A Bold Proposal

There were moments in a man's life where time just stopped, sound distorting like you're trapped in a well as the edges of your vision close in to focus on a singular item. Thought shrinks to a single issue, often able to be expressed with but one word.

"What!?" Jaune blurted. Even with his focus on Weiss, he could see that both his and Weiss' mother were shocked and delighted in equal measure. "What's gotten into you?!"

"Oh, I think we all know what's gotten into her," Yang cracked with a broad grin before Weiss froze her in place with an icy glare that was only mitigated by the full, scarlet blush on her cheeks before she returned her focus to her potential fiancé.

"You are clearly my best prospect, and I've grown quite fond of your company of late. You have always been attracted to me, you're rather attractive yourself, you're free to marry, and I am at last telling you yes. I apologize for delaying as long as I have, but I'm worth the wait, as you'll soon discover. It's quite logical, when you think about it."

"I love you, Weiss, but…I'm not in love with you," Jaune said, trying to be as diplomatic as he could, especially in mixed company.

"What does love have to do with marriage?" Weiss countered, a bitter edge in her voice.

That broke Willow's shock, a soft gasp escaping her lips as she turned to her daughter, her hand closing over Weiss' wrist, a barely spoken "no" on her lips as she shook her head. Tai immediately picked up on this, Ruby utterly failing to block his line of sight to Willow Schnee, a concerned frown on his lips.

"Love has everything to do with it, Weiss," Rose Arc gently chided. "And Pyrrha and my son love each other, very much," she added, more than a little conflicted. If cornered, Rose Arc would admit she would not have minded in the slightest if her favorite singer had snagged her baby boy, but Pyrrha was already a known and loved quantity to both her and her family, not to mention easily the sweetest person she knew.

"And you're not in love with him," Ruby said succinctly, her expression unreadable.

"I feel…affection for Jaune," she admitted almost reluctantly. "We will grow to love each other," Weiss countered, her meticulous nature having already considered all eventualities.

"Enough," Pyrrha said, cutting off the low murmurs of conversation and getting the table's eyes fixed on her. "I am in love with Jaune, and he is in love with me, and there's nothing you can do to change that, Weiss."

"You're not even serious! The fantasy of a first love is a wonderful idea, but how many of those academy romances truly last?"

"Weiss!" Ruby shouted, bolting to her feet. "Who are you to say what lasts and what doesn't!? Besides, get in line, sister. If anyone's got dibs on Jaune if he and Pyrrha break up, it's me!" she snarled, staring Weiss down determinedly.

"Wait, what!?" Jaune sputtered.

"Have you really been that dense?! I've been in love with you for three years, you goof! I couldn't even figure it out before Pyrrha snatched you up, and I've had to stand by and watch ever since I did! I kept telling myself I wasn't going to betray my friend, I wasn't going to rock the boat, and now you're just going to take him away from me?! Again!?" Ruby nearly shrieked into Weiss' face.

"Damn it," Jaune muttered, hanging his head. History had the damnedest way of repeating itself, it seemed. "I'm sorry," he said more forcefully.

"Don't be, Jaune. I think I know what's going on here," Pyrrha said with the beginnings of a snarl on her lips.

"Huh?" Jaune replied, glancing up the length of the table to see even Yang was taken aback by these developments. At least she wasn't professing her interest in him, which was at once reassuring and disappointing, really, given how quickly she'd been willing to be carnally involved with him.

"It took her four years to figure out what took me a month, and she's desperate to make up for lost time. I've never been one to gloat, Weiss, but I won, you lost." Weiss flinched at Pyrrha's venomous tone, but came back quickly.

"Please, I've already got a wedding planner lined up and booking venues. We're not getting any younger, you know. What have you done to prepare for the future? What has Jaune done to show his love for you?" she bit back sharply.

Pyrrha's answer was heard not from her lips but rather the high-pitched squeal of several pieces of flatware in her proximity warping into nigh unrecognizable lumps of twisted metal. Jaune's glare was what got Weiss to back down a moment, however, a fire in his eyes so cold that it actually hurt.

She'd pushed too hard, too far, but couldn't give up now. If only she'd taken Ruby up on her suggestion of more time in Vale that fateful afternoon, but no, Weiss Schnee just had to study for a final exam that she was already capable of passing in her sleep with both hands tied behind her back. Pyrrha Nikos had the reputation, some would say well-deserved, of being perfect, even if their two teams knew differently, but Weiss? Weiss strove for perfection in every miniscule action; anything less was a failure.

Weiss knew in her heart that she wasn't trying to be deliberately hurtful, but sometimes an unpleasant truth was kinder in the long run. She hoped only that Jaune's anger was born of protecting his partner, and not something far more personal, even as she felt the weight of his gaze upon her, his hand disappearing under the table and retrieving a small, cube-shaped box covered in black velvet with a gold-plated hinge from his pocket and placing it on the table.

"That's why I've been working myself to death, almost literally for the past two months," he said in a low, cold voice. "I was waiting for the right time," he added, the edge slipping out of his tone.

Weiss' eyes went wide, and she barely even registered the several gasps heard around the table.

"I…Jaune? Can I talk to you alone for a moment?" she asked, trying to salvage the trainwreck her proposal had become.

"I think…" Jaune began.

"No," Pyrrha interjected flatly.

"...it's a little late for that?" Jaune finished, cutting a momentary glance to Pyrrha, her own eyes meeting his before giving him a curt nod. "I just…I don't get it, Weiss. What changed? Why now?!" he asked in exasperation, giving voice to the question for the entire assemblage.

"I had a change of heart, Jaune. I thought you'd be happy. You should be flattered," she tacked on imperiously.

"I…" he began, flicking his gaze back to a clearly seething Pyrrha. "I am…in a vacuum," he hastily clarified. "But isn't this just a bit…sudden?"

"Have you ever known me to be indecisive?" Weiss countered softly. "Do things in half measures?"

"Well, no, but…"

"Then why is this any different?"

"I would have liked to have met my daughter's suitor in better circumstances to start with," Willow chided.

"I apologize, Mother, circumstances are not ideal, I will admit, but my mind is made up."

"So's mine," Jaune said flatly, his own patience, forged in the collected insanity of both sister teams, clearly at an end.

"Good to hear you're seeing sense," Weiss retorted with a smile that bordered on smug.

"You're crazy," Jaune continued, "This is crazy."

"Jaune, I would normally remind you to be nice, but I think you're demonstrating remarkable restraint," Rose Arc chimed in, which sank Weiss' spirits quicker than anything. That Jaune's mother was a fan of her singing was initially off-putting, but she'd quickly been worn down under Rose Arc's gentle, motherly nature when they'd actually met on Parents' Day during their second year at Beacon.

"Weiss?" Yang said, getting her attention before she continued. "I know you don't want a good man to slip through your grasp, but it's time to let go. I needed help to do that," she said, glancing at Blake's slight smile, "and now I'm going to help you."

"No," Weiss growled, getting a cocked eyebrow from Yang at her stubbornness.

"Weiss," Ruby whisper-hissed, desperately trying to bring her partner back from the brink.

"I am not giving up on you, Jaune Arc, on us!" she shouted, panic beginning to creep into her eyes.

"I'm…I'm sorry, everyone," Willow said softly, knowing full well that even though they were surrounded by Weiss' friends, a full meltdown in public was an exceptionally bad look for the future of the company that Weiss herself had stated was her fervent desire to restore to respectability.

"Don't worry about it, Wil. We Huntsmen are used to a little crazy in our lives," Taiyang tried to reassure her, Weiss shutting him up with a glare.

"I'm not crazy," Weiss muttered, taking a deep breath to try and rein herself in.

"Sure seems like it," Yang opined, looking at her erstwhile teammate with skepticism. Something didn't add up here. Granted, she'd also thought the same about Weiss' body when witnessing her getting bent over backwards while her guts were being rearranged with every powerful…

Ahem

"You're better than this, Weiss," Yang continued, fighting a blush as she remembered the extent to which Weiss' abdomen had bulged outward whilst she was getting railed into blissful oblivion by Jaune.

"Better or not, I will not be denied the one thing I truly want."

"Dokimi," Pyrrha growled, trying to burn a hole through Weiss with her angry glare alone.

"What?" Weiss replied, taken aback by Pyrrha's tone as well as the word she'd used.

"You are local, yes?" Keravnós Nikos asked Tai, getting a quick nod in return. "Is there a chosen place for settling matters of honor?" he asked, the implication bringing the conversation to a standstill.

"They used to fight duels on the north end of the beach, back in the day, but that's been…outlawed…" Taiyang answered quickly before trailing off as he realized it wasn't just a hypothetical question.

"You have five minutes to get your sword," Pyrrha said, a slight tic in her cheek betraying her anger.

"Ladies, please," Jaune said, standing up, ready to intervene between Pyrrha and Weiss should the situation devolve into anarchy. "I've made my choice, Weiss," he said, placing his hand on Pyrrha's shoulder and squeezing gently. "I don't want to lose you as a friend any more than Pyrrha does."

"Debatable," Pyrrha growled, reassured by Jaune's touch almost as much as his declaration.

"Weiss, let's just forget about this, okay?" Jaune pleaded with her, trying to calm everyone down.

"I can't," she said, her voice wavering as she saw her dream slipping through her fingers.

"Weiss…please," he beseeched her.

"We're all friends here, I don't want to lose that," Blake added, hoping that overcoming her normal reticence to engage in conversation would give Weiss pause.

"You don't understand," she said softly, her eyes misting over as her presumptive allies dwindled.

"What don't we understand, dear?" Willow prompted her, taking her daughter's hand in hers to show Weiss she wasn't alone.

"I…Jaune, I need to talk to you alone," she pleaded. "I need to show you why this needs to happen," she added, her lower lip trembling.

"I'm about to show you why it isn't," Pyrrha growled, cracking her knuckles.

"Please," she repeated, tears beginning to trail down her cheeks.

"But I need to know why," Jaune replied, standing firm with Pyrrha, yet trying not to be unsympathetic to Weiss' clearly emotional plight.

"I…I…"

"Why?" Jaune repeated, his patience straining. The high stress of the situation was hardly helping him in this regard, and Weiss' increasingly unhinged behavior, the spoiling of his proposal, not to mention the tremendous insult offered to the woman he loved, were all pushing him to the breaking point.

Weiss' mouth still hung slightly open, wordless noises catching in her throat.

"Why!?" he shouted, his temper finally snapping.

"Because I refuse to give birth out of wedlock, Jaune! Our son is going to grow up with a father and mother who both love and cherish him, and who will never hurt or leave him!" a furious Weiss fired back, her snarl vanishing in an instant as shock flashed across her face, her mood now mirrored by nearly everyone present.

"Wh…what?" Jaune stammered nervously.

Weiss blinked several times before she flinched, reality setting in as the faintest smile graced her lips.

"You're going to make a wonderful father, Jaune," she said, her voice warm and soft in the wake of her catharsis.

"I…I mean…someday, I guess? You mean someday, right?" Jaune asked nervously.

Jaune was immediately reminded of his mother, Weiss' smile now eerily reminiscent of what Rose Arc's children had come to know as her 'bless your heart' face.

"Right?" he asked again, beginning to dread the answer.

"You're pregnant?" Willow asked, her voice that of disbelief mixed with wonder.

Weiss closed her eyes briefly and simply nodded, opening her eyes to look at Jaune again, a glint of genuine affection in her ice blue eyes.

Jaune slowly turned to Pyrrha, finding her pinching the bridge of her nose, shaking her head slowly. He could barely hear her mutter something about "all my fault" before he looked at Weiss again.

"I'm gonna be a dad," he said, his voice soft and hollow, his mind still in shock. His gaze slid to Willow Schnee, who was intently sizing him up, whether for a coffin or as a potential son-in-law, he couldn't tell. He slumped into his chair with the posture of a deboned chicken, unable to process the revelation with any degree of coherent thought.

Weiss sighed, having expected better, but feared worse, from Jaune, a brief tug from her hands straightening her dress once again. "Now that the cat's out of the bag, I…" she began before stopping herself before shifting gears. "Sorry, Blake, that was…" she said out of a long-ingrained reflex. She'd redoubled her efforts to do every tiny thing she could to remedy her surname's partially deserved reputation for racism in the wake of her father's death, making much more headway now that she didn't have to live in his shadow. Blake had told her it was somewhat silly, at least around her, but did appreciate that her heart was in the right place, even when she would gently chide Weiss about it.

Weiss stopped herself again, coming to the sudden realization that Blake wasn't gently staring her down with a raised eyebrow yet again, but instead had her gaze firmly fixed on Yang. Yang herself was engrossed by the absolute trainwreck that had once been Weiss' carefully arranged celebration, and didn't notice for several seconds. Her gaze finally snapped to her right to find Blake looking downright angry, and, more concerningly, angry at her.

"What?" she asked defensively, "You think I'm the one who told her you're pregnant?" Yang stopped for a moment, her face frozen. Her eyes slammed shut and she bowed her head in self loathing. "Fffffffuck," she hissed.

"Language!" Ruby chirped.

"Oh, like you're one to talk," Yang countered, fixing her sister with a flat stare.

"I…that was in private!" Ruby shot back, her face still turning the same shade of red as her cloak.

"You're…pregnant?" Weiss asked hesitantly. "Too?" she amended, yet another wrench in her plans showing itself.

"Am I wrong that I can't get the image…" Rose Arc began.

"Of a cute little blond kitten out of your head?" Blake, Pyrrha and Kali simultaneously finished for her.

"Unlike some people I know," Blake continued, fixing Weiss with a deadpan stare, "I planned for this to happen. I wanted to announce this with less…drama," she said diplomatically. "And as wonderful of a man as you are, Jaune, I'm not going to try and steal you away from Pyrrha. Yang isn't either," she added, looking back to her girlfriend.

"Oh, noooooo," Yang confirmed, holding her hands up in supplication, even if she was amused beyond belief by what was going on. "Admittedly, a little tempting, but no," she added for her own amusement.

"Wait…I'm going to be a father…twice?!" Jaune squeaked out, his breathing quickly growing panicked. It didn't help that Ghira Belladonna had joined in on the fun, giving him a fatherly stink-eye from the far end of the table. He looked to his left again, finding Pyrrha staring into space before his hand closed around hers and grounded her. She gave him a faint smile, the one he knew meant that she was happy, but conflicted at the same time. He returned Pyrrha's smile for the moment it took his gaze to shift from her to her father, Keravnós Nikos' jaw set in a faint, but nevertheless grim, scowl.

"It's settled, then," Weiss began, her haughty tone returning some before she was interrupted.

"So, lemme get this straight," Ruby started, cocking her head as she stared Weiss down. "You think that just because you're having a baby with Jaune that you get to marry him, regardless of what anyone else thinks on the matter?" she asked, a menacing edge in her voice.

"I have to look out for the welfare of my child, Ruby. Huntresses are supposed to protect those who can't protect themselves. While this wasn't what I planned for my life, I will not shirk my responsibilities as a mother," she said firmly. "It's a simple matter of mathematics, Ruby. I'm looking out for three of us now," she added, content in the validity of her logic.

To say that Weiss, or indeed the entirety of their dinner party, was surprised by Ruby's response would be putting it lightly.

"Ha! Suck it, bitch!" she barked gleefully. "I'm carrying twins," she pronounced in her best haughty Weiss manner, complete with folded arms and raised nose.

"What!?" escaped the lips of half the table.

"And you're damn straight I'm gonna make an honest man out of Jaune if it's the last thing I do," Ruby added, not backing down from Weiss, or even Pyrrha, it seemed.

"This is all just a bad dream," Jaune muttered, "Juuuust a dream," he added, his gaze darting about until he settled on his conveniently refilled glass of ice water. This was dumped over his head in short order, thankfully managing to mostly miss Pyrrha and his mother, and he shuddered at the icy embrace running under his shirt. Slicking his wet hair back, Jaune took a deep breath to steady himself before his eyes opened, regarding the now-gawking assemblage for a moment before he turned again to Weiss. "I'm sorry, I think I might have missed it, but what's the occasion, Weiss?" he asked innocently.

The way Weiss' mouth was now hanging slack at his presumptive idiocy was disconcerting in the extreme.

"Ruby, Blake and Weiss are all pregnant, you're the father, Weiss and Ruby are fighting over who gets to marry you and Pyrrha plans on murdering the winner," Yang helpfully summarized for him.

"Oh, is that all?" Jaune retorted sarcastically, desperately trying to stave off a full blown panic attack with gallows humor. "At least you're not pregnant."

"Yyyyeah, about that…" Yang replied with a modicum of sheepishness. "You kinda went four for four there, Vomit Boy," she clarified, her smile conveying an utter lack of shame at the revelation.

Jaune's thoughtful, measured reaction was to faceplant into the tablecloth. As a result, he only heard rather than saw his mother smack her husband in the shoulder.

"What!? I didn't even say anything!" Renard Arc protested.

"You were thinking it," Rose growled. "And you! Jaune Miles Arc," she began, Jaune cringing like a whipped dog as his mother's ire built up a head of steam. "I cannot believe you! How could you do that to Pyrrha? You have got to be the luckiest man on Remnant to have a woman of such high quality, and you're running around on her?!"

"Mrs. Arc, please," Pyrrha beseeched Rose, placing her hand over Jaune's.

"You're going to forgive this?!"

"I encouraged it!" Pyrrha fired back, her protective instinct when it came to her man strong enough to turn even on Jaune's mother. Rose's eyes went wide at the revelation, disbelieving her entirely or wondering if Jaune had somehow gaslit her into believing such nonsense. "Well, it was supposed to be just Blake, but someone couldn't keep their hands to themselves," Pyrrha growled, glaring at the other three girls.

"Pyrrha?" Athena Nikos said timidly.

"Yes?"

"When I suggested you get some…help…with your, ummm…problem…" she trailed off into a pregnant pause. "I was just joking, dear," she said with a chagrined grimace before her cheeks turned scarlet.

"No you weren't," Keravnós Nikos said in his low, rumbling voice.

"What…what do you mean?" Pyrrha asked of her father.

"You remember your Aunt Aphrodite?"

"Harmonia's mother?" Pyrrha asked, far better acquainted with her cousin than her mother Athena's sister.

"Who lives on the island of Lesbos?" Keravnós continued, leaving the implication hanging.

"Oh," Pyrrha managed to utter, her eyes wide.

"Now then, Jaune, is it?" he began, switching focus and scaring Jaune into sitting up straight in his chair with his low, menacing voice.

"Sir?"

"Do you love my little paionía?" he asked evenly, Pyrrha doing her best to not shrink at the mention of his fatherly nickname for her.

"Very much, sir."

"And you think yourself worthy of marrying her? Building a family with her?"

"Not really," Jaune admitted for not the first time, "but I want to anyway," he added, the more preferable option, but only by a slim margin now that Ruby had thrown down the gauntlet.

"Yet you've sired children with four different, other women," Keravnós nearly growled.

"I…I wasn't trying to…" Jaune stammered.

"Is there something wrong with my daughter?"

"Nnnnnnooo," Jaune drawled, unsure of where this was going.

"And you still want a family, a child with this…boy, after all of this?" he asked of Pyrrha, who turned to look into her father's steely eyes.

"Yes, Father," she replied, giving him a wistful smile as he gave voice to her dream.

Keravnós grunted curtly in response. "Only one way to settle this," he said, quickly rising to his feet. Jaune did the same out of reflex, or at least the vain hope he could beat the man to the front door. Pyrrha's father took a step towards him, and Jaune flinched before he saw Keravnós put his hands in Pyrrha's armpits, lifting her bodily and plopping her butt onto the table in front of him. The two lovers shared a wide-eyed look of bewilderment, unsure of what Keravnós wanted.

"Correct your mistake. Now," he demanded flatly.

"I…what?" Jaune stammered, giving voice to Pyrrha's confusion as well.

"My daughter wants a child. You will give it to her."

"I…I mean, yeah, eventually, we're…"

"Now," Keravnós Nikos pronounced with a frown that brooked no argument.

"I…well…" Jaune stammered again, the actual nature of his prospective father-in-law's demand slowly dawning on him. Horror gripped his heart like an icy Taijitu, squeezing painfully as he tried desperately to find a second meaning before Keravnós Nikos removed all doubt for everyone present.

"What? These tables are sturdy," he said, irritated that he had to explain himself.

"S…sir?" Jaune said, blood draining from his face.

"We're not leaving this tavern until I get a grandson," he clarified, crossing a pair of arms like tree trunks and giving Jaune an expectant scowl.

"Keri!" Athena interjected in scandalous alarm.

"Or granddaughter, I'm not picky," her husband conceded easily.

Jaune could only stand slack jawed at the demand of his prospective father-in-law, even his own mother wasn't that insistent about grandchildren, and she loved Pyrrha to death.

"I…that is…umm…"

"I'm waiting," Keravnós said, his brow furrowing and somehow making him even more menacing.

Jaune could only manage a strangled squeaking noise from his throat, his eyes desperately searching the table for even one ally in the utter madness he found himself trapped within. His search proved fruitless, everyone's face almost unanimously shocked and speechless at the insanity of the demand placed upon him. Several members of the dinner party were gawking at Keravnós Nikos, Jaune, or both of them in equal measure. Crimson stained the cheeks of all his fellow graduates, showing the most on Weiss' pale complexion, with Yang considerately clamping her lips shut to keep from saying anything that would embarrass him even further whilst simultaneously shielding Ruby's eyes out of maternal reflex, who stood on tiptoes to look over the obstruction, and Pyrrha…

Pyrrha wore the same blush as the rest of the girls, but in her eyes was the look.

Oh, holy hell, Jaune managed to not say out loud. She was considering it. Pyrrha's brilliant green eyes held a mischievous glint, and Jaune feared that she might have unearthed yet another kink to add to her repertoire, if the way she was coyly biting her lower lip was any indication.

Jaune whimpered again. Indulging Pyrrha's sexual whims was almost never a bad idea, though, in fairness, it had also created the debacle he was now trying to navigate. He flinched out of his stunned silence when he felt Pyrrha's fingertips gently trace the edge of his jawline, her lips mouthing a silent I love you. Jaune gulped loudly, his queen's beckoning embrace drawing him forward before he was stopped short by an eruption of raucous laughter.

The table as one turned to regard Keravnós Nikos, bent forward at the waist, his hands gripping the table edge as he shook with uncontrollable mirth. "Oh, Gods…you actually…at the dinner table!" he managed between laughs, the rest of their group beginning to join in on the joke. "Gods I needed that," he added between gulps of air. "Don't be foolish, Jaune," he said, addressing Jaune directly again. "You have until the end of the year," he added, all the warmth draining from his voice once again.

"I'm not lending my husband out," Weiss grumbled. "But, in the interest of fairness, if that happens before the wedding, I won't object to it."

"What wedding?" Pyrrha and Ruby both interjected testily.

"Little Nicholas having another half-sibling isn't a bad thing," Weiss continued.

"Nicholas?" Jaune asked, having seen Willow's eyebrows shoot up in surprise at the name.

"We're naming him after my grandfather, a good and noble man," Weiss explained. "Like his father," she amended quickly.

"I don't get a say in the matter?" Jaune said, more complaint than question, given Weiss' well-documented stubbornness.

"I'm amenable to having another, if that's your wish," Weiss conceded.

"Oh, I bet you are," Yang chimed in, getting a glare from Weiss in response.

"And you're already a step behind, Weiss," Ruby reminded her, "I don't blame you for not being able to keep up."

"You got lucky," Weiss seethed.

"Damn right I did," she fired back, shooting Jaune an unsubtle wink.

"Too bad I got there first. Isn't that right, darling?" Pyrrha countered, tickling under Jaune's chin with her fingernails, getting a dopey smile out of him.

"Hey, no fair!" Ruby barked angrily. "Hands off Jaune until he makes up his mind!"

"Yeah!" Weiss said, reinforcing her partner with crossed arms and a scowl.

Pyrrha shot them a glower that made Ruby and Weiss both wilt with its ferocity.

"Okay, okay, I get it. I think," Jaune qualified. "All three of you want to marry me?" he asked, dubious in the extreme.

"Duhhh," Ruby replied.

"I was hoping I didn't have to wait too long for you to ask me," Pyrrha answered, plucking the ring box from the table top and handing it to Jaune.

"I've made my position abundantly clear," Weiss added, her patience with her prospective husband wearing thin.

"Okay, just making sure." Jaune closed his eyes, took a deep breath and let it go, trying to clear his mind. "Just have to approach this like a tactical problem," he muttered, pinching his chin in thought. "What about you and Blake?" Jaune asked, looking at Yang.

She cut her lilac eyes to her right, a silent conversation had with her girlfriend in moments before looking back at him. "We're good, really. We wanted two kids, and two's what we got. Seriously, thank you, Jaune," she tacked on, reaching over and squeezing Blake's hand. There were several negative traits associated with Yang Xiao Long, but 'ungrateful' wasn't among them.

"Are you sure, Blake?" her father asked.

"Ugh, yes, Dad," she replied irritably.

"Just asking," Ghira said, holding his hands up in supplication

"Simplifies things a bit," Jaune said softly. "Now, I just have to take everything into account and come up with a solution."

"As much as I love you and Ruby, I'm not giving up Jaune without a fight," Pyrrha said firmly, staring down Weiss.

"Neither am I," Ruby countered, her lower lip stuck out indignantly.

"Ladies, please, I can fix this," Jaune pleaded.

"I doubt it," Weiss said with a scowl, her pale eyes flitting back and forth between Pyrrha and Ruby, assessing both threats with a critical eye.

"There's got to be a way to solve this," Jaune said, his voice beginning to get desperate.

"Jaune, I love you, and I know you're a lot smarter than most people give you credit for," Ruby said, pointedly looking at Weiss. "But if you don't want to hurt anyone, I don't know how you're going to make this work," she said, her emotions conflicted between love for Jaune and for her friends.

Jaune blinked.

"What did you say?" he asked, blinking again.

"I…I love you," Ruby repeated, blushing hard as she realized she'd finally said it out loud.

"No, not that, the rest of it," he replied, a slight pang of guilt in his heart for how Ruby's mood seemed to fall when he didn't immediately mirror her declaration, even if he did feel the same about her.

"You're smart?" Ruby answered tentatively.

"Debatable," Weiss said darkly.

"After that."

"We all know you don't want to hurt anyone, Jaune," Pyrrha said warmly, before her tone shifted cold. "I can't say I share that sentiment," she added darkly.

"And I don't think this is going to work out without someone going to the hospital. Regrettably," Weiss added softly. For all her stubbornness, Weiss did truly care for her friends.

"That's it," Jaune said softly, his eyes going wide

"Huh?" Ruby replied, cocking her head like the adorable puppy she was.

"That's the answer!" he shouted, a broad grin splitting his face.

"This oughta be good," Yang snarked.

"Okay, so the big problem here is that none of you want to give me up."

"Can't get anything past you, Jaune," Weiss grumbled.

"Great! Will you marry me? Ring, ceremony, the whole kit and kaboodle?"

"Yeah?" Ruby replied, unsure why he wasn't getting all this. Maybe his faceplant into the table gave him a concussion?

"I already asked, Jaune," Weiss said with an impatient scowl.

"Of course I will, Jaune," Pyrrha said, love sparkling in her eyes.

"Perfect! Then it's settled," Jaune said with a smile that conveyed either elation or insanity, and damn if anyone could tell which.

"It is?" Ruby asked, an eyebrow cocked skeptically.

"Yup!"

"How?" Pyrrha asked suspiciously.

"The only way I could."

"So which one of us are you going to marry?" Weiss asked, already fearing the answer.

Jaune looked at her, then Ruby and Pyrrha in turn before turning his gaze back to his parents, who were still stunned by the turn of events.

"Yes," he said simply with a vehement nod, fixing his gaze on the wall behind Yang.

"That's…not a yes or no question, son," Renard Arc said hesitantly.

"Yes it is."

"But you have to make a choice," his mother added.

"I just did," Jaune replied with the same self-satisfied smile plastered on his face.

"Huh?" Ruby said, now convinced that Jaune had suffered some sort of traumatic brain injury.

"Ruby, Weiss, could you come here please?" Jaune asked, turning to look into Pyrrha's eyes, his smile quelling the icy stab of fear that had hit her heart when he had spoken their names. She smiled when he lifted her off the table, setting her on the floor in front of him with ease that spoke of the muscles he'd built over four long years at Beacon. Once they'd gotten in range, he scooped them all into a hug, all three girls giving a squeak of surprise at the sudden display of affection.

"I don't think you all realize just how much I care about you, but I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to show you," he said solemnly. Pyrrha and Ruby both nuzzled into his hug, and even Weiss returned the embrace, not passing up an opportunity to reciprocate genuine affection from a man she refused to admit she loved. Her face turned to shock when after a moment, Jaune's strong arms turned them all to face Jaune's parents. "Mom, Dad? We're getting married," he said with a smile.

"Congratulations?" Rose Arc said with a confused look on her face.

"But which one?" Renard repeated.

"I already told you. Yes."

"Jaune, you're not making any…" his father replied irritably, before he stopped, blinking once before it hit him. "You can't be serious," he added dubiously.

"As a Grimm attack," he replied easily.

"You can't marry all of them, Jaune."

What little surreptitious conversation was being had around the table stopped.

"Sure I can," Jaune said, squeezing three very shocked girls affectionately, even as they tried to turn and face him.

"As hilarious as that might be, I'm pretty sure that's against the law, Jaune," Yang said with a cocky smile.

"No it isn't," he shot back with a smug grin.

"Says who?" she replied, a dubious scowl on her face.

"Your dad," Jaune answered easily, getting the attention off of himself for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.

"I…ummm, yeah, I said it, but I'm not a hundred percent on that, really," Taiyang backtracked nervously.

"Are those laws even still on the books?" Renard Arc mused openly.

Jaune felt Weiss squirm out of his grasp a little, fishing out her Scroll before tapping through her contacts and putting it to her ear.

"Yes, Mister Greenberg, it's me. We might have to modify the agreement. I need a legal analysis regarding the legality of plural marriage in the Kingdom of Vale as well as applicable Atlesian statutes, and I need it ten minutes ago," she said firmly, her manner of giving orders reminding Willow of her other daughter. "Send it directly to my Scroll," she added before terminating the call.

"You're seriously considering it?" her mother asked her.

"In the interest of not having to fight two friends to the death for a man, my man, and still get what I wanted in the first place? Absolutely."

"You'd share?" Pyrrha asked dubiously, her own fierce competitive streak balking at the idea.

"It's not my first choice, but I fear I'd be left out in the cold if I insisted otherwise," Weiss said darkly.

"Weiss, I'd never do that to you," Jaune said warmly, turning to plant a kiss on her brow, turning Weiss into a blushing mess. "I know this is a little crazy, Ruby, but…" Jaune began, turning his attention to her before she stopped him by leaping up, wrapping her legs around his waist and dropping a scorching kiss onto his lips.

"Mmmmmmmmwahh! I'm in!" she chirped through her own blush, a brilliant, sparkling smile on her lips as she dropped to her feet again. Both her and Weiss now looked expectantly to Pyrrha, the lone holdout. "If you're still on the fence, we can always go watch Jaune make fresh Atlesian pretzels," she said, emphasizing the word strangely to his ears until he saw Pyrrha's blush go nuclear along with her lips curling into a knowing smile. "I think that's a yes," Ruby stage whispered, favoring Jaune with a sly sidelong glance.

Jaune looked into Pyrrha's eyes, seeing her fighting a smile even as her eyes welled with unshed tears. Unwilling to let her feel left out, Jaune leaned over and kissed her, soft and tender at first until Pyrrha's appetite grew, the returned kiss growing hungry rather quickly.

After several long moments, Jaune flinched, pulling back. "Crap, I really need to get cracking on work," he said, panic creeping into his voice.

"What do you mean?" Pyrrha asked, trying not to pout about the loss of his lips on hers.

"I mean, this is yours, custom made, your size and everything," Jaune said, opening the ring box and holding it out for inspection. A simple, robust gold band with a small, princess-cut diamond flanked by a pair of emerald baguettes sparkled in the light, tears of joy falling down Pyrrha's cheeks as she held out her hand for Jaune to do the honors. "Please don't be upset that I don't have yours yet," he continued, turning to his other two fiancees.

"Oh!" Rose Arc chimed in, reaching behind her neck to unfasten a thin gold chain, pulling it up and out of her blouse to reveal a pair of rings dangling from it. "If I'd known you were going to propose, Jaune, I would have offered you the use of this," she said, still not quite happy with the insane lengths her son had gone to obtain the ring now decorating Pyrrha's finger. "These belonged to your grandparents, and since Saphron decided to elope on us without telling me," she continued, another sore spot from her children, apparently, "and you're the next one to get married…to three girls, apparently," she added, still not believing what was happening.

"Was that Grammy Eloise's? The one who taught you to bake?" Ruby asked, silver eyes wide as Rose Arc gave her a simple nod for an answer. "Dibs!" she chirped, practically vibrating in place as the ring was passed to Jaune who then slipped it on Ruby's finger. Ruby held it up to the light, the modest band with a simple round cut diamond showing quite a bit of wear, but ultimately giving off a warm glow in the light of the restaurant. Decades of Eloise Schwarzkopf working alongside her husband in their bakery had taken their toll on the metal, but Ruby was delighted with it, scratches and all.

Weiss was glued to her Scroll, pale blue eyes flitting quickly back and forth as she read her lawyer's response. "Here it is," she said, composing herself before reading their collective fate aloud. "Pursuant to our earlier conversation, title twelve section forty-two of Kingdom of Vale civil code, enacted by King Aramis III in the year…" Weiss gave a low whistle "four seventy-two B.V., states: An unwed mother, with or without child, may be proffered by and accept an offer of matrimony from an otherwise married man upon satisfying the following conditions. One: Said husband must have no living heirs at the time of the marriage. Two: Said supplemental marriage must produce an additional child, fathered by the husband and the additional wife, within two years or the supplemental marriage is rendered null and void. Parentage is established by…blood augury?" Weiss said, raising an eyebrow at the odd phrase. Looking around the table, she saw no clarification forthcoming, and so continued.

"Three: Dowry in the form of two cows, eight goats, four score chickens, or a mutually agreed upon equivalent will be paid by the bride's family to the groom to provide for the expanded household."

"Weiss, can I borrow a couple cows?" Ruby stage whispered.

"Buy me a pizza and I'll call it good," Jaune pronounced, getting a long look over Weiss' shoulder before she shook her head in exasperation, utterly failing to hide a smile, whether from his humor or Ruby's infectious giggle, she couldn't say.

"Four: Any attendants, sworn bannermen or…slaves?!" Weiss nearly choked on the word "belonging to the new bride must swear fealty to or become property, respectively, of her husband."

"You'd think they would update the law for that alone," Blake remarked dryly. It wasn't exactly a secret that slaves were highly unlikely to be human back then.

"Five: a husband shall be limited to two wives, unless he is landed nobility or a titled knight of the realm." Weiss' lips slowly drooped into a frown, knowing full well the math wasn't in her favor.

"Wasn't your grandfather a knight of Vale or something?" Rose Arc asked of her husband.

"Great grandfather, yes," he answered readily. "Aurelius Arc was a Knight-Crusader of the Realm at the time of his death. Technically, it's been passed down through the bloodline. I don't make a big deal of it because the Vytal Accords stripped the authority out of the order entirely with the founding of the Academies. They were basically proto-Huntsmen to begin with."

"Additionally, per article twelve of the Vytal Accords, each kingdom must honor and respect contracts entered into by citizens of, or within the confines of, other kingdoms, or any other recognized colony, settlement, or polity. Atlas would be bound by treaty to recognize such a union, even though Atlesian law does not offer provisions for it," Weiss continued. "Well, that settles it. Would you accept a gift of precious metal and gemstones for my dowry, Jaune?" Weiss asked, turning to regard him with a hopeful look.

"I mean, you don't have to, but sure?" Jaune replied, unsure of where she was going with this. Weiss simply turned to face him, taking his hand, plucking a small object from a concealed pocket in her combat skirt and placing it in his palm before closing it around her dowry and taking a step back. He opened his hand, flinching in surprise to find an exquisitely crafted ring, intricately carved platinum set with the largest marquise cut diamond he had ever heard of, let alone personally seen. "You'd better find someplace safe for that, my mother would kill you if you lost it," she said matter-of-factly, holding out her hand.

"I was wondering where that had gotten to. Klein said he'd sent it to be cleaned," Willow remarked sardonically, recognizing her mother's ring from ten feet away.

Jaune shrugged, rolling with the insanity rather than let his brain marinate in it, and slipped enough money to buy ten houses onto his third fiancee's finger. "I guess that saves me a ton of work. I'd be working until Nicholas is in college to be able to afford something half as flashy. It's beautiful, by the way, almost as much as the three of you," he added, placing his first foot on the tightrope that would be his life until the end of his days. That he got pleased smiles and gentle blushes from the three of them was a very good indicator that he'd not misplaced his first step.

"My son is marrying Weiss Schnee," Rose whispered, awestruck. "Sorry," she muttered when she realized she'd said that aloud.

"Gladly, Mom."

"God help you, Son. Three Huntresses under the same roof? Pray they don't synchronize on you," he added, well acquainted with the utter nightmare his household could become during the second week of the month, even with two of his adult daughters now out of the house.

"I'm pretty sure that's how they got into this mess in the first place," his wife interjected, getting guilty-not-guilty smirks from Team RWBY.

"Listen to the doctor, Son," Renard said with a grin.

"I think we're going to have to do this in sequence, and discuss the particulars with my lawyer," Weiss stated, already thinking ahead, "but this looks like it's going to be workable. Jaune?" she asked, getting his attention. She hooked a hand in the front of his shirt collar, yanking him down to look him in the eye. Without preamble, she leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips, not much more than a peck, but still genuine. "Hmmph, you'd better practice for our wedding. I expect better."

"Oh, really?" Jaune answered, recovering from the shock quickly and clasping Weiss' cheeks, drawing her back into a much more vigorous smooch, a surprised squeak heard before the Ice Queen melted in short order. "How's that?"

"That…that will do," she replied through a stunned blush, garnering more than a few laughs from around the table. Weiss bore the laughter in stride, even though as it tapered off, the most mirthful person at the table was her own mother. "Mother…it wasn't that funny," she said in mild exasperation.

"No, no, dear. It's just…" Willow trailed off into a giggle, turning to her right and looking across the seats previously occupied by Weiss and Ruby. "I hope you've got a fat wallet, Tai."

"Huh?" he replied, confusion writ large on his face.

"I was right," she said, pausing for effect. "Loser pays the table," she pronounced with a smug grin.

The color drained from Taiyang's face, realization setting in. "I am a man of my word," he said softly, already dreading the hit to his finances.

"I was already paying for this, but I'll not interfere in…whatever this is," Weiss grumbled, still trying to balance being delighted, upset, and disconcerted in equal measure. And officially engaged. That too.

"Oh, don't worry too much, Tai. I'm sure we can come up with some kind of…accomodation," Willow said with a mischievous smirk.

"Heh heh," Tai chuckled nervously. "I'm in danger," he whispered through his smile.

AN: This was a quick update because these two chapters were originally supposed to be just one, but the jokes kept coming and here we are. Next chapter is the last, for sure this time.