Iron wood March 15th 2003
Pittsburgh

They have allowed me to come. I walk around in a daze, a good man is dead. It's my fault, I could have saved him. A lot of things are my fault, I made the assumption that I knew better, that I was better and now millions of people are dead, because I fucked up and that weighs heavily on my mind. It's too late to turn back now, I can't opt out and just go fuck off, because doing that is going to make things a whole lot worse.

I've left the status quo behind and I have to accept that, this world, this place is my home now. I watched the service, quite a few people were crying. I stayed in my seat in the back, after a few glances people turned their attention to the person who deserved it. We all mourned Fred's death, for me he was a friend when I didn't have one. It hit me hard, like a gut punch. With the service done I stood and watched as people walked in one by one to pay their respects. I sat down and waited, just watching the corpse that used to be my friend. When it got dark and the crowd petered off I walked up to where he layed.

"Till we meet again."

I walked off into the night, I felt dazed people moved out of my way. A reporter got in my way.

"So how do you feel?"

I looked over at the small, tiny minded man.

"Like I lost my best friend."

The reporter looked sheepish for a moment. I walked past him and created some organic jet boots, I flew into the air and found some place to go off by myself. I moped there for awhile, my chest felt heavy and-

"Been looking for you."

Eidolon took a seat next to me.

"He believed in me, he was the first one to do that, to believe that I could change, that I could be better. I...even I don't know if I can pull that off, if I would have done that if I-"

He put a hand on my shoulder.

"Stop it."

We stared out into the night, I could see mist rolling into the city.

"But-"

"You try your best, you take it one day at a time, you think I haven't fucked up."

Eidolon shrugged.

"It's not falling down that matters, it's picking yourself back up after it, that's what makes you a better person. Fred believed that you could be a hero, Icy believes it too, and for what it's worth, so do I."

He opened up a thermos.

"Coffee?"

I took a sip and handed it back to him. We sat in silence, Eidolon sipped more coffee and stared at the city.

"You admitted you were wrong."

I turned my head.

"That's the first step to making things right, being able to admit when you have screwed up. Beyond that, you work at it and you become a little better every day, and it's a struggle cause you got to fight every day, but slowly it becomes easier. But the fight never ends, because it's not like fighting some monster, it's fighting yourself."

He sounded like he was talking from personal experence.

"We're here to help you, me, Icy, your kids, the other heroes. We're a community and we all know hard it can be."

"It sounds like a little like your AA."

He smiled and chuckled.

"Maybe it is, but AA's a good support group and so's the Protectorate, it's our strength, humanity's strength."

He seemed to be bigger somehow then, more.

"Fred was a good man, but he left behind work to do, can't leave the job half finished, right?"

"And that job?"

"A better future, and you know what it's going to be one hell of a fight Woody but I think we can win. You in?"

He held out a hand, I put out mine and we shook, whatever happened I wouldn't be doing this alone.