JENNIE

"Hey, can you pick me up at two?" I pin the telephone between my ear and shoulder as I count out my bank and put it in the register. "Ash didn't come in. Her baby's sick, and I don't have another ride."

"Yeah, yeah," Haruto says. "Of course. I'll be there."

After our last fight, the aftermath progressed exactly like I predicted. He came home buzzed and relaxed, crawled into bed, and we cuddled it out. Things have almost gotten back to normal—or what our normal is, anyway—enough that I didn't mind when he tried to pull me into the shower this morning. However, when we got into our bathroom, we discovered his dada had ripped out the sink and had started tearing away the tiles in our shower, our bathroom the next thing on her renovation list. How had we slept through that? And what time did she get up this morning?

"I'll be done at two," I state again, closing the register drawer.

"Yep, got it. Love you."

"Love you, too," I reply and hang up.

Lisa has been working on my car, and in an effort to smooth things over, I'm sure, Haruto actually helped today. I'm not sure how I'm going to repay Lisa, though, because I know she's spending money on parts, even though she acts like she got the new exhaust cheap or just had those new tires laying around. I've been trying to go above and beyond in the house, doing things like making breakfast for everyone this morning and cleaning out from under the cushions on the couch. I even planted some flowers in the backyard, around the border, to help the aesthetic, which Lisa agreed to as long as I don't bring flowers in the house. I laugh, thinking about how grumpy she can be sometimes. It's pretty funny.

Hours later, exhausted and my feet aching in my Chucks, I can't wait to get back to the house, either. Home and in bed. I'm so tired.

Tying my hair up in a ponytail, I count out the bank, put it back in the tray, and slide the tray into the safe. After I cover the liquor bottles, finish the dishes, and turn off the lights, I peer out the window, seeing Haruto's car by the curb. I smile, delighted he's on time.

I blow out the remaining candles on the bar, closing my eyes and taking a breath each time. I hope tomorrow is better than today. It's my go-to wish when I don't have anything else in mind, and every day that passes, I'm trying to get closer to making it come true.

I grab my book bag, stuffing my tips in the pocket and head out the door, locking it behind me. The fresh air feels good in my lungs, and I toss my bag through the open back window before opening the passenger side door. I slide into the front seat, turning my tired but grateful smile on Haruto.

"Hey—" I stop, my smile immediately falling.

Asahi, my ex, sits in the driver's seat. I look over my shoulder, making sure I didn't miss Haruto passed out in the backseat, but it's empty.

My hands tremble. "Where's Haruto?"

Asahi cocks his head, looking apologetic. "He's wasted, babe. The guys didn't want to let him drive." His arm rests over the back of my seat, his hand inches from my hair and neck. "He's sleeping it off at Bentley's house. They told him someone would make sure you got home. I volunteered."

No. Nuh-uh. Not a chance.

I don't hesitate. Pulling the handle, I swing my door open and jump out, reaching into the backseat and retrieving my bag. "It's fine," I tell him. "I can grab a ride from Yeji. She's still inside."

"No, she's not. You just locked up."

I knew he would challenge me. Nothing gets by him.

An eerie calmness laces his voice, but I know it's only skin deep. "Come on, I'm already here," he presses. "You don't want me to have come out here for nothing, do you?"

I lean down, glaring into his dark brown eyes as I simultaneously fish the bar keys back out of my back pocket. "I didn't ask you to come. And like I said, I have another ride."

Turning around, I hurry for Grounders' entrance and quickly unlock the door.

"Jennie!" I hear him bark.

I yank the door open and step inside, casting a stern look back at him as he still sits planted in the car. "Go home."

And I pull the door closed again, twisting the lock and backing away like he's going to try to bust it down. I stay there, breathing hard and shaking.

He won't let that slide. He won't do anything tonight, because he would've been out of the car faster than I could make it to the bar door if he was going to try, but he'll be pissed enough to not forget.

He was a six-month-long mistake I made in high school, but I won't be that stupid again. My guard is up now.

And he didn't come to give me a ride home tonight. Not directly, anyway. Maybe after he was done with me.

I close my eyes, trying to drown out the memory of him pounding on my car window one night as I frantically tried to get my key in the ignition. I can still feel the fire on my scalp from where he yanked my hair.

I turn away and open my eyes, pushing away the thoughts. After a moment, I hear the engine roar past the bar and the tires screech down the street.

He's gone.

I set my bag down on the bar and run down the hallway, past the bathrooms, and check the locks on the back door, untwisting and re-twisting, yanking the handle to make sure it doesn't give, and then I jog back up front and check the front door again and the windows.

Taking my phone from my bag, I sit on a bar stool, clutching it in my fist. Who do I call?

Asahi's probably telling the truth. Haruto is drunk again. Why would he do this? He knew I was counting on him to be here. I'm positive he doesn't know Asahi was the one who came instead, but still… I could fucking kill him.

I swallow down the sickness rising up my throat.

I call my sister, but as suspected, it goes to voicemail. She's probably just getting out of work or home asleep already.

My dad? Stepmom?

They haven't even called since I called them a week ago. They can't do anything without acting like it's a huge imposition. Asking them for anything is owing them. It's a burden.

I'm a burden.

Lisa crosses my mind. I have no doubt she'd come.

But it would just piss Haruto off if Lisa found out he dropped the ball tonight, and I don't want Lisa to know, either. It's embarrassing. We're adults, and we've made our beds. She's taking care of me enough, and I'm not waking her up when she has work in the morning. It makes me a burden.

The only other person I could call is Yeji, and her home is on the other side of town.

I don't want to call Haruto, because, of course, he can't drive, but maybe he could send another friend.

But no. I'm not calling him. I'm too pissed right now.

And this town doesn't have cabs, either.

I eye the pool table, the overflowing ash trays sitting on the edges, and the scratch marks all over the filthy felt.

Well, fuck. It'll be light out in a few hours. I can walk home then. Time to suck it up. I'm not asking anyone for shit.

Hopping off the stool, I make my way behind the bar again and dig out two stacks of clean white bar towels and carry them to the pool table, one by one fanning them out and covering the dirty surface.

I kicked off the air conditioner hours ago, so it's a comfy seventy-five by now, but I pull out my hoodie from my bag in case I want to cover up later. Grabbing my phone, I leave the hallway light on and climb on the table, scooting down enough, so I have room to lie down. Tucking my arm under my head, I yawn and check the volume and battery on my phone, making sure I have enough power to last in case something goes wrong while I'm alone here all night.

Like Asahi coming back.

I find my app that makes a box fan sound and play it in hopes I can get a little sleep, but I'm not hopeful. I don't feel secure, so I can't relax.

Closing my eyes, I feel the weight of fatigue on my lids, and the pleasant feel of exhaustion. It's the kind you know you deserve, because you worked your ass off that day.

But after twenty minutes, my mind is still racing. My body is done for the day but not my brain.

When my cell rings, I'm pretty sure it's a sign I'm not meant to sleep tonight.

I bring it up to my eyes, squinting at the bright light.

Lisa.

I knit my brow. "Hello?" I hold it to my ear, yawning again.

"Hey," she says as if she didn't expect to reach me. "I…a….I just saw it was after three, and no one's home, so I just wanted to check in. Make sure everything's okay."

I turn on my side, still using my bottom arm as a pillow, and hold the phone to my ear with the other hand.

"I'm fine." I smile at her concern and joke, "Do I have a curfew or something?"

"No," she replies, and I can hear the humor in her voice. "You guys stay out and have fun. Do your thing. I just…" She pauses for a long moment and then continues, "You know, you don't worry about things you're not aware of. When Haruto didn't live with me, I didn't always know where he was or what he was up to, so I didn't think about it all the time. You two living under my roof now, I seem to be worrying constantly." She breathes out a laugh. "That bar is shady. I just wanted to make sure you got out of work safely and everything's cool. I'm just…checking in."

I don't take offense to her remark. It's not my bar, after all, and yes, it is a dump.

I'm tempted to see if she wants to come and get me after all, since she's awake, but my pride won't let me. I don't want to be a problem. And I definitely don't want to be responsible for making waves between her and Haruto. I can fight my own battles.

"Yeah. Everything's cool," I lie, adding some tease to my voice. "I'm not a kid, you know?"

"You kind of are."

I snort. Well, kid or not, I guess it's nice to have someone looking out for me.

"Did you call Haruto, too?" I ask.

But she doesn't answer. Instead I hear a loud slam and some shuffling. "Shit," she barks.

My eyes open wide, alert. "What's the matter?"

"The damn microwave doesn't work right," she growls. "I knew I shouldn't have replaced it just to match the other new appliances, dammit. It won't pop popcorn."

I narrow my eyes, but I want to laugh so badly. She gets so worked up. "There's a Popcorn button," I remind her.

"I pushed it!"

"Twice?"

"Why would I have to push it twice?" she retorts like I'm stupid.

"Because the size of the bags you use take three-point-five minutes of cooking," I point out.

"I know that."

"Well, on your new microwave, pushing it down once only gives it two minutes of cooking. For the smaller bags," I clarify. "You need to push it down twice to get the right time."

There's silence and then I hear a mumbled, "Oh."

I press my lips together to keep from laughing. Her random helplessness is pretty amusing. I wish I was there.

"Well," she says after a short silence, "I guess I'll let you go then."

"Hey, wait," I say, stopping her.

I pause, unsure of how to word this.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" I finally say.

"No, I guess not."

I wet my lips, hesitating. I don't want to offend her, but I'm curious.

"Where's all your stuff in the house?" I ask.

"Huh?"

I inhale a deep breath, forging on. "There's furniture but not much else. It doesn't look like you live there. Why?"

The other end of the phone is silent, and I stop breathing, afraid I'll miss her speak.

Was the question insulting? I didn't mean it to be. I just realized she knows so much about me, and I hardly know anything about her. She knows who my parents are, what happened to Haruto's and my friend, that I love 80s stuff, I grew up without a mom, what I study in college…

But she's still such a mystery.

"I'm sorry if that sounded bad," I tell her when she doesn't answer. "It's a beautiful home. It's just that Haruto mentioned that you and his mom met in high school where you were kind of a baseball star. You must love the sport. I'm just curious why I don't see trophies or pictures or anything like that in the house. There's no recent photos of you and Haruto, either, no music, no books… Nothing that describes you or what you like."

She draws in a breath, clearing her throat, and a cool sweat travels up my neck.

"It's all packed in the basement," she tells me. "I guess I just never dug it out after I moved into the house."

"How long have you been in that house?"

"Uh…." He trails off as if thinking. "I guess I bought it ten years ago."

Ten years?

"Lisa…" I say, trying not to snicker.

She breathes out a laugh in my ear, and I smile, shaking my head.

"Guess it sounds weird, huh?" she asks.

That you still haven't unpacked everything? Yeah.

I flip onto my back, keeping my arm tucked under my head. "I understand we do away with certain things as we get older," I tell her. "But you've had a life since you moved into that place, haven't you? I don't see anything of your personality. Places you've visited, trinkets you've picked up over the years…"

"Yeah, I know, I uh…"

She hesitates again, letting out a sigh, and the sound of her breath vibrates across my ear, sending tingles down my spine.

I wish I could see her face. It's so hard to read her over the phone. All I can picture is the way she drops her eyes sometimes, like she doesn't want someone to know what she's feeling, or the way she nods like maybe she's afraid of what she'll say if she speaks.

She finally continues. "Haruto became more important," she admits. "Somewhere along the way, who I was and what I wanted became irrelevant."

I kind of understand. When you have kids, your hopes transfer to them. Your life takes a backseat to what they need. I get it.

But Haruto is an adult now, and Lisa has been on her own for a while. What does she do when she's not at work?

"I'd love to see some of the stuff," I broach. "If you ever want to unpack it, I'll help."

"Nah, that's okay."

I knit my brow at how quickly she shoots me down.

"You mean I can't even see old yearbooks and if you and Haruto were twinsies at the same age?" I tease.

She lets out a quiet chuckle. "God, no. Back when the only important thing I had to do was my hair?"

I grin, but of course, she can't see it. Was she a one-girl kind of guy back in high school, or did she have lots like Haruto did before me?

I remember what Haruto said about his dada cheating on his mom, but for some reason it doesn't ring true.

"The truth is, Jennie," she says, "when you're young, you can be really stupid. I don't care to remember that time in my life. I want to move on."

But you're not moving at all, by the looks of it.

"You need some spice in your life," I jab at her. "You should get a woman."

"Yeah, and you should get back to your friends now," she retorts.

I laugh. "Oh, come on."

"What makes you think I don't already have a woman, Jennie?"

Her voice taunts, and I can feel it all the way down to my toes.

My mouth goes dry. "Do you?" I ask.

I mean, I was just joking. Wouldn't it be awkward to have two women walking around the house? I already have my chores down, and I do most of the cooking. That butcher block island and I have a relationship now. I might get a little jealous if another woman touches it.

"You haven't known me long," she plays. "My needs do have to be taken care of once in a while. I am human, after all."

My stomach flips, and I shoot my eyebrows up. Her needs?

An image of what she looks like when she has to get those needs met flashes through my mind. I push them away.

Umm, yeah. Okay.

All of a sudden, she laughs. "I'm kidding," she says. "Yes, I do go out from time to time, but I'm not seeing anyone now. You don't have to worry about running into some woman you don't know in the house."

"Or women," I say. "Right?"

She scoffs, and I can just picture her face. "Do you honestly see me being able to juggle more than one female? Ever?"

"No, you like your me-time."

"Exactly."

My heart warms, and I knew I was right. Haruto's mom fed him bullshit to turn her son against Lisa.

It's on the tip of my tongue to say something about Haruto, but if Lisa confronts him about the lies his mom probably told, Haruto will see it as me betraying his trust. And it might embarrass Lisa. They're not my family. It's not my place.

A yawn stretches my face, and I let out a little moan, my eyes growing heavier.

"Well, I guess I'll let you go," Lisa says. "You both have fun, okay? Be safe."

"We will." My lids fall closed, her voice lingering in my ear. "And remember," I tell her. "Push the button down twice."

She snorts. "Yes, ma'am."

"Later," I say.

She pauses a moment before replying. "Goodnight, Jennie."

She hangs up, and I set my phone down, yawning again and not bothering to turn my box fan app back on.

A smile still curls the corners of my lips. How can a thirty-eight year old woman not know how to make microwave popcorn? It's literally idiot-proof.

I chuckle, my lids resting heavy and sleepy as I forget about Asahi and Haruto and how uncomfortable this pool table is or how exhausted I'll probably be tomorrow. Lisa drifts through my mind and everything she said and how deep her voice was when she told me "goodnight Jennie" and how it made goosebumps spread up my arms.

And how this is the third night this week she's been the last person I speak to before I fall asleep at night.