Chapter Thirty-Four

So, he in the in-between of death and enlightenment.

He never thought he'd be here again. Daniel almost questioned whether or not Replicator Sam was still messing with him, but as he stared at the paper the overweight man gave him, he knew even she wouldn't be that clever. Anubis trying to take back Dakara? Since when was he back in the game? Though he guessed it really didn't matter – what did was warning Earth and the Rebel Jaffa.

Daniel kept reading the paper, scouring for more information as he waited for Oma to return, and that was when he ran across an…article. If he was still on the fence whether or not that was actually Oma, he had no doubt now. Not even his own mind could have conjured up the picture he was staring at and that wasn't even mentioning the article itself.

Vala.

His heart twisted at the sight of her. The image showed her curled up on her bed and it was obvious she had been crying…or was crying. There was a small headline above the photo that read "VALA MAL DORAN GRIEVES DANIEL JACKSON." It was cheesy as hell, but what did the Ancients know about catchy headlines? He felt an array of emotions rush through him at a rate so fast he couldn't even identify all of them. He glanced over the article, but he didn't truly absorb the words. His eyes kept shifting back to the image. What he wouldn't give to let her know he was okay – that he was going to do everything in his power to come back. He wasn't dead yet and he didn't plan on it anytime soon.

I'm here, Vala. You can't get rid of me that easily.

A plate of waffles appeared, bringing him out of his inner musings. Seeing that it was Oma, he turned the paper to her. "You know about this?" he asked, indicating to the news about Anubis. He highly doubted Oma cared about his internal turmoil over Vala.

Oma responded like it was a given that she knew. When asked if she was going to do anything about it, her response was the same. Daniel couldn't very well not do anything. Anubis was a threat to the galaxy, threatening the safety of those he loved. He wasn't going to sit around and allow it to happen – not when he could help. Unfortunately, Oma reminded him that he couldn't leave the diner. He wasn't yet ascended and would die if he left. Even if he did ascend and retook human form, he couldn't bring back this knowledge.

"So, you're saying I can know Anubis is plotting to destroy all life in the galaxy, and all I can do about it is stay here and contemplate my own enlightenment?" he asked, not bothering to hide the sarcasm.

"You can eat your waffles."

As she started past him, he placed a hand on her arm. When she shot him a questioning look, he said, "I choose enlightenment. Ascend me."

He didn't know what to make of her expression. "You accept that you cannot help your friends as an ascended being? Or that you can't take the knowledge with you if you chose to retake human form?"

"I do."

Oma stepped back and tilted her head as she studied him. He had never felt so exposed before, but he guessed having an Ancient give you a piercing stare would be more intense than your average joe. It was enough to make him squirm. "Your motives are not what I expected."

Huh? "My motives? You mean choosing to live?"

It was like she didn't even hear him. "You were heavily weighed down by grief last time, among other things," she said. "It was one of the reasons why you chose enlightenment, even if you didn't know it yourself. This time, it is the opposite."

She wasn't making any sense to him. "What're you talking about?"

"You desire ascension so you can rejoin the human world," she clarified, and he didn't disagree with her. "You have someone you wished to go back to – someone who was not in your life previously."

Vala, his mind made the jump before he even realized it. Was that true? "Why would you think that?" He wasn't trying to deny it. He genuinely wanted to know where she drew this conclusion from.

"I see more in you than you realize," she said somewhat vaguely. "You know of whom I speak. You care for her."

"I do?" Yeah, he cared about her as his friend and teammate, but he had a feeling that wasn't what she was inferring to.

He didn't know what to make of her smile. "You do," she said flippantly before walking away, leaving him to think on it.

He was Daniel Jackson and thinking is one of the things he did best.

o0o

He found her in her lab – where else would Sam Carter be?

She never did come see him after Vala left his office hours ago. Jack wasn't sure if the alien forgot to inform her or if Carter deliberately defied his orders – that didn't sound like her. She didn't notice him when he stepped into his doorway, and he took the opportunity to study her. He hadn't noticed any change in her since she ended her engagement and that fact concerned him. Had anyone noticed? Vala said she was alright, but he had a hard time believing that.

He just didn't know how to bring it up.

"Vala told me you're dead set on a memorial for Daniel," he started and stepped further into the room. "Sending her was a dirty tactic and you know it."

"Sir," she sat up straight. "Believe it or not, she volunteered. I had…something to do, and she said she'd take care of it."

"Something?" his interest was peaked at her evasiveness. Instead of answering, she gave a noncommittal nod, and he got the hint. "I take it she didn't mention I wanted to see you?"

Her brows furrowed. "No, sir," she sounded surprised and confused. "I haven't seen her since we parted earlier."

Jack wasn't surprised. "She's avoiding it, you know."

"Who, Vala?" when he nodded, she frowned. "Avoiding what?"

He gave her a pointed look. "Dealing with Daniel being gone," he stated as if it was obvious. What else would he mean?

"You mean dead."

He continued as if she hadn't spoken. "She's burying herself in work, which is a bit ironic since that's what Daniel does." He then gave her a mock glare. "And he's not dead, which is why we aren't holding a memorial for him. That's final."

He could tell she barely held in a sigh…and an eye roll. "She doesn't know how to deal with it."

Huh? "What?"

Carter's lips switched. "Vala," she used that tone – the one where she thought the answer was obvious. "She doesn't know how to process what she feels. I don't think she ever really learned. She had a pretty messed up childhood…and life."

Oh…that. "I guess I never really thought of that," he admitted. From what the rest of them told him, her life had been one thing after another, never once giving her a moment to breathe – let alone process it all. "What're we gonna do about it?"

Why did she look amused? "Do you really think she's going to open up to one of us?" she asked if the answer was simple…again. "Sir, we each have a very different relationship with Vala."

"So?"

She chuckled lightly. "So, the only person she has that kind of relationship with is…missing," she clearly hated using that word. "If you think you can get her to talk, be my guest."

Jack wasn't buying it. He didn't deny that Vala and Daniel had a unique relationship, but she and Carter had to have a similar one. "She talks to you," he didn't let it go, "and you talk to her. How is that different?"

Oh…maybe that wasn't the right thing to say. Carter instantly became alert – if not closed off. "What does that mean?" Yeah, she was suspicious.

Well, shit. That wasn't how he planned to bring it – hell, he hadn't even been sure if he was going to bring it up. "Ehh…"

"Sir." Ooh, stern tone – her Colonel voice.

"Vala…she may have…told me about you and Pete."

She quickly averted her eyes. "Oh."

Jack suddenly felt like he was back to that moment when she first showed him the ring Pete gave her – unsure of what to say or do. That day, he understood she was giving him an opening. He knew she was hoping for him to give her a reason to say no…and he wanted to. There were so many reasons he could have given, things he desperately wanted to say to persuade her, but he hadn't – he couldn't. He couldn't ask her to give up her career for him or even set it back a little. He would've done so in a heartbeat, but there was no way the President would've allowed it. Ultimately, he wanted her to be happy and she was with Pete.

Or so he thought.

"I'm sorry Carter," he said softly. He really did mean it. All he ever wanted was for her to be happy – it's what she deserved.

She smiled ruefully at the desk. "It's alright," she mumbled and didn't look up, intent on avoiding his gaze. "It was for the best," she stated and grabbed a folder – he presumed it was her attempt to end the conversation.

But he had let his only opportunity slip through his fingers last time and he was damn sure not going to waste what could be his only shot. "Why's that?" he asked and decided not to let it go.

Carter finally looked at him and he was positive that she understood that she wasn't getting out of this. "It wouldn't have worked," she replied evenly. "We're too different and we wouldn't have made each other happy. I didn't realize it until recently, but he doesn't…understand me."

Maybe he was reading too much into it, but he swore there was an unspoken 'unlike you' following her sentence. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe he hadn't screwed things up. "Maybe he didn't…but someone out there does."

Their eyes met and that connection they had didn't fail them – she understood.

He wasn't throwing away his shot – not this time. He just needed to end things with his current lady friend.

The klaxon went off, alerting them to an off world activation. Jack frowned. No one was due back for another few hours. Wait, did that mean…

Carter must've seen the expression on his face and guessed they weren't expecting anyone. She was out of her chair in a second and they both headed to the Control room. Vala and Teal'c were already there when they made it and they all stood anxiously for…something!

Jack watched Vala from the corner of his eye and he knew then that she hadn't given up hope that Daniel somehow made it. He could only hope for her sake that this was indeed him. The rest of them were more used to it – well, as used to it as one could get.

But it wasn't Daniel, which crushed the poor alien woman even more than she already was. That just figures – Daniel finally gets himself a woman who understands him, puts up with his crap, loves him for and despite all his flaws, and he has to go and get himself killed…er, lost.

Instead of being the notorious archeologist, it was a sole member from SG-7 who had barely escaped capture by Ba'al, leaving the rest of his team to get help.

Jack really wished Bra'tac had been able to kill the son of a bitch.