Rosalie watched the scene before her with a critic eye.
Jasper laid on the floor with a children's book at hand. Renesmee had long ago fell asleep drapped over him so he was bound to not move until she decided to wake up. One of his hands was on her back giving soft pats almost in an unconscious manner.
He looked more relaxed than he had in a while and if she strained her ear enough she could hear him purring. A sound he reserved for Alice and Alice alone but that he now used with Renesmee too. Rosalie loved seeing Edward get all annoyed when Reneesme fell asleep faster with Jasper due said sound no one in the house seemed capable of mimicking.
The scene itself was sort of a sad one though.
Because Jasper much like everyone else seemed to have grown quite attached to Renesmee, though there was something about the way he treated her... it filled Rosalie with a burning question. A question she decided to ask now that the house was alone since the others went hunting. Jasper and Rosalie having been left behind to babysit Reneesme.
She came to sit on the couch close to him.
-Can I ask you something?- Her words got her a soft "hm" in response as he flipped the book shut to give her his full attention.- Have you ever wanted a child?
The question froze Jasper for a moment, his hand on Reneesme's back coming to a sudden halt. The girl made a protesting sound and shifted like a snake until one of her knees was digging on his ribs and one of her arms smacked his face. That pulled him out of his stunned state and he went back to patting her back, carefully removing the arm from his face and shifting just enough to get her to move her knee from his ribs.
-I don't know, I never thought about it.- Jasper had to look away as he answered, the burning sense of guilt strangling him, or maybe it was Reneesme's arm drapped over his throat. Hopefully she would break his neck as penitence.
Because this.
This .
This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have with Rosalie of all people.
Apparently, him looking away came out as him not wanting to trust her with such secret.
-You can't seriously think I will believe that you have, not even once, thought about how it would be like to have a kid with Alice.
He was shit. The worst kind of shit to ever exist. Rosalie was (right after Alice) his favorite person in this house. She was his twin. His sister. The one who knew more about him than the entire house put together. The one he could trust with his life. And here she was having a sensitive talk with him and he was fooling her. Playing with her trust and God he really was shit.
-I guess I have.- He muttered more to lessen his guilt than anything else.
-You would make a great father.- She told him. Her smile sad.
He bit back a grimace at that. He? A great father? He wasn't built for that. Even if a little part of him did wonder how would a kid from his beautiful pixie look like.
But he also knew what would need to happen for her to be able to have a child. And he refused to damn her to this life. He refused to damn those he loved to this life that brought nothing but pain and misery.
Still .
-You would be a terrific mother.- He told her half teasing half honest. He didn't want her to be sad, much less due a conversation where he wasn't being honest completely at. He could help her getting her wish but he was too much of a coward. Too selfish.
But most of all.
He didn't want to hurt her.
A̶̶s̶ ̶i̶̶f̶ ̶h̶̶e̶ ̶w̶̶a̶̶s̶̶n̶̶'̶̶t̶ ̶d̶̶o̶̶i̶̶n̶̶g̶ ̶t̶̶h̶̶a̶̶t̶ ̶r̶̶i̶̶g̶̶h̶̶t̶ ̶n̶̶o̶̶w̶ ̶b̶̶y̶ ̶l̶̶y̶̶i̶̶n̶̶g̶ ̶t̶̶o̶ ̶h̶̶e̶̶r̶̶ .̶
It worked because she playfully kicked his side with a light growl that held nothing but amusement behind.
-That's how you take a compliment?- He grinned at that.
-How are you so good with children?- Rosalie couldn't help but ask. She still remembers that night where Renesmee wouldn't stop crying no matter what was done or who carried her around.
And then Bella had given her to Jasper. Of course Renesmee had screamed harder and gone as far as hitting his chest with her little fists.
But of course the empath had managed to calm her in seconds. Purring at her and holding her against his chest. His movements almost unconcious and perfect. As if she wasn't the first child he had ever dealt with.
-Well, I had seven siblings.- He told her as a form of explanation. He didn't remember them well but he knew there had been seven. And there was also that situation he put himself into decades ago for The Major's sake.
-Seven?- Rosalie asked unable to keep the surprise and shock from her voice.
-Five brothers and two sisters.
-Let me guess, you were the oldest?
-Third. We took care of the rest while our parents were workin' but I'm not sure. My memories from my human life have grown fuzzy through the years.
-You don't remember your human life?- Rosalie asked.
-I do. Sort of. But it's more like feelings and sounds and smells attached to vague situations at this point. I did remember enough to be able to trace the heritage down though.
-Trace the heritage down?- Rosalie repeated. He couldn't mean what she thought he meant... right?
-Yeah. There was this kitten in 1949 that he found and sort of grew attached to, of course he couldn't keep it, but he refused to give it to some random human so I sort of did some research around and after a month I managed to trace down this little girl; Aurora, she's a descendant from one of my brothers, I think she was the first human I ever got so close to and didn't end up killin'. I spent a while around her without her parents knowin'.
Which had always gotten him weird looks. A little red haired girl with a grown ass man that looked nothing at all like her . Alone. At least no one ever stared for too long since he had his gift to aid him into diverging their attention.
-I needed to make sure she was fit to take care of the cat. She was nice enough. Last I checked she moved to Spain with her husband a few years ago. And I think they had a son, not sure, I try to not pay it mind.
-Why not? Aren't they like, your family?- Rosalie would have done so if her human family had cared about her.
-I like to think that once you become a vampire your human family is the first thing you should detach yourself from, it will hurt less when you have to leave 'em. But that's just me.
-So what? You never tried to look for your human family once you became a vampire?
Jasper halted at that and Rosalie was reminded of the difference in the start of their vampire lives but before she could take her words back he spoke.
-I did look for 'em. Though I just took advantage of the fact that I was ordered to go into town to get Maria a new jacket because mine had grown too old for her tastes and she no longer liked it.
She hadn't even let him keep it.
-My parents were already dead by that point, three of my brothers had moved out of Texas, one of my sisters moved to France with her husband and one of my brothers had gotten killed in the war.
The irony.
-The only ones I managed to find were the twins; Elliot and Elena, it was strange, they were nothin' but 12 when I last saw 'em but there they were, in their 30's...
Older and so grown up . Elliot had been taller than him and so much more bulkier. Kind of like Emmett but with a long red beard and equally long red braids.
-I remember at the time part of me had wished to go to 'em and take 'em away with me, far away where no human or vampire could ever find us. But a bigger part of me knew that that couldn't be possible, I no longer belonged with 'em.
He belonged with no one .
He had been so alone for so long. Submerged in a world of pain and loneliness. Darkness. Abuse. Hatred. Anger. Resentment. Fear. More pain . He had craved to go back to simple times. To return to the warm hugs and the laughter. But he couldn't for that life wasn't his anymore.
The biggest proof had been seeing his once small siblings looking older than him. And he was stuck in his 19. He had, for a long time, believed that he would be alone forever.
And he had wanted to end it. End it all. Because death at least would make the pain disappear.
Even now he sometimes had a hard time believing all of this was real. That it would last forever.
But that also was due the fact that his presence here was attached to a ticking bomb.
And once it explode he knew he would lose it all.
He would be all alone again . Yes. Alone . Because he refused to let Alice come with him. She didn't deserve to lose all of this because of him. She deserved the world.
Reneesme whining on his chest and Rosalie's comfort made him realize he had been projecting his pain and he was quick to crush it down. Soothing Renesmee and Rosalie.
-I'm sorry.- He muttered, his voice thick as he did, and he wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, if for the pain he gave her or because of the lie he had been carrying since he arrived all those years ago.
The lies that sometimes felt too close to exploding than he felt comfortable with.
-It's okay.- Rosalie said touching his shoulder with her foot. He wanted nothing more but to grab her and tell her everything he had ever lied about. He wanted to hug her and beg for her forgiveness.
Because of all the Cullens she was the one who knew him the best. The one who knew his darkest secrets and about The Major's own darkest secrets.
She understood them in a way no one else did.
Rosalie for her side watched as Jasper closed his eyes and drapped his free arm over his face giving an end to their conversation. The pain she had felt along with the undertones of guilt and resentment...
Sometimes the guilt in his emotions gave her the impression that there was more to it.
But she never pushed.
Rosalie had learnt a long time ago that pushing Jasper never led anywhere.
~~~~~~~~~~
Jasper must had fell asleep because next thing he knows a lulling whisper is pulling him back to the real world. The first thing he notices is the lack of weight on his chest.
The second is the familiar scent of his mate and as he removes his arm off his face he is greeted by the beautiful face of his pixie who's crouching at his side with a light smile.
-You have around two minutes before someone realizes you aren't lost in your thoughts or meditating at all.- She announced in a whisper low enough to not be heard by anyone but him.
He sighed and closed his eyes again, it was risky but he was tired. He was tired a lot lately.
His thoughts became a background nonsense the moment he felt his wife's soft lips press against his own. He smirked in between the kiss and pulled her forward until she came to straddle him with a chuckle. His arms around her in a loose hug and his kisses trailing down her cheek and neck and back to her lips.
Kissing her was and would forever be one of his favorite things.
A throat cleared somewhere behind them and as they pulled away it was to find Esme standing at the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest and a disapproving look plastered on her face. But she couldn't hide the endearment in her emotions from Jasper.
-May I remind you that there's a child in this house?- She told with a raised eyebrow, fighting the smile that threatened to take hold of her face, it always filled her with warmness to see her children so happy.
-Sorry.- Even if Alice said that she was grinning as she got up.- Come on handsome, let's go upstairs.- She called grabbing Jasper's hands and pulling him up, she couldn't let him fall asleep on the living room.
It was a dangerous place for him to sleep at.
Bella and Edward had taken Reneesme to bed. Emmett was getting a lecture from Rosalie after coming back with a ripped shirt that wasn't meant to be used when he was hunting.
Bella had found it odd that Jasper hadn't reacted to her taking Renesmee off him and Alice had been quick to tell her that he sometimes spaced out. Edward no stranger to this had given her words credibility.
But it wouldn't take a genius to notice that he wasn't spaced out but sleeping if looked at for too long.
Thus she was quick to drag him upstairs.
Jasper crumbled down on the bed without a word. Refusing to let go of her hand and pulling her down on the bed with him. Pulling her close until both of them became a mess of tangled limbs.
Alice sighed but didn't protest.
While she didn't sleep she loved cuddling with him when he slept. Becoming a mess of tangled limbs.
It was nice.