Chapter Thirty-Two

General O'Neill was in denial.

Teal'c, to an extent, was in denial as well. Sam wasn't debunking the Jaffa's point, Daniel had made it out of situations like this before, but there was something different about it now. She more than anyone knew what her duplicate was like. She remembered what that ship was like when Fifth had her, and it was the perfect place for interrogation. She knew Daniel had been aboard. General O'Neill was right, they didn't know anything for sure, but in her heart Sam did.

As did Vala, and the woman wasn't taking it well.

The Colonel found her in Daniel's office, grieving, for the lack of a better word, and the sight just about broke Sam's heart.

She stepped into the room before closing the door behind them. Vala didn't react at all. "How you holding up?" she asked cautiously. She was going to assume her friend was angry with her for using the weapon, knowing it would mean Daniel's death.

"This is why I don't like to get close to people," Vala confessed without looking away from one of Daniel's journals. "This is why I choose not to get involved or care about someone – it makes you weak and leaves you vulnerable. It gives others an opportunity to take you out."

"Vala," Sam chastised gently.

"But it's Daniel!" Vala continued as if she hadn't heard her. "How could anyone not care? He's just too damn likable and no one can resist! Why does he have to be like that? Why can't he be like every other man in the galaxy? Why did he have to make me care? Damn him and this job! I should've never taken it!"

Sam bit her tongue from replying too soon. She had a feeling that her alien teammate hadn't meant to admit that out loud. Hell, she was fairly confident that Vala probably hadn't even realized her own feelings, and at least not to that extent. Ever since General O'Neill had shown her the footage of the two of them on Prometheus, Sam had begun to see what he and General Hammond had already begun to see, and it only grew every time she saw the two together. She always knew Daniel would fight it – it was Daniel – but she hadn't expected Vala to fight it just as much – at least not in the beginning.

But as she slowly got to know the alien woman, the more she realized that she and Daniel shared a similar past when it came to relationships, not the same, but they both held similar scars from their situations they experienced in their lives. They both were too afraid to take a leap or to open themselves up. They both put up walls, using different defense mechanisms to stay safe and survive in a harsh universe that had already taken so much from them. The ways they protected themselves were different, but it still served the same purpose.

Daniel completely shut himself off from the possibility of ever getting involved with someone again. He made excuses for not wanting to move on – he wasn't ready, it was too soon, he was still in love with his wife, etc. He used Sha're to set an impossible standard for other women to be compared to and no one could ever measure up. He put her on a pedestal and idealized what their relationship was and what it could have been – but he never did ponder on why he unburied the Stargate in the first place.

When those excuses got too old and could no longer persuade his friends to leave him alone, he moved on to the fact that he wanted, needed, to focus on his work and their mission to defeat whatever bad guy was banging on their iris. He claimed he couldn't even think of a relationship with someone when they could be taken from him or for him to die on them…again. Any woman he could potentially get involved with would probably be a part of the program and that was something he could never contemplate – it was also something SG-1 had a hard time refuting…

Vala, well she was the opposite. She hadn't stopped living after everything she went through. Sam wasn't entirely sure all of what the former space pirate had endured, but Daniel had shared some, she had gleaned more from Vala's friend, and the woman herself had even shared. Sam of course knew she was a host to a Goa'uld for years, a sex goddess no less, and she couldn't even fathom the type of emotional scarring that would have on a person – she was pretty shaken up with her short time as host to Jolinar and didn't even want to think what it would have been like with a Goa'uld symbiote and not a Tok'ra for that long period of time. But Vala never let the Goa'uld get the better of her. Instead of cowering into herself, like Sam expected many women would've done, Vala forced herself to portray a pretense of confidence. She wore it like armor, just like she did with her sexuality, hiding how truly vulnerable she really was.

There was so much Sam didn't know about Vala and she was now getting a look at the woman Vala worked so hard to hide from the world, and what she saw was that she cared for the man Sam thought of as a brother.

"You don't mean that," Sam contradicted, finally breaking the silence that had befallen.

"I do," Vala replied instantly. "It was a horrible idea, and I can't believe I was so stupid to do this. I'm better off by myself – for all involved!"

"Vala, that's not true," Sam continued to argue gently. She knew it wasn't. Vala was just hurting, and she didn't know how to process those emotions. "You're a part of my team, a part of something good, and that can never be a mistake – you belong."

"I don't," she continued to deny, "not where it matters. You may think I do, General O'Neill may think it, but Daniel doesn't, and he never will. He's the most honest man I've ever met. In fact, he's probably the best man I've ever met, and he doesn't trust me and there's nothing I can do to change that. General Hammond made a mistake."

"General Hammond didn't make a mistake," Sam argued, "and I personally believe he was right in regards to you."

"But Daniel doesn't," Vala mumbled it again without thinking.

Sam knew that wasn't true, but the woman was too in her own mind at the moment. She took a full minute for Vala to come to terms with what she just said and hopefully acknowledge what she was feeling for Daniel. "You care about him," she declared softly.

Vala's head snapped to the Colonel. "No, I don't!" she immediately denied, but Sam wasn't fooled by it. "Not like that at least!"

Sam didn't stop the smile from spreading across her face. "You do," she argued sweetly. "Vala, it's okay to feel those things for him – it's a good thing, in fact."

"How could that be a good thing?" Vala questioned. She really did sound aghast at the thought, as if it was something that was bad. "Emotions put you at risk – they could get you killed."

"That's not true," Sam contradicted, "and sometimes it's worth the risk."

"Well, if it's so great and worth the chance, why aren't you and the General together?" Vala tossed out.

Sam stiffened and stood straighter. "We're not talking about me," she said with an edge in her voice, "and not that it's any of your business, it's complicated, and completely different from your situation with Daniel."

Vala had the decency to look a little contrite. "I know," she mumbled, bowing her head a little, "and I'm sorry for saying it."

"I accept your apology," Sam replied diplomatically.

Vala sighed and looked away, crossing her arms – a move that Sam had come to recognize as a position she used when she felt vulnerable. "Samantha, even if I did care for him like that, he doesn't feel the same about me," she said quietly, "and he never will – don't try to convince me otherwise."

"Vala – "

"Doesn't really matter now, does it?" Vala interrupted, and Sam noticed the change in her. She was becoming numb and hardened to the situation. "Daniel's gone and that's all there is to it," she declared before storming out.

But Sam could see the emotions she was trying to hide and wondered how the hell the two most romantically scarred people she knew ended up having feelings for each other.

Vala was right about one thing – did it actually matter now? The probability of Daniel being dead again was high, and the possibility of him magically coming back to life again was slim to none. But there was something that held Sam back from believing it completely. Maybe she was holding out hope that he wasn't dead because she knew he could be happy again…with Vala. She had spent most of her relationship with Daniel watching him be incredibly unhappy, and she didn't like the thought of him dying feeling that way.

Maybe Daniel had one last miracle in him.