Chapter 2 - Surviving

Author's Note: In which Anakin and Aniya try to move on. It's not easy. :')

~ Amina Gila

Anakin Skywalker

Everywhere I go, I'm almost expecting Ahsoka to appear, on the way back from class or maybe from hanging out at the Senate. As the day drags by, it's starting to feel more real... and almost less real at the same time.

How could they be gone? I don't know how to keep moving, as though nothing happened. We've lost people before, yes, but it was never like this. Never the very children we were entrusted to care for and protect, no matter what.

I failed them. All of them. Even Aniya, because there was nothing she could have done differently when she was under suspicious by the Council.

I never thought I'd be able to train a padawan, but I tried. It wasn't good enough. Of course, it wasn't.

Failure, the voice in my mind mocks snidely.

I miss Ahsoka – both of them – terribly already, and I don't know how to accept that we're never going to see them again. They're gone, like our mother, like so many of our friends on Tatooine, even if they're still alive.

Are they alright? They don't know anything about the world beyond the Order. How can they survive on their own like this? What if something happens to them, something I won't be able to protect them from?

As if you've been able to protect them from anything,

And now it's my job to tell everyone that neither of them are coming back.

"General?" Rex greets, and I can hear and see how worried he is about what happened to Ahsoka. They haven't heard anything yet, and I probably should have come here sooner, but with everything, I wasn't ready to come and face them with this news yet. I'm still not.

Artoo and Arseven – Ahsoka's former droid – roll over to me, beeping furiously.

"We found the real culprit," I state at last, "But she left."

"Left?" Rex repeats, almost disbelievingly, "What do you mean?"

"After... what happened, she didn't want to come back," I explain.

Rex's expression shifts rapidly between shock, disbelief, and a myriad of other emotions I can't put a name on. Both droids beep mournfully. "I... can understand it," Rex speaks finally, voice strained, "Is this permanent?"

Permanent. The word lances through me like a lightsaber. How could they leave us forever? Yes, I understand why they wanted to walk away from the Order, but... Did we mean that little to them?

"I don't know. I think so," I answer, because there's no use giving him false hope. Besides, if they ever do come back, the war had better be over by then.

Rex doesn't seem sure how to respond, but I leave to talk to the other clones. I know the word will be all over the cruiser within minutes.

That their little sister isn't coming back.

**w**

Aniya Skywalker

Was it only two days ago when Alema and I were last here in the 502nd's flagship, together? I can't believe how much has changed since. It hurts being here, knowing that she isn't with me and maybe never will be again. But at least being here it easier than being at the Temple, where I'm constantly reminded of the Council's betrayal, and the last moment on the front steps with our padawans.

"It's good have you back, General," Appo greets me immediately.

Right. Because the last he heard, I was thrown out of the Republic army. "It's good being back here," I say, because it is. I'd much rather be here with my actually loyal men, then at the Temple. Even if I'm not capable of feeling a whole lot else other than what feels like never ending pain, and betrayal, right now.

"I would never have expected the Jedi to show you such little respect, sir," Appo declares. He's angry, I realize, on our behalf. He's always been far more rule-abiding and loyal only to the Republic than Rex is, but that same loyalty has never extended to the Jedi. Especially not now, apparently.

Now I need to tell him the rest of the news. Somehow. "They didn't want to give Alema back to me," I answer finally, knowing that I probably shouldn't be speaking like this about the Order to my captain, but right now I don't care. They took everything from me. From us.

"They can do that?" he asks in slight surprise.

"Technically, yes, they do have that authority," I reply bitterly.

He glances around, obviously noticing her glaring absence at my side. "What happened, ma'am?"

"She left the Order," I explain, my voice sounding as hollow as I feel right now, "Ahsoka did, too." It hurts now, to even say their names out loud.

"They're... not coming back?" he repeats, disbelievingly.

"No." It feels very much like someone ran me through with a lightsaber, to say the harsh truth of it aloud, but... I can't deny it. They left, even if... we will see each other again.

Appo doesn't even seem sure how to react to the declaration. Not as if the same isn't still true about all of us. I doubt Anakin is having any easier of a time telling the news to Rex.

"I don't... I don't know what to say, ma'am," he murmurs, finally, "After what the Council did, I can understand their choice."

"I can, too," I admit, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Leaving the Order, yes, but did they have to leave us,too? It would be easier for them, of course, without having to face a constant reminder of their past, so I can understand it.

Still, it feels like a betrayal, one that I don't know how I can move past. Losing our mother hurt more than I thought anything ever could, but in the end, I knew that she truly loved us. I know Alema and Ahsoka cared for us, but... I don't know how much, not anymore.

"Come on," I settle for at last, "There's things to be done." Because even with everything I thought I knew ripped away in the span of only a few days, the galaxy never stops moving.

**w**

It's the first time since before the battle on Cato Neimoida that I've actually been to this part of the Temple. It used to be one of my favorite parts, but now none of it feels like home anymore. Especially not when everywhere I go, all I can do is remember them.

I ignite my lightsaber, lunging forwards at my brother. Anakin immediately brings his blade up to block my attack, as we start dueling again.

We've been on break for a while now, and we can hardly sit Padme's apartment the entire time. Or spend all of our time on our cruisers practicing with blasters. Because yes, we've both taken to doing that a lot as of late, and the clones are more than happy to join us.

I let myself focus on the fight, letting it distract me at least for a few moments from seemingly endless pain and bitterness inside of me. I still can't believe that they're never coming back.

Focus.

Our blades move in an endless blur, neither of us actually near close to winning. Most of our spars end in a tie, unless one of us slips up. We would have continued a lot longer, if the door to the small area we always use didn't suddenly open.

Jinx appears in the doorway, looking a little nervous as though he's uncertain he should be here. "I didn't mean to interrupt you, but..." he trails off awkwardly.

Jinx. Alema's best friend after were close, ever since the two of them had rescued him from the Trandoshans over a year ago. Thinking about it sends a fresh wave of pain through me. At least then, we knew the padawans would be okay if we found them soon enough. We knew they would come home. Now...

"It's fine," Anakin replies, stepping back and deactivating his lightsaber. "Did you... need something?"

"There's rumors all over the Temple about what happened," Jinx answers slowly, and I stiffen. I should have known he'd come here to ask us about it eventually. Why else would he be here? I'm not ready to talk about it, though. It's easier to... keep moving and pretend that everything is normal, because what else can I do?

"They both left... permanently?" he inquires, voice strained.

"Yes," I reply, stiffly. Or at least they certainly didn't imply that they were planning to come back, and I don't want to pointlessly hope.

"I'm sorry to have brought this up to you," he says, "I just... needed to know."

"I understand," Anakin assures.

"I don't understand why the Council didn't want to let you keep training Alema." Unlike many of the Jedi, he actually talks with some emotion in his voice most of the time, and right now, I can clearly tell that he's upset too, even if he's hiding it pretty well.

I really don't want to talk about this, though. "I know you were close with her," I say. "It was unfair to all of us. You should've at least gotten to say goodbye."

"She chose to leave," Anakin replies quietly. "In the end, all we can do is accept it."

"It's not as easy as it sounds, I know. Believe me," I agree. They took my padawan and expected me to keep blindly serving them? Not gonna happen. "All we can do is work for what they stood for. The galaxy won't stop moving." It should though.

**w**

Obi-Wan Kenobi

We're leaving the Temple again, to head back to the fronts. It's the first time since the padawans left the Order. Personally, I'm highly unsure the twins are ready for it, but, of course, it's all they want. They're itching to throw themselves back into action, and I fear how reckless they will become on active duty without someone to watch over them. I will speak to the Council about it if I must, but I would much prefer to avoid that topic with them. I am no longer certain we can always make the right decision, not after they nearly got my younger sister killed. I know they try and are often – usually – right, but I never knew the point to which they could fall short.

"I'm sure we'll be back soon," Anakin comments off-handedly.

"In one piece?" Qui-Gon asks dryly.

"We'll try," Aniya offers.

"Be sure you do."

"Make sure you are."

"Can we not spend our last minutes together worrying?" Aniya requests.

"How are you?" he asks.

"Glad to be out of here," Aniya replies. "I don't want to stay couped up at the Temple when there's a war going on. We're needed elsewhere."

This is exactly what I'm afraid of. The Council is right about the twins being unbalanced. I don't want to bring it up to the two of them, though I don't know what else to do anymore. I'd rather not tell the Council and put even further suspicion on them.

"She's right," Anakin agrees, "But I don't want to leave so soon. We never know when we'll come back."

"I must warn you, I do not see an end to this war unless a peaceful solution is found," Qui-Gon says.

"The Sith are behind it," Anakin points out. "There will be no peaceful resolution until they are destroyed."

"That is what we all fear," I murmur. It's hard to believe that the war has really been going on for so long, already. When it first started... we'd all naively hoped that it could be over soon. Of course, that isn't what happened.

"That's why we must get back to the front lines," Aniya replies. "I'm tired of fighting, but it's what we need to do. Maybe afterwards I'll be fine with having a long break. Maybe."

"I do," Anakin says. "I just want to be home, but that won't help us find the Sith."

While the twins talk, I can't help but notice something in my former master's expression. I know that look when he's set his mind on something he won't back down on. He's obviously planning something, though I don't know what, and I'm not sure how much I'll like it. "You'll find a way," he declares, laying a hand on Anakin's shoulder. "I know you can figure it out."

"Thank you," Anakin replies with a nod.

"We'll try to be back soon, but that's not in our control," Aniya adds.

"Then if the Force wills it, I'll see you soon."

The twins move forwards, wrapping their arms around Qui-Gon.

As I watch them, I don't know why I'm suddenly hit with a strange feeling that this might be the last time we're all together like this for a long time. It's not that unlikely, though. The war does only seem to be getting worse, and once Anakin, Aniya, and I all leave for the front lines, there's no saying when we're going to come back.

"May the Force be with you," Qui-Gon says, when they pull back. "We all have our own battles to fight, and... mine is elsewhere."

Anakin frowns. "What do you mean?"

"I have something I need to do," he replies. "You should go."

"What do you mean?" I ask, almost warily. I don't know what he's planning, but I do have the feeling it's another one of those things that the Council wouldn't approve of.

"I'll explain, later," he replies.

Anakin and Aniya eye him for another moment, before they turn to walk away.

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon calls, just as I turn to head away.

I pause, looking back. "Yes?"

"Take care of them," Qui-Gon says, lowering his voice enough that they won't make out what he's saying.

"I will," I assure him, though something about the request seems... odd. I know he's worried about them like I am, but it still unsettles me though I can't explain why. "What are you... doing?"

"As I said, I'll explain... later." Something tells me that's about all I'll be getting out of him for now.

Whatever Qui-Gon is up to, though, I think we might find out soon enough. Maybe.

**w**

Anakin Skywalker

"The strangest thing happened on our last mission," I state flatly, facing a hologram of my sister. We haven't seen each other in a long time now, and I miss her. I miss everyone, but at least we can still talk over holograms if we can get the transmission through to each other. And sometimes, of course, we'll talk through the Force. It's the only guaranteed safe method of communication. Being without her makes me feel lonely, though. (It's worse now that my padawan is gone.)

"What?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"You remember Tup, right?"

"Excuse me, but I'm insulted you think I could forget."

"Ringo Vinda went bad," I continue, "We were winning after a long time, but then something happened to Tup. He killed Master Tiplar. We had to fall back. Tup was sent to Kamino, and Fives went with him. The investigation said it was some kind of parasite in the end, but I find that... hard to believe."

"Me too," she agrees, "But it's not impossible. What else?"

"Tup is gone," I add, ignoring the stab of pain that shoots through me. "Fives didn't believe the Kaminoans, either. He was taken back to Coruscant so the Council could investigate, but... he was taken to meet with the Chancellor. This is the part I don't understand. Fives – he wasn't in his right mind, but I don't know why. He tried to kill him."

"What?!" Aniya yells, eyes widening. Her shock rapidly changes to anger. "Why would he do that?"

"I don't know," I continue, "He managed to escape Master Shaak Ti, somehow."

"You taught him," she replies, almost bitterly, "And now he's using it against us."

She's... changed a lot over the time after our padawans left. I can see it in her, now. She's already distinctly darker, and I can't help but wonder what would've happened if Alema had been allowed to remain with her. And, of course, her relationship with Palpatine has... changed. I've known him for years, and I do trust him – mostly – but... I also trust the word of someone I've fought with side by side on the battlefield for over two years. It's a question of who is more. Normally I would've believed Fives, no questions asked, but he was clearly half out of it.

Aniya never used to trust the Chancellor, but that has... changed, as well, and I'm not sure if I like it. I'm glad, of course, but it's strange. She was always the less trusting between us. She didn't trust him at first as well as she shouldn't have, because on Tatooine, we – especially her – always needed to be wary of the rich and powerful.

"He is," I agree, "But afterwards, he went to hide in the Underworld. He contacted Kix who sent the message on to me, that he wanted to talk to me and Rex about something. We went to a warehouse somewhere, and Echo was there with Fives. He was saying something about a plot against the Jedi. That the clones have organic chips in their head that can control them? The Courscanti Guard interrupted before he could finish, and he escaped with Echo's help. We can't find either of them."

Aniya sits back with a long sigh. "Complicated. Do we know where to look?"

"I don't know if I want to," I admit. "They're my clones. I don't want to fight them."

"Did you sense anything?"

"He was obviously disoriented," I reply, frowning. "He seemed... drugged, but Echo believed him. I can't help but wonder if there's truth to what he was saying, though."

"He was drugged," she points out. "He probably barely knew what he was talking about. If it's true, they'll come back."

"What if they think it's too dangerous?"

"They're your boys, Ani. They'll find a way."

I can only hope she's right.

**w**

I don't even know how to react, what to think or feel when Aniya and I finally get back to the Temple, to hear that Qui-Gon has disappeared. He didn't tell anyone about his whereabouts at all. Wherever he went, he obviously didn't want anyone to know about it.

I'm still half in shock from the news when I find a recording left in my apartment, from him. I call Aniya over immediately, to watch it with me.

"Anakin, Aniya," the hologram Qui-Gon begins, "I know this is sudden, but I didn't have the time to explain it to you in person. As I mentioned when we last spoke, I know the war won't be won through fighting. That is what the Sith Master wants. Somehow, it's leading closer to his plans, whatever they are. The only way to stop him is by... working together, and I've found a way to do it."

Working together.

By "together" I don't think he happens to mean himself and any of us. In fact, I suddenly have a very, very bad feeling what he might be implying without outright saying so. That he got an idea even more ridiculous than the one Padme had when she took Ahsoka and Alema to Raxus. Did Qui-Gon seriously...?

"Don't tell anyone about this message, other than Obi-Wan. I will be back. Soon, if the Force will it. Be careful and stay out of trouble."

The message ends at that, leaving us sitting alone in a shocked silence. "I'm not sure I'm understanding this correctly," Aniya mumbles, finally.

"I could say the same," I reply. Because if we are, technically Qui-Gon is committing treason, even if he's doing it for the best. Yes, we are definitely not telling anyone other than Obi-Wan a word about this, until he gets back. I can only hope that he knows what he's doing and that it will actually work.

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