Clerks 2

Randal walks in, Dante looks bored.

R- So, who's the scariest Endbringer?

D- Simurgh

R- Why her? She doesn't look scary to me.

D- Ok we get 3 days warning about the other ones, right?

R- Yeah, and?"

D- She can appear anywhere, anytime without warning.

R- Yeah so can my mother, that doesn't mean I'm scared of her.

D- Ok picture this, one day everything's going fine then the next moment she's threre, she starts singing and suddenly a whole bunch of people have been turend into living time bombs, it could be anyone even you. Nobody knows, you could be fine one day and then boom your eating children. That's the Simurgh.

R- Yeah so what, there are at least 10 masters who can do the samething, I'm not impressed.

D- She's also a Thinker and can predict the future.

R- Bored.

D- She's a Tinker on top of that and can make a whole bunch of doomsday weapons.

R- Other Endbringers can wreck the place.

D- She's their leader and is in charge of all of them.

R- That all you have?

D- Ok wise guy, who do you think is the scariest Endbringer?

R- Ironwood.

D- The guy who heals little children on a daily basis.

R- Yeah.

D- The one Endbringer who's on our side.

R- Yep.

D- Ok, explain.

R- Look, you're thinking of this from the human point of view, step back from that. What's the Endbringers goal?

D- Their wrecking stuff for fun.

R- Yeah they're just here to have a good time you know.

D- That good time involves murdering millions of people.

R- Yeah and we go hunting them. don't we? Sometimes kids pour water down anthills, same thing.

D- Randal, if you've joined the Fallen I'm going to strangle you and they will never find your body.

R- Pheshaw, join those edgelords? Yeah not happening, look point is your family goes on a hunting trip, right?

D- Ok.

R- There's this guy in the family, a little brother, his job is to be your doctor, to look after you if you get sick or something.

D- Randal is this going to piss me off?

R- Dante just go with me here.

D- Fine.

R- So you pick on him, make fun of him and stuff because honestly, he's pretty weak and kind of pathetic, the quiet weird guy, right? Well one day he snaps and starts killing you one by one. Those little bugs you were hunting, he's got a deal with them and now swarms of them are just attacking you, whittling you down as he kills you one by one.

D- Not feeling a lot of sympathy here Randal.

R- Stop interrupting, well anyways it's not enough to kill you, he takes your corpse and uses it to alter planets this is like making art with the faces of the people you killed, this is serial killer level stuff, you know sick and he's doing it to his own family. This is basically an 11 year long school shooting, that's scary. Simurgh? She kills humans, Ironwood? He ends the Endbringers.

D- They shouldn't have attacked Earth.

R- But you understand.

D- I do understand it Randal, I just don't care, you're saying it's like a horror movie right?

R- Yeah

D- Ever watch Friday the 13th, all those kids have to do to survive is stay away from Crystal lake. Well, Earth is Crystal lake, stop messing around here and you will be fine but if you go, well I'm not going to feel a whole lot of sympathy.

R- So you're perfectly fine with with this?

D- I'm going to sleep a whole lot easier when the other Endbringers are dead.

R- I don't know you man.