tw: verbal and physical abuse in the second portion ("night") of the first pov.

townes zamoras. 18.

late january, 89 add.

morning.

He settled into the new semester without too much difficulty. After the first week, he had a solid grasp on his schedule, and he appreciated the routine after three weeks of boredom. He was more comfortable in school, where he had a purpose and a place for his ambition and distance from home. Everything was just… easier there, even when exams were hard, or when lectures were monotonous, or when Esper was moody. There was reassurance in knowing what to expect.

Honestly, in terms of school, the most unpredictable variable was Esper himself. The improvement was clear to anyone who was paying attention, but it wasn't an overnight fix. Townes never knew if Esper would show up to class with a full night's rest or not. There were bad days and there were better days, and for a while, there were more of the former than the latter. Still, even on the bad days, he usually managed to mellow out by afternoon.

But it didn't seem like that would be an issue today.

"You look… decent," Townes said.

Esper, who had been walking up to his seat, stopped in his tracks. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not saying it again."

"Did I forget to put in my hearing aid or something?" he asked.

"Did you?"

"I can't think of any other explanations," he said. "Are you feeling okay? Did something happen? Is something wrong?"

"Hmm. I take it back, actually-"

"No, you can't. Too late."

"It doesn't make you any less irritating," Townes said. "You just managed to wear real pants for once, and it seems worth celebrating."

Esper cocked his head. "You've been paying attention to my pants?"

"You were wearing, like, joggers every day! It wasn't a good look!"

"Oh, so this is a fashion statement more than anything else."

"Now you get it."

"Never thought I'd see the day," Esper said, finally sitting down.

"Me neither. I thought I'd never see you wear real pants again."

"If you're going to insist you haven't been paying attention to my pants, you should really stop bringing them up. You'd be much more convincing."

"I already told you-"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you."

"Are you sure? You never actually confirmed you didn't forget your hearing aid."

"I didn't. I never do. Maybe I should, though. Then I wouldn't have to listen to you as much."

"I don't think that would work. I would just start yelling."

"All day long?"

"Not all the time. Just when I'm talking to you."

"You really want my attention that badly?"

"Um, when you're my partner for every project in every class, yeah."

"I'm hearing a yes."

"I'm never saying anything nice to you again," Townes said. "Apparently, it just makes you even more annoying."

"Saying I look decent is barely nice," Esper pointed out.

"Yeah, and look at how annoying you've become."

"Please. You're one to talk."

"You think I'm annoying?"

"How could I not?"

The professor interrupted their conversation by beginning the lecture. Esper smirked a bit, clearly pleased with himself for having gotten the last word in, and Townes rolled his eyes. Esper turned away, beginning to work on notetaking, and Townes did the same.

(He liked Esper's good days much more than his exhausted silence.)

night.

(see above tw)

By the time he wandered home that night, it was late. Usually, when Townes got home late, he had the place to himself, or at least the illusion of it; lights off, rooms empty.

Tonight, he found his parents in the living room. His father was pacing, his work shirt unbuttoned at the top, and his mother was sitting on an armchair in her robe, smoking a cigarette.

"I just don't understand why he would-" his father cut off as he noticed Townes. "Look who decided to finally show up!"

"Is something going on?" he asked, glancing at his mother. She took another drag of the cigarette, staring at the wall as she exhaled. Townes tried not to wrinkle his nose- he'd never liked the smell of cigarette smoke.

"It's fucking Stelvio."

"Oh," Townes said, unsurprised to hear his father's campaign opponent come up again. The two had never gotten along, and it didn't help that he was also the owner of one of Six's largest engine producers. Stelvio had a tight hand on an important piece of Six's industry, and he was not a fan of the Mayor.

"We've got the rat in his office, right?" his father continued. "Have since he first announced his intention to run. We just got word that he's gonna do a fuckin'... a fucking exposé or something on me."

"That's not good."

"No shit, it's not good!" he snapped. "No shit!"

"An exposé on what?"

"Apparently he has a bunch of fucking 'evidence' or some bullshit," his father said. He flexed his hand, making his rings glitter in the lamplight. "For the election- he says I fucked with the votes, and he's going to call every damn newspaper in this fucking district that he can…"

Townes said it before he thought better of it. "Did you?"

(He immediately knew he should have thought better of it.)

His father turned to look at him slowly, and Townes fought the urge to step back. "Did I what?"

"Nothing."

"Did you just ask if I fucking tampered with the votes?"

"Forget it-"

"Do you have no fucking faith in your old man?" he shouted, resuming his pacing as he strode right up to Townes.

"I just- if you didn't do it, you can prove he's lying- that he has no real evidence-"

"Of course he doesn't have any goddamn evidence!"

"Exactly."

"And what, you're telling me what to do now?"

"I'm not, I'm just saying!"

"You think you know best now?" he shouted.

"No, I don't-"

"You, of all people, know better than me?"

"I'm not-"

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about," he said.

"I wasn't trying-"

"Do you ever shut the fuck up?" he interrupted, his voice at a fever pitch. Townes could see a vein in his forehead, which, as history had taught him, was a bad sign. He glanced at his mother, who was sucking on her cigarette like her life depended on it, and knew she would be of little help here.

He fell silent.

"You're going to tell me what to do," he seethed, "when there isn't even a problem, when I didn't do anything… when you can't even fix your own fucking mess?"

This again. Townes forced himself to bite his tongue to keep from saying anything.

"Your mess that's been going on for months now!" he continued. "Months! Do you know what kind of shit we could be doing right now if we had that kid on our side? He could be doing all sorts of appearances! Interviews! Promotions! There wouldn't have been a close race at all if we had that fucking kid on our side- do you know what kind of fundraising he could pull off if he wanted to? If he went to more than that one little event? But no. You can't even get a decent fucking picture pretending you tolerate each other. That's too much for you to handle, and I'm so fucking sorry that I overwhelmed you with a single task. That's on me, isn't it? I fucking overestimated you?"

"I-"

Pain exploded across his right cheek, knocking the words from his mouth.

"I told you to shut the fuck up!"

Townes winced, cringing as his eyes started to burn, too- not right now, any time but right now- and bit his lip, trying to hold it all back. For a moment, he thought he would raise his hand again.

"Aldrich."

His father stopped. His mother exhaled a cloud of smoke and stood.

"Enough," she said. She looked at Townes. "If anyone asks-"

"I know."

His father glared at him. "I don't wanna hear another word out of you all week."

Townes gave him a quick nod, and he stomped off into the kitchen. His mother spared him one more glance before following, and he heard her footsteps on the stairs a moment later.

He was alone.

Townes grabbed his backpack and made a beeline for the door, his lip trembling with the pressure of trying to hold it all in. It wasn't until he was outside and down the street that the dam burst, his tears hot in the freezing January night. He brought his hands to his face- his cheek was warm, beginning to swell, angry with the memory of his father's knuckles on his skin. He realized then that he'd forgotten his coat, but he couldn't go back for it. He couldn't spend the night in that house, not with him, not with either of them.

But it was late, and all his usual spots- his cafes, his benches, his libraries- were closed for the night. And it wasn't like he was going to the Peacekeepers, considering who his father was. All he wanted to do was curl up and hide, and it was so fucking cold outside… he needed to go somewhere…

…and amid the pain and the heat and the tears, freezing against his skin, he could only think of one place.

So he went to the bus stop, and he waited until one came, and he took it across the metropolis.

esper myrellis-verilla. 19.

late january, 89 add.

late at night.

He was procrastinating, which he knew he wasn't supposed to do. He had his computer downstairs at the kitchen counter with him, and he was just going to finish this email to Sienna, and then he would go to bed. He would. It wasn't even a school night, so it wasn't like he had to get up at a certain time. He could sleep in if he needed to.

Just as he was about to send it, there was a knock at the door.

His first instinct was to glance up- Rhylee and Ryden were both home and asleep, and they hadn't mentioned friends coming over. He stood and walked to the front of the house, looking through the peephole in the front door.

What the fuck?

He unlocked the door and opened it. "What are you doing here?"

Townes Zamoras stood on his front porch. He was shivering, his arms crossed tightly against the wind, and he was wearing his backpack. He wore none of his usual bravado, as well as no coat. Esper started to frown as he took him in- what what that on his face-

"I, um. I don't know," Townes said, his voice quiet.

"Get inside," Esper said, and Townes followed his instructions. Esper shut the door behind him. Now that he was inside, Esper was able to see him a bit better. His eyes were definitely puffy, and one of his cheeks was swelling. "Did something happen?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I fell."

"On your face?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"After class," Townes answered.

(If there was one thing Esper had learned last summer, it was what violence looked like. He'd witnessed too much of it over those two weeks. He'd participated in too much of it over those two weeks. But he forced back the memories and focused on the present: Townes had not fallen after class, which meant he was lying.)

"Did you get into a fight or something?"

"I fell," Townes repeated. "It's fine."

An alarm went off in Esper's head. "What happened to your coat?"

"Left it at home."

(He'd had it that afternoon in class.)

"Okay," Esper said, beginning to put pieces together. "Do you need ice?"

"Oh. I, um… maybe."

Esper sighed. "Take your shoes off and meet me in the kitchen."

"Okay."

He returned to the kitchen, finding a dish towel and wrapping it around some ice cubes from the freezer. When Townes wandered in, he handed it to him, and he pressed it against his face.

"Any reason you decided to drop by so late?" Esper asked.

"Um… yes," Townes replied. "For... class."

"We don't have anything due until a week from now," Esper pointed out.

"Yeah. We could get a head start. That way, you don't do half of it without me like you always do."

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

"Isn't it kind of late?"

"Since when do you have a problem with that?"

Esper stared at him. Townes stared back.

"Fine," Esper relented. "We can start the chapter questions for next week. Is your cheek better?"

"Is it?" Townes asked, lifting the dish towel.

"I think so," Esper said, looking closer. "I have band-aids if you want one. But the only color I have is green."

"Green?"

"Ryden's favorite color."

"Good to know…"

Esper scoffed, but went upstairs to the bathroom in the hall, looking in the cabinet. He only found cough medicine, and so he went into the bathroom attached to his room and checked the cabinets there.

(That was also where he kept the sleep medication Dr. Accord had given him. It still caught him off guard every time he saw it, even when he was looking for it- it was still a new addition. It was almost alien among the rest of his belongings. It was a struggle some days to take it, and he often had to force himself to. He just… he didn't want to rely on it. He'd seen what reliance could become.

Besides, sometimes it was still hard to remind himself that he deserved to get rid of them. The dreams.)

He pulled out the band-aids and headed back downstairs, fishing one out of the box and giving it to Townes. "Here. There's a bathroom around the corner."

Townes nodded and disappeared. Esper went back to his laptop, rereading his drafted email and sending it before Townes returned, green band-aid stretching across his cheek. He did look better- his eyes weren't as puffy, and he walked a bit more purposefully, instead of wandering. He pulled out his notes and sat down across from Esper, looking interested.

"What are you doing?"

"Email."

"Who are you emailing past midnight on a Friday night?" he asked.

"My friend."

"I thought we agreed you didn't have any of those."

"We didn't, actually," Esper replied. "You just didn't believe me."

"Oh, your friend 'not from here?'"

"Yeah, actually."

"Does the friend have a name?"

"Sienna."

"Where's she from?"

"Twelve."

"Oh, shit, like…?"

"She's a Victor, yes."

"What do you guys even talk about?" he asked. "Like… how big and fancy your houses are? Wait. Do you talk about me?"

"I've told her you exist."

"So that's a yes?"

"I know you think everything's about you, but that's only you," Esper told him.

"Yeah, right. So if you're not talking about me, then what?"

"Lots of stuff. School. Family. The Games. Everything that happens after."

"What does that mean?" he asked.

Esper shifted in his seat. "Like… it was sort of traumatic. I didn't sleep for a couple months."

"I noticed."

"So it was nice to have her to talk to. She gets it."

"Did you see her on the tour?"

"I did, yeah. That was the only decent part."

"When do you see her again?"

"Not until June."

"Oh, because…"

"I'd really rather not think about that right now."

"Fair." Townes glanced at the kitchen again. "I was joking about the house, but honestly, you should talk about it. It's really nice."

"I know," Esper said. "There's just so much space. It's weird. I used to sleep on the couch, and now I have a whole room."

"You slept on the couch?" Townes asked.

"Well, yeah. There were two bedrooms. Rhylee and Ryden in one, my parents in the other, and me on the couch."

"Damn."

Esper shrugged. "It was what it was."

"Rhylee mentioned you all had your own rooms here, too," Townes said. "It was one of the first things she said."

"Yeah. It's been an adjustment, but I think it's good."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"That's literally all you've been doing since you sat down," Esper pointed out.

"Is that a no?"

"It depends on the question," he said.

Townes hesitated. "Your parents don't live here, do they?"

"No," he answered. "They don't."

"Why not?"

Esper exhaled. "That's sort of a long story," he replied. "But they, ah… they've never really been around. Typical addict stuff. I told them they weren't welcome here, and they got the message."

"They just… left?"

"Pretty much," Esper said. "That was never unusual, though… especially when we got older. They never really cared."

"At all?"

"Absolutely not. They… they didn't even notice I left for the Games until I came back."

"Holy fuck."

"I know."

"Fuck…"

Esper shrugged. "Better off without them, really. The only thing they were good for was paying bills now and then and helping the Fenleys track the kids down when I was gone."

"They what?"

"Dr. Accord told me one time that they found our address because my mom tried going to rehab when she was pregnant with Rhylee," he said. "When I was three, so… fifteen years ago? That was the last time they tried to be decent, then. But they still had her information on file in case she ever came back. So that's something."

"That's… wild."

"Why ask about my parents?" Esper asked.

"I don't know. I wasn't really expecting you to actually say anything," Townes said.

He shrugged again. "I don't really give a fuck about them anymore. So it's not hard to talk about."

"Yeah?" Townes asked, watching him closely.

"...Yeah," Esper said, caught off guard by the intensity. "Just the three of us, but that's kind of how it's always been. Are you… are you good?"

"Fine," Townes answered.

(Esper had always been good at taking care of people- it had been his focus for over a decade, after all. Looking at Townes now, his brown eyes wide, silly green band-aid plastered to his cheek, yet another alarm went off as it occurred to Esper that Townes had kept the conversation on Esper- and not himself, for once- as much as he could. He glanced at the band-aid again, and he remembered the look on his face on Esper's doorstep, and he made a decision.)

"We're not doing homework tonight," he said, shutting his laptop.

"What?"

"We have a week for this assignment. It's late. I'm tired, and I'm supposed to be working on my sleep schedule, so I'm going to bed," he replied.

"Oh. Okay."

"Like I said, there's only three of us here, so there are extra rooms upstairs. You can take one. There should be sheets on all of the beds, and the Capitol left clothes in all the closets and dressers for some reason, so you can help yourself to those. There's an extra toothbrush under the sink in the hall bathroom. Do you need a water cup?"

"I… what?"

"Please don't make me repeat all that."

"I just- I don't know what to…"

"It's late," Esper reaffirmed. "And you don't have a coat."

"That's… true…"

"Besides," he added, a bit reluctantly, "Ryden would probably be happy to see you."

Townes studied him for a moment. Esper tried to ignore him, standing and grabbing a cup from the cabinet to set in front of him. "There," he said. "Okay?"

Townes sighed. "Okay."

Esper led the way upstairs, pointing Townes toward one of the empty bedrooms. "If you need anything, I'm down the hall," he said. "Goodnight."

"Thanks," Townes whispered, so quiet Esper barely caught it.

He nodded. "Of course."

And then he went to bed.