Chapter Thirty-Seven

Blood.

Vala's blood. He was covered in it. As Daniel stared at his hands, he felt something akin to a panic attack coming on. Vala was shot. In front of him. Just like Sha're. Just like Janet. Unlike the other two love interests in his life, Vala hadn't died immediately or shortly thereafter. They had gotten her back. She was in surgery. She was alive.

For now.

The feeling intensified and he felt a heavy pressure in his chest. He had to wash it off. Now.

Daniel turned on the water and frantically began scrubbing his hands and arms. No matter how hard he scrubbed, the blood seemed never ending, but he had to get it off! Everything was red – his hands, his clothes, even the water itself, and watching the continuous stream of blood pour down the drain did nothing to abate the terror and anxiety he felt.

"Daniel?" he vaguely heard the muffled voice from behind him but didn't acknowledge it. "Daniel, stop! You're gonna scrub yourself raw," the voice said again before grabbing him from behind and pulling him away.

"No, stop!" Daniel objected as he fought Jack's hold. "I have to get it off!"

"You got it off. You're good. Look," Jack brought Daniel's hands into focus.

He wasn't too far gone to notice that the blood was indeed gone from his hands, but his clothes were still covered in it. Daniel flailed out of Jack's grip and began stripping frantically. "I have to get it off," he said as he flung his jacket off. Damn it, the blood soaked through. He needed a shower.

He bolted for the shower and turned it on before continuing to shed his uniform.

Once again, Jack stopped him by pulling him away. "Daniel, you need to calm down," Jack said in a soothing tone and under any other circumstance, he would have responded well to it, but he couldn't this time. "She's gonna be okay."

Daniel got out of the General's hold once again. "You don't know that!" he shouted at the man. "She could…oh God, she could…" he trailed off and was unable to make himself say the words. It suddenly felt like his airway was being restricted and pressure in his chest intensified and he couldn't breathe. Everything around him became muddled again and the feeling only got worse when he thought of anything happening to her.

"Daniel!" Jack snapped again, his voice bringing Daniel back. "Breathe. Just breathe, Daniel," Jack coaxed gently.

He finally gained control and walked backwards until he hit a wall and sank down. "I can't lose her. Oh, God, Jack."

The way Jack approached was like someone approaching a wounded animal. "Daniel," he said carefully as he sank to his level, "she's alive. She's strong, and you have to believe that she'll pull through this. She's got the best doctors working on her."

"Janet was the best," Daniel contradicted as a dazed feeling overcame him. "But she died. She was shot right in front of me – just like Sha're – and they died and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about either of them. I can't lose Vala the same way, Jack, I can't."

"We're not going to lose her," Jack promised but even Daniel heard the doubt in his words.

Something just occurred to him, and he chuckled humorlessly at the thought. "How is it that every woman I fall for ends up dead because the Goa'uld?" he questioned out loud. "They all die the same way too – staff blast. First Sha're, then Janet, and now Vala."

o0o

This was bad.

Jack could see where this was going and it was nowhere good. "First off, stop acting like it's a done deal and Vala is dead. She's alive and she's a fighter. She's not about to let Ba'al win," he began firmly and made sure his friend was listening. "Second, that's not true. You don't lose everyone you care about to the Goa'uld. You've just had…some bad luck."

Daniel didn't believe a word of it. "Name one person I haven't lost to them."

He had a sinking feeling that Daniel wouldn't accept anyone from SG-1. "Sarah," he blurted out the second he remembered her. "In fact, you saved her from the Goa'uld."

But Daniel was already shaking his head. "Sarah doesn't count!"

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I don't love Sarah!" the archeologist snapped. "I mean, I do, as a friend, but I haven't been in love with her for over a decade!"

In any other instance, Jack wouldn't hesitate in teasing Daniel about the fact that he's in love but considering the woman in question was currently fighting for her life, he didn't think it would be appropriate to bring it up. He wasn't even sure if he realized what he had just said. "Maybe you're right about Sha're and Janet," he conceded on that point, "but you can't group Vala with them – not yet anyways. I'd put money that she never will."

There was a lengthy pause.

"But what if she does?" Daniel whispered fearfully. "God, Jack, I don't think I could survive that again."

"It's not gonna happen," Jack promised and prayed that he was right.

Jack had been there from the beginning. He was there when Daniel met Sha're, when he married her, and when he lost her – both times. He had seen his friend love that woman fiercely and he had seen what losing her did to him. While Daniel thought he was destroyed beyond any hope of loving again, Jack knew he was wrong, and was proven right when saw his friend slowly move on from his wife and show interest in someone else. The only thing Janet Fraiser had in common with Sha're was kind and caring quality. Other than that, Janet was a kickass woman who hadn't been afraid of speaking her mind or taking charge when needed – Jack remembered that clearly.

As Daniel grew and matured, each woman he fell for was tougher and feistier than the last, but all had one thing in common. While Vala didn't outright show it, she was just as caring as the others. If anything, she felt things on a deeper level than the rest but just didn't show it – for obvious reasons.

"You know, it's kind of ironic. I've spent so long keeping myself at a safe distance from women and I couldn't recognize what it was like when I…fell for one of them…for Vala," Daniel didn't appreciate the irony. "But when I finally do realize it and accept it, it only ends up with her getting shot hours later. It's not fair, Jack."

"No, it's not," he agreed, wishing there was something else he could say, but he had no words.

Daniel glanced down at himself again and grimaced. "I have to shower," he stated, his voice shaking a little at the sight of her blood. "I can't stay like this. I can't be…covered in her blood."

"Okay," he quickly said in a calming voice and helped him up. "We'll get'cha cleaned up. Hop in the shower and I'll find ya some clean clothes…but after, I want you to go home and get some rest – away from here."

"Jack – "

Knowing what he would say, Jack interjected. "Ah!" he gave his friend a pointed look. "You can either go home and sleep for a few hours or I can have one of the docs sedate you."

"I have to be here when she wakes up!"

"And you will be," Jack assured him. "But that's gonna take a while."

Daniel froze. "How long is a while?"

Jack winced. That was the reason he sought Daniel out in the first place, but got sidetracked by his friend scrubbing the skin off his hands. "A nurse came out not long ago. The damage was more significant than they originally thought. They're also having to be more cautious with the medication since they don't know what Ba'al gave her and how it will interfere. Normally, they would've waited before going into surgery but…" he trailed.

"…but she would've died otherwise," Daniel finished for him and slumped against the wall.

Jack looked at the man and sympathy filled him. He had gotten a raw deal in life when it came to love and there wasn't anything he could do to help his friend at the moment other than make sure he got some sleep. "I'll have Carter take you," he told him rather than suggest. "I'll call one of you the moment she's out. She'll most likely be heavily sedated afterwards, so you don't have to rush getting back here."

Daniel gave him a mocking smile. "You're not really giving me much of a choice," he said with bitterness.

Jack didn't take it personally. "It's for your own good, Daniel."

His friend rolled his eyes but didn't respond and continued to shed his clothes. Jack took that as his cue to leave. "I'll be back with a change of clothes."

o0o

Sam jumped up from her seat when she spotted General O'Neill exit the men's showers just off of the infirmary. "How is he?" she asked anxiously.

Daniel hadn't looked good when Vala left for surgery. It was as if he'd been on autopilot. When he hadn't returned thirty minutes after disappearing, she began to worry, and it only got worse when a nurse notified them that the surgery would take longer than expected. The General had seen her concern for Daniel – she had been eyeing the room he'd disappeared into a lot – and volunteered to go check on him.

Judging by the amount of time he was in there and his current expression, Daniel wasn't doing well, and she wasn't the only one concerned. "It's bad," O'Neill didn't sugar coat it.

Sam winced. "Sha're bad or Janet bad?" While Daniel assumed none of them knew about his feelings in regard to the former CMO, they did – well, SG-1 did.

His reaction to both of their deaths had been different and she wanted to know what she was dealing with – not that Vala was dead or anything. She just wanted to be prepared for whatever state he was in.

"Worse," the General replied, and she winced again. "Carter, I've…I've never seen him like this."

Oh, that was bad. He primarily dealt with Daniel during the loss of both those women, and if he hadn't seen this side, would any of them be able to help? "So, what do we do?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Nothing, right now," he didn't sound happy about it, "but he needs to get away from here. He needs sleep."

"Like he's going to leave the base with her like this."

"Oh, he will, or else I'm having him sedated, and he knows it." His commanding voice came in and she knew he would have his way with it. "Once he's done showering, I need you to take him home and have him stay there until Vala's out of surgery."

Now wait just a cotton-picking moment! That wasn't fair! "Sir – "

"I can make it an order," he cut in and gave her a look. "You both need time away from the SGC. I promise I'll call the second she's out."

He was referring to the recent loss of her dad. Yes, it was hard – harder than she thought, but then she remembered she had gained more years with him and they finally got to a good place in their relationship. She was at peace with his death. She had closure. She appreciated his concern, but she resented the fact that he thought he had to protect her by sending her away. She had dealt with worse before and she felt like she needed to be here for Vala. But arguing with him would solve nothing.

"Yes, sir."