had been crossed out…. "2nd. 2nd of September." He checked the year. "1976. 1976." He shut his eyes for a moment and Occluded, bottling away the memories that had popped out. I am the student. I am the student. I am the student. The words anchored him to the present, and he felt sensation return to his body as his legs nearly gave way. He caught himself on the bedpost and sat down, leaning forward as he shut his eyes and controlled his breathing.

I don't know what happened.

I can tell. Severus felt nauseous. His stomach was too full from last night's dinner. You couldn't have shut it off?

I believed you could do with some proper rest. But it appears that normal sleep won't do.

I'll have to- Severus felt something crawl up his throat, and he gagged. He stood and stumbled to the bathroom door, swinging it open as he collapsed beside the toilet, vomiting into the bowl.

Go to the cauldron and make us a Draught of Peace. I'll instruct you, as you're clearly not in your right mind.

Severus barely stood, flushing last night's dinner down the toilet, and stumbled to the cauldron on the desk near the shelves. His body still felt foreign to him as he reached for the powdered moonstone. The container nearly slipped out of his hand, but he caught it with his other palm, which caused him to lose balance and lean against the table.

Perhaps you shouldn't brew anything, after all.

I can do it!

No, you clearly can't. Stop moving.

Severus did as instructed, carefully setting the powdered moonstone down. Now what?

I want you to test your coordination. Move your fingers around, and see what feels natural to you.

Severus slowly moved his fingers, testing how naturally his hands felt. There was an inner resistance when he tried his usual movements, where his fingers were spread out. But when he relaxed his hand, allowing his fingers to come closer, for more precise usage… it certainly felt more natural, but he wasn't used to it at all.

I see… this could be a problem.

What is it?

It seems, somehow, you have integrated my muscle memory into your body.

Isn't that a good-

You have no experience with my muscle memory. And because of this, you're constantly fighting your own movements, regardless of whether you stick to your habits or adopt mine. In essence, you're an invalid.

Severus took a moment to process what he had just been told. If what Professor Snape said was true, then he would have to retrain his basic motor skills, in addition to doing schoolwork. He didn't even want to think about how he would write essays-

Oh, damn it all!

What?

The essays I had to write over summer! How am I supposed to write if my body won't let me?!

Professor Snape didn't respond immediately. We'll need to speak with Dumbledore regarding this. For now….

What?

If you're going to acclimatize, you will need to do things… without Snarky.

Severus thought about how much easier it was when Snarky helped him with moving around. The house-elf seemed to know exactly what Severus wanted to do before he did it. How do we do that without raising suspicion?

We don't. If we are asked, we say we're not feeling well and leave it at that. If they ask, we express our desire to not speak of it.

I… I don't want other people to notice.

I understand…. Professor Snape's words trailed off. However, we have more important matters to attend to.

I know.

And to attend to them, we need to regain our coordination as swiftly as possible. And the only way to do that is to go through our daily routine without assistance.

What if I fall?

Get back up. And steel your nerves.

where do we start?

Breakfast. In the Great Hall.

Severus felt the nausea return, but he controlled his breath until it disappeared. Are you sure?

No.

Severus let out a sigh and slowly backed away from the desk. Walking around, that foreign sensation…. Severus turned around and began practicing his walk, seeing what resisted him the least. His usual walk was fairly… spider-like, he was ashamed to say. And now, he felt as unnatural as his walk appeared to other people. He adjusted himself, thinking about how Professor Snape would glide across the ground, and proceeded to mimic the professor's own walk. While less unnatural feeling, he wasn't quite at home with it; his movements were sluggish and clunky by comparison.

Not a terrible attempt, but it will take time.

I bet a relatively strong breeze would tip me right over.

Perhaps.

Severus continued walking around the room, the movements becoming clearer in his mind, although still equally-difficult to adjust to. Not many people had to forsake sixteen years worth of muscle memory. Then again, not many people were going through… whatever the hell all of this was.

Severus checked the grandfather clock, which sat between his potion lab and the wardrobe. 6:45. Only a few more minutes before he could go to the Great Hall.

You'll need to have a larger meal.

Severus groaned and didn't bother internalizing his thoughts. "No."

We need to test your hands. It's one thing to wiggle your fingers; it's another entirely to put them to action.

"And what happens if I have the need to vomit again?"

I'm not asking you to gorge yourself. Eat slightly more than normal.

Severus wanted to object, but ultimately, Professor Snape's instructions made sense. He needed to adjust. Or at least, he had to put himself in situations that would force him to adjust. "If I do this… when I do this… I need you to help me as best as you can."

How?

"In any way. I need to know that you're not just sitting back-"

I would never make you do this alone.

Severus nodded. "Alright. I should change for breakfast."

Severus barely managed to change into his uniform, just as the grandfather clock struck 7. As it did, there was a knock on the door. Confused, Severus, very carefully, walked to the door and opened it, revealing….

"Black?"

Regulus Black stood before him, wearing a Prefect badge. "Snape. I've been sent to escort you to the Great Hall."

"... I'm somewhat confused."

"The headmaster revealed to the Prefects, as well as the Head Boy and Girl, the nature of your… condition. Professor Slughorn, also knowing, has instructed that I personally escort you to the Great Hall this morning for breakfast."

"I see…. But what if I don't want to have breakfast in the future?"

"I'll be coming every morning regardless. I suspect it's a way to break me into my Prefect duties. Shall we?"

"Certainly." Severus carefully stepped out, minding his footwork. "I may have to return to my room for my books and parchment."

"Indeed. Now, let us walk and talk."

The two boys walked through the corridors, Severus barely managing to conceal his difficulty in moving. It was one thing to pace back and forth in his room, but another thing entirely to walk from the fourth floor to the Great Hall.

"I'm sorry about your mother and father," Regulus said. Oddly enough, he sounded sincere.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Of course. I'll mind that in the future…. It's a shame you couldn't make it to the party this summer. We had a rather splendid time."

"I'm sorry I missed it," Severus lied. If his memories were anything to go by, then the party that had happened was…. He Occluded.

"No matter." They eventually arrived outside of the Great Hall, where the two were met by… Lily.

Lily….

Severus remembered her death…. He had betrayed her…. He had… he was the reason she…. He Occluded, but not enough for Lily to not notice something was wrong when he spoke.

"... hello." Severus's voice was softer than he had meant. But oddly enough, Lily wore a soft expression. Or, a softer expression.

"... hi, Severus."

Severus? Not Snape? Severus…?

Severus continued, "About last term-"

"Would you like to sit with us?"

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"I seem to be misunderstanding something," Regulus said. "I was led to believe Snape was a Slytherin… not a Gryffindor."

"That doesn't mean he can't sit at our table," Lily retorted. "It's just dinners that are more formal." She turned to Severus. "Well?"

"... alright…." Severus gave Regulus a slight nod before approaching Lily. Lily turned and began leading him to the Gryffindor table….

has this been allowed this whole time…?

I don't know.

You don't… know.

I was never asked to sit here.

Severus took this in. And you never saw anyone do this after you became a professor?

I thought the policy had changed during my time away.

Lily and Severus finally stopped, and Lily sat down… with Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and… James… bloody… Potter.

go to breakfast, right?

in my defense… nevermind.

"Alright, Sni-Snape?" Potter seemed to catch his little bloody slip-up.

It took every ounce of Occlumency to nod his head and stop himself from attacking him on-sight. Potter… had 'changed' during sixth year… become Head Boy and seduced Lily during seventh year… and tormented Severus consistently throughout. He had concealed his actions from everyone, everyone, to the point where Severus wondered if he was the only one being targeted.

"Have a seat," Lupin said, disgustingly cordially. "Bangers and mash." The wolf's plate was stacked with sausage and mashed potatoes.

Without a word, Severus sat down, and his entire body was flooded with a sense of unease. He could taste the tension. He eyed the bowl of scrambled eggs and was about to reach for it, stopping himself when he remembered… his condition. Slowly, he moved his hand to hold the spoon, and he carefully spooned a small amount onto his plate.

"Not much, is it?" This was from Pettigrew… oh, Pettigrew…. The little rat…. The traitor….

"Full from last night," Severus said quickly. He took one sausage and minimal potato.

"Right," McKinnon said. Severus wasn't looking at her, but he could feel her stare. At least she and Black were honest about how they felt about him. Lupin and Pettigrew were cowards, and Potter was… Potter. And as for Lily… to be perfectly honest, he didn't trust her.

Severus hated the fact that he couldn't trust her right now. The last time they had spoken, it had been on less-than-ideal terms. But now, she looked as though she was trying to save their friendship. What had happened- oh. Oh, now it made sense. The Snape murder….

"So…." McKinnon began, very clearly awkwardly. "... you're from Cokeworth, too?"

Severus nodded, slightly confused. Did they not know Lily and I were friends before Hogwarts?

No idea. We've never actually spoken to them at length. This is a record.

"Right…. I'm surprised you're…." McKinnon stopped.

"What?"

"... you're a half-blood."

did everyone think I was a pureblood?

So it would seem.

"That's… correct." Severus picked up his fork and went to eat some eggs, slowing himself once he saw his hand was shaking.

"Nervous, are we?" Black let out a yelp as a sudden thud came from under the table.

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus bit back. He stopped himself as he took a bite.

"Why is your hand shaking?" Lily's voice caught Severus off-guard. It sounded soft… concerned… pitying….

"... is it?" Severus looked at his hand, feigning surprise. "Odd." Are they just going to interrogate me?

"Sorry about your parents." If Lily's voice had caught Severus off-guard, MacDonald's voice nearly made his heart sink. He remembered the 'prank' Mulcibur had pulled on her… and he felt ashamed for even making excuses for it….

The table went near-deathly silent.

Severus stared down at his plate. "Thank you for your concern," he said blankly.

"Do you miss them?" MacDonald was the last person whose voice Severus wanted to hear.

"My mother, somewhat. Not my father."

"Makes sense," Pettigrew piped in, seemingly only realizing then how it had come out. "W-wait, let me rephrase-"

"He was a bastard," Severus said, scooping up some eggs and eating them. The irritation seemed to steady his hand… somehow. "I'm only upset capital punishment was abolished. He took the easy way out, the coward."

The table went silent once more as Severus finished his plate before reaching for the cup of… pumpkin juice. He looked around at the other cups.

"What?" McKinnon asked. "Don't like pumpkin juice?"

"Too sweet," Severus said. "Is there water?"

"Could just Vanish it," Lupin said. "Then fill it up with water."

Severus took out his wand, and he shakily- He stopped. He couldn't even cast a bloody spell without this bloody hand shaking.

Suddenly, the pumpkin juice Vanished, and Lily said, "Aguamenti." The cup was filled with water.

Severus stared down at the cup, then looked at Lily. "... thank you." He took a sip.

"Alright, what the devil's wrong with your hand, Snape?" McKinnon had raised her voice slightly.

"I've been unwell recently," Severus quickly said, hating the excuse provided by Dumbledore.

"Unwell with what?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You can't-"

"Marley." Lily's voice was stern. "Please drop it."

McKinnon grumbled and grabbed a sausage from the serving plate, biting into it. "Sorry."

As Severus stood, he felt unwell. The nausea seemed to be returning…. "I need to prepare for classes today," he said.

"What do you have?" Lily asked.

"It's written down somewhere," Severus said, stepping over the bench. "I'll see you… eventually." He steadied himself and walked out of the Great Hall, minding his movements as he fought the urge to vomit.


Lily I

"I'll see you… eventually." Severus, clearly unwell, left the Great Hall immediately.

"... the bloody hell was that all about?" Black asked.

"So, I'm not the only one who thought something was off?' Marlene replied. "Good."

"You said you would try," Lily said. She couldn't believe Marlene would behave like- actually, she could. But she couldn't believe she hadn't tried harder.

"I did," Marlene replied. "But you have to admit, and I think I speak for everyone, that something is very, very off about him."

"You just don't like him," Lily shot back.

"Lily," Remus said diplomatically, "As someone who… doesn't hate Snape as much as others here, I have to admit something's wrong. And he's acting more strangely now than he did before the holiday."

Lily couldn't deny what Remus said, but…. "Is that an excuse?"

"No, it's a concern-"

"You can be concerned while behaving," Lily countered.

"She's right," Potter said- wait, Potter? Potter?!

"James," Black growled, "Don't you dare-"

"Sirius. Stop. We've been over this too many times. Stop." As much as Lily hated to admit, Potter's voice was rather commanding….

Black glared at Potter, but he didn't reply.

"Lily," Marlene said, "Can I at least explain why I'm concerned?"

"Let me guess," Lily said. "You think I'm pitying-"

"For Merlin's sake, of course you're pitying him!" Marlene almost stood from her seat. "He wants you to pity him! You have to stop!"

"That's not fair," Lily said. "You have no idea-"

"Look, Marley's right," Black said.

"Sirius-"

"Let me finish, James. This isn't about how I feel. This is about what I know, for a fact." The table went silent as Black went on. "I know Dark Wizards, alright? I was raised by a family of them. And let me tell you that not every Dark Wizard looks like a Malfoy or a Mulciber."

Mary scooted away.

"Sorry, Mary," Black said quickly. "Anyway, some Dark Wizards don't present themselves as elegant or menacing. Some present themselves as vulnerable, weak, pitiful. They feed off of pity to get them where they want, hiding among people whom they've tricked into befriending them. They continue this, leeching and scrounging, until they finally manage to get to people like them… Dark Wizards. When the time strikes, they reveal their true colors and start licking the boots of the strongest Dark Wizard they can find. That's why I don't trust Sniv- Snape."

Lily couldn't say there wasn't truth to what he said. Everyone had said that when she and Severus had been friends, and then he'd shown his true colors over time, slowly but surely. Perhaps he had simply grown too comfortable around her… but he'd wanted to talk….

Lily set her knife and fork down. "Was it a mistake to invite him to our table?"

"No," Potter said. "No, if you want him to sit with us, it's your right to ask him."

Everyone looked at Potter. James Potter was supporting Lily on this?

"... okay, what happened over the holiday?" Marlene asked. "You'd never say that."

"I thought about what I was doing," Potter replied. "I realized it wasn't the way to do things. I want to have a fresh start."

Black rubbed his temple with his hand. "Mate, you…. Fine, I give up. I'll play nice." When Potter looked at him skeptically, Black said, "What? I'm serious!"

"Hi Sirius, I'm James." Potter grinned.

The two broke out in laughter at that… stupid pun. Pettigrew joined in, while Remus and Marlene shook their heads and sighed. Mary had barely said a word.

"Alright," Potter said. "I'd better head out, too."

"Leaving me behind, eh?" Black grinned.

"You can keep Marley company," Potter replied, causing Marlene's face to glow beet-red. "I have to sort out the tryout plans for the season."

"Right, take care of that." As Potter left, Sirius flashed a grin at Marlene. "So… want some company?"

Marlene had never looked so red and sheepish in her life; Lily felt her mouth twitch, but she held back her smile. Marlene seemed to have seen it, because she rounded on Lily and said, "Oh, Lily! That reminds me! Are you ready for… the contest?"

Lily felt the voice in her head groan. "... please… please, no…."

"Oh, yes," Marlene grinned wickedly. "Oh yes, indeed."

"Are we talking about what I think we're talking about?" Black's grin matched Marlene's.

"We are," Marlene replied. "Lily Evans, prepare yourself for-"

"Marley, I swear to-"

"-the Gryffindor House Nobility Drink-Off!"

Lily wanted, so badly, to throttle Marlene. But she knew better. "I'm not doing it."

"Oh, yes you are!"

"I'm a Prefect!"

"Hey, if a Prefect became a Princess-!"

"Marlene," Remus interjected, "if Lily doesn't want to compete-"

"C'mon, mate," Black said, cutting in. "Put it this way. Evans doesn't want to be Princess, all she has to do is lose. Though throwing the competition would be very unsportsmanlike."

"And not competing will single her out," Marlene added. "Too good for us peons."

Lily thought about what they were saying. She didn't have to compete; she had the option to sit out. But based on the history of the competition, none of the Gryffindors had ever sat out… at least, none of the real Gryffindors. If what Remus had said at last night's dinner was true, even Pettigrew of all people would be competing to be the Prince. If someone like him was competing, she didn't really have an excuse.

Remus turned to Lily and said, "Look, you don't have to listen to them-"

"Fine."

The grins on both Marley and Black's faces widened. "What was that, Evans?"

"I'll compete. And I won't throw the competition." Lily couldn't believe what she was agreeing to….

Marlene exclaimed, "Atta girl!"

Remus sighed and said, "You're a bad influence on her."

"The worst," Marlene said, smirking. "Not sure why you won't compete."

"I don't want-"

"Don't worry, mate," Black said. "You don't have to."

"What?!" Lily shot a look at Black. "Are you-" She stopped herself from saying 'serious'.

"Yes," Black said, "No puns. I'm serious."

"Right," Remus said, "Well, I'm getting my things for class. See you all later." He stood up, barely touching his food, and left.

"Boo!" Marlene playfully jeered Remus off, getting absolutely no reaction from him whatsoever. "What's wrong with him? A bit moody. That time of the month?"

"Marlene." Lily didn't think she'd heard Black sound so harsh. "His mum died over the holiday."

Lily froze, and she noted Marlene's reaction. Marlene's grin slowly slid off her face, replaced with a blank look, not of apathy or boredom, but of shock.

"Is he okay?" Mary asked.

"No," Black said. "No, he's… he's hurting right now. His dad, too. He's going to be taking trips back home during the year to check on him."

"... I'm such a bitch…." Marlene's voice was quiet, her eyes staring down at her lap. She was about to leave the table, most likely to follow Remus, but Black caught her arm.

"No," Black said. "Marley, just let him be alone for a bit. I'm not joking."

"But-"

"Term just started," Pettigrew said. "I think he needs time to adjust to what happened, along with doing his Prefect duties."

"Maybe…." Mary stopped herself.

"What is it, Mary?" Lily asked.

"Well, if that competition is going on this weekend, maybe Remus could come visit the Gobstone Club to take his mind off of things?"

"Are you doing anything then?"

"Yeah," Mary replied. "We'll be in the courtyard with the fountain, but everyone's meeting up in the club room first."

"I'll tell him about it," Black said.

"Actually," Marlene said, "maybe I should."

"Are you saying that because you feel bad?" Pettigrew asked.

"... I might be."

"Give him time," Lily said. She turned to Mary and said, "You should ask him. Wait until… I don't know, maybe wait until Friday evening."

"I'm not sure if he has Astronomy or not," Black said. "I probably should've asked him. I have that class too."

"Um…." Pettigrew thought for a moment. "... yeah, he's taking it."

Black groaned. "Of all the classes, he chose that one?"

"What's wrong with Astronomy?" Mary asked.

"Nothing," Black said. "Just… bloody hell, Moony."

"Is that why you call him that?" Lily asked.

Black and Pettigrew looked at Lily.

"... that obvious, huh?" Pettigrew said.

"Pretty obvious," Marlene said. "The boy goes mad about looking up through that telescope."

"Tell me about it," Black said quietly. "I should head out too."

"Class?" Marlene asked.

"Nah, I just want to head back to the dorm and relax." Black stood up, with Pettigrew following close behind. "See ya, Kinny." Black planted a kiss on top of Marlene's head, causing the girl to yelp. Black barked with laughter as he and Pettigrew walked off.

Marlene took a long drink of whatever was in her cup before giving Lily a look. "... what was that about?"

"I thought you would've been happy?" Mary asked.

"W-well, I wasn't expecting… that!" Marlene set the cup down. "Anyway… Lily, you have Runes today, right?"

"Yeah," Lily answered.

"When you see Remus, could you ask him if-"

"I'll see how he's doing," Lily cut in. "But if what Black said is anything to go by, maybe he needs to be left alone?"

Marlene snorted indignantly.

"What?" Lily couldn't help but feel somewhat annoyed. "What did I say?"

"Nothing," Marlene grumbled. "You want to see if Snape's okay after losing his parents, but when Remus loses his mum, suddenly we should give him space."

"Because I didn't know his mum was dead, Marley, let alone murdered by his father!"

Marlene didn't respond.

Mary spoke up. "I think I'll go prepare for Care for Magical Creatures." She stood up slowly, and Lily could tell the conversation was distressing her.

"Wait, Mary, we're sorry." Lily tried to reach for her to stay, but Mary was just out of reach. The girl left the Great Hall at a brisk pace.

Marlene's eyes followed Mary as she left. "... Lily-"

"I shouldn't have exploded like that," Lily quickly said. "You're right, of course. I didn't see what I was doing until you pointed it out."

"So, will you talk to him?"

"Remus?"

Marlene nodded.

"Yeah," Lily said. "But I won't push anything."

"Of course." Marlene finished her breakfast. "I'll go talk to Mary to see if she's alright. I think we owe her that."

"Do you know what's wrong with her?"

"I think the conversation in general. She's been oddly… sympathetic to Snape recently…. I hope it's not another crush."

Lily gave Marlene a look. "I doubt it's a crush. He's in Slytherin, as well as an associate of Mulciber."

"I don't know, then…. Well, I don't have classes today, so do you want to do something after you're done with Runes?"

"Actually, I was thinking of… don't get mad, alright?"

"... I promise to try."

"I was thinking of speaking with Severus."

Marlene tensed up, but quickly relaxed. "I promised not to get mad…. So, what about?"

"I mean… he wanted to meet with me last term, but then he vanished during the final week. And now, he's back, he's not looking well, and… I think it's fairly obvious something's going on."

"You mentioned he stayed at Hogwarts for the holiday," Marlene said. "Alice and Frank were here for that Auror program. Didn't they see him?"

"Not at all," Lily replied. "At least, Alice didn't say."

"Right." The conversation had certainly simmered down, but Lily could still tell Marlene wasn't comfortable. "Well, for now, don't worry about him."

"Marley-"

"Hear me out. You'll probably share a few classes together, so you can talk to him then. Definitely Potions-"

"Which is on Mondays."

"Well, there's other core classes… aside from… I don't know what he's taking, actually."

"Neither do I."

"What about the Slug Club?"

Lily sighed. "I think Slughorn might have… distanced himself from Severus."

Marlene nodded. "That makes sense. Not the best look. Odds are, most people there would be talking about Snape's carpet matching the drapes."

"They're idiots," Lily replied. "Sounds like they've got an idle imagination."

"Not really. He was exposed in front of the entire school."

Lily almost dropped her fork. "... Marley…."

"... you didn't know? They took everything below the waist off. Left him hanging there until… actually, I don't know how he got down. Maybe Hagrid; he's tall enough to reach."

Lily's mind went blank. She remembered the incident too well: how Potter could do something like that? Threatening to hex her, trying to coerce her into dating him by promising to spare Severus…. Why did he feel the need to do that? And then when he showed Severus's pants to the crowd…. She hadn't thought he'd gone through with… the rest….

"Lily?" Marlene snapped her fingers.

"... why didn't you tell me?"

"You were done with him. Why would you care?"

"But-"

"He called you a- that word! As if that wasn't enough proof he wasn't who you thought he was." Marlene paused. "Think about this carefully. He's friends with Mulciber, he dabbles in Dark Magic, he's used that word constantly. How many more signs do you need?"

Lily couldn't separate the thought of Severus being dangled half-naked in front of a crowd with what Marlene was saying. "I need to think about this."

Marlene looked as though she could blow up, but she didn't. "I- let's talk about this once I've cooled down and you've sorted out whatever it is you're thinking about." She got up. "I'll see you after Runes."

"See you later." Lily remained at her seat, eyeing her plate. Severus hadn't even mentioned that, and he'd had plenty of times to- no, actually, he didn't- but he did- Lily almost groaned at her frustration. She didn't know how to approach this. Had she known how far it had gone, she would've-

Wait. No one told me. No one told me….

Not one person. Surely, people would've talked about it in the corridors, or the professors would've commented on it. Wouldn't they? And it seemed Potter and Black hadn't really been punished too badly for what they'd done… well they had, somewhat, but they didn't seem fazed. Although… Potter was acting surprisingly cordial. And even Black, to a degree. Pettigrew was a bit hard to read, but he always followed Potter's lead to begin with…. No, Lily had to focus. How had she not heard about this?!

Unless she'd ignored it?

Lily thought about it. Was she the type of person to ignore something like that? She didn't want to be, but….

No. Lily, you have two years left of Hogwarts, and you have N.E.W.T.-level classes to focus on.

Two full years to try to fix what was wrong between her and-

Focus! You don't even know if your schedules line up!

Regardless, there was time. But Lily was sure she wanted to put it to good use.


Severus II

On the way back to his room, Severus decided to stop by Professor Slughorn's office. He hadn't forgotten his goal for this year; if things went well, he could confirm his suspicions… or rather, his and Dumbledore's suspicions. They could also finally have access to the name of the magic the Dark Lord had used to make himself unkillable, something Professor Snape was still resentful about.

He didn't trust me to tell me the name.

I'm not defending him-

I hope not.

Severus didn't push the topic. As much as he wanted to know, and as much as he understood Professor Snape, he needed to focus. It was bad enough that he could barely walk properly without focusing on it. Fortunately, he arrived at the door, and he raised his hand to knock. The act of moving his hand to the door was harder than it should have been, but he managed to get a few good knocks in.

After a few seconds, the door opened, and Professor Slughorn looked at Severus with an expression he couldn't read. "Ah," Slughorn said, trying to sound casual. "Good morning, Mr. Snape. Is there something I can help you with?"

"I… is it alright if I come in? I have something I need to say."

"Well, don't take too long. I have to do some work." Slughorn stepped aside and allowed Severus to enter.

"Thank you, sir." Severus sat down in the chair across from where Slughorn usually sat, but Slughorn didn't join him. Instead, he remained standing.

"Before we begin," Slughorn said, "I wanted to say I was sorry to hear about your mother."

"I see." Severus wasn't sure how to respond. Slughorn hadn't mentioned her before. "Sir, I wish to…."

"Yes?" Slughorn remained where he was, unmoving.

"... I need you to know that… what happened at the Black Lake with Lily…."

"I know what you're talking about. It was a rather cruel thing to say to her."

Severus Occluded. It seemed Slughorn didn't care that he'd been exposed in front of everyone. This wasn't the Slughorn that had favored Professor Snape, and he knew why. Professor Snape had been stuck in bed for the entire weekend after the Black Lake incident, prompting concern from Slughorn and Pomfrey. They had pitied him, seeing his remorse…. That must have been why they'd treated him better before.

"I know," Severus replied calmly. "I just want you to know that… I know you care about Lily, and I want to make things right with her. I'm not going to make excuses for what I've said and done to hurt her. And I'm sorry for bringing shame to Slytherin."

Slughorn remained silent. After a pause, he sat in his chair across from Severus. "Mr. Snape, while I'm relieved to hear this, you must understand that, given what's happened… well, I'm not sure if attending my Slug Club parties-"

"I know, sir," Severus bit back. "I'm not doing it to get back into your good graces." A half-lie, but true enough. "... she's my only friend."

"I see…. Is there any particular reason you decided to tell me this and not Lily herself?"

"Well… I don't know how to…. Sir, how should I go about this?"

"Does she want to reconcile?"

"She invited me to sit with her at the Gryffindor table for breakfast, but she's never done that in the past."

"That might be her way, then."

Severus thought about it. He'd barely eaten, and he'd left. And the short amount of time he'd stayed, he barely said anything, not to mention his attitude. Then again, considering who was sitting next to him…. "That makes sense."

"Is there anything else?"

"I just hope there's no bad feelings between us in the future."

Slughorn nodded reluctantly. "I suppose…. Yes, I don't see why we can't move on from that incident. Water under the bridge."

Severus nodded. "Thank you, sir."

"Of course, Severus." Slughorn stood. "Now, I do have to go over the schedule for the term. I expect to see you in Potions, yes?"

"Of course, sir." Severus stood from his seat. "Have a good day."

"And you."

As Severus left the office, he felt lighter. That was one thing off his mind, although he could tell he wasn't quite where he needed to be. As pleasant as Slughorn had appeared, it wasn't exactly a firm trust. Not enough for the man to divulge his memories.

Focusing, Severus made his way to the dungeons- blast, he'd been moved to another room. It would take some time to get used to that; old habits tended to die hard. Thinking about it, it wasn't an awful room. It was somewhat in the middle of everything in terms of using the staircases; that was a benefit. And he was closer to Lily, despite also being closer to Potter. That might take getting used-

Something was off. Like he was being watched.

Severus stopped and looked around. Did you feel that?

I think we've established that I can't feel what it is you feel right now.

Something's… I don't think we're alone.

Nevermind it, let's go back to our room.

Levicorpus.

What are you talking about?

Without warning, Severus found himself dangling upside down, his wand having slipped out from his sleeve. He swiveled around, but he couldn't see anyone.

Damn it, he's gone! Whomever it is, I'm killing him!

Potter.

How do you know?

We couldn't see our attacker; Potter has a Cloak of Invisibility.

And you tell me this now?!

He never used it at school. I didn't know it existed until I was a professor, and the same went for the Map.

You knew about that-

At a later time. His son made use of both.

Her son.

There was a pause. Focus. We need to reach our wand.

Wandless Summoning Charm?

We'll have to try. Reach your hand out.

Severus did as he was told. Now what?

You need to remove all doubt from your mind. Doubt is the death of magic. You must believe, entirely, that the wand will come to you when called.

Severus looked at the wand. It will come to me. It will come to me.

"Accio my wand!"

The wand fluttered off the ground, but it only just brushed against Severus's fingertips before hitting the floor.

Try again.

Severus did as he was told. This time, the wand flew up higher, and Severus went to catch it… and would have succeeded if not for his poor coordination. The wand hit the floor again.

"Damn it! Accio my wand!"

The wand flew back up, landing in Severus's palm… but slipping away before he could close his fingers around it. No, they had closed around it, and he would've caught it….

I can't do it.

Try again.

I can't! "Snarky!"

Pop. "Severus Snape needs…. Severus Snape is hanging upside down."

Severus couldn't look at the elf. "I… I can't reach my wand."

Snarky looked down at the wand, and then back up to Severus. "Yes."

"Give it to me!" Severus snapped.

Snarky nodded, picking up the wand and handing it to Severus.

Severus performed the wand movements and said, "Liberacorpus." He felt himself lower slightly, but not very efficiently as when he normally used it. He got to his feet and stowed his wand away, carefully. "Thank you."

"Severus Snape is welcome. Does Severus Snape require assistance back to his room?"

"No." Severus turned and left without another word. He had to think about what had happened. Potter had an invisibility cloak, and Severus could barely grab his wand. Not even grab it, actually. If he couldn't even grab a wand-

Severus suddenly found himself falling face-first on the floor, barely moving his nose out of the way. He'd lost his balance; he'd been distracted. He let out a string of foul curses into the floor, as he heard the pitter-patter of a small being approach.

"Does Severus Snape need-"

"NO, SNARKY!" Severus pulled away. "No. I can walk by myself."

"Very good, sir." Snarky's ears were drooping, but if the elf was upset, he showed no other sign of it. "Snarky will return to his duties."

Severus nodded as the elf popped away. He staggered to his feet and carefully continued walking. Fortunately, no one had heard or seen him, at least no one he was aware of. But he didn't feel that unpleasant feeling, as though he was being watched, so Potter couldn't have been around. Only Snarky had seen him.

Severus didn't feel good. The familiar nausea that he normally felt after too big a meal started to return, slowly. He thought the walk to Slughorn's office would help settle him a bit, and it had, but… this couldn't be food-related.

Severus swallowed and breathed deeply as he finally made his way back to his room, shutting the door behind him as he retrieved his timetable. He hadn't read it yet; Dumbledore had made all the arrangements while he had been incapacitated. Hopefully, he didn't have anything too bad today, and it would be good if it wasn't until the afternoon. He found it at his desk, beside his parchment and quill, and looked it over.

Severus froze. The nausea came back in full force, and he stumbled to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet. He vomited today's breakfast up, leaving him dry-retching as he gripped the bowl. He knelt there for a few moments, realizing what had happened.

Stress. He was stressed.

Severus's heart was beating irregularly, and he felt a cold sweat coming on. And all he'd done was look at his schedule.

"That bastard."


Mary I

Mary arrived in her dorm and began gathering her books; she had Care for Magical Creatures and Transfiguration back-to-back before lunch. She really didn't want to think about how breakfast had gone, and she could kick herself for what she'd said. Why did she even bring up Snape's parents?! And why did she ask if he missed them?! In hindsight… no, she had to have known that wasn't something to talk about. Everyone already knew about what had happened, at least what the Prophet had reported, anyway.

There was a knock on the door before Marlene popped her head in. "Hey, Mary."

"Oh, hi." Mary had finished packing her supplies. "Did you need something?"

"Are you alright? You didn't seem comfortable at breakfast near the end."

Mary shifted uncomfortably. "I shouldn't have talked about the Snape murder."

Marlene nodded. "Oh, that's what it is. Yeah, I… I understand. Not a pleasant topic."

Mary sat down on her bed. "He doesn't have anyone, does he?"

Marlene gave Mary a hard look, but it seemed to soften soon after. "I'm probably not the right person to talk about this with. It's no secret how I feel about… him."

"But pretending it was someone else," Mary said. "How would… is there any way to bring that up?"

"I don't know. I don't really pity people that much."

"That's a bit cold, Marley!"

"That's not what I mean," Marlene quickly said. "I see pity… how do I explain this? I want to be there for my friends when they're in pain, but I don't want to make them feel pathetic. Or worse, I don't want to feed their self-pity. Does that make sense?"

Mary nodded slightly. "I think so. But… Snape doesn't really have friends, does he?"

"What are you talking about? He's with M- his Slytherin friends."

"So why did he sit with us?"

Marlene paused. "Well, Lily wanted to try to reconcile-"

"But if they're not friends, and Snape already has friends, why wouldn't he just sit at the Slytherin table?"

Marlene answered, "Because he's needy."

"Needy?"

"Of course. He very obviously fancies Lily."

"I could've told you that."

"No, but I mean he's obsessed with her."

"Does Lily know?"

There was another pause. "I don't want her to find out too much."

"Why not?"

"I don't want her to think she fancies him back, out of some twisted sense of friendship."

Mary didn't know how to process that. Would Lily feel the same if she knew? Would it be genuine? Snape was friends with people who had Death Eaters in their families, and odds are they would join You-Know-Who. Lily wouldn't fancy someone like that, let alone love.

But Mary remembered the Owlery. She remembered Snape sitting up there, as though he'd been there for ages, just sitting. She didn't know if he wanted to be alone, or if he was waiting for someone. She remembered Lily's face when she'd told her Snape was there; that was a look Mary couldn't forget, but it was a look she'd never seen on Lily's face. Maybe it was fear? But why would she be afraid? She couldn't ask Lily of course; she didn't want to pry.

"Marley," Mary said carefully. "Do you remember when Snape was in the Owlery?"

"Yeah," Marlene answered.

"Why do you think he was there?"

"Wallowing, I expect."

Mary shook her head. "Lily looked… odd. That night, when he was up there."

"How so?"

"I've no idea. When I told her about Snape, she sprinted off to find him. She doesn't sprint…."

"... unless it's about Snape." Marlene seemed to connect the dots. "He was just sitting there, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you don't think he was wallowing?"

"Right. If I had to guess… I want to say he was waiting…."

"... for Lily." The hardness in Marlene's face returned. "If he was out after hours, then he would've had to have hidden himself around dinner time. Between 6 and 8:00."

"You think he was waiting up there for three hours?"

"At least…. Then again, we might be overthinking this." Marlene shook her head. "Listen, Mary… be careful around him, alright? I'm not saying this as someone who hates Snape, though I do."

"I know. I'm not a baby, you know."

"Of course not." Marlene smirked and wrapped an arm around Mary. "Are you looking forward to Kettleburn?"

Mary nodded. "I heard we get to pet Hippogriffs."

"You do. Just don't forget to listen to the professor, or you'll end up like him."

"What do you mean?"

"You've seen how many limbs he has, right?" Marlene grinned.

"Oh," Mary let out a small laugh. "No, I'm too scared to step out of line."

"Not very Gryffindor of you, but I like you in one piece."

"So do I."

"I should hope so. Anyway, you want to invite Remus to play Gobstones over the weekend during the competition. Lily might mention it to him in class."

Mary smiled. "Good! I better crack out the new set." She opened up her trunk and procured a bag of gobstones. She'd gotten them for her thirteenth birthday, one of the few things her parents had bought her in Diagon Alley that was unrelated to schoolwork. "The other ones are a bit worn."

"Only the best for Moony," Marlene smiled. "I'm half-tempted to join you for it, but there's no way I'm not entering the competition."

"Does the competition matter that much?"

Marlene paused, as though she was thinking about the answer carefully. "Well, it matters to me," she finally answered. "It's fun to play pretend… take my mind off of what's happening with…."

Mary knew what she was about to say. "... You-Know-Who."

Marlene nodded. "Sirius wants to fight him when he graduates. I think the other boys want to as well."

"What about you?"

"I might join up as well."

Mary went pale. "But-"

"I'm not sure yet," Marlene said. "I want to fight. I want to protect my friends. It's just a bit of hesitancy, you know?"

Rarely did Mary see Marlene like this. "I don't know if I want to fight. Actually, I'm pretty sure I don't want to."

Marlene looked at the girl. "You're only thirteen."

Mary reddened. "Don't treat me like a baby!"

Marlene moved back a bit. "I'm not- Even if you wanted to fight, you'd still be too young."

Mary looked down. As if she needed to be reminded of her age. "Even if I was older, I wouldn't want to." She didn't like hurting people, and seeing others get hurt… no, she wanted to get away from it.

"Well," Marlene said, "I'll have to fight twice as hard for the both of us."

Mary looked up at Marlene's smiling face, and she gave her own small smile.

"So," Marlene asked, "how about a round before Kettleburn?"


Lily II

"Everything alright?"

Lily turned to see Remus looking at her. They were sharing a desk for Ancient Runes. "I'm fine," Lily answered.

"You don't look- nevermind, if you don't want to talk about it-"

"I'm sorry, I'm just thinking about breakfast."

"Snape?"

Lily nodded. "He just… do you think it was a mistake to invite him-"

"Yes."

Lily stared at Remus for a moment. "Well, thank you for the support."

"What I mean is, Snape hates James. And you had him sit practically next to him."

Lily looked down at her hands. "But James- but Potter's behaving better this year."

"Yes, but does that matter to Snape? Remember what things were like before."

Lily didn't need to respond.

"Exactly. This was a rushed job. I'm not… particularly fond of Snape, but I think I know enough about him to realize he wasn't going to sit long with us."

"Right. Well, I guess I have time before I see him-"

"What the hell?"

"What?"

"Snape."

Lily turned, confused- Snape? Severus?! Severus Snape had entered the classroom and was sitting at one of the tables in the back, his eyes fixed forward. He had taken out a few books on Ancient Runes, the required textbooks used between third- and fifth-year, and he was flipping through very, very quickly. It was like when he had been in the library, the morning before the Ancient Runes O.W.L., something Severus had not taken, let alone passed. He had stuck to Care for Magical Creatures and Arithmancy, despite Lily having tried to get him to take Ancient Runes with her…. She swallowed. That was back when they were friends….

"Why is he here?" Remus whispered to Lily.

"I don't know," Lily replied. "I'll ask him." She stood and casually walked over to Severus. "Hi."

Severus looked up, no expression in his eyes. "Hello."

"... you're taking Ancient Runes?"

"... it's complicated."

"... it's complicated?"

"Dumbledore signed a waiver. I was studying over the summer and managed to gain permission to take the course."

"I see." Lily wasn't convinced. As blank as Severus's expression was, she knew when he was lying.

"I…." Severus paused. "Well, I just thought it would be good to… expand my horizons."

"Expand your horizons?"

Severus nodded. "I need to go over some of the older materials."

"I'll let you." Lily turned and sat back next to Remus. She leaned over and whispered, "Dumbledore signed a waiver."

"Really?" Remus looked confused. "Well… actually, I suppose… no, he wouldn't favor Snape just because he adopted him. Right?"

"Right." Lily wasn't sure. She was too confused by the situation. Was he still taking Care for Magical Creatures and Arithmancy? Perhaps not; he could choose not to take those classes if he wished. But how was Ancient Runes an option? She glanced back, seeing that Severus had already made it into the N.E.W.T.-level textbook.

Class started, and Lily began taking notes. Today, students had to read through copies of an older manuscript and translate as much as possible before they ran out of time. This was something Remus had always been better at; he'd always preferred writing to practicals. Out of curiosity, she briefly turned to see what Severus was doing. He was writing at a snail's pace, but he'd barely even looked at his book since skimming through it.

Lily turned her attention back to her own work. Based on Remus's own copy, it seemed like everyone had something different to translate. Lily's own work was in Younger Futhark, which was simple enough.

After the two hours were up, Lily, along with the rest of the class, turned in their work to the professor. She was first, and as she and Remus went back to pack their belongings, Lily caught Severus at the back of the line, holding his parchment with both hands… they were shaking slightly, and she could tell he was trying not to draw attention.

"I want to stay behind for a bit," Lily said to Remus.

"I'll be at lunch, then." Remus smiled and headed out with most of the class.

As Severus handed in his parchment, the professor stopped him and took out a wand, running it over the ink on the parchment. Seeing nothing was off about it, Severus was allowed to leave. As he went to gather his own belongings, Lily walked with him.

"Severus."

Severus paused in the middle of packing up. "Yes?"

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine; just a little under the weather."

"Do you want to go to lunch?"

Severus shook his head. "Breakfast didn't agree with me, so I think I should take something to my room instead. Just to be safe."

Oh, it didn't agree with you, did it? Lily nodded. "Okay. I'll see you later?"

"Possibly." Severus returned to packing his things, before walking awkwardly out of the class.

"When do you want to talk about-"

"Lily, this isn't a good time," Severus snapped, catching Lily off-guard. He seemed to realize what he'd done. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"

"No, no." Lily replied coolly. She could see this wasn't going anywhere. "I'll see you around." She finished packing and left the classroom, dropping her belongings off in her dorm room before meeting Remus at the Great Hall. If it wasn't a good time to talk to Severus, she'd find someone else.


Mary II

WARNING: the following POV contains implied abuse of a minor.

Mary chewed on one of the chips she had brought from the Great Hall. She had finished setting up a game of Gobstones in the courtyard with the fountain, and she and Xenophilius Lovegood soon started their game. Xeno was in her year, a Ravenclaw if it hadn't been obvious enough, and she had a hard time understanding… well, most of what he rambled on about. But he was good company, fairly kind and sincere, unless someone questioned his beliefs… or supported the Ministry.

"How was summer, Mary?" Xeno's voice was dream-like… not that Mary fancied him, he wasn't her type, but he sounded as though he was entranced.

"Good overall," Mary replied, smiling. "Lily and Marley came to visit, and we listened to the Beatles and went to the beach."

"That sounds lovely. I've never been to the beach before. I'm always a bit paranoid about Sandliars."

"... I don't know what those are."

"Tiny grain-sized creatures that form colonies near sand. Because of their nature, they often ensnare unsuspecting travelers and drag them down."

"Oh. Ohh, you mean quicksand?"

"No, quicksand isn't too bad. If it's quicksand, you'll eventually stop sinking, assuming you manage to redistribute your weight. Sandliars don't care about that; they'll pull you down regardless. Many times, sandliars are mistaken for quicksand, and so their existence is often undocumented, even by Magizoologists. I've written to Newt Scamander regarding their documentation, but he hasn't responded."

Mary wasn't sure what to make of that. "Well… would you like to go first, or should I?"

"Ladies first," Xeno said.

Mary smiled and began the game. They were playing Classic, so one of them had to knock seven gobstones out of the circle to win. She carefully aimed, seeing a chance to knock two out at once, and she took her shot. The gobstone snapped against one and ricocheted off the other, but it only knocked the first one out.

The gobstone Mary knocked out squirted a foul liquid at Xenophilius's face. Xenophilius took a bit and sniffed it. "Hmm, this one seems to have gone bad."

"They go bad?"

"Yes, the fluids within gobstones tend to congeal if left out."

"Must've been what happened to your brain, Lovegood!" It was a familiar voice.

Mary tensed up as Dolores Umbridge walked up, as toady as ever. She was two years ahead of Mary, and yet somehow less intelligent. Mary had very unkind words to say to her, but she had been raised to respect her elders, and she planned to exercise her manners in full. She remained silent as the toad halted in front of them.

"Look at the two of you," Umbridge squealed. "Playing some silly little child's game."

"It's not a child's game!" Mary exclaimed.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Umbridge said, feigning guilt. "Is Baby MacDonald upset?"

Mary was on the verge of tears, but Xeno spoke up.

"It's true," Xeno said. "Playing Gobstones is a wonderful way to chase away Wrackspurts."

Umbridge scoffed at the Ravenclaw. "Oh, Wrackspurts, is it?"

"Oh yes. Normally, they cause a fuzzy sensation in the mind; it can also negatively affect academic performance." Xeno put on a pair of peculiar spectacles, and his eyebrows raised in surprise. "I can see why your own performance is Dreadful; your head's full of them. Odd how you managed to become infested."

Mary watched as Umbridge's dismissive attitude turned to confusion. There was a brief pause after Xeno had finished speaking, before the toad flared up.

"Are you calling me stupid?!"

"Not at all," Xeno replied. "I can't blame you for what the Wrackspurts do."

"Wrackspurts aren't real!"

"Prove it!" Xeno shot back.

"If they're not real," Mary cut in, "then you really must be stupid, Dumbridge." She felt her face flush; she didn't usually do this. Why was she egging her on?! Must be Marlene's influence. Nice pun, Marley.

Umbridge's nostrils flared up, as though she was about to breathe fire. "I don't have to stand here and listen to a lunatic and a Muggle!" She turned on her heels and walked off.

Mary turned back to Xeno and said, "Well, then."

Xeno nodded. "Yes, poor girl. Wrackspurts are quite unpleasant to live with. I once had an infestation myself after I hit my head. They'd chosen a particularly thick tree branch to make as a nest. Lasted a few weeks before they left."

Never change, Xeno. Mary gestured to the game. "Your turn."

Xeno carefully eyed the gobstones and set his sight on a cluster. He carefully sent the gobstone to the cluster, having it barely touch one. The stonework must have been uneven, because the gobstone he hit slowly rolled out of the ring and squirted Mary full-on.

"Gross!" Mary exclaimed, pretending to whine.

"See? Congealed."

The two continued the game, with Mary narrowly beating Xeno by a single gobstone. Xeno was pretty good, but he wasn't Mary Elizabeth MacDonald! Xeno helped Mary clean up before standing and bidding her farewell; he needed to do something related to Astronomy later tonight.

Mary was about to head back to her dorm to get her Potions book when she heard a voice nearby. "Hello, Chocolate!"

Mary froze. No… no, no, no….

"What's this, now?" Mary heard Mulciber walk up from behind, only to stop less than a foot away. "I thought it was rude to ignore people when they spoke to you."

Mary slowly turned around, keeping her eyes down on the ground, only for them to fixate on his shoes. "W… what do you-"

"Somewhere private, yes?"

Mary slowly nodded her head.

"Lead the way. And don't run. We both know I can catch you."

Mary reluctantly walked into one of the alcoves, somewhere out of sight. She could barely control her breathing.

"Here's good. Turn around again."

Mary did as instructed, her eyes down.

"Didn't your parents teach you to look at people when speaking with them?"

"... I'm sor-"

"Shall I stay polite… or would you like me to be rude?"

Mary's lip trembled as she looked up the length of Mulciber's body and at his face. The man's face were relaxed, his mouth fixed with a small grin. And his eyes…. It was like the Dementor's Kiss. She worked up a bit of courage and asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing really." Mulciber leaned forward, his face less than an inch from Mary's. Mary almost leaned away, but she felt his hand quickly catch the back of her head. "Now now. No need to be squeamish. I just wanted to see how you were doing. First day of your third year must be exciting, with Hogsmeade trips coming up."

Mary nodded slowly, fighting back tears. Please don't….

"I bet your friends would love to take you, knowing all the shops there. Funny how you seem to gravitate toward older people, isn't it? Eager to learn from someone with experience?"

Mary let out a whimper.

"Sorry, did I upset you?" Mulciber feigned remorse. "I have a bad habit of that, don't I? Anyway, I've also heard you enjoy gobstones. A bit of a messy game. If you asked me a year ago, I'd say I couldn't stand messes. Something to do with native pureblood dignity, perhaps? Now… I don't mind getting a little muddy every once in a while, at least."

"Please…."

"Please? Begging?" Mulciber raised an eyebrow and smirked. "That's new."

"Please don't…."

"Ah. Don't. Not fond of that word." Mulciber's eyes looked up and down Mary's head. "Haircut?"

Mary couldn't breathe.

"... haircut?"

"Y… yes."

"Short hair… it looks good on you. Practical… harder to grab. Not short enough, I'm afraid."

Mary couldn't help but look away, but Mulciber's free hand caught her chin.

"What did I say about looking away?" Mulciber's stare intensified. "Do you prefer rude? Because I can get bloody rude right now, if you'd like."

"I'm sorry," Mary whimpered, looking back at him. "I didn't mean to."

"You're forgiven." Mulciber gave her a perverse smile. "Now, how was lunch?"

Mary said quietly, "I skipped lunch."

"Really? I could never skip a meal at Hogwarts. Say what you will about elves, but they know their cooking." Mary nearly squirmed away when she felt Mulciber's hand on the back of her head begin to pet her. "Last night's dinner was fantastic. Especially the lamb. Nice and tender."

Mary had to work up her courage. "I-I have to go."

"Toilet?"

"Potions."

"Slughorn." Mulciber nodded. "Very well. You're free. For now. Ta." He quickly moved away, turned, and walked.

Mary couldn't hold it in anymore. She rested her back against one of the stone pillars and breathed out a sob of relief. She could feel the tears coming, and they slid down her cheeks as she slid down the pillar until she was sitting on the floor. She wanted Lily, or Marlene, or Alice, or Remus, or even Potter, Black, or even Pettigrew. She wanted Reggie back. She-

No! I'm a Gryffindor, damn it!

Mary sucked her tears back up, drying her face. She took out a small bottle of Wear-and-Tear, a cosmetic potion used to treat puffy, swollen, or bloodshot eyes, and dabbed a few drops on her fingers before applying. Putting the bottle away, she took out a small mirror to check herself. She looked normal, except for her smile. She relaxed her face, her mouth still twitching, before giving herself a wide grin. She relaxed her face again, and this time she allowed herself a small smile.

There. Back to normal.


Severus III

"Of course he'd do this to us! Leaving it to Albus bloody Dumbledore to arrange this abomination of a schedule!" Severus had been pacing the room angrily for… he didn't know, but he knew he'd probably missed dinner at this point. "And of course, he chooses to do this after our hell of a summer!"

He's always been an opportunist, willing to win by any means.

"The Greater bloody Good, right? Nevermind that I have to-"

Will we be spending our time pacing and whinging, or will we be taking this directly to him?

"Do you have to ask?" Severus marched to the door, timetable in hand, and threw it open and… Lily was there. She looked as though she had been ready to knock.

"Severus." Lily's voice… Severus couldn't read her voice.

"... yes."

"Yes?"

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting-"

"You didn't come to dinner."

"... that is true."

"And you've been avoiding me since Ancient Runes… a class you've never taken before."

"I can't deny that."

"Well… here I thought you wanted to reconcile."

Severus's heart sank a bit. "... I haven't had the best day."

"Is that so?"

"As I said, breakfast didn't agree with me. And I'm still a bit unwell."

"From your mysterious medical condition?"

"Correct." There was a pause. "I was about to speak with the Headmaster regarding-"

"I'll walk you there."

Severus blanched. "You don't have to."

"I have to speak with him as well."

"I see."

The two of them stood in awkward silence, and Severus took the moment to gauge Lily's mood. She didn't seem like she was angry with… oh wait, there it was. Yes… definitely angry. Not hateful, but… Lily-angry, bordering hatred. He knew perfectly well what he must've done: snubbing her almost the entire day.

Severus had never been one to share his troubles with others, unless he had no other options. He'd only ever opened up to Lily when he felt trapped, such as when Lily had heard his parents in a fight, or when Severus had almost been mauled to death by a werewolf (which Lily had refused to listen to). Lily wouldn't have any respect for him if he was a bleeding heart; she'd see him as something to pity, like a wounded animal or something else… lesser.

After the silence had grown too loud, Severus said, "Right then. I'll… should I go first?"

"By all means."

Severus gently closed the door and began walking down the corridor, Lily following behind. Her normal pace was slower, no doubt to stay behind him.

"You washed your hair."

"What?"

"Your hair. It's cleaner."

"It is." There was another pause. "I sweat a lot at night."

"And you're walking strangely."

"I am?" Severus had hoped she wouldn't notice. "Better or worse?"

"Different."

"Ah. My… it's compli-"

"-cated."

Severus nodded, not saying anything else for the remainder of the walk.

They arrived in front of the gargoyle, and Lily said, "Licorice Wands." The gargoyle stepped aside, and the two of them walked up the steps, Severus first, until they reached the door. Before either of them could knock, the door opened, revealing Dumbledore, sitting at his desk, enjoying what looked to be some ice cream.

"Good evening, Miss Evans! Severus!" Dumbledore gave them both a smile. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

The anger Severus had felt before was beginning to boil back up, but Lily spoke before he could say anything.

"Severus and I wish to speak with you."

"Individually, or together."

"Togeth-"

"-Individually," Severus cut in. "Separate."

Lily looked at Severus, that same irritated look in her eye. "Oh, so now-"

"Miss Evans, if you would wait outside by the gargoyle," Dumbledore cut in. "I believe Severus won't take too long. I'll have him call you in when he's finished."

"Head-" Lily stopped herself, looking between the other two. "Yes, headmaster." She turned and left, slamming the door shut behind her.

The slam of the door jolted Severus out of his boiling anger, and it began to simmer and cool. Severus sat down at Dumbledore's desk, across from the old man, and he said, "Sir, would it be alright if I showed you something?"

"By all means."

Severus spread the crumpled timetable onto the desk and began to carefully point to it. "Shall I read this aloud?"

"If you wish."

Severus cleared his throat before he calmly read it aloud:

"Monday. First and second period: double Defense Against the Dark Arts. Third and fourth period: double Alchemy. Fifth and sixth period: double Potions.

"Tuesday. First and second period: double Care for Magical Creatures. Fifth and sixth period: double Muggle Studies.

"Wednesday. First and second period: double Charms. Fourth and fifth period: double Herbology.

"Thursday. First and second period: double Study of Ancient Runes. Fifth and sixth period: double History of Magic.

"Friday. First and second period: double Transfiguration. Third and fourth period: double Divination. Fifth and sixth period: double Arithmancy. Evening class: double Astronomy."

Severus gently turned the timetable for Dumbledore to read it. "Is this the general schedule for sixth-years, or is this my personal timetable?"

"The latter."

"As I thought. And I was led to believe there were a total of twelve classes: seven core classes and five electives?"

"Yes."

"And yet I have a sixth elective… Alchemy?"

"You are correct."

"And all thirteen of these classes, seven core classes and six electives, are N.E.W.T.-level classes, yes?"

"Yes."

"And I'm allowed to take them, regardless of my O.W.L.s?"

"I've spoken to the professors and signed Ministry-approved waivers."

"I see. Sir?"

"Yes, Severus?"

"Are you trying to kill me?"

Dumbledore's infuriatingly calm eyes flickered. "That isn't my intent. Given Professor Snape's perfect memory and your connection to him, any amount of schoolwork should be effortless for you."

"I understand. May I borrow a quill and a sheet of parchment?"

"Certainly." Dumbledore waved his hand, and a quill and a sheet of parchment appeared before Severus.

Severus took the quill, dipping it in ink before writing his name three times. When he was done, he turned the sheet and pointed to it. "Which of these signatures is the clearest to you?"

"The third one."

"But is it good handwriting?"

"Not very, no."

"Interesting. Shall I explain?"

"Of course."

"The first signature is mine, with my own handwriting. The second signature is Professor Snape's; his handwriting is more developed than my own."

"And the third?"

"No idea."

Dumbledore looked up at Severus.

"I have three sets of handwriting and two souls stuck in one body. Do you see the problem?"

"You can't wri-"

"I can't BLOODY WRITE!" Severus's voice caused the paintings in Dumbledore's office to shirk back and flee. "Because apparently, Professor Snape's muscle memory is fighting my muscle memory, meaning that no matter what I do, I can't do anything without fighting myself! How do you expect me to reconcile with Lily if I don't have the time to reconcile with Lily because my bloody body won't let me?!"

"You have my apologies."

"Apology not accepted," Severus seethed. "And now, I have to cram books for thirteen N.E.W.T.-level classes into my head over this next week, not to mention that I'll still have to write for all of them! And don't get me started on the summer essays I have to make up for!"

Dumbledore was silent for a moment, in his same infuriatingly Dumbledore posture. "Severus… may I explain why I chose this for you?"

"By all means."

"First, I will begin with your physical state. While it is true that your coordination has been hampered by your condition, it would be best if you moved around as much as possible to regain control as soon as possible.

"Second, your potential. I don't believe you fully understand how much of an asset you are in the war with Voldemort. If you have the ability to memorize everything you learn near-instantaneously, then you could quickly outpace any witch or wizard in terms of knowledge and prowess.

"Third, your mental state. You have been through too much during the summer, and I believe that focusing on work will help you maintain a sense of control. An idle mind may lead to more unpleasant episodes."

As loathe as he was to admit it, Severus couldn't counter any of the arguments, regardless of how cold and calculating they were. And Lily?

"You once said you would prioritize her safety over your relationship with her," Dumbledore said. "Are you having a change of heart? You could always drop out of some of your classes, if you wish."

Drop out. Severus Snape… drop out of a class? Oh, you bastard…. "You knew I wouldn't, didn't you?"

"Admittedly, yes."

Even after I've died, you insist on manipulating me.

"I have no desire to do this," Dumbledore said. "However-"

For the Greater Good, Albus?

There was a delay before Dumbledore said, "For you, Severus."

Neither Severus nor Professor Snape responded.

"With your schedule, it is literally impossible for you to not share a class with Miss Evans."

"Right, because sharing a class with someone who hates me is certainly rewarding, isn't it?"

"I don't believe she hates you. Not from what I can tell." Dumbledore adjusted himself in his chair. "But in any case, I want to prepare you as best as I can for the war that will come."

"Ah, so I'm your little bloody soldier, is that it?"

"Never that," Dumbledore said reproachfully. "I am your guardian."

Don't pretend to care. You sacrificed Lily's son to defeat the Dark Lord!

"I am not the Dumbledore you knew." There was a glint of something dangerous in Dumbledore's eyes. "Not yet, and hopefully never. Know that I derive no pleasure from what I do, and that, if given another option, I would choose differently. But a war with Voldemort is no small task."

"Then why would I be focusing on schoolwork instead of trying to help?"

"This brings me to my final point: Professor Slughorn. If he sees your efforts, and you happen to perform outstandingly, I have no doubt he will welcome you back into the fold as his crowning achievement."

"... and then I will have gained enough trust to broach the topic regarding the Dark Lord's secrets?"

"Perhaps. What I can say for certain is that this is our best option, and it's only an option because you are, quite literally, the only student at Hogwarts capable of this workload."

Severus considered Dumbledore's words as the anger gradually receded. There was no doubt he needed to exercise his motor skills, not to mention the workload from these classes would keep his mind too busy to dwell on the past summer. And if Slughorn were to trust him, enough to have a conversation regarding the Dark Lord's secret, then the effort would be worth it. And any opportunity to see Lily, even if they never spoke, and even if it was uncomfortable, would be worth it. Overall, the benefits managed to somehow outweigh the cost.

"... if I have another heart attack before the year is out, I will kill you."

"I should hope not," Dumbledore replied, smiling. He finished his ice cream before asking, "Would you like a bowl?"

"Still not fond of sweets."

"Fair enough. I won't keep you, then. Would you fetch Miss Evans for me and wait outside for her?"

"Why?"

"I'll explain later."

Severus nodded and stood, gaining a bit of balance as he walked out, timetable in hand.


Lily III

Lily was pacing back and forth in front of the gargoyle, fuming at Severus. Making her wait outside, when she had wanted him in the room so she could ask what was wrong with him?! It was enough for her to walk away entirely, at least until Severus reappeared from behind the gargoyle, his funny walk catching her attention.

"The headmaster is available," Severus said quietly. He couldn't even make eye contact with her.

"I see. Thank you." Lily passed by, walking up the stairs and opening the door to find the old headmaster Vanishing his finished bowl of ice cream. "Headmaster."

"Ah, Miss Evans. I hope you didn't wait for too long."

"Of course not, sir," Lily lied. "I wished to speak with you regarding Sev-Snape. Particularly his condition."

"I'm afraid that's for Severus to say, not me."

"But you know of his condition?"

"I do."

"But-"

"As his legal guardian, I have absolutely no intention of betraying Severus's trust. In addition, you are not entitled to know the medical history of any student without their explicit consent."

"I'm worried about him, headmaster."

Although subtle, Lily could see that Dumbledore's eyebrows had barely raised. "In what way?"

"I…" Lily wasn't sure where exactly to start. "Well… for starters, what happened to his parents."

"Yes, it was a terrible series of events," Dumbledore nodded. "It's fortunate Severus didn't return home for the summer."

"And he's not eating much. I haven't seen him eat anything since breakfast."

"Rest assured, Severus will eat in his room if he's not feeling well enough to attend dinner. Speaking of which, I'm afraid I must ask you something."

"What is it?"

"As Mr. Black is escorting Severus to breakfast, would it be possible for you to escort him to and from dinner?"

Lily was somewhat surprised, and it took her a moment to decide what to say. "Sir, what if he doesn't want to eat?"

"Whether or not he has an appetite, you would go to him and ask if he feels well enough."

"But why to and from dinner? Black only has to escort him to breakfast."

"Mr. Black was reluctant to accept the responsibility, and so we reached a compromise. You are perfectly welcome to decline."

"Sir, is there a reason this wasn't mentioned during our meeting last night?"

"I didn't want to put anyone on the spot, so I chose to meet with Professor Slughorn and Mr. Black alone."

Lily took a careful breath in and out; as if she was the type of person to shirk her responsibilities! "I'll escort him to and from dinner, headmaster."

"Very good! I think Severus could use the company." Dumbledore stood from his chair, prompting Lily to stand as well. "In that case, I will wish you a good night. And good luck with your classes this year; N.E.W.T.-levels are nastily exhausting."

"Good night, headmaster." Lily turned and left, descending the stairs and passing the gargoyle.

Severus was pacing slowly back and forth, his hands in the pockets of his robes and his eyes glued to the floor. Lily could see that familiar, uncanny focus as he walked, though his eyes were fixed to the ground.

"Severus."

Severus nearly jumped out of his robes, stumbling backwards until he hit the wall behind him. "L-Lily, didn't- why did I have to wait?"

Lily took a moment to properly study Severus. His hair wasn't greasy, just as it had looked the days following the DADA O.W.L., and his face looked less gaunt. His skin was still pale, but that was how it always looked. Finally, Lily replied, "The headmaster wants me to escort you to and from dinner."

"... why?"

"To make sure you're well," Lily answered.

"If I'm hungry, I can just call for a house-elf." At this point, the two of them were walking to Severus's designated room. "Also, I need to-"

"You wanted to talk to me," Lily said. "Now's your chance."

Severus almost stopped in his tracks. "I… I want to, but…."

"Not interested?"

"It's not that, it's just-"

"Severus, I thought we were friends."

"We are- we- I want us to be friends again, but of all the times to speak with me about this, this isn't ideal."

"Well, calling me a mudblood wasn't ideal either." Lily could've kicked herself for how she'd said that.

"That's fair," Severus said quietly.

Lily didn't know how to reply to that; Severus didn't have as much fight in him as he normally did. "When do you want to talk about… everything?"

"I need time to recuperate and measure out my free time. What about you?"

"Same," Lily quickly said. "Prefect duties, classes, that bloody House Nobility competition this weekend. I just hope I don't get paired with James as Prince and Princess."

"... James?" The two of them stopped outside of Severus's room, with Severus barely looking at her.

"Potter," Lily said, correcting herself. "Other Gryffindors are starting to call him Prince James, even though he hasn't won the competition."

"What exactly is the competition?"

"Drinking contest."

"I see." Severus reached out and turned the handle, opening the door.

As he did, Lily took a peek inside and was almost stunned by how lavish his room was. He had his own potions lab! "Well… I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast?"

"Probably not. I have to do revision before classes start."

"Alright." Lily wasn't sure where to go from here, so she simply said, "Well, I'll see you when I do."

Severus nodded, opened the door wider, entered his room, and closed the door behind him.

Lily walked down the corridor, almost kicking herself. James? James?! She'd called Potter 'James', not to mention in front of Severus! She didn't know what she was thinking; it just… slipped out.

No. No, Lily needed to focus. Severus had asked to talk to her, and she'd blown him off to meet with Slughorn. And if he really meant he wanted to talk about everything, then it must mean he wanted to apologize for all of it, right? The Dark Arts, blood purism, his Slytherin friends. All of it. But if that was the case, why wouldn't he just say it? He could've said it at any point during their walk back to his room, but he'd told her about wanting to plan out his schedule. They were sixth-years; it wasn't as though he would have that many classes… although he'd shown up in a class he'd never taken before.

If he was taking Ancient Runes… what else was he doing?


Remus I

"Must've Confunded the professor," Sirius theorized aloud. The four of them were still talking about Remus spotting Snape in Ancient Runes. James and Sirius had gotten into a heated debate as to the possibility of the Confundus Charm, as opposed to the Imperius Curse.

"We've been over this," Remus replied. "Don't you think it would've worn off by now?"

"Well, if it's not the Imperius Curse, then what would it be?!"

"Maybe Dumbledore gave him permission?" Peter offered.

"Don't be stupid," Sirius said dismissively. "As if-"

"But Dumbledore's his guardian," James said. "For all we know, he might be favoring Snape."

"He wouldn't dare," Sirius growled. "Professors can't be favoring any student above the others!"

"For goodness sake," Remus interjected, "I am trying to read up on Astronomy for tomorrow night!"

"Why the bloody hell would you sign up for Astronomy?!" Sirius shot back.

"Because I'm desperate to spend every second with you, my love," Remus retorted sarcastically. "Or perhaps I'm trying to study the lunar phases and figure something out to help me, without the three of you letting me wander around Hogsmeade at night."

"I don't think I get that," Peter said.

"It's simple, Peter. Some areas of discipline overlap with others. Take alchemy, for example: it causes overlap with Potions and Transfiguration. In theory, any two disciplines can overlap. So, if I were to properly study the lunar cycle and try to find a way to apply it to a different discipline, perhaps I could deal with my furry little problem."

"Anyway, doesn't explain why Sniv-Snape was in Ancient Runes." Sirius had laid back on his bed at this point. "Let's assume Dumbledore's starting to favor him. I don't get how allowing him to take a N.E.W.T.-level class in a discipline he's never studied would be a good idea."

"Unless Snape's a genius," Peter muttered.

"Let's just clarify one thing," Remus quickly said. "You're not targeting Snape, right?"

"Calm your white hairs, Moony," Sirius said. "We're just concerned."

"I have to admit," James said, "This isn't normal."

"James-"

"Let's review. His dad murders his mum and kills himself, he gets special summer housing at Hogwarts, he develops some mystery illness that affects his ability to wipe his posterior, and he manages to successfully enroll in a class he's underqualified for. What sense are we supposed to make of that?"

Remus sat back, setting his astronomy book down. James had a good point, although…. "What do his parents have to do with that?"

"Evans mentioned it," James said. "She heard Snape was trying to stay at Hogwarts over the summer, before his dad was arrested. A bit suspect."

"Please, for the love of all that's good in the world, tell me you're not using this as an excuse to go after him."

James shook his head. "It's not like that. I'll admit it; I was petty before. But right now, whatever's going on with Snape can't be ignored. We need to keep an eye on him."

"How do we do that without raising suspicion?" Peter asked. "If we're not going after him-"

"Before anything," Sirius said, "let's figure out his movements for the week. We need to know what classes he's taking and where he goes afterwards."

Remus groaned and picked his book back up, reading as his three friends rambled on about their plans to play 'secret agents' with Snape.

Suddenly, Sirius said, "Oh, by the way Moony, Mary wants to invite you to play gobstones while the House Nobility competition's happening."

Remus looked up. "I could play. I'll speak with her tomorrow when I have the chance."

Sirius nodded and resumed the conversation regarding Snape.

Remus didn't understand their obsession with Snape. He understood disliking him, being concerned about his friendship with Lily, and generally being cautious about his associations. But the Marauders seemed to go out of their way to target and harass the Slytherin, something which, despite Remus's protests, they had never relented on unless confronted alongside Lily. And whether or not they had truly turned over a new leaf was left to be seen.

Remus had heard from Sirius about James saving Snape after the latter had followed him into the tunnel, and he'd thought that might have been a wake-up call for James to turn his life around and genuinely win Lily's heart. But then, the Black Lake incident occurred….

Remus cleared his head. He couldn't jump to conclusions yet; he needed to wait and see what would happen. This, alongside N.E.W.T.-level classes, told Remus that this year would be a long year.


Author's Notes

Xenophilius Lovegood (Ravenclaw)
-Date of Birth: 1963
-Hogwarts Years: 1973 - 1980
-Wand:

Dolores Umbridge (Slytherin)
-Date of Birth: 26 August 1961
-Hogwarts Years: 1972 - 1979
-Wand: birch, dragon heartstring, 8"