Harley was carrying several shopping bags in her arms as she entered Pauli's Deli, so she didn't notice the oddly ominous feel of the place, nor how dark and deserted it was until she got inside. She put the bags down, looking around and slowly realizing something was wrong. "Pauli?" she called. "You here?"

There was no answer, and Harley headed behind the counter to see that the sandwich toppings were rotting – flies buzzed around them, indicating that nobody had been here for several days. "Pauli?" she called again, heading toward the door to the back.

She reached out to push it open, but it suddenly opened inward and the Joker strode out, brandishing his gun and whistling. "Sorry to keep a customer waiting…" he began, pointing the gun at her, but then he recognized Harley, and his beaming smile fell in shock. "Harley?" he gasped.

"Mr. J?" gasped Harley, stunned.

They stared at each other in astonishment, Joker still aiming the gun at her, and Harley staring from it to him. And then the sexual frisson of threatening, and being threatened, with a sudden, violent death proved too much for both of them, as they instantly seized each other and began passionately kissing. Harley shoved him into the back room, slamming the door, and Joker threw her against it, lifting her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist, their mouths mauling each other.

"What are you…doing here?" gasped Harley in between kisses.

"Moved in…free food," gasped Joker, as she ripped off his bow tie and unbuttoned his shirt. "You know I don't cook."

"Mmm, I know you're helpless without me," purred Harley, as he reached behind to unzip her costume. "Pauli don't mind you staying here?"

"He didn't have any say in the matter after I killed him," chuckled Joker.

"You what?" demanded Harley, pausing as she began to undo his belt. "Why did you kill him?"

"For you, my scrumptious little cupcake," murmured Joker, licking her ear. "He said there were rumors going around that you were sleeping with Scarecrow, and I defended your honor by melting his face off. Now I know how violence turns my baby on, and you would have thought it was real hot if you had been there. You can thank me however you want…" he said, pulling her hand back down to his belt.

"That was a sweet deal we had going on with Pauli, and you ruined it for what?" demanded Harley, wrenching her hand away. "Some stupid rumor?"

"Pooh, I thought you'd love it," said Joker, clearly confused. "You always loved it when I murdered people for you before."

"Not when you murder them for the wrong reasons!" snapped Harley.

"There's no wrong reason to murder people – don't be stupid!" snapped Joker.

"I'm not stupid – I'm insulted that you got upset enough about the rumor to murder Pauli for it!" retorted Harley. "You know it's not true, I hope."

"Of course I know that – Scarecrow isn't even in the same league as me," sniffed Joker.

"And more importantly, you know I'm a loyal gal who would never betray you for anyone," retorted Harley. "So you should have ignored the stupid rumor. You should have laughed it off, as you do everything else. You should have showed Pauli and everyone else that you were secure enough in our relationship that you wouldn't even begin to be jealous about something as ridiculous as that. But you did the opposite. You got jealous, and angry, and you lashed out at Pauli, and now we don't get free food no more!"

"Yes, we do – I took over this deli!" exclaimed Joker. "We can have free food whenever we want!"

"You have no idea how to run a deli!" snapped Harley. "You left the toppings out to rot, for God's sake! And you have to buy the food first in order to sell it, so it's not free! You ruined our great setup for nothing! If you had left Pauli alive, he could have spread his own rumor that the Joker is so confident in the love and loyalty of his gal, that these Scarecrow rumors are completely meaningless to him. But now if anyone finds out what you did, they're gonna think you think the rumors are true, because that's the only reason you'd lose your temper over 'em!"

"Who the hell do you think is gonna find out?!" demanded Joker.

"I did!" shrieked Harley. "And I found out you don't trust me, you miserable creep!" she shouted, slapping him across the face. "How dare you think I'd cheat on you?! Don't you know how crazy I am about you, you dumb jerk?!"

"Of course I do!" shouted Joker. "And I'm crazy enough about you to murder for you! I melted Pauli's face off because that's what he deserved for spreading lies about you!"

"You didn't do it for me – you did it because you lost your temper about a rumor that insulted you!" shouted Harley. "You got enraged at the thought that I'd replace you with Johnny! Because you don't trust me, and you don't respect me, and you don't love me! Everything is always about you, isn't it, Mr. J?!"

"How dare you call me selfish when I acid a guy's face off for you, you little brat?!" he snapped. "You're the selfish one, abandoning me to work for Scarecrow and not caring what people say about that! You don't care if people think you've dumped me for that loser – how do you think that makes me feel?!"

"You shouldn't care what people think!" shrieked Harley. "Because you know the truth! But since you're actually so goddamn insecure about my feelings for you, like the idiot you are, you don't deserve to have me! So goodbye, Mr. J!" she snapped, zipping her costume back up and storming out of the room.

"Harley, get back here!" shouted Joker, racing after her as he buckled his belt back up. "Harley! I don't understand why you're acting like this!"

"Of course you don't!" she snapped, seizing the bags. "You don't understand anything about relationships, or emotions, or anything normal human beings feel! Maybe you could stand to learn some basic psychology too, Mr. J! Ask Johnny if you can take his class!"

"Harley, come back here!" shouted Joker, as she stormed out of the deli. "You can't get me all fired up by shouting at me and hitting me and then just bailing out! That's just a warm-up! You can't just quit after foreplay like that! Harley!"

But she had already climbed into her car, slammed the door, and driven off. Joker watched her leave, and then slowly buttoned up his shirt. "Fine, Harley," he muttered. "If murdering one guy didn't impress you, I guess I'll just have to murder more until I do. Starting with the Professor."