Book Three/Chapter Forty-Six: "A Silver Lining"
"How can we do something like this?" Ami asked me with slight exasperation once we were outside of Sabrina's hospital room.
"How can we not?" I countered. "Try to look at this not only as a favor but as a remarkable opportunity. And not one that everyone seems to get."
Ami's questioning eyes were skeptically scanning me and I rushed on before she got the wrong impression.
"I'm not saying this baby will replace the one we lost, and it's a lot of responsibility to take on, I mean with everything you've got happening in your life right now, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to wait."
I wasn't sure what was driving me to take on such a huge responsibility myself! It wasn't like I had the most reliable work schedule – something I'd have to talk to Sheriff Quinn about. But this news had revived the excitement I'd had when I'd first learned Ami was pregnant. Since that moment, I'd started believing that I could have a home filled with love, laughter, and children. Something I had sorely missed since my parents' deaths.
I'd lived alone for so long and hadn't had much luck when it came to love. In my heart, I was yearning for these things although I wasn't quite ready to admit it out loud. When I realized I had fallen in love with Ami and that she loved me in return, dreams of a rich and full life began to fill not only my sleep but my waking hours as well. Quinn had caught me at my desk several times lost in these types of thoughts.
This is what I wanted. And I wanted it with her. But unless Ami was on board, it wasn't going to happen. It was up to her to decide.
"Of course I want a child," she explained slowly, her brows still lowered with concern. "But this isn't exactly the way I'd planned on having one."
I could see the struggle written on her face. On one hand, she saw the chance to accept a precious gift. On the other, she was hesitant due to the fact it was being delivered in unexpected wrapping.
Sharing my opinions were only going to influence her. I didn't wish to do that. This needed to be her decision. She did need to know that I was going to help all I could in raising the child, but I realized that in the beginning, it was typically the mother who was the most important influence in a child's life.
I reached for Ami's hand and drew her to sit on a nearby padded bench against the wall. I then turned her and drew both of her hands between mine.
"Whatever your decision is, I'll support you," I told her genuinely. "I'll change my work schedule, take more time off - whatever it is you need me to do. If you decide to take the baby, that is. If you decide not to, I'll do my best to understand your reasons and support you in that as well. Whatever decision is made…"
"We'll make together," she cut in, capturing my gaze with an intense dark stare. "This involves both of us. Ben, we're getting married in a couple of weeks! How are we to…I don't even know if I can…"
Unable to complete her thoughts, Ami's eyes moved to the bank of windows on the other side of the hall which offered a fantastic view of the distant mountain ranges covered with snow. I allowed her all the time she needed to think while staying silent, and focused upon the smooth skin on the inside of her wrists.
"We have to do this," she finally replied after a long moment of contemplation. "If I hadn't lost our baby, we would be taking care of her in just a few short weeks. We wouldn't have had a choice then, would we?"
I squeezed her hands to try and strengthen her resolve. "He's my nephew," I finally confessed, unable to hold back my feelings on the matter any longer. "Like Sabrina said, I don't have much family left, and I would like to keep him as close as I can."
Slowly, a smile crept across her face and she lifted her hand to cup my cheek.
"You're so wonderful. How can I ever deny you anything? Of course we'll keep him. I'm just worried about going about it the right way. Do you think we can get past Sabrina's stubbornness to contact the proper authorities? We'd need to foster the child first before being permitted to apply for adoption."
"We can try," I agreed. "You know her better than me, but I know the government. I'll do my best to cut some corners and see what I can do, and I'll start tonight."
Her gaze intensified and she scanned my face as if looking at it for the very first time. Her scrutiny nearly caused me to blush, although we'd been together for over five months.
"I love you so much," she told me suddenly, a series of words that never failed to send a thrill through my body. It usually started as a tingle somewhere at the base of my neck and traveled all the way down to my toes. It was a feeling I was hoping I'd never take for granted, even when she'd say it to me fifty years down the road.
"We can do this," I encouraged her, leaning forward to press my forehead gently against hers. "We have so much love to give – not only to each other but to a child that deserves everything we can offer him."
"What are you going to have him call you?" Ami teased. I couldn't see her eyes but could tell by the twist of her lips that her mood had shifted and her stress had lessened. "Uncle-Dad? And I'll be Aunt-Mom?"
Her mouth was so adorable in that position that I couldn't help but press my lips against it. Ami responded gently at first, and then began adding increments of pressure; at least until we heard footfalls coming toward us. We broke apart at that point, but only by mere centimeters. I could still feel the warmth of her breath on my face and could feel the increased pounding of the pulse in her wrists.
"Honestly, I don't care what the boy calls me," I told her hoarsely with lingering remnants of emotion. "Dad, Uncle, Uncle-Dad, Ben. As long as he knows I love him, that's all that matters."
"I think I prefer Mom," she confessed quietly as the intern passed by. "Although I do think he needs to know about his real mother, although maybe not his real father.
"I agree. I wouldn't keep that from him. But only when he's old enough to understand. When the times comes, I promise not to let my own opinions of Sabrina tarnish her name in any way. He'll know that she was only doing what she thought was best for him, although I'm actually hoping she'll want to see him from time to time."
Ami's grin turned dreamy. "That would be wonderful. So that's it then. We're going to adopt him. We're going to be a family!"
A chuckle escaped me. Whether it was one born of joy or nervousness, I wasn't sure, but what did that matter? Ami was happily in my arms and was holding onto me so tightly, that for the first time in a long while, I had the strong suspicion that everything was going to be okay.