Your arms feel more like home than any house ever did- Anonymous
Harry was crouched behind a bush, staring at the empty lot across from him. Ron was a hundred feet away, also Disillusioned, and together, they were watching the invisible house for any signs of movement or activity.
It had been a month since Harry's birthday and they still weren't any closer to finding out anything of significant value. Today, they had seen one figure approach the lot and disappear but neither Harry nor Ron recognized him.
Harry was glad Robards had decided on six-hour shifts. Even though they were Disillusioned, they were ordered to only move when necessary, and crouching behind this bush for six hours was taxing on his muscles and bones.
It also didn't help that Harry was very impatient. Twice already, Ron had to stop him from just blasting at the house. Harry was a man of action and hated just waiting around, hoping that something would happen that they could use.
Harry spent most of the time trying to get Ellie out of his mind. Ever since his birthday, she would invade his mind at odd times of the day and night and Harry couldn't understand why. At home, it was causing an awkwardness that Harry tried to hide but was almost sure Ellie noticed.
Harry had taken to locking himself in his study a lot over the past month claiming it was for work. He came out for mealtimes and to spend a little time with Isabella when she begged him to, but was otherwise occupied elsewhere most of the time.
He could sense Ellie's frustration at his reluctance to be around them more than necessary but didn't know what to tell her. How could he tell her anything when he didn't even know what he was thinking and feeling?
What he had not planned on was the emptiness he felt at distancing himself from Ellie and Isabella. He'd never felt so conflicted in his life. Half of him never wanted to see them again and the other half felt like he'd die without them.
So lost in thought, Harry didn't hear his replacement sneak up behind him.
Harry nearly jumped as he was tapped on the shoulder. He turned around and whispered, "We've only seen one person go in and no one has come out. It's been a slow day."
"Gotcha," the voice said as Harry stood up to stretch his aching muscles.
Harry waited until he was safely at the Apparition point on the next street before he canceled his Disillusionment Charm.
Ron appeared moments later. "Bloody Hell, Harry. I'll be glad when we can stop doing this. This is giving me the body of an eighty-year-old."
They Apparated at the same time and continued the conversation as they walked across the Atrium, "I think you'll survive, Ron. It sucks, but it's not that bad."
"Says the bloke that only has to do it two days a week instead of five," Ron said as they got into a lift.
They separated once they reached the Auror Department, Ron to his office, and Harry to his.
The only good thing about guard duty was that as soon as the paperwork was done, they were free to go home for the day. In the beginning, Harry had been getting done early and arriving home around two, but with the awkwardness now present in his house, he took his time doing his paperwork. There was never much, and Harry still found himself getting done quite early, so he would stall for time by taking a walk in Muggle London or visiting Diagon Alley.
Harry continued his detailed description of the figure that had shown up at the house, and for many moments, all that could be heard was the scratching of his quill.
Robards had stopped by at some point during his paperwork to ask about any new information on the case. Harry didn't see why as it was Robards' job to look over all the paperwork he made the department do.
Harry let out a breath as he placed his quill back on his deck.
When had life become so complicated?
Here he was, trying to avoid his home like he did when Ginny first passed away. All because Ellie smiled at him?
No, you dolt. It's because of what you felt when she smiled at you.
But what had he felt? Harry wasn't sure. If he had to equate it to any one feeling, it would be like how he had felt when Cho would look at him back in fourth year.
But no, that couldn't be right. He had fancied Cho. He most definitely didn't fancy Ellie.
Harry shook his head as he stood up. He placed his paperwork in the red tray marked "For Captain" before making his way to the lift.
Harry took the Floo to the Leaky Cauldron before making his way out into Muggle London.
Harry walked down the street he, Isabella, and Ellie had walked down when he had taken them shopping for the first time. He watched as the people bustled to and from different shops as he thought about what their lives must be like. Were they even half as complicated as his?
He passed the black store front with pink letters and made the mistake of glancing in at the dummies wearing lacy knickers. It took his brain no time at all to replace the dummies with Ellie, and now Harry was envisioning what Ellie looked like in the racy undergarments.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Harry hurried past the rest of the shops until he came across a small park.
He lowered himself onto a bench as he tried to erase the image of a scantily clad Ellie from his mind.
I'm losing my mind.
It was the only explanation for his sudden infatuation with the woman who had been living with him for the past month and a half. Maybe he had been slipped a potion.
Harry watched as a child not much older than Isabella hopped on one of the swings and began swinging. Her parents stood watching her as the little girl's shrieks of laughter rang out through the park the higher she went.
Why could he not get Ellie out of his head? Very few things made much sense anymore. Ever since Harry had told her that nothing would ever happen between them, Ellie had stopped being flirty. She didn't hold his hand or lay her head on his shoulder when they woke up from their nightmares anymore. She was still friendly with him, but he never got the feeling that she still fancied him. At first, Harry had been relieved, but now, it left him with a pit of dread in his stomach. What if she didn't like him anymore?
The thought caused a stab of fear in his gut which was drowned out by the voice in his head, "That's what you wanted to happen, remember?"
The thing he wouldn't admit to himself was that he was no longer sure of what he wanted. All he knew was that Ellie had turned his life completely upside down and he had no idea how to fix it.
Harry checked his watch and was surprised to see it was after five. Harry stood from the bench and Apparated home.
Ellie and Isabella had started to Floo home by themselves at half past five every Monday and Friday, so Harry no longer had to go to the Burrow to pick them up.
He went to the kitchen to prepare some tea before Ellie and Isabella returned home.
Harry had just taken the kettle off the stove when he heard his fireplace activate and soon after, felt Isabella knock the wind out of him as she hugged him.
"Do you always have to be so physical?" he asked as he returned the hug.
"Yep," Isabella grinned as she let go of him.
"She misses you throughout the day," Ellie said, just having appeared in the doorway, "Can't blame her for being excited, can you?"
"That's true, I guess," Harry replied as he transferred the steaming water to another pot with tea leaves.
"Well, I'm going to go up and change and then I'll start dinner," Ellie said, "I'll come get you in your study when it's ready."
Harry mumbled a thanks and was about to grab his cup of tea and head up to his study when Isabella grabbed his hand, saying, "Wanna go outside and play?"
"I can't, Bella," Harry replied, "I've got a lot of work to do."
"Oh, please!" Isabella whined. "Your work isn't going anywhere and all you ever do is lock yourself in that room."
One look at her pouty lips and hopeful expression, and Harry knew he couldn't say no.
"Fine," he said with a laugh, "but only because you're so cute."
Isabella giggled as she dragged him outside and to the swing set.
Harry sat in one of the swings that was higher up off the ground as Isabella took the swing next to him.
"So," Isabella said as she started to swing, "How come you've been avoiding us?"
"I've done no such thing!" he exclaimed. "Work has been hectic and there's just been so much to do."
"We're friends, right?"
"Yes, of course we are."
"Then why do you lie to me?"
Harry stared at the little girl as she continued to swing. How could she see right through him like that? Maybe, he just wasn't that good at hiding stuff. He had tried to spend the bare minimum of time with them so they wouldn't suspect anything, and the six-year-old kid had picked up that something was wrong, and if she picked up on Harry's behavior so easily, Harry realized Ellie must have as well.
"I'm scared of growing attached," Harry admitted softly.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Isabella asked.
Harry sighed before speaking again, "One day, you and your mum will move out of here and go back to your old life. You and her living here was only meant to be temporary and I'm just scared of..."
Harry trailed off not really knowing where he was going with his answer or why he was opening up to her in the first place.
"You're scared of being alone again."
It wasn't a question, but a statement, and said out loud, Harry knew it was true. He had become so used to Ellie and Isabella being around that he was actually terrified of how things would be when they finally left. Maybe that was why his mind constantly taunted and teased him with visions of Ellie.
"Why couldn't we stay?" Isabella asked.
"Because you and your mum need to get back to your own lives," Harry replied. "Your mum had a job and friends that she's missing out on by being here."
"But we're just as much a part of your world now as we were ours," Isabella argued. "You said yourself that I'm magical and will go to Hogwarts one day."
Harry couldn't find a flaw in her logic. Asking them to stay when it was all over somehow seemed like he was asking for more.
"It's complicated, kid," Harry said.
"It doesn't have to be," Isabella replied.
Harry was saved from answering by Ellie calling them from the back door, "Dinner is ready!"
He looked up and froze.
She stood, leaning against the doorframe with a dazzling smile on her face. Her hair was done up in a simple ponytail. She wore a pair of cut off denim shorts and a tank top.
For some reason, Harry couldn't look away and it was only when Isabella nudged him in the ribs that he was able to take his eyes off of her.
"C'mon," Isabella said as she hopped off the swing and took his hand, "I'm starving."
Harry missed the smirk on her face as he let her lead him inside.
"I wondered when you'd be Floo calling me," Hermione said with a small smile, "although, I expected it to be much sooner."
Harry was pacing in front of his desk, much like the last time he had called Hermione, "Yeah, well, I've been busy."
"No, you haven't," Hermione said with a laugh, "You've been holing yourself up in your study for the past two months trying to avoid Ellie."
"How do you know that?"
"Ellie might have mentioned it," Hermione replied, "She doesn't want to push you, but she feels like she did something wrong and that's why you hardly ever come out."
"I never meant to make her feel guilty," Harry muttered.
It was true. Harry had just been concerned about putting distance between them. He hadn't thought of the repercussions or how she and Isabella would feel. The thought made him feel guilty.
"I know, Harry," Hermione said almost sympathetically, "but that doesn't change the fact that you're hurting them. I think you need to just talk to Ellie; come to some sort of understanding so you aren't locked up most of the time."
Harry stopped pacing. What could he possibly say to make his developing feelings for Ellie disappear. It had taken him two months to admit to himself that his feelings for Ellie might be more than platonic and once he had figured it out, his mind had been a jumbled mess ever since.
"I think my brain is broken, Hermione," he said softly.
"Why do you say that?"
"Ever since my birthday," Harry started slowly, already dreading Hermione's reaction, "I haven't been able to get her out of my head. It's like I'm cursed or something."
"Well, that's understandable," Hermione said matter-of-factly. "Have you figured out why you can't seem to get her out of your head?"
Harry frowned. If he told her, that would make it somehow more real; absolute; there'd be no going back. He had managed to convince himself that he could just keep it quiet and the feelings would fade with time, but if he told Hermione, there'd be no denying anymore that he fancied Ellie.
"I um, I uh..." Harry licked his lips and tried to swallow but his throat was too dry. Hermione was looking at him expectantly. Damn Hermione's patience!
"I might fancy Ellie," Harry mumbled.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Hermione asked. "You're going to have to speak up if you want me to be able to understand you."
"I said I think I might fancy Ellie," Harry said quickly, "It's just, ever since my birthday, I find myself thinking about her more and more. My brain keeps causing these scenarios in my head on how it would be if we were together. I picture how it would be if we were to snog and what she looks like in the lacy knickers I know she wears and... why are you smiling like that? Stop it!"
Hermione was now undeniably laughing now, although she was trying her hardest to cover it up.
"Why did I even bother telling you?" Harry asked in annoyance.
"I'm sorry, Harry," Hermione said with a cough as she tried to school her features to a mask of seriousness, although she couldn't quite get rid of her smile, "You may continue."
Harry glared at his friend before he continued, "I haven't felt this way since Cho. With Ginny, I kind of knew that we were going to be together so I didn't really crush on her like I did Cho and now, Ellie."
After having admitted that he fancied Ellie, Harry found it easier to talk about it.
"And you don't know what to do?" Hermione asked.
"I feel guilty," Harry replied.
"Guilty?" Hermione asked, "Why?"
Harry threw his hand up in the air in exasperation, "Everything! I feel guilty because I've been ignoring them for two months. They've done nothing to deserve that. I shouldn't fancy her, Hermione, not when I'm still in love with Ginny. I feel like I'm failing Ginny somehow."
"Harry," Hermione said, "I've said this once before but I'll say it again; I want you to find love again, and I know everyone else does too. The whole Weasley family is rooting for you. There's even a bet on when you and Ellie will get together, courtesy of George, of course."
"Wait, what?" Harry yelped, "You guys are betting on my personal life?"
"Don't be angry, Harry," Hermione said, "We all just want you to be happy. We've seen you miserable and it's only been when Ellie and Isabella came into the picture that we've really seen you smile or laugh."
Harry frowned. He didn't feel like he acted any different but if all the Weasleys had noticed, then they must have seen something in him; a change for the better. As he looked back, he was surprised to see that although he still loved Ginny completely, and her death was still heavy on his mind a lot of the time, the pain didn't feel as all-encompassing as it once did. He could finally breathe without the stabbing pain in his heart and he couldn't even realize when that had happened.
"Why do I feel like moving on from Ginny is a terrible thing?" Harry asked. "Why do I feel like I'm betraying her?"
"Because you love her," Hermione said simply, "and a part of you always will. That doesn't mean you can't make room in your heart for someone else."
Harry found himself nodding his head in agreement, as if it would lessen his guilt, as Hermione continued, "There's only so much we can say and do to convince you that when the time is right, falling in love again is okay and perfectly natural. You're not betraying her. You're honoring her by living your life; something she always wanted for you. Ginny only ever wanted you to be happy since the minute she first laid eyes on you, so if you feel like Ellie could be a cause of that happiness, well, then there should be no question about it."
"You think I shouldn't fight my feelings for Ellie?"
"I think you should at least talk to her," Hermione said simply. "Apologize for ignoring them. I can't make you be with Ellie and if you only ever stay friends with her, as long as your happy, that's good enough for me."
"Merlin, what would I do without you, Hermione?" Harry asked.
"Probably wither away," Hermione chuckled. "Either that or get yourself killed. Do you know how many times I've saved your life?"
"More times than I can count," Harry grinned.
Hermione smiled at him, "Ron just drew me a bath and it is getting rather late."
"Is this your way of telling me that you're tired of me?" Harry asked in a mock hurt tone.
Hermione giggled, a very uncharacteristic sound, "It's me telling you that you have some problems to sort out and standing here talking to me is only delaying them."
"You're right," Harry sighed. "Thanks, Hermione, for talking to me I mean."
"Anytime," Hermione smiled as she backed out of the fireplace, "Oh, and Harry?"
"Yeah?"
"I have ten galleons on right before Christmas, so don't let me down."
"Hermione!" Harry almost yelled as her laughing face disappeared from his fireplace.
Could he really fall in love again and still have a family? He feared he was just substituting Ellie and Isabella for what he almost had with Ginny. Having a family had always been the one thing he ever really wanted and once Ginny had died, he thought that opportunity had been ripped away from him forever. Could he still have everything that he had wanted?
Harry didn't notice, as he walked to the door, the ear attached to a piece of flesh colored string as it slid back out from underneath the door, nor did he hear the near-silent hurried footsteps run back down the hall before stopping halfway down the stairs.
Ellie bustled around the kitchen as she cleaned it for what felt like the hundredth time in the past month. She cleaned when she was annoyed and Harry had been a major annoyance to her over the past two months.
He all but ignored her and Isabella now. He came down for dinner where he would talk in one-word replies, before disappearing again into his study.
At first, she wondered if she had done something wrong. She started to fear that she had and had to fight with herself to not be depressed. But, after seeing how Harry's absence was affecting Isabella, Ellie was starting to get mad. She could handle Harry ignoring her, but having to see the hurt expression on Isabella's face every time Harry said he was too busy to spend time with them was damn near unbearable.
Being angry at Harry was a new feeling, and it was one she knew she didn't like. If only he would pull is head out of his arse and at least spend some time with Isabella, then everything would be okay.
"I think you should go talk to Harry," Isabella said as she walked into the kitchen, tearing Ellie from her thoughts.
"I will not," Ellie replied, "If that man wants to continue being childish, then so be it. I'm not going to force him to want to be around us."
"Mum, stop being so stubborn," Isabella said, "I'm sure he has a good reason as to why he's acting this way."
"Oh, yeah?" Ellie's eyebrow raised. "And how would you know that?"
"Call it a hunch," Isabella said with a grin.
"Fine!" Ellie snapped, knowing her daughter wouldn't drop it. "Is he still in his study?"
"No," Isabella replied, "he's in that one room that he told us was for storage when we first moved in."
Hmm, that's strange.
Ellie had never seen him enter that room before and immediately wondered what he could be doing in there.
She nodded at her daughter before she walked out of the kitchen and headed up the stairs.
She found the door to his storage room ajar and tried to peer through the crack but all she saw was Harry's back to her. She saw blue wallpaper and what looked like a golden ball with wings attached to it but couldn't make out anything else.
Just when she was about to turn around and run back down the stairs, Harry spoke up, "You don't have to lurk around in the hallway, you may come in."
Ellie jumped. How had he known she was there? She was positive she hadn't made a sound.
Trying to quell the anxiety she felt in her stomach, she pushed the door open and stopped dead.
The room was covered in blue wallpaper with hand painted broomsticks and those little golden balls with wings attached to them. Harry was standing in the middle of the room with his back still to her and he looked anything but relaxed. What drew Ellie's attention, however, were the two cribs on opposite sides of the wall. They were sanded down and looked like they had been built by hand. There was a spot at the end of each of them where an empty and smooth spot existed, as if to add a name at a later date.
"Ginny and I didn't get the chance to name them before she died," Harry said so softly, Ellie almost didn't hear him.
"You two were expecting?"
"She was five months pregnant when she died," Harry said bitterly.
The pain in his voice tore at Ellie in a way that she never thought possible. Here she was thinking that he had just lost a wife, when in fact, he had lost an entire family. He had been carrying this pain around and she never even knew. No wonder he acted the way that he did. Ellie didn't know how she would act if Isabella would have been taken from her like that.
"My life hasn't always been the greatest," Harry said, "My parents died when I was a baby, and after that, I've watched as every single person I could consider a parental figure in my life get murdered. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley have been good to me obviously, but it's not quite the same. Growing up, I just wanted a family that loved me. That's what I wished for each year on my birthday when I was little, not that I ever got a birthday."
Ellie could tell Harry was now crying by the way his shoulders shook but he was doing a good job of hiding it. Ellie wanted to comfort him but instead, let him continue talking. "That dream never seemed closer than when I was with Ginny. I should've known it was too good to be true. She was ripped away from me. Our unborn kids were ripped away from me, just like every other good thing in my life. Any sort of happiness I felt was gone."
The more Harry talked, the more Ellie's heart broke, until, before she knew it, she was silently crying too.
"At least, until I met you and Isabella, that is."
To say she was shocked was an understatement. Was he finally admitting that he had feelings for her?
"I won't lie and say that I don't feel anything for you two," Harry said, "You remind me of a not-so-distant memory that I thought I'd never be able to have again; a family."
His voice developed a pleading tone to it as he continued, "Everything and everyone I cared for and loved has been taken from me. This is why I've been ignoring you and Isabella. I can't afford to get attached. I can't admit how much you two actually mean to me because when I do, that makes it real, and that's when things get taken from me."
Ellie closed the gap between them and took his hands in hers. She didn't say anything at first. She just let him draw comfort from her touch. The way Harry had poured his heart out to her had her feeling hopeful that he would come around one day. Sure, he had all but admitted he had feelings for her, but Ellie knew he wasn't ready to act on them yet. She tried to shove down the giddy excitement that was dangerously close to spilling from her body. She would act like a love-sick schoolgirl later; Harry needed her to be serious for him right now.
"I don't know what to do anymore," Harry whispered.
And like it was the most natural thing in the world, like she had done it a million times before, she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly.
She felt him stiffen at their close proximity and for a second, Ellie thought he would pull away, but he soon melted into her embrace.
Neither one said a word. They stood that way, sharing the comfort that each one could give the other for what felt like hours but in reality, was probably only five minutes or so.
Finally, for the first time since she entered the room, Ellie spoke, "I don't know what you need to do either," she said softly, "but I can tell you that when you figure that out, I'll still be here."
Harry hugged her tighter and Ellie could hardly contain the joy her heart felt in that moment.
Ellie would never admit it to anyone else, but Harry's arms wrapped around her like they were, was exactly what Ellie had always imagined home felt like.
"You mean to tell me that he finally admitted he fancied you?" Hermione squealed.
It had been two weeks since she had met Harry in the nursery and in the time since, life had become much more bearable. Harry came out of his study more and spent more time with Isabella for which Ellie was grateful as she knew how much Isabella liked Harry.
Hermione had stopped by to keep her company while Harry and Ron made a visit to Diagon Alley. Isabella was up in her room while she and Hermione were sitting in chairs in the back garden.
"Not directly, no," Ellie replied. "He just said he wouldn't lie and say he felt nothing for us. He made sure to include Isabella I think to not get my hopes up."
Hermione waved her hand in an off-hand manner at the comment as if saying that that was as good of a declaration of love as any. "Coming from Harry, you should count yourself lucky that he said anything at all. I'm surprised he told you any of that."
"I am too, to be honest," Ellie admitted.
"So," Hermione said slyly, "when can I expect a wedding invitation?"
Ellie nearly spit the tea she had been drinking out as she coughed and spluttered. Hermione just laughed as Ellie tried to breathe properly after nearly choking to death.
"Just because we understand each other now does not mean we're going to be together and it definitely doesn't mean we're going to get married."
"I know, I'm just teasing," Hermione said with a grin, "although I have ten Galleons on you two so don't disappoint me."
"Huh?"
"Nothing!" Hermione said with a conspiratorial grin. "So, how are things here now? Is he coming out of his study more?"
"Things are better," Ellie replied. "He still disappears for hours but he spends time with Isabella and actually talks to us at mealtimes. He still tries to avoid me a lot but yesterday he came out long enough to watch a movie with me."
"You just have to give it time," Hermione said. "He's just scared and still trying to figure everything out."
"I know," Ellie replied. "Is it too selfish of me to wish that he would figure things out a little bit sooner?"
"I know being patient can be difficult," Hermione said, "but think about it this way; at least you know he feels something for you which is more than what you had before."
"I know," Ellie sighed. "I just can't help but want more, though."
"Loving Harry has always been difficult but I can assure you that it is always worth it in the end."
"Woah!" Ellie exclaimed. "Who said anything about love?"
"You mean to tell me that you don't love him?"
"Of course not!" Ellie said, "Sure, I might fancy him, and wish we could be something more. Sure, I might think about him constantly and can't help but want to snog him senseless every time I see him but that doesn't me... Oh my god!"
Hermione was looking at her with a triumphant grin. The realization that her feelings for Harry might have moved past your typical crush hit her like a ton of bricks. She loved Harry Potter.
"I love Harry Potter," she whispered. "Fuck me, this complicates everything."
Hermione chuckled, "It doesn't have to complicate things as long as you don't let it."
"But, how the hell do I act around him?" Ellie asked fearfully. "What if I say or do the wrong thing? What if he finds out how I feel and it just makes everything awkward?"
"You just need to act how you've always acted around him," Hermione replied, "He might not feel the same way about you yet, but if you give it time, I'm sure he'll get there. You just have to be..."
"Patient, yeah, I know," Ellie interrupted.
Hermione looked at her sympathetically but didn't say anything else.
The thing was, Ellie had not been in love since she was a teenager so while the feeling wasn't new, it still scared her, particularly when it was Harry who she loved; Harry, who was still this mysterious figure in her life that she didn't know all that much about. She had caught glimpses into his life when he talked to her and by observing him but she still couldn't help but feel like she barely knew him at all.
He doesn't know that much about you either.
That was true. They hardly talked about personal issues. That night in the nursery was the first time that Harry had really opened up to her about anything from his private life and Ellie only really made passing comments about her life before she met Harry.
Hopefully, there would be plenty of time after all this was over to get to know each other better.
"You said that loving Harry was difficult but that it was always worth it," Ellie said hesitantly, "Did you ever love him, as more than friends, I mean?"
"There was a time when I thought I did," Hermione replied quietly, "but, I realized that what I felt for Harry was more brotherly than anything. I never had siblings, you see. Besides, I seem to have a thing for the big, dumb, red-headed look."
Ellie laughed, "You know, you're the first real friend I've had since I became an adult."
"I am?" Hermione asked in astonishment.
"Yeah, after Isabella's dad abandoned us, I was an emotional wreck and couldn't form friendships for shit. And then shortly after that, my parents died and everything got worse. I just felt like it was easier to be alone."
Hermione grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Well, you're not alone anymore."
Ellie was saved from replying by the form of a small silver dog running up to them. The dog's mouth opened and Ron's breathless voice said, "Come to St. Mungo's now! It's Harry and it doesn't look good."