What is Uzumaki Naruto?

"I will readily admit that part of why I'm steadfast on the madness subject is that I simply don't believe madness is actually a tangible concept.

Not only because I have personally been accused of madness myself, of course.

I believe it is an antiquated concept that tries to separate others' subjective experience into a distinct category for the only reason that it departs so significantly from what most would consider reality. Quite often I feel the concept of madness presupposes there's such a thing as objective reality, when in fact we each inhabit our own subjective realities which may or may not overlap. To different extents.

Were we able to inhabit the lived experience of even a severely schizophrenic individual, within that person's reality, their perceived world; their seemingly erratic behavior would be understandable."

Orochimaru - 'Meditations'

"I'm running out of time..." Naruto muttered.

No. We'll be just fine.

There is no we.

The time has come.

Then come. I will show you what I think of your endless machinations.

Now that he was out of the fight, he bent over in exhaustion. He could not stop now. That he was short one arm didn't matter.

The weariness was only partly caused by the fight, he knew.

He had seen the horror in Sasuke's eyes.

What did it matter?

It was Sasuke.

What does it matter? You are not friends. He is nothing but an obstacle now. We should have killed him.

Naruto stumbled forward.

He didn't return to Umi. He felt too on edge for that. He was entirely too rattled to be near anyone he cared about. He was afraid that he'd… That he'd do the same thing he had been about to do to Sasuke.

Naruto was still more than strong enough to get rid of a few problematic people across the world.

So he began doing just that over the course of the day.

A long, bloody day.

It came without warning, and without a trace.

Several people, most of them respected, and all of them wielding great influence and power… disappeared throughout the Lands, on that particular Thursday.

There would be a lot of finger pointing later, but with no way to prove who had done it, nothing could be done about it.

He felt like a dead man walking.

And maybe he was, in a way. There was someone else under his skin, inside his soul, waiting for him to finally fall away. And the way things had been going, he knew it might be very, very soon.

Rest. He needed rest. Sleep simply wouldn't do.

And he was supposed to stop this endless conflict..? He was the worst sort of man. And he had failed already. So many different times. Naruto continued to walk. Anywhere was fine.

Before he could even think about it, he found himself back in the Mountain's Graveyard, close to the Ōtsutsuki ruins.

Naruto walked through the broken remains of something he knew he could see whole if he only closed his eyes; once more.

What do you expect to find here? Indra asked him.

I expect nothing.

You're lying to yourself. Indra said, his voice very soft. Very close, too. You still have hopes of finding a solution to your little… problem.

Anger welled up inside Naruto. Was this how his whole life, what little was left of it was going to be like?

Strung along like a puppet, at the whims of people like that bastard?

Dragged into fights that had had nothing to with him at the beginning, until he was the one in the wrong?

Killing the people he cared about?

Failing, and failing. Again and again.

Naruto was exhausted. And weary, too. If felt as though he had spent most of his short life fighting, or getting ready to fight.

How long had he been walking…? The day was starting again. Or was it sunset…?

What would Toru think of him…? What would Kakashi, the Third… or Orochimaru think, if they saw him now…?

All these sacrifices, for what…?

The last weeks, he had felt as though he were walking in a never-ending haze.

Then let me take over. Indra whispered. It will be a mercy, as well.

I refuse.

Whether you accept me or not doesn't matter all that much, in the long run.

There were shadows on the edge of his perception. A blade appeared into his left hand. Who was there…?

Karin. Hanabi.

Was he really starting to see things, now? When was the last time he had slept…?

It was… good to see them. Grounding, in a way. But right now, being grounded was the last thing that he wanted. He could not afford to be burdened by such things. Otherwise, he would never…

They looked a bit hesitant, both of them. Because of him, then. How long since he had left Umi, now…? Days, he thought. And he had kept the bond shut, of course. Like Toru, had, when…

"Hello." His voice sounded distant to himself.

They greeted him, a bit warily. The three of them stared at each other, in the middle of the ruins. It was windy here, and almost cold, too. Not like home. Not like Umi.

"…What are you doing?" Karin cut to the chase.

"Here, you mean…?" Naruto asked. "How did you find me?"

Karin lifted an eyebrow. "What do you think? You have a very unique chakra signature."

"And there were only so many Marks you were likely to go." Hanabi finished, sounding frustrated. "We have been checking for days."

"Ah." Naruto muttered. "Did anything happen…?"

"Did anything happen…?" Karin repeated, blinking. "Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know how erratically you've been acting these last weeks?"

He kinda knew, even though he was certain he was not seeing it objectively. Far from it. Some part of him felt like screaming.

"…I had things I needed to do." Naruto said.

"Things." Karin said pointedly. "Since when do you hide so much from us?"

"It's not…" Naruto started, frustrated. "I will tell you everything. Later." He finished, weakly.

Hanabi said nothing. But her eyes, as usual, told him more than enough about what she was truly thinking. Why couldn't they understand…?

"There… are things…" He tried.

"Why don't you come out and say it?" Karin gritted out.

"I am tired, Karin." He switched topics completely. He started pacing about. "Of men like Nagato, Madara… Indra, pulling me along in whichever direction they want."

"What are you rambling about?" Hanabi asked.

Naruto knew they meant well. But there was no way he could even begin to explain what was happening.

"My life is not mine, and maybe it never has been. I can't run. I can't fight. The only thing I can do is—"

"Try to do as much as you can before you go?" Hanabi asked, folding her arms.

"You won't die." Karin interjected. "We will find a way to defeat him. Nagato."

"This is not just about Nagato." Naruto said in frustration. "No matter what I do, Indra will be waiting at the end. His voice is getting more and more present."

"…How bad?" Karin finally asked. "You never clarified."

Naruto laughed. "I can't tell his thoughts apart from mine, sometimes. And I'm doing my best to push him away."

Karin looked sad. "Why… why did you never say it got so bad?"

"We could have—" Hanabi continued.

"You could have what…?" He shook his head. "There is nothing to do."

"We will find something." Karin almost pleaded. "So much of what we did already was considered impossible."

He wanted to believe her. Karin had always been there for him, since the very beginning. And they shared a bond that—. A bond. What little relief he had started to feel blew away like a candle in the wind.

"Your arm!" She finally noticed. He had done his best to hide it from her. Why did she sound so horrified...?

"It's nothing." He muttered. "I considered getting rid of it entirely."

Maybe it would heal. Maybe not. Did it really matter?

"What — Oh god, why—"

Her voice sounded so distant.

She had always been…

So loyal.

Karin continued to talk, but he could not focus anymore. The only thing he could think about was Shachi. And her relationship with Indra. Had he done the exact same thing…? Had he made all of them his loyal followers, by force of his chakra?

So damn loyal.

Had he manipulated all of them into it…?

Maybe there was nothing to run away from. He was already the same sort of monster, then.

Naruto wanted to be alone. His emotions were getting the best of him again. And he could not afford to be emotional. He reached inward, trying to find the stillness of mind that he found through meditation. It didn't come.

"-ruto?"

The woman. Yoisen…? Shachi…? Mito? No, Karin. She was calling someone. Naruto. Naruto.

That was him.

"Let me go. I need to… think." He said softly.

"I don't think you should be left alone, right now." Hanabi cut him off.

"Come with us. Please." Karin pleaded.

His chakra was starting to escape him. Something was shaping into his left hand. A sword. He needed a sword.

"Let me be!" He roared. "I—"

Why was he holding a sword…?

Why was he channeling his chakra?

Both Karin and Hanabi looked at him in disbelief.

"…What are you doing?" One of them asked.

What are you doing? Indra asked, mockingly.

What was he doing?

Inside, he was screaming.

Wind and Lightning were waiting to be released. His sword raised slowly.

What are you waiting for…? They will betray you, anyway.

More of his chakra gathered around him.

Naruto saw their faces. The fear he read there, even as they took fighting stances.

He had seen this through his memories. The turning point, the moment where some of Indra's previous incarnations turned irreversibly mad. In the blink of an eye, he could become one of them.

"Enough." Naruto whispered. "Enough!"

Sasuke had been one thing.

This… This. This was another. He forced the sword away.

Naruto fled again.

Later. Umi.

"What has been done to him…?" Karin asked breathlessly.

There was fear in her, but worry, most of all. Hanabi, on the other hand, was angry. Not fearful, but worried for him, too. Sakura and Ino were silent.

"…Do you think he would have tried to kill you?" Ino asked, voice tight. She had tried to see what it was that was wrong with him. Several times. But she could see nothing. He was one soul. And therapy could only help so much.

"…No. No." Karin shook her head, not wanting to believe it. "He is… he was such a gentle boy — He just... I don't think that's something he would have done."

"Karin… He is close to insane. If he's not fully there already." Hanabi muttered. "I don't know what we should do."

"I know." Karin said with pursed lips. "Do you think I do not know?"

"What should we do about it…?" Sakura asked. Her tone was entirely flat.

Karin fell silent.

"We help him." Ino said. "I'm working on something, but I don't know if…"

"And in the meantime…?" Sakura asked.

Karin looked desperate. "…I don't have the slightest idea."

Naruto walked along the streets of the last city in the Land of Ancestors.

It was a small country that had existed a thousand years ago. The land itself was still home to a few farming villages, surrounded by small forests. The country also contained a vast lake, which had acted as the main resource for villagers in the past.

The legends had it that this country was also the location from which the Great Tree had grown from. But those were just myths, and there was nothing to prove them.

What was true was that the mountains that surrounded this place had become known as the "Peaks of Demise".

And that was where he was headed. Something called him there, the same way he — and Nagato too, he assumed — had been pulled toward Uzushio, that night, weeks ago. It felt so long ago, already. What this force was, he didn't know.

Fate, maybe? But the idea that there was something else, a force guiding his destiny didn't sit well with him.

He had…

He had been ready to attack… maybe even kill them. Karin. Hanabi. And it hadn't felt like Indra pushing him to do anything. It hadn't felt like him losing himself into memories. It had been him. He really was losing it.

If only he were stronger.

Patience. He whispered to himself. We will settle this very soon.

I have all the time in the world.

I'm coming for you... now. This has lasted for way too long.

I am waiting, little Uzumaki.

Face me. We will end it, once and for all.

Do you think you are ready…?

I don't care about waiting anymore. Come out.

There were people on these streets. Nobody recognized him. Here, he was just another face in the crowd. They just saw a cloaked stranger walking around in a daze. Maybe they thought he was drunk… drugged. What did he care…?

These people weren't afraid of him.

It seemed as though the list of the people not worried about him was a very short one, by now.

But was it that bad…? He would get rid of Nagato, wouldn't he…? And then…? Then what. Naruto passed a fragile looking bridge, without any sort of concern about its sturdiness. If it broke, it broke.

His eyes were open, but his mind was elsewhere. He noticed that it had been a while since he had last seen people, now. There were a few scattered animals here, with strange appearances.

Before, maybe he would have been curious about them. The same way they were about him, watching him pass, sniffing him to figure where he stood on the food chain, exactly.

Now, it seemed so unimportant.

…Where was he? He had walked for a long while, again.

It was cold; windy. Freezing, even.

Naruto was high up in the mountains. A vast expanse of nothingness stretched in front of him. A pristine white mountain slope, with fragile looking trees blanketing the area, while snow fell gently to the ground. Under his feet, Naruto could feel more of the snow under him, along with the freezing wind blowing against him.

For a brief moment, as he stood in the wilderness, looking down at the torn chasm of the mountain, the dark clouds hanging above him, Naruto wondered what he was truly fighting for. And if it were truly worth it.

He sat down over the mountain ledge, his feet dangling over the precipice, a drop that would kill any man. His chakra melted the snow away and he sat down to think.

The cold was barely distracting up here.

The whispers were getting louder in his head. To the point where he could not call them whispers anymore. He breathed in and out, slowly.

Naruto knew the time had come. Earlier than expected. Much earlier. There were so many things he still wanted to do. He was barely twenty.

He was not ready. Could he ever have been…?

Naruto stared at the bloody glass dagger in his good hand. The one that he had went through so much trouble to obtain. All this… for what…?

It had been a harebrained idea again, hadn't it been…? Taking Sasuke's chakra and blood.

But it had worked for Madara.

And he had spent days planning this. A dagger capable of absorbing and giving chakra, without changing its essence. It would be such a waste to have everything he had planned for in front of him… and to do nothing with it.

Maybe this was his most terrible idea yet. He would soon figure it out.

Worst case, he would die a bit earlier than expected.

With that in mind, Naruto stabbed himself in the gut. The blade he had designed did what it was conceived for. It released the blood and chakra as close to his origin point as he could make it.

He felt the foreign chakra spread through him.

Then he waited.

To see if there was still a chance.

Naruto sat up there for hours.

Maybe more. The cold didn't seem to reach him. Or maybe he was too numb to care. His breath was misting over, and a storm was raging. Snow, thunder, and rain.

His chakra was focused, and he lifted his good hand. He released it. For the thousandth time.

Who was he?

The Sage's First Son? Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina's son? Another lamb to the slaughter? A tool of destruction? Of salvation?

He was afraid. He was angry. He was full of regrets already. And he still held some traitorous hope.

Maybe he was a monster to many, already. But he wasn't impervious. Every terrible action he undertook ate at his soul, if not immediately, then later.

The weight of his deeds made him want to bow his shoulders; and his future actions terrified him already.

It would be so easy to let go. He just had to accept his fate.

He was doomed to fail, anyway. Just like he had, time and time again.

Naruto could stop it all. He could coil all of his chakra upon itself, and release it in a burst of light that would break the land. Then it would be over. For a while. Someone else would have to deal with this.

Someone stronger.

Someone who could bear the weight of this. The meaninglessness of this endless loop.

Naruto felt Sasuke's — Asura's, really — chakra coursing through him, blending with his own almost seamlessly.

But nothing else was happening.

Uchiha Madara had awakened his Rinnegan by mixing his blood and chakra with Hashirama Senju's. The man was convinced the Sharingan was needed.

Taking a Sharingan for himself was something he could simply not afford to do.

About this at least, he knew that Indra and Shachi had not lied. He felt it in his bones.

Naruto already had done what he could. Or at least he thought so.

What else was there…? There was nothing.

It had taken Madara decades to awaken the eye. Time Naruto didn't have. There was nothing.

What he knew was that the Sharingan evolved through extreme situations.

What he didn't know was if this worked in a similar way.

What he knew was that he was Indra's spiritual ancestor.

What he didn't know was if that would be enough.

There was something.

Madara had awoken his Rinnegan near his death.

Naruto would awaken his Rinnegan near his death.

Could he even heal from that…?

With that in mind, and the certainty that there was nothing more he could lose…

Naruto stabbed himself, close to his heart, and close to the Gate of Death.

His chakra, all three different essences coursing through his body reached out to heal him. Or at least, to prevent him from dying immediately.

His body might have been there, on the rock overlooking emptiness, sitting silently, but his mind and soul were elsewhere.

Outside of time, outside of existence.

Naruto was standing on a pool of pure water, one that stretched on forever.

His body was whole. His right arm answered him again. Only now, did Naruto realize now how constant the numb pain that had come from it had been.

But standing was not an apt description for what he was doing, since it was not really his body either. Just a representation of it.

Indra stood in front of him, his smaller stature doing nothing to lessen his sheer presence.

They stared at each other.