JENNIE
We come to new terms.
I'm a tenant now, essentially, and while the end goal is to live here to save money for my own place eventually, I can't live off her like I was. Maybe I could've made excuses when I was Haruto's girlfriend, but now, this needs to be fair. No matter how much she balks.
"I don't need your forty bucks a month for the gas bill, Jennie."
"Then let me pay the electric bill."
"Why would I tell you to stay here to save money and then ask you to spend more money?"
"I am saving money. And I can keep saving money while paying at least one bill, Lisa."
"Or you could not pay any bills, save even more money, and just be out of here faster."
And then that pissed me off, like maybe she really didn't want me here, after all.
"No, wait." She flinches. "I didn't mean it like that. Just…I don't need your money, okay? Let's stop talking now. Please?"
But we didn't. We kept bickering until she finally relented and let me have the gas bill and the grocery bill, although she did make me promise to not replace her snacks with anything organic or fat free, to which I agreed. If she catches me sneaking in fair trade coffee and almond milk, I'll just tell her I forgot.
Taking the broom out to the front porch, I lift up the welcome mat and shake it out before hanging it over the railing. Rain pours down outside like a torrent, and the street looks like the whitewash of ocean waves as the falling raindrops kick up and spatter against the ground.
I wonder how well Lisa will be able to see the roads on her way home. It's still only about one in the afternoon, though, and it's still light out, although pretty gray, so it might stop raining before she's off work.
I swipe the broom across the wooden porch, the overhang protecting it from getting wet. The air is balmy and thick, my skin feeling damp even though no rain is hitting me under the awning. My T-shirt sticks to my stomach a little, and I tuck my hair behind my ear because it's tickling my arms. Looking up, I see Kyle Cramer pulling his BMW into his driveway, covering his head with his briefcase as he dashes to his front porch.
He notices me and flashes a smile. I give a little wave.
I wonder why he and Lisa aren't friendly.
He disappears inside, and I finish cleaning up the tiny amount of dirt and thistles on the porch before laying the welcome mat back down.
In addition to the gas and grocery bill, I'd taken on responsibility for the downstairs of the house: dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, keeping the kitchen tidy, although she has to do the dishes when I cook, and I only have to do them when she cooks. Which, actually, she hasn't done at all in the three days since I've come back to stay here. I kind of realized at some point over the last few weeks she really only makes meals from the frozen food section in the grocery store—or canned soup and stews—so I've just taken over meals completely and she does dishes, and I'm cool with that.
I also do the garden, while she handles the lawn, pool, and sprinklers. Our rooms are our own responsibilities, but I clean my bathroom, and she keeps the basement in order.
Setting up the individual chores was almost too good to be true. I thought for sure she'd flake, and I'd end up cleaning up crap she left in areas that I was tasked with keeping tidy.
But it hasn't happened. She tosses her boots in the closet after work, picks up the T-shirts she discards if she gets too hot, and I never have to bug her to get her clothes out of the dryer. I realize I've never lived with a man who had lived on her own before me.
Until now, that is. Lisa's used to taking care of herself and her things, because there's no one else to do it for her. It's like a whole new world.
Walking back in the house, I stick the broom into the closet and head upstairs to sort my dirty clothes. Haruto's old bedroom—our old bedroom—sits vacant, since he hasn't been back since he left. I'm not sure what he's been wearing the past few days, and I don't know if he's talked to Lisa, but one thing is for sure. He'll be back eventually.
I put up with as much as I did because Haruto was a friend and not just a boyfriend. Most girls—if they're smarter than me, and that wouldn't be hard, mind you—get tired of deadbeats real fast. Knowing he and Yuna probably won't make it is the only consolation for the hurt. He jumped right out of my bed and into hers, didn't he?
But maybe he did me a favor. Would I want him back? No. I don't want to hate him, and I know he's better than this, but we pushed it, because we needed to grab onto something once upon a time. We forced what wasn't there, not because we needed each other, but because we needed someone. We were always better friends.
I feel like I can breathe now. And if he has a problem with me being here, I'll let Lisa deal with it.
Across from Haruto's room, I open the door to the other spare room—my new room—and pull my collapsible laundry basket out of the corner.
I love my new space. There was already a day bed in here, so I just went out and bought a new bedding set. I could've moved my old one from Haruto's bed, since it's mine anyway, but I wanted to start new. Nothing to remind me of who I was with him. I moved the rest of my stuff out, closed his door, and haven't been back in.
Lisa and I went to IKEA and picked out a dresser—which I paid for, but we needed her truck to move—a bedside table, and a cushioned chair. I had a little fun decorating, since I didn't need to consider anyone else but myself. There's twinkle lights weaved into my wrought-iron bedframe, some fun pillows and a lamp, and a painting I bought from a street vendor in New Orleans when I went with my sister. Lisa's pal Jackson even brought by his old vintage Panasonic cassette boombox radio for me that he found cleaning out his parents' garage a couple days ago. I guess Lisa told him about the tapes.
"Jennie!" a bellow comes from downstairs.
I drop the white shirt I was sorting and jerk my head, hearing the screen door slam against the frame downstairs.
My heart thuds a little harder.
Leaving the room, I jog down the stairs. Lisa's by the front door, pulling out her jacket from the closet. Water streams down her face and the golden skin of her tattooed arms, and her hair is stuck to her scalp. She pulls her jacket over her head and her soaking wet T-shirt leaving her with her sports bra.
I walk up to her. "What's wrong?"
"The riverbank is flooding," she says, charging into the kitchen and toward the fridge. "They're calling anyone who's able to come help sandbag before it reaches the streets."
Got it. I pull my Chucks out of the closet, hopping on one foot as I slip each one on. "Did you call Haruto?"
"Yeah, but he's not answering." She grabs an armful of water bottles. "Why don't you try?"
I yank my raincoat off the hanger and close the closet, grabbing my baseball cap off the hook on the outside. "If he didn't answer for you, he definitely won't for me."
Lisa re-enters the living room, her five bottles pinched between her fingers. She raises her eyebrows, silently asking me again, and I roll my eyes.
"But I'll try in the car," I tell her, opening the door. "Let's go."
--
We get down to the inlet in no time, Lisa having already loaded up as many of her sandbags as she had left in the back of her truck. The city has a hefty supply, though, and they were already down here with their trucks.
With the rain being so bad this summer and every last inch of snow finally melting farther north, the river has been a time bomb. I remember it flooding the homes on the west side a few years back, but the city got prepared after that. Police, firefighters, city crew, and citizens are now scattered amongst the rocks of the flood barrier already in place. Piles of sandbags are set up all the way from the water, up the incline of the boulders, and to the dirt and grass up here. There's little more than a hundred yards of weeds, trees, and railroad track to cross before the dilapidated houses of the old west side that was the first part of Northridge to be settled. The water is rising, but slowly, so hopefully if the flood barrier isn't enough, the sandbags will be. The people in this neighborhood can't afford to leave, much less lose their houses.
The river runs south, growing in speed, and I shiver a little, every inch of me soaking wet. Drops of water fall from the bill of my cap, and rain runs down my legs.
"Water?"
Lisa holds a bottle out to me, and I peer up at her from under the brim of my hat and smile, snatching it up. "Thank you."
She moves around me without another word, grabbing a sandbag and tossing it to a guy down the line. We've been here for three hours now, and we haven't been able to reach Haruto, although I can't say I tried very hard. I don't want to see him right now, so I gave it three rings and then hung up.
I look down at the bottle of water in my hand. My mouth is like a desert.
Unscrewing the cap, I suck down half the water, take a breath, and swallow two more gulps. There's only about an inch left, so I stick it in my jacket pocket to finish later.
"Hey, Jennie," a chipper voice calls, passing by.
I look to see Jeon Somi pulling on a pair of work gloves and heading down the rocks toward Lisa, dressed in jeans hugging every inch of her legs and a cute camouflage T-shirt and hat. A black ponytail hangs out the hole in the back.
She looks kind of cute. I'm so used to seeing her in her 'going-out' clothes at the bar.
I pull out a sandbag from the truck bed and heft the forty-pound burlap sack to the next guy in line and turn back to the bed, repeating the task. Each bag makes its way from one set of hands to the other until it reaches its place on the river bank.
I notice Somi in another assembly line, directly across from Lisa, and she's talking to her.
I try to keep my eyes averted, because it's not my business, but I find myself stealing glances, and I don't know why.
Liquid heat rushes through my chest, and I feel a cool sweat breaking out on my forehead.
Does she know her? Have they ever talked? I don't think they've ever been out. They can't have been. Lisa's like a priest. She's so uptight, and that woman comes on stronger than a hammer over the head. She'd scare her.
I wet my lips, handing off another bag, and unable to keep myself from watching them. She smiles brightly, saying something, and she looks over at her, listening with amusement. One of her rare, outstanding, and gorgeous smiles flashes on her—on her—and my heart skips a beat.
I scowl and grab another bag.
Is she fucking blushing? She actually looks a little shy, but she doesn't look turned off by her flirting.
I groan.
Get over it. She's a man. A young one still and, I'm sure, a pretty healthy one, too. She's had sex with women—Haruto is proof of that. It's unrealistic to think she's going without. She's going to bring a woman home sometime. Everyone has needs.
I drop my eyes to her torso, the thin, black pullover rain jacket molded to her body like a second skin. Her sleeves are pulled up, showing off her forearms, and I swear I can see the rain falling down her neck from here. She's tall and broad, and I love the way her T-shirts fit and she wears her jeans.
When a man looks that good in clothes, you know she looks good out of them.
And if she looked half this good in high school, every girl must've wanted her. I'm curious to know what she was like then, but then there are some things I don't want to know, either.
Somi passes her a bag but fumbles, and she darts down to grab it before it falls from her arms.
They're smiling and leaning in close to each other, and my lungs hurt.
And, as if she senses me watching her, her eyes suddenly dart up, meeting mine, and for a moment everyone else disappears.
I stop breathing. Shit.
I look away, quickly grabbing another bag.
I don't look back, even though I can feel her watching me.
--
Once the truck is empty, I take out my water bottle and drink the rest, walking over to Lisa's truck and tossing it in the bed.
"Ready?" I hear her say.
I spin around and see her coming over and pulling off her soaked jacket. Her T-shirt rides up with the movement, and I tear my gaze away from her stomach.
"Are…are we all done?" I ask.
She throws the coat into the back and digs another water out of the cooler. "This is about all we can do, I guess. We just need to hope it's enough and it holds."
I take one last look around, noticing everyone has moved on to one thing or another. Some are climbing into their cars and some are still positioning bags or chatting.
I whip off my jacket, too, toss it into the bed of the truck, and climb into the passenger seat.
I pull the door closed, and she starts the engine, the wipers immediately kicking into gear from where they left off on the drive over.
I look out the window.
"Oh, shit," I breathe out, gazing out in the distance. She follows my gaze.
The truck sits higher up, and we have a full view of the river beyond, all the way to the other side. A small set of islands that sit in the middle is now almost covered with water, and houses on the opposite bank are threatened as the river rises half-way up their stilts.
It still has a long way to go, and the rain has already slowed down a little. Hopefully it will be fine.
"I can't believe how high it is," I say. "Surreal."
She turns to me. "You're smiling again."
I meet her eyes, my face relaxing. Was I smiling? "Well, I'm trying not to," I tell her, breaking into another one. "I mean, I hope no one gets hurt and no one gets flooded, but…"
"But?"
I shrug, feeling a little guilty. "I kind of liked helping today, I guess. It's fun to get dirty."
She laughs under her breath and shifts the truck into gear. "You haven't been dirty yet," she teases. "Fasten your seatbelt."
A half hour later, I'm yelping and gripping the handle above the door as she speeds down the muddy canal. She jerks the wheel, so we vault up over the side and back onto high ground, and I laugh, bouncing in my seat.
Oh, my God, this is fun. I feel like I'm going to die. My eyes water, I'm laughing so much.
"I can't believe you've never done this before," she says, looking over at me like I need to surrender my Small-Town-Girl card. "In my day, this was the place to take a girl to show her how badass you were in your truck."
I tumble left and then right as the truck navigates all the muddy dips and puddles. She's let me have complete reign of the stereo and Bruce Springsteen's Glory Days plays from the tape I put in. I turn up the volume and grip the dash for support. "It still is," I inform her. "In my day, though, it's becoming harder and harder for guys you date to keep a valid drivers' license."
She chuckles. "I believe that."
Rain and mud kick up around us, and I can see splatters of both hitting the sleeve of my raincoat nearest the door and my bare thigh. Lisa insisted we roll down the windows, not caring in the least that her interior might get dirty. She said it would heighten the experience.
"Did you bring your dates here?" I ask.
"From time to time."
I quirk the corner of my mouth into a knowing smile. "And then you took them to Hammond Lock to make-out after?"
She darts her gaze to me, looking surprised. "What do you know about Hammond Lock?"
I shrug. "Oh, I heard that's where the old folks took their dates back in the day, is all."
She feigns a scowl and revs the gas, barreling us down into another ditch. My stomach drops into my feet, and I yelp again, laughing.
"Stop!" I plead. "You're going to tip us!"
The front fender crashes into the bottom, kicking up a wave of mud and water in front of us. My body jerks forward into the seatbelt, and I scream in excitement, squeezing my eyes shut.
Shit!
But I can't stop laughing. She's right. How have I never done this before? I've been missing out.
Cool rain falls lightly through the window, misting my leg, and I open my eyes again and wipe off my cheek, seeing streaks of mud on my hand.
Turning to her, I see her eyes meet mine, both of our bodies shaking with quiet laughter.
"Ok, it's my turn!" I blurt out excitedly.
Unfastening my seatbelt, I pull the door handle, moving to get out.
"No, just slide over," she tells me. "I'll get out and come around."
I stop and turn, seeing her open her door, and instead of stepping down, she pulls herself up and swings around into the bed of the truck behind us. I quickly slide across the seat and in front of the steering wheel. The perk of her truck being so old is that it has a bench seat. I don't need to hop over a console.
I fasten my belt and gaze out the windshield, a surge of heat coating my stomach as I smile.
"Watch out for the mud!" I call out the window to her.
I have no idea how deep it is outside the passenger side door.
But I wait as the truck rocks with her movements in back, and then the passenger side door opens, her hand appears at the handle, and she leaps inside, never once touching the ground.
Sliding into the seat next to me, she slams the door and runs her hand over her now-drenched hair.
My eyes fall to her T-shirt molded to her chest, defining her collar bone and the muscles of her pecs and broad shoulders.
She turns to me. "What?"
I blink and clear my throat, recovering. "Nothing. You're just still pretty nimble for your age, huh?"
Her eyes flare. Swiping her hand outside the door of the truck, she brings it back in and whips it at me, mud slicing across my face.
I gasp, closing my eyes on reflex and twisting away. "Stop!" I laugh, holding my hands out as more mud comes flying. "I'm just kidding!"
"Since when did thirty-eight become a goddamn senior citizen?" she growls, but I can hear the amusement in her voice.
More mud flies at me, and I cower with my back turned to her, trying to protect myself. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"
But I can't stop laughing.
Two hours later, the sky is dark, and I'm blissfully relaxed. I can't think now even if I try. Haruto's and my bills sit in my room, the tuition that I'll go further in debt with student loans to pay is coming due in a couple months, and the nudge I feel at my back, knowing I can make more money if I just have the guts…. Everything is miles away right now. I've been smiling non-stop the entire afternoon.
"That was fun," I tell Lisa, both of us veering around her house toward the backyard.
We're muddy and don't want to track it in though the living room, so I suggested cleaning off with the hose in the backyard a little first.
Glancing up at Lisa, I see mud on her neck and her eyes staring off, unfocused, as if she's lost in thought. A small smile plays on her lips.
"What?" I ask her.
She finally blinks, taking in a deep breath and shaking her head. "I just realized I never do anything," she says, pushing the wooden fence door and holding it open for me. "I haven't laughed like that since…I don't even remember when."
My heart leaps. I'm glad I'm not the only one who enjoyed it. I'm glad she liked spending time with me, because…
Because I'm getting used to her.
I find myself looking at the clock and getting more excited the closer it gets to five every day. I look forward to her, and I wish I didn't. I'm going to leave eventually. I don't want to get attached.
The shower flashes through my mind, and I remember her loofah, and my cheeks warm.
I feel good with her, and I'm glad she feels good with me. I just can't feel that good.
We come around the back of the house, toward the back door, and I bend down to twist the faucet. Water pours out of the hose, and I pick it up off the ground.
Standing upright, I run my hand under the hose, thankful the water is still warm from the day's sun.
I hand it to her, and she takes it.
"Thanks for coming today," she says quietly. "We needed the help."
I nod, pulling off my sneakers and hat. "It's my town, too."
She rinses off her face, arms, and construction boots, and I notice the water pouring down her clothes and still leaking mud.
We're just making it worse.
"There's some towels in the dryer," I say absently. She can go inside and change into a towel while I stay out and rinse off.
She pulls her shirt off over her head, and I take it, twisting it in my fists to force out the water, while she runs the hose over her shoulder and down her back.
"Is all the mud gone?" she asks.
She turns around, still holding the hose and showing me her back, and all of a sudden, I can feel the heat of her body next to me. My blood starts heating up under my skin, and I'm afraid to look at her.
"Yeah," I say, barely audible.
I pull out one of my rubber bands and start to take apart a braid, my skin is burning. She's looking at me.
I close my eyes for a moment, absorbing it.
I want her to look at me.
I hear her chuckle, though, and I open my eyes to see her reach over and take my other braid in her hand. She raises the hose and rinses off the tail.
Oh, the mud…
"Yeah, thanks for that, by the way." I force a sarcastic tone.
"You asked for it."
Yes. I did. She's fun to tease.
My scalp tickles at her touch, and while I'm no longer relaxed, I'm smiling again. She's only touching the ends of a few hairs, and I'm lightheaded.
I swallow the lump in my throat and slowly turn, whispering, "Would you check my back?"
I wait a moment, my pulse racing in my ears and the sound of the water spilling from the hose onto the ground.
But then I feel her. The soft, barely there brushes of her fingers across my shirt and the cool water seeping through the fabric as she clears away the mud.
She's so quiet, and it's so loud, it's throbbing in my ears.
At first, she's quick. I hug my arms to the front of my body, nervous like this is the first time I've ever been touched.
But then it gets slower, her hand staying on my shoulder blade longer and growing in pressure as she presses into my curves and runs her fingers down the slope of my neck, my spine, and then my hips.
The pulse between my legs begins to throb, and my eyelids flutter.
Her hand hits bare skin at my hip, lingering for a moment, and I breath out, so nervous right now but excited.
I'm not imagining this. I'm not imagining the way her touch feels.
Gulping, I slowly look to the side, seeing her form over my shoulder, and I reach down, grabbing the hem of my shirt, hesitating only a moment before I pull it over my head. Then quickly, I reach over and pick up a clean towel off the stairs, hugging it to the front of my body.
I want her to look at me, but I'm so scared she'll push me away.
I drop my soaked shirt and stand there, fear and desire eating away any rational thought. For a while, the steady stream of water just falls, burrowing a hole into the grass below.
And then, it's on me. Cascading over my shoulder, down the blades of my back, as her hand follows its fall, clearing away any dirt still lingering. I close my eyes, dizzy.
It's warm at my back, and I realize she's closer now, towering over me from behind.
I hear her swallow. "Towel's going to get wet," she says, her voice raspy.
A smile pulls at my lips, but I don't let it out.
Opening my eyes, I pull the towel away from body and toss it back on the stairs, excitement like an electric current under every inch of my skin. I don't remember ever wanting something this much.
She cleans my back, my arms, and tilts my head for me side to side to make sure there's no dirt there, as well. I finish unbraiding my hair and comb my fingers through it, feeling some wet strands mixed with the dry ones.
I want to see her and know what she's thinking, but I'm afraid to break the spell, and if I look at her, we might both get scared off.
And this feels so good.
"Are my legs clean?" I ask over my shoulder.
I know I'm being wicked, but I don't want her to be done yet.
It only takes a moment, but then I feel the water hit the backs of my legs, and slowly, she takes a knee, trying to get a better vantage point.
I close my eyes again, diving deep into my head where everything I want in this moment but am too afraid to voice is safe. It's not only her touch. It's how she does it. The long, languorous caresses down my thighs and the way the tips of her fingers trail just a centimeter higher than they probably should. And how she tries to avoid the insides of my legs, but she keeps flirting close like she wants to go there and is struggling to hold herself back.
She finishes my calves and my feet, and I finally look over my shoulder and down at her.
"My turn," I say.
She raises her gaze, her chest moving up and down in shallow breaths. Her lips are parted, and there are a hundred different emotions in her eyes. But I recognize the same ones I'm having. Fear and longing, turmoil and need.
We want it, but we know we shouldn't.
I turn and take the hose from her, and her gaze falls to my breasts right there for her and only covered by my thin, pink lacy bra with roses on it.
I'm a girly-girl at heart, and I think she likes that.
Without a word, she rises and stares at me, unflinching as I bring up the hose and start to rewash her. Neither of us had much mud on us in the first place. We could easily make it into the house and to the showers, and we both know it.
I run my hand over the smooth skin of her chest, tracing the mural she has inked across her shoulder, pec, and down her arm.
I don't look into her eyes, but I know she's watching my face.
"Did you get all these tattoos when you were younger?" I ask quietly.
"Most of them," she says, raspy. "Back when I didn't have other things to spend my money on."
"Do you regret any of them?" I see mud under her ear and arch up to my tiptoes, putting us chest to chest.
"No, I…" She stops, her heavy breath falling on my cheek as I hover close.
"You have some mud," I explain, looking up at her with my body pressing into her.
I fall back to my feet and continue. "You were saying?"
She clears her throat. "Uh, yeah. I'm a…I'm a little tired of some of them by now, I guess, but at one time," she tells me, "they were exactly who I was and what I needed to say about myself."
I nod, understanding. I trail around to her back and wash off her neck, her shoulder blades, and let my fingers fall down her spine. She shifts under my touch, and heat filters through my hand, rising up my arm, and I'm so turned on. I don't want to stop touching her, but using my hands doesn't feel like enough anymore. I want to feel her again.
What is Lisa Manoban like when she takes?
She turns her head, asking softly, "Aren't you going to ask me what the tattoos mean?"
I step back around to her front, watching my fingers as they graze her muscled arm. "Someday," I whisper back.
I do want to know. I want to know everything about her. But maybe, I figure, we'll keep having a reason to find each other if we save some things for later.
And right now, I'm desperate to see what else her mouth can do other than talk.
Touch me. Please.
Kiss me.
I drop the hose to my side and drag the fingers of my left hand down her abs, my heart pounding so hard it hurts. They tighten as my nails slide across the muscles, and I'm so afraid to look at her.
This is wrong. I know it's wrong.
But God, she feels good. I can feel her eyes on me, and every thread of my bra is chafing my skin, and I just want to be bare right now. I want her to see me.
I close my eyes. Oh, God.
"Jennie…" She grasps my hand, and I can hear her breathing hard.
I nod, opening my eyes but still unable to meet her. "I know," I breathe out. "I'm sorry."
I'm parched, my eyes sting with tears and I don't know why, and there's a need between my thighs that is almost painful.
Slowly, she tips my chin up. I finally raise my gaze, but she's not looking at me, either. Her eyes are cast down, and her brow is pinched in pain. "You're just out of sorts," she says quietly. "You miss Haruto, and I just happen to be here. It's okay."
I remain still, my fingers still on her stomach and her hand still on my chin. Her chest moves up and down, and for a moment, I think I'm going to turn tail and run. She's making excuses for me. An easy one to hide behind. It would make sense I'm feeling lost and in need of someone else to escape into.
But what's her excuse. I know she looks at me. I know she does it when she thinks I don't see it, but I do.
My eyes sting, filling with tears. "That's not why I was apologizing," I tell her.
I raise my eyes, meeting her, and while I'm afraid, I have to dive. I can't hold back.
"I'm sorry, because," I whisper shakily, "this isn't the first time I wanted you to touch me."
And her gaze freezes on me.
She holds my eyes, unmoving except for the rise and fall of her chest, and I have no idea what's going through her head right now, but I don't think I'm sorry. No more excuses that this is about me being distraught over Haruto.
The attraction was already there.
She slowly lets her fingers fall from my chin, both of her hands balling into fists, and she clenches her jaw, suddenly looking angry.
On reflex, I take a step back, but I don't get any farther. Grabbing my waist, she hauls me into her, snaking an arm round me and gripping my jaw in her hand between her thumb and four fingers. I gasp, loving the feeling of her body hard against mine but scared, too, because she looks so mad.
"No," she growls, baring her teeth and looking at me with fury in her eyes. "Do you understand? It's not happening. You're not getting that from me."
Tears fills my eyes, and I can barely see her anymore as my body shakes with a silent sob.
Her arm is like steel around me, and I can feel the heat of her rage coming off his skin.
She shakes me. "You wanna get laid, then you go hunt somewhere else."
I suck in air and twist away from her, pushing her body away.
She's right. What am I doing? Why would I do that? I feel so stupid, and I crouch down, quickly gathering up my shirt and shoes.
But I wasn't imagining it, was I? There was something between us, and it was coming from her as much as from me. Did I just see what I wanted to see?
I want to scream. Tears stream down my face, and she still just stands there, glaring at me.
"Go to your room," she orders.
I break out in a laugh, the bitter sound dripping with disbelief. "Go fuck yourself!" I stand up, hardening my voice. "I'll find another bed tonight, thank you. Anyone will do for a slut like me, right?"
I whip around and run for the back door, but she grabs the inside of my elbow and hauls me back into the wall of her chest. I drop my shirt and shoes, and she forces us forward into the wall of the house. I shoot out my hands, crashing into the siding.
Jesus.
I shake, sucking in short, shallow breaths as my heart races and my blood runs hot under my skin.
What the…
She reaches around, taking my face in her hand and her hot breath in my ear. "Don't threaten me with shit like that. If you want to act like a brat, then maybe you should get grounded like one, huh?"
I almost laugh through the tears drying on my face. "By all means," I taunt. "I'm dying to see how you try to take control of me. You can't even get Haruto to do his chores, and when was the last time a woman got hot in your bed? You're not even a man."
She growls and slams her palm into the house in front of me.
I jump.
And the next thing I know, her hand is in my hair, and my head is being twisted to the side as her lips crash down on mine.
I whimper, the feel and taste of her flooding me so hard my clit pulses between my legs. Oh, shit. My eyelids flutter closed, the heat and adrenaline diving from my chest to my groin in the span of a second.
She pulls back. "Fuck." And her fist tightens in my hair.
But she comes back in, her mouth covering mine, demanding more, and I can barely catch my breath. I'm hot all over.
She tastes so good. Feels so good. It only takes a moment, but my brain finally kicks in, and I reach around, taking the back of her neck and kissing her, too.
Her hand grips my waist, and I can feel her fingers slide under the red silk strap of my panties peeking out, winding her hand once in the fabric like she's getting ready to yank it off.
My pussy throbs at the thought. Her tongue is hot and demanding, flicking in my mouth and playing with my own, and when she pulls back just a hair to nibble my bottom lip, I shift on my tiptoes, feeling the warm slickness ache between my legs.
Oh, God.
She moves from my lips to my cheeks, leaving kisses along my jaw and back down to my neck. I can only arch it to give her free rein.
And I smile on the inside. She does want this. She wants me.
My skin buzzes, the hair rising on my arms, and I break out in chills at the feel of her hands starting to explore as much as her mouth.
I press my ass into her groin and feel the ridge of her cock, hard and tempting. She pulls her mouth away, groaning at my nudge.
"Jennie," she gasps, her eyes closed and brows etched in pain. "Fuck, we can't do this."
I turn around, arching up on my tiptoes and matching my forehead to her with my hands at her waist. "I know," I say. "I know."
God, why did this have to happen?
I hover over her lips, feeling for them as her warm breath makes me want to wrap myself up inside of her. "I know," I whisper again. "I ruined it, didn't I?"
We're victims of circumstance. At least I can feel confident that I would've liked her no matter what. If she were any other guy who came into my bar, sat down, and talked to me, I would've wanted her. She can be gruff, and she's way out of practice dealing with people, but I'm happy around her, and I like that the only thing she seems to need from me is my presence. She's happier with me here.
"You need to not fight me, okay?" I tell her. "I'll go to my sister's tomorrow, and I'll be more than fine. You don't have to worry about me. I never should've stayed—"
Suddenly, though, she grabs the backs of my thighs and lifts me up, forcing my legs to wrap around her. Planting me against the wall, she peers up at me and shakes her head. "You're not going anywhere."
And then she darts in, capturing the underside of my chin in her mouth. I gasp, my head falling back and my lids closing, as she bites and kisses, sending tingles down my arms.
I grip her shoulders and give in, squirming against her and craving the friction of her between my legs.
One of her arms holds me up while the other trails to my bra strap, pulling it down, so she can kiss the skin on my shoulder.
I pant, desperate. "Take it off. Please."
Her hand goes to my back, but instead of unhooking me, she yanks at the strap and pulls it down. I'm only bare for a moment, though, before we both hear a door slam inside the house and startle.
"Dada?" Haruto calls. "You up?"
"Shit," Lisa hisses under her breath.
"Oh, God." I squirm out of her hold, and she releases me. I dive down, gathering up my shirt and shoes again, holding them up to cover myself. I see the kitchen light pop on through the back door, and I swing around the side of the house, hiding just out of sight.
My heart is pounding in my ears, and I can't swallow. I peer around the corner at Lisa, and she's looking around like she's not sure what to do, but she finally grabs the hose, still running water, and continues washing off her already clean arms and hands.
"Yeah, out here!" she calls, her Adam's apple bobbing up and down.
I hear the screen door creak open, and I slink back, making sure I'm out of sight.
"Hey, what are you doing?" I hear Haruto ask.
I hurriedly re-hook my bra and pull on my damp T-shirt again.
"Just cleaning off," Lisa answers. "The river nearly flooded the harbor today. I tried to call you."
"Yeah, sorry."
There's a moment of silence, and all I can hear is the running water spilling onto the now-flooded grass.
"Where's Jennie?" Haruto says.
"I don't know…inside?"
My eyes fall and guilt hits me like a stab. She'd had to lie to him.
I mean, of course she would. I would've, as well. But the reality sinks in that I can leave Haruto and walk away and life will go on. Lisa can't do that. That's her son.
"You staying?" Lisa asks him.
"Just picking up some stuff," Haruto explains, sounding solemn. "I don't think she'll want me around for a while yet. Thanks for letting her stay here."
Lisa's voice is barely above a whisper. "It's not a problem."
There's more silence, and then I hear the water shut off and some shuffling.
"She really took care of me when …" Haruto trails off and then continues, "when I couldn't stand to have anyone else around. I never wanted to hurt her."
Needles prick my throat. Everything is so messed up, because I don't know how angry I'm allowed to be.
He did it right under my nose. For weeks.
But in my heart, I wasn't faithful to him, either.
Somewhere down deep, we always knew this was finite.
"You can come home," Lisa says quietly, almost pleading.
But Haruto doesn't respond, and I wish I could see his face. Is he looking at Lisa? He can't meet peoples' eyes when he's upset or sad.
"What are you doing?" Lisa asks him, so much sadness in her voice. "What are you doing with yourself, huh?"
I hear a sigh and then Haruto says, "I'll talk to her. Eventually."
And then the screen door falls shut, flapping against the frame, and I slowly peek around the corner, seeing Lisa standing alone in the spot where I left her.
Her brow is etched in pain, and she's staring at the ground. Her head turns slightly toward me, though.
"He doesn't treat you right, and he should," Lisa says, her face ridden with guilt. "But this can't happen, Jennie."
I press my teeth together, tears lodged in the back of my throat.
I know.
I know.