What is Uzumaki Naruto?
Someone that has had his mind toyed with, by forces that he had no hopes of understanding, for years.
Somebody that has tried, again and again, to shoulder too much weight. Stuck between humanity and something more.
Something that won't accept dying like this.
"The soul does not lie.
This might sound familiar, and not only if you have grown up in the Yamanaka clan. But if you did, well, that is a lesson that is more or less hammered into your head from the moment you are old enough to connect with another's mind.
Because the mind, not the eyes — well, no, that depends, considering how many strange Dojutsu there are floating around — is the window to the soul.
Now, maybe you know about this already.
But for me, it raised a few important questions.
What made it so that a soul could not lie…?
And to whom? Itself?
What made a soul… a soul? The memories it held?
Was a soul divisible? Could you tear a piece of it and leave it behind…?
For a time, I thought the latter was what had happened to Naruto's ancestor. Well, what he had done, technically.
It was not what he did. What he did was leave an anchor behind, for his soul to come back whole.
Well, several of them."
Yamanaka Ino's journal; The one that was not stolen by Haruno Sakura.
Uzumaki Naruto racked his mind, looking for an answer.
Think.
Everything he knew about the Yin-induced madness.
Everything he knew about the reincarnations who had accepted Indra.
Everything he knew about the man who couldn't lie to him directly.
For a reason Naruto could not understand fully, Indra could not tell him something that was entirely untrue — just like Shachi.
There had to be something.
Naruto dug into his memories.
In the end, you will be consumed. Just like the others. — My power is your power. Your power is my power. — Several of them, too? That is a good sign. Well, not for you. But you are strong enough to carry Indra's will, then. — It won't be a fight.
Before he became a shinobi, Naruto used to be an overly worried child, prone to over-thinking. The worry was more justified now, but the latter part had never changed too much.
"I think I understand part of it now." Naruto began. He needed more time, and hoped that would be enough to get him talking. "…That I can't live without you."
"Indeed." Indra smiled. If felt as though he saw right through Naruto.
"But…"
"But?"
That goes both ways.
"…You need me to surrender, don't you?" Naruto finally asked.
"Not exactly, but it might make things more pleasant for you." Indra shrugged. It really seemed not to matter to him. But he was also good at hiding his emotions, Naruto knew. Still worth a try.
Naruto scoffed. "But why would you even care? Because I'm you?"
No answer came. Because Indra was taking a closer look at him, scrutinizing him. Something had changed into his eyes.
"Now, now." He muttered. "What have you done to our soul?"
There was a bit of disbelief in his tone. Naruto filed it away.
"What do you mean?"
"These… carvings of yours. I never could see them clearly enough, before." Indra grasped his hand and pulled his arm closer. "Yes, now that I can really see them…"
Indra shook his head.
"You didn't do this to yourself alone, did you?" He asked with something that sounded truly curious in his tone.
"Why do you ask?"
Indra scoffed. "The Uzumaki, this clan of reckless fools, have been trying to reach spirits and gods for almost as long as they have been alive. Offerings, sacrifices, prayers… Some in bad taste, of course… But this…"
"They're not the usual sort, I take it?" Naruto asked, with the faintest trace of amusement.
"Far from it." Indra said quietly. "No Uzumaki was foolish enough to do as many offerings, — because that's what they are — first of all. And that's telling enough, considering we're talking about Uzumaki. Reckless is an understatement, when it comes to them. Worse than Asura himself had ever been."
"Especially with the touch of the divine from the Nine-Tails, right…?" Naruto muttered. He had heard this from Ryūjin already. "I felt kinda pressed for time." Naruto grunted. "I'm alive, anyway."
"And you shouldn't be." Indra shook his head. "What do you think happens when divine meets divine in this way…?"
"I get a fancy tattoo out of it…? Were you afraid that I fried too much of my soul for you to take over…?" Naruto almost laughed.
Indra's eyes tightened. He didn't seem too happy about it. Which meant it would make his possession attempt more complicated, likely.
Why?
All the same, he didn't seem too worried either.
"…I see it, now." Indra said quietly, looking at both the carvings and seals. "Who helped you with these…?"
"Does it matter?" Naruto lifted an eyebrow.
"It does." Indra said flatly.
"Why?"
No answer came.
"Afraid of telling me?" Naruto knew exactly how to get him to talk. Because deep down, he knew they were — Because he knew the man. "Not so confident in the fact you're going to take over me anymore?"
Indra glared at him balefully. Naruto felt his stomach knot again, in memory of the pain he had just gotten out of. It could just as easily resume.
"No, this won't stop me, now that I know about it." He muttered. "But it could have. And whoever helped you make this is obviously aware of how reincarnation works."
Naruto felt like laughing.
This was definitely the sort of meddling Orochimaru was known for.
And he understood that it raised many other questions. Did this mean that Orochimaru had found the secret to immortality, in the end…? If Naruto lived long enough, would he someday meet some child with the same eyes as his late teacher…?
Something twisted in his gut. Would he remember…? Probably not.
A chuckle escaped Naruto.
"Maybe he was aware, yes." He said. "It was always hard to tell, with him."
"You still don't understand what this means, do you?" Indra asked. "You made a pact with things widely thought of as gods. But they're not gods — That's just the word used in the modern world. Entities, beings, concepts beyond the physical world."
Indra observed him, seeing through him more than anybody should have any right to.
"And that means something else slipped in, changing you a little. You drew on their power until your own changed in consequence."
"Doesn't seem like such a bad deal to me." Naruto grunted, trying to process what it could mean.
"Do you still have any affinity left, for elements that are not wind or lightning?"
Naruto chuckled lowly. Ah, there it was. "I don't, no. I guess there won't be any of your fancy fire techniques, if you manage, then."
"Hmpf. We shall see." Indra smiled. "Do you see things that are not supposed to be there…?"
"…"
Naruto thought of the several times he had. Creatures, beings that seemed to have slipped in between rifts. Things that didn't belong here.
And he had thought he was just losing it.
"I asked you a question." Indra repeated, his voice even. "Have you peered through the cracks?"
"Sometimes, yes." Naruto admitted. If there ever was someone who could tell him more about it…
"Of course you would." He hissed. "And what you have seen would have been some of the lesser beings. The stronger ones, the ones that came to be known as gods… They lie someplace else, where no human eyes can see, no matter how many — But then again, if you already see that much…"
He paused.
"That person, who I assume to be this Orochimaru. That person tried to elevate you to something a bit more than human."
"…What do you mean?"
"The carvings are supposed to be an offering to the deities, entities, or what it is that people call them now."
This part he understood. Indra continued.
"But these. They were designed differently… He planned specifically to use the Nine-Tails' chakra to do that. What happened is no accident. The Nine-Tails's chakra, used as an offering?"
Blame Orochimaru. As always.
"The Nine-Tails' chakra has interfered in ways we didn't expect, I assume."
That was what Orochimaru had said. No fucking wonder. He had expected it, in the end.
Helping him — hopefully — while screwing with him, leaving him in the dark entirely. As always.
Naruto hesitated. "What does it mean…?"
"The Nine-Tails, as the biggest part of a creature beyond your comprehension, is as close as it gets to divine, in the physical realm. With more time, your body and mind would have become… more. Something able to withstand the strength of my imprint… and take it in." Indra stared in disbelief. "All of the accumulated chakra would have been siphoned by you. It would have changed our very soul."
Naruto stayed silent.
"He tried to make you strong enough to take me in, instead of the opposite." Indra grunted.
Orochimaru tried to save him, then.
But… That had been so early on.
Before they even built something that resembled a relationship. And there had been some curiosity, some experimentation there, for sure. Some desire to go beyond what Orochimaru already knew was possible.
But that wasn't it.
So just on the basis of a promise he had made to a child…
"I will ask for your guidance and training. I need strength, the kind I won't be able to reach on my own. Make me your apprentice."
A promise to make him strong enough to survive the world… He had done this…?
Naruto felt something prick his eyes. And his resolve redoubled. Or maybe it just came back to him.
Indra continued.
"And there was a trap overlaid in the initial designs. No, not a trap — A pact with these beings. It I hadn't noticed…" Indra muttered, shaking his head. "If I had just tried to possess you… I would have — No, worse than death. The Night would have had me, likely."
Indra breathed out. "I underestimated people's craftiness. There are people to be wary of, even now."
"…There are." Naruto muttered, blinking something that felt a bit too much like budding tears away.
Indra stared at him again.
"No matter. I will still take over you, even though the method will have to be different, then."
Something about it made Naruto pause.
Think.
Indra still wanted to, despite the lack of Sharingan and the runes pulling at his soul meant.
Why…? And why had he picked him in the first place…? Was it only an accident?
Naruto understood more.
"You don't want to take over me." Naruto realized.
If he could have chosen anyone, as he let him believe, why didn't he pick someone closer to his own line…? Sasuke would have been much more suited for the role. Naruto continued.
"You have to. And you can't do that unless you break me, one way or another. Until I give up."
His own surrender would only be part of something bigger.
"There is a reason you were never able to come back to life fully before, isn't there?"
"Yes." Indra said. "Their bodies were too weak to withstand the strength of my Yin chakra. And thus, the possession was imperfect."
"That is a lie."
"It is not." Indra said curtly. "It is something I intend to fix once I return, for the next few times, if it comes to that. It won't be too difficult."
"If it's not a lie, then it is a half-truth."
No answer from Indra.
"Why did you choose now to try to take over me? Was it because I really was losing my mind… or because you were afraid that once I corrected the Yin imbalance, you would have more trouble…?"
Indra smiled lightly.
"So there is a glimmer of intelligence within you."
Naruto ignored the barb.
"Madara was more than strong enough to withstand your essence, wasn't he?" Naruto asked. "And if not, what about when he took Senju Hashirama's chakra as his own?"
"He would have been strong enough before he completely lost his mind, yes." Indra confirmed.
"But he didn't surrender his mind. He never did." Naruto growled.
"That much is true. And you have seen the result already. Asura's chakra or not." Indra said placidly. "He was driven entirely mad. He had all of the power he needed to accomplish what he wanted, but in his madness, he focused all of his efforts on the one thing he could not do."
"That might well be true…" Naruto started. "But you still couldn't take him."
Indra laughed. "Yes. It was true in his case. But it is too late for you. The merging has already started."
Merging.
That was not the way Indra had wanted to do things, initially. It was no possession. Orochimaru hadn't planned this far. But he had left him an opening.
Think.
"…I would have found another solution anyway. Losing my mind was never an option." Naruto said.
There was an avenue he had not considered before.
"Would you have?" Indra smiled softly. "What if there was none?"
"I would have found something." Naruto scoffed. "What is the point of being alive if my brain is rotting…?"
"If you realize this, you know what to do. Say the words, and your suffering will end. I will offer you relief."
"…The same way you did to some of them? This half-possession? Why would I want this?" Naruto spat.
"It will be different for you." Indra said. "And it is the only way your suffering will end. True relief."
As Indra said the words, Naruto could still feel echoes of the pain the man had made him endure. His brain sent a pulse of agony, as a reminder. Every part of him wanted to distance himself from his ancestor.
The same questions went through Naruto's mind again, even as he realized the only way he could live.
Had he not tried hard enough already…? Had he not become as hard as any shinobi was supposed to become…? Had he not caused enough pain on his own…? Would he have to give up everything, without even being given the guarantee of surviving…?
He would fail other people. He couldn't say who yet, but failure was the only certainty the future held for him. And now… he was supposed to bear the sins of others, on top of it…?
It was unfair, it was unjust. Had he been born as anybody else, everything would have been so much easier and—
And maybe there was nothing about life that guaranteed fairness. He had drawn some cards, randomly, and that was all there was to it. Some good, some bad. And maybe the good was worth all the bad. Naruto stood up.
"What if I don't want that?"
"…What?" Indra asked, now truly surprised.
"I don't want it to end."
"Then you will be driven insane, like Madara was."
"Madara rejected the memories."
Silence.
"He did." Indra finally said.
"I won't." Naruto grunted.
Indra lifted an eyebrow.
"Foolish words." He said softly. "These memories are nothing but a burden, not meant for any human. You stand to gain nothing but pain."
"I will take on the memories. Besides…" Naruto pointed at his temples, where the two Omoikane runes were carved. "You said I was slowly becoming something more, didn't you? I might be the only person alive who can endure such a thing."
Naruto's chakra seemed to return to him; warm, bright and comforting.
"You don't have the strength of will to do it. Unlike me. Aren't you the one who thinks it's all meaningless?" The man asked, his voice starting to rise slowly. "The one who wants it all to stop? This endless recursion? Everything you accomplish will fade away to nothing. And I will come back, again and again."
"Maybe it is so." Naruto whispered. The light returned to his eyes, and he felt more… real, for lack of a better word.
"Foolish, little Uzumaki." Indra shook his head, but there was a glimmer of interest into his eyes. "There's nowhere for you to run."
"Then I guess you and I are trapped here. Forever." Naruto gritted out. "I will stay here if I have to. Until you give up. I will take on the pain."
More memories started to come back to Naruto. In more horrific details than he wished on anyone. Indra had not exaggerated.
Smoke, madness, agony.
What was once beautiful, broken by his hand. Corpses, that had once been people he loved, made by his own hand.
Men. Women. Children.
Again and again. The betrayal in their eyes, the incomprehension.
—Why? I did everyth—
SHE WAS OUR DAUGHT—
Father, no! Please—
I love you—
I shall haunt—
—peace?! You call thi—
Naruto almost threw up. Indra looked at him, pity shining clear in his gaze.
"I would be more careful with what you're saying. Our memories are merging, already. You do not want the rest of what comes with it." Indra warned. "The murders… The people we killed. The pain, accumulated over hundreds of years, will be back for you."
Here, Naruto was alone.
It hurt to think. Trembling, Naruto took a long breath.
"It has been coming for a while already." Naruto answered, steel in his eyes. What was a bit more pain, at this point…? "I will take it."
Indra frowned.
"And their memories as well."
Omoikane, the mind-enhancing carving, had made sure he would not forget. And the fact that he was not a true descendant of Indra probably didn't help. Was he originally supposed to see as much as he had seen…? Was he supposed to remember…?
Probably not. The others had likely enjoyed a different brand of madness.
"Then you know exactly what that means for you. You will soon become nothing more than one of them."
"Raijin, Asuka, Shigeo, Tadashi, Ishikari, Asahi, Osamu, Hajime, Goro, Dai, Madara…" Naruto whispered. And more of them.
Would he become one of them…? A memory?
Maybe it was the truth.
If he played by Indra's rules.
Gods. Why him? Naruto's chakra burned quietly.
It wasn't supposed to be his cross to bear. These were sins he wouldn't wish on anyone. His hands had been stained before he had even been born. And he could not escape it. If he wanted to, he could stop it all, end his life here and there.
And then someone else would—
The more he looked into the others' memories… the more he realized they weren't others.
"…Only if I see myself as separate." Naruto finally said in answer.
Indra scoffed. But there was something guarded in his eyes, now.
"And how could you not? Are you going to bear the weight of their actions…? Among all of them, I am not the worst. Far from it."
"That is true. Except for one part." Naruto said.
"Please. Enlighten me." Indra said dryly.
"That's the part where you see yourself as separate, of course." Naruto smiled a true smile. "I know the truth. And that means that you know it, too."
"I told you to be careful with your words, didn't I?" Indra asked quietly.
The pressure didn't increase.
"…And why is that?" Naruto asked.
"None of their minds could take the strain of just my presence. And you mean to take on all of them…? What makes you think you're so different…?"
Naruto thought about it.
"Maybe I am not." He admitted, and meant this in two different ways.
"Now, you see…" Indra started to smile again.
"…Then again, I am you." Naruto finally said. His words echoed in both of their voices.
Indra stiffened. The pressure abated completely.
"We… They tried to fight it, didn't they? Your presence. The others' presence." Naruto continued. "That's why they failed."
"And why would they not?" Indra chuckled darkly. "Who would want to live with the weight of other people's sins bearing down on their soul? No man is meant for that. And no man deserves to be born guilty." He finished, with an unreadable emotion in his voice.
In a just world, maybe this was true.
"They're not other people. Not in the usual way. You know it too, better than anyone. You're just trying to lead me away from the answer. And that is why you would have preferred to simply possess me. Break me until I caved in. Because this merging… This goes both ways. Your only solution now is to bend my will to yours. And this just won't happen!"
Naruto breathed, and only now did he realize how warm he felt. He continued.
"But it's all the same. My will — Your will. I know it now. The only thing that would have changed was whose consciousness remained at the helm."
Indra didn't answer.
"That is why you always said I was you."
More silence.
"Because it was the truth, and you could not deny it. And so were the others. All of them. We are the same."
He probably would not have realized it, without Orochimaru's meddling. Or maybe he would have, in time, because he definitely was not going to submit.
No matter what the answer to that particular question was, he would take his sensei's last gift. And he would not squander it.
"This is not something you want to do, Uzumaki Naruto." Indra warned.
"You didn't lie to me, then." Naruto half-accepted. "But you sure as hell tried to make me believe there were only two cards in the deck."
"This will drive you just as mad as holding on to your identity as a separate thing!" Indra roared. "Surrender and I will free you from this."
"You don't know this. I don't know this."
…And he had fought it, too. With all of his effort.
Trying to convince himself he was not them. Either of them.
But what he had been fighting was not Madara. It was not Indra, either.
He had been fighting himself. He had been fighting true acceptance.
The way Raijin had done, losing himself behind a godly ideal, trying to forget his guilt. No, the way he had done before. He was both.
The way Asuka had done, killing his father in the hopes of attaining ultimate power. No, the way he had done before. He was both.
The way Ishikari had done, hiding her true self from the world out of fear of rejection. No, the way he had done before. He was both.
The way Asahi had done, trying to convince himself he was someone else when he had killed his wife in a fit of rage. No, the way he had done before. He was both.
The way Madara had done and lost himself in rage and pain, losing sight of both who he was… and who he had been. No, the way he had done before. He was both.
The way Naruto had done and tried to separate himself from those he saw as tyrants and monsters; afraid that he was just one more of them. No, the way he had done before. He was both.
The way Indra himself had done and tried to separate himself from the actions he saw as those of a monster.
Naruto could remember it. The smell of the air, thick with blood. His hands, coated in it. The pain he had felt, his heart, mind and soul shattering in thousands of pieces.
His wife, Yasu, lying broken, something he knew he could not put back together. Yoisen, close by, her hair still bright red, looking as horrified as he was. Clarity returning to him slowly. His eyes, bleeding. Father could have done something, if only I had been—… The true beginning of his quest for power.
The weight of the horrific mistakes he had made. The people he had then killed to attain greater strength.
Over and over again.
Fathers. Mothers. Brothers. Sisters. Lovers. Friends.
Why did he have to live again…?
Besides Indra, he was alone here. There was no bond to keep him centered.
Everything hurt. His body, his mind.
His heart.
There was nothing to say, but one thing.
With a raspy but steady voice, Naruto spoke.
"I did it."
Indra glared at him. "…What?"
"Everything I thought you did… I did. Your actions are mine." Naruto breathed in. "Yasu's death… that's on me. Not on Yoisen — not on Shachi!"
Words Indra — himself, really — could never bring himself to say.
"Naruto—"
This was the first time he called… himself by his given name.
"Kaoru! Arisu! Ichirou!" Naruto's voice broke. "Juro, Sora, Teruko! These are the deaths you and I regret most, besides Yasu and—"
"Don't you dare!"
"Asura!" Naruto roared.
Indra stepped back, as though he were wounded.
"And it doesn't stop here!"
Naruto began listing the names that came to him, unbidden. Along with memories, each of them more horrific than the one before it.
"—Every action I thought Madara undertook… That was me, too."
Naruto walked toward Indra, until he was standing right in front of him.
"Raijin, Asuka, Shigeo, Tadashi, Ishikari, Asahi, Osamu, Hajime, Goro, Dai."
"You fool, that is—"
"I killed thousands of people, over the ages. Men, women, children."
"That wasn't you."
"Indra, Raijin, Asuka, Shigeo, Tadashi, Ishikari, Asahi, Osamu, Hajime, Goro, Dai, Madara. Different names… and a different gender, once. It was me."
Naruto shook his head. "I have killed the women I loved, multiple times over. I have killed brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, friends, innocents."
"It wasn't YOU—" Indra roared, finally losing control of his temper.
"YOU CAN'T TAKE WHAT IS MINE AWAY FROM ME!" Naruto roared as well, his voice imperious.
He stepped toward Indra, who frowned. There was no pressure, not anymore.
"It is not yours!" Indra repeated.
"Oh, but it is." Naruto shook his head. "I still can't say with certainty if we are the same person, in the way most see it. Memories are supposed to make the person. But if I were in your place, and you in mine… I believe we would have made the same choices. And now… I have part of your memories. I will bear the weight of all of them. Not just yours!"
Indra's chakra turned the air hot and stifling. Naruto finished.
"What I do know for sure is that—"
"Do not go there." Indra warned.
"We share the same soul! We are one!"
Naruto's eyes met Indra's.
A sword flashed into the man's hand. He raised it above his head, ready to strike Naruto down. He didn't move, keeping his eyes firmly on Indra's.
"Can you really kill yourself?" Naruto smiled. "You? I?"
"I'll do it for you, then, Father." Indra decided.
His Father looked at him with a strange expression.
"Indra… This is not something to say lightly." He chided gently.
"I'm not saying this lightly." Indra folded his arms. He was old enough to know better.
"Then, are you…?"
"Yes." Indra nodded resolutely. "If there is such a thing as peace, I will find it. Asura will help me, of course, the little idiot."
Indra grinned.
Indra's arm didn't fall down.
"I will take the blame for what I have done. Just like you intended to do, but never could. And you can't take this away from me." Naruto repeated. "We are the same soul."
Indra's arm shook.
"If you truly believe you can do better than I can…" Naruto began. "Say the words."
Admit responsibility for the deaths you could never accept.
The one thing Indra could never bring himself to do. And it was not only him, either.
Indra's eyes met Naruto's. Something strange passed through them. Indra scoffed.
"…Out of all of them, you truly are the biggest fool."
Naruto smiled. "Maybe I am."
"Is this your final answer?"
"Yes. You can't have my pain. I will bear it."
The sword was lowered.
Naruto felt more and more there.
Indra's body, on the other hand, started to fade away. There was nothing else he could do. The same way he would have taken over now, so could Naruto.
"Do you really believe this is a second chance?" Indra asked, shaking his head in consternation. "You are mistaken."
Naruto smiled. "It is closer to a twentieth, at this point. But… I am pretty thick-headed, Ino says."
"Do you think I will stop?" Indra spat.
"No. I know you can't." Naruto acknowledged.
"I will come back." Indra warned. "In the next life."
Naruto chuckled. "And so will I, then. I think we'll be just fine."
But he would find to break this pointless cycle, anyway.
"…Why do you fight?" Indra finally asked.
"Because someone has to do something about the state of the world."
Their chakra began to entwine. This was Indra's answer, too. Buried under layers of perdition and generations of hatred.
Lightning. Wind. Storm. Fire.
"…I could have taken it all away. Your pain, Naruto."
"It is not more your burden to carry than it is mine. I'll settle the conflict with Asura, too. It is more than time."
Indra gave him a long look. One that didn't look entirely disapproving. His body disappeared entirely.
They became one. As they always should have been.
In the physical world, Naruto's body fell over the ledge.
No more running away.
His chakra and the Nine-Tails finished healing him as he fell.
Naruto finally understood the truth. And he felt ready to live, no matter how long or short it was going to be.
The realization swept over him like a wave.
He wanted to laugh.
He had thought one of them would die. He had imagined himself facing the First Son of the First Son and settling things by the sword.
The answer was so simple.
He had lived and died before. What did it matter?
Naruto had another chance at life. Who else could say the same? He could do things right, this time.
No, he would do things right, this time.
Madara's voice, that had sometimes appeared, and that he had not identified as such before, faded away.
Indra's voice faded away.
Why would he continue to talk to himself, after all? They were the same. For good and for bad.
Yugito had told him, what felt so long ago. He hadn't wanted to accept it, then.
They were one.
His chakra poured out of him. Lightning and Wind. Storm. Fire, although much weaker.
He felt liquid gold pour through him and knew he was changing.
No, not changing. It felt as though he had been asleep, before.
Naruto awakened.
His chakra rose to the skies, blinding purple.
It pierced the clouds.