July 20th 2004- Skidmark

America is one big, old, mental institution, a bunch of crazy mothafuckas for the most part, it really is for the most part. It really is when you think about it. People are really not getting the information from their environment, they're getting information from other sources, they're being programmed by the fucking massmedia. What makes a crazy person crazy? Well he's in his own fucking world, he's spaced out, he's out his mind. Because the only way you can't be in your mind is to get information from your phsyical environment. So people have become fucking robots, running on a motherfucking program.

Fucking hell, that's why I fucking hated college, all these little shits thinking I'm fucking stupid because I'm from the hood, treating me like some little wind up monkey dancing for their fucking amusement. It was a shit position but I thought, fuck I just need to get through this and then I'm fucking set, then I will have the motherfucking american dream.

Yeah that didn't fucking happen, the game was fucking rigged, I went to community college, I worked my way to the fucking top. I got through motherfucking graduate school on a full ride scholarship not because I could fucking ball, but because I could fucking think! So I graduate and things go to the shitter because the place I graduate from? Capital of the fucking neo-Nazi movement, which kind of fucking sucks for my black ass.

So here I am a PHD in chemistry and I'm fucking stuck, not being able to get any motherfucking work. Shit, I felt like shit and then one day the fucking Nazi cunts come in and beat me up and shit, and shit changes. I triggered, and that... well I kind of had a mother fucking crisis of faith, my parents didn't exactly like capes so out the door.

No money, no resources and my ass is on the street, fucking useless PHD. So one day I'm on the street smoking a blunt and I see this fine ass bitch getting beat the fuck up. So I get up and do something, turns out it was this bitch I knew from college, undergrad. She burned out and was on the streets, I was burned out and on the streets. That's how I met Squealer, so we fucking hit it off because goddamned it was destiny and shit, and we're wondering what to do, right?

That's when I heard about the tree, the fucking tree to the motherfucking stars. I mean I don't fucking believe it right? So I'm strung out on drugs, meth, crack, pretty much everything but I think, shit man I got to get out of this. I talked it over with my girl and we decide to do a road trip, get ourselves clean of the bad shit.

But not the weed, seriously I'm not giving up the motherfucking weed, not going to happen and shit. So me and my bitch we gather our wagons and go west just like the fucking settlers and shit. Having wacky adventures and letting the shit out of our bodies which by the way fucking SUCKED! Seriously kicking meth was a motherfucker, so by the time we finally get to Seattle were more or less clean. I helped Squealer fix up the car and then we drove it through a portal, we were in fucking space and it was mother..

IT WAS MOTHERFUCKING SPACE! Look, deep down inside I always wanted to be a motherfucking astronaut go to Mars and shit and now I was really fucking doing, it living the fucking dream... which is why I didn't notice the fucking police until it was too late. So there I am, the cops have their guns trained on us, our floating car isn't good enough to stop them from ripping us up and it's a showdown because we both have records back in the bay.

But I'm a charming motherfucker, I get up unarmed and smoke a giant blunt and smile.

"Surprise motherfuckers."

I wave at them and continue smoking.

"Your under-"

"There aint any rules against smoking pot in space."

That earned me a couple blinks, I was bluffing my ass off, but one of them checks the rulebook and due to some fucking Cold War treaty the US technically doesn't own this place. Which means that I'm right, there's no fucking rule against smoking a blunt in space. So what I'm doing is completely motherfucking legal and they can't do shit about that. So it's a showdown, we're in the water, they're on weird wooden planks and I'm watching Mars's moons in the motherfucking sky. It wasn't going to last of course.

A cape was brought in, and demands that we fucking leave, then I think about it, Earth fucking sucks right? I mean seriously it fucking sucks, but this is a mother fucking new world, lots of them. I kind of fucking like it. So I offer them a deal, they're going to need capes and shit to keep the peace, and sometimes you need a motherfucking crook to catch a crook and there are fucking two of us.

And the bitch is listening right? So I tell her, you let us stay out here in space were we can't fuck with your precious PR and we will go take down people who fuck up this very beautiful motherfucking thing you got going. She pulls a call, we talk it over and Skidmark and Squealer are now official space bounty hunters.

It's a good fucking life, my girls got a good ship and we roll through the solar system like pimps. Every now and then shit goes down, someone decides to play pirate, or steal someone's rock or other such fuckery, and then we swoop down like the hammer of motherfucking god, feels good yah know? Got some serious respect up here, and anyways it beats living in that shit hole back home.