Chapter Thirty-Eight

Sam was seriously tempted to use the sedative the General shoved into her hand just before leaving the SGC.

"Just in case," Jack said in a low tone as his eyes shifted to the irate archeologist.

She almost laughed when he did, thinking it was completely unnecessary, but she was beginning to see the man's motive behind it. "Daniel, I swear to God if you don't stop pacing this second, I will not be responsible for my actions!" He froze in his strides. Good. Progress. "Sit and eat before I do something I regret." Like sedate you.

Maybe it was her Colonel voice that made him comply or maybe he sensed that she had a syringe filled with a sedative that she was more than prepared to use – whatever it was, she didn't care. She just cared that he did as she commanded and was finally eating something.

While she was at it… "You should really get some sleep," she softened her voice this time.

Daniel huffed a small laugh. "You want me to sleep while Vala is fighting for her life?"

"Running yourself ragged won't help her either," she retorted. "Vala wouldn't want this and you know it."

There was a short pause.

"I know." Sam raised her brows. She hadn't been expecting him to agree with her. "Just the thought of not being there is…I don't think I could sleep even if I tried."

Her heart was breaking for him. General O'Neill wasn't kidding when he said it was worse this time around. "You really care about her, don't you?"

She expected him to deny, like he always did, but shocked the hell out of her when he nodded. "Yeah, I do," he admitted almost inaudibly.

This was not the ideal time to smile and act like a teenager watching their favorite couple get together and it was all Sam could do to not squeal at his revelation. Instead, she took a moment to calm herself down before asking, "You gonna do anything about it when she wakes up?"

"If she wakes up," he corrected. "Even if she did, Vala's not serious about me."

Oh boy. The level of this man's ignorance was baffling. "She cares more than you know, Daniel."

Daniel met her gaze. "That's where you're wrong. Sam, she won't stay. This life…it isn't what she wants. It won't be enough for her – I'm not enough."

Ugh, men. "But you are, and you're judging her too hard. You're assuming too much." Sam would be damned if she let him sabotage this before it could even happen! He already admitted he cared for her, and she would not let him go back.

"Sam…"

"You didn't see what she was like when we assumed the Replicator ship was destroyed," she argued firmly, "you didn't see how devastated she was."

Sam knew he didn't want to believe it – like he couldn't allow himself to. "We're friends," he argued weakly, "teammates, it's natural to be upset in a situation like that, but that doesn't mean she…cares for me in that way. I know she's made a good life here on Earth, but how long will that really last now that Anubis and Ba'al are gone? The reason she joined the SGC in the first place was to help get rid of the Goa'uld in power. She won't stay…not anymore."

"Damn it, Daniel, you're not giving her enough credit, and you've no idea what she really wants."

"And what's that?" he said with an air of challenge. "Please do tell!"

Alright, now he was pissing her off.

"She just wants a place to belong. She doesn't care about the excitement, she just wants to be accepted without question," Sam argued. "She doesn't know where she belongs, but she wants that to be with you. She loves you, Daniel, so don't screw this up."

Sam had enough of this and was about to leave the room when Daniel spoke. "She told you that?" he asked it in such a quiet voice, she almost missed it.

She turned to him, but he wasn't looking at her, instead, he was staring at the table. "Yeah, she has," she answered. While Vala may not have told Sam those exact words, she knew what the alien woman meant.

Daniel was quiet for a moment and Sam didn't push him, waiting for him to sort it all out.

"Aren't you breaking some girl code or something by telling me that?" he asked.

"Probably," she admitted without guilt, "but I'm tired of you two dancing around this. It's exhausting to say the least."

He finally glanced at her. "I know the feeling," he mumbled, shooting her a pointed look.

Sam understood what he was referring to and she smiled sadly. "Don't be us," she practically whispered. "You've seen how hard it is to keep pretending and ignoring it and trust me when I say you don't want to go through it, so don't be us. You have a chance to be happy…so be happy," she urged him.

"It's not that easy."

"But it can be," she argued insistently, "You just have to take that leap and try. Take the leap, Daniel," she implored him.

"You don't understand, Sam!"

"Then explain it to me!"

"Every woman I've ever truly loved has ended up a victim of the Goa'uld!" he practically yelled. "It's like the universe has decided that I don't get to be happy. And it's not just the women I fall in love with, it's the ones I get close to as well. They all end in some unhappy way."

Shit, she saw where this was going. "Daniel – "

"How can I pursue something with Vala when the most likely outcome is her death?" he cut her off. "I can't lose her, Sam. I would rather be friends or her leave Earth, just as long as she was alive!"

Sam glared at him. "You're acting like you're cursed."

"I might as well be!"

"I know where you're going with this and so help me if you intentionally drive Vala away because of this ridiculous notion that you'd be doing it to protect her, I will kill you myself!" It had just been a hunch, one she was hoping she was wrong on, but his face confirmed it. "Oh my God, Daniel! Seriously?"

His face became crestfallen. "I just want to protect her. I wanna keep her safe."

Sam softened slightly. "I understand, I do, but you're making a decision that not only affects you but someone else as well. You can't do that. You need to give her a choice. She deserves to have a say in her own future."

"Sam…"

"Promise me, Daniel." She pinned him with a relentless stare and didn't back down until he finally consented.

"I promise."

o0o

What was that sound and why wouldn't it stop?

Why the bloody hell did everything hurt? What happened? Vala forced the grogginess to dissipate – the pain helped with that – and it slowly came back to her. Ba'al. She was his captive. She offered herself in exchange for SG-3 and 7. The details were fuzzy – he had drugged the fuck out of her – but she hadn't gotten the impression that he was going to start physically torturing her. Maybe he hadn't been able to break her down mentally.

She was a bit surprised.

Vala clearly remembered seeing Daniel during the time she was on that weird hallucinogenic and she would have assumed that would have done the trick. Well…maybe it did. Maybe that was why she was in pain now. Ba'al had moved on. She didn't want to, but she needed to see where she was and if there was anything she could do to get out of this situation. She slowly opened her eyes and immediately closed them with a small moan of pain when the bright light hurt her eyes.

"Vala?" a voice said in an urgent tone.

She turned her head to the voice and tried opening her eyes again. "Oh, that's just great," she mumbled unhappily.

Daniel frowned but scooted closer. "What?" he asked in confusion.

"Time must be getting away from me 'cause you're still here. I thought the drug would've worn off by now, but you're here," she explained mainly to herself. Why would she have to explain anything to a hallucination? "My dead friend in the flesh. How very disturbing."

He sighed, sounding unhappy to her, and it annoyed her. It was her hallucination – he should be happy, damnit! "Vala, you're not hallucinating. I'm really here."

"Yes, yes, of course you are," she told him placidly. Why was she arguing with him? What would be the point? "Would you accept a figment of my imagination?"

Much like he did the last time she saw him, he touched her cheek. "Do you feel that?" he asked softly. "Do you feel the touch from my hand? Do you feel the warmth?"

Her brows furrowed. She hadn't noticed it until now… "Yes," she admitted hesitantly.

"What do you smell?" he continued in his soft tone.

Vala sniffed and immediately wrinkled her nose. "Antiseptics. Like the infirmary."

Daniel smiled. "That's because you are in the infirmary," he told her as his finger grazed her cheek. "Can you feel a hallucination? Can you smell something aside from your surroundings?"

"You never know with Ba'al. He's a master of his craft, you know."

"Vala," he almost sounded put out with her, "why would your mind put you in the infirmary? In pain no less?"

"How do you know I'm in pain?"

"Because you were shot with a staff blast," he replied immediately. "See, this is why I always insisted that you properly gear up – to avoid you getting shot."

She remembered her first official mission with SG-1 to Galvara and his insistence on her vest be properly fastened. He probably didn't know, but ever since then, she always took great care to ensure her gear was properly in place. "Funny," she quipped sarcastically.

"Your face has also been pinched since you opened your eyes," he added quietly. His concern was noticeable. "Speaking of which…" he trailed off and punched a button.

"What's that?"

"You're still in pain, despite the medication you're on," he said and leaned back. "I called the doctor so he can help with that. He should know you're awake anyway."

Vala wasn't sure if she believed him – that this was real – but he made a good argument. She recalled some fucked up stuff while under Ba'al's influence and she once remembered actually feeling the contact of another, the heat from their body, or even smells. Besides, she wanted it to be – that would mean Daniel really was alive, and she didn't want him to leave. "Will you stay?" she asked, feeling rather pathetic for some reason.

His lips twitched. "If you want me to."

"I do."

"Then I'll stay."

Vala sighed in content and sank further into the bed. "Daniel."

He leaned forward again. "What is it?"

"How do I know this is real?" she voiced her real concern. "I want to believe you, I do, but how do I know this isn't Ba'al newest game?"

Daniel smiled sadly. "I don't know," he admitted painfully. He obviously wanted her to believe him. "Only you can decide that now."

"That's frustrating."

He snorted. "Tell me about it." She had a feeling he was referring to his own frustration at not convincing her.

A memory surfaced – or at least she thought it was a memory. It certainly could have been of her own imagination and desire manifesting itself during her time under the influence…but it hadn't felt like a fantasy. Daniel's reaction should cement whether or not it was real.

"Daniel," she began hesitantly. She didn't think he'd appreciate where she was going with this, but she had to know. "I seem to recall what felt like a memory and I was wondering if it was real."

He seemed intrigued. "What was it?"

"You kissed me – real or fantasy?" she blurted out before her nerves could get the better of her.

It was all in his expression. Daniel's cheeks immediately went pink. He became awkward and uncomfortable and that's when she knew it was true. Fantasy Daniel would've never reacted like this.

"Ms. Mal Doran," an unknown man in a lab coat was suddenly in front of them. "It's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

Vala ignored him and kept her eyes locked on Daniel, who hadn't looked away either. "She's in pain," Daniel responded for her before he told her, "Real."

The doctor looked between the two of them and his confusion was quite noticeable, but Vala couldn't bring herself to care. There were bigger issues at hand!

Surprise shot through her at his admittance. "Regrets?"

He smiled at her softly. "Other than you getting shot?" he quipped sardonically. "None."

Vala smiled back as pleasure shot through her.