Chapter 56 – Off to School

[Time and Date unknown], [Location Unknown]

Data Corruption… Automatic Reconstruction Failed…Data Corruption….Profile Reconstruction Required…

[user unknown]

I found myself standing once more in a small, grassy clearing a stone's throw away from the silver-stone road. I looked up into the sky, and as I expected there were the three planets. The sky was a muted, bloody orange. The sun hung heavy just over the horizon behind me, shedding what little light it had to give. Night was coming. The cool, evening air began to bite at the skin on my face. At least I had come into this dream wearing my full armor.

The star-child sat with her legs crossed on a nearby rotting tree, staring at me with a smile on her face. Her eyes glowed bright silver even in the dying daylight. They were remarkably similar to a quarian's eyes and I wondered if perhaps there was some shared ancestry there. She even had the same double-hinged legs as well.

I wasn't as unsettled or as disoriented as I had been the last few times I'd seen her, and I was determined to play this out to try and get some answers. I knew that the star-child knew things – things that were vital to figuring out what the Project's next step would be, and I knew that because I was her, or she was me— Damn it, I don't know. It was all so confusing. Damn it, I just had to be calm.

I stomped down on my nerves and took a breath. The air was crisp and carried heavy traces of pine. A thick grove of barren trees ringed the clearing, but the grove was devoid of any sounds that you might expect to hear in such a place. I could hear no birds, no insects, nothing. Just the wind making its way through.

My hand went up and I gave her a small wave. "Hello," I said tentatively.

"Hello!" she replied cheerfully. She mirrored my wave and gave me a wide smile.

"So, do you have a name?" I asked her.

The star-child cocked her head. "I was named Tanara. After my grandmother."

I was so curious. Was Tanara the name she actually held in the past, or had my brain automatically translated it into something familiar? "Tanara, huh? That is a nice name."

She gave a nod and scooted a little closer. "What is yours?"

"Cloud."

"Is that your name now? Nice to meet you!"

I took a few slow, deliberate steps towards her, stopping when I was just a few short feet away, and then I knelt down so that her and I could see eye to eye.

"Tanara, last time we spoke you told me about something called the Index. You said that I could use it to save your people and everyone else that the Reapers took, do you remember that?"

Tanara nodded, her eyes downcast. She absent-mindedly plucked at a piece of loose bark with her fingers. The banality of her act shook me a little. It was something a human child would do. Was she doing it because it was something she had done while she had been alive? Or was she doing it because she could see from my memories that it was something children did?

"What is the Index? Is it a device? A weapon?"

Tanara didn't immediately reply. The cold wind invoked a long shiver that ran up my spine like electricity. The sun was nearing the completion of its long crawl below the horizon and the trees were starting to cast long, dark shadows.

I shifted closer. "Tanara, there are some bad people who want to get their hands on this Index. Very bad people. They're using it to try and do what you said – to bring back the loved ones that the Reapers took, but they're hurting a lot of people trying to do that. I'm trying to stop them. I need to know about the Index."

Tanara shook her head. The tendrils that framed her jaw curled slightly. "You're lying."

I was taken back. "I'm sorry?"

"You're lying," she repeated. "That is not why you're asking. I feel what you feel. I see what you see. I know what you really want, even if you cannot admit it yourself."

I ignored her and pressed on. I had to know. "The Index, Tanara, what is it?"

"I told you. I… know and yet I don't know. I remember the Gene Architects telling us that it would protect us — that it would allow us to come back at a time when the Ainur Melkorä no longer darkened our skies. I know I was never told how it works and yet, I feel as if I do know. It is confusing. It is all a jumble in my head. Our head."

Tanara shook her head. "But the Ainur Melkorä… the Reapers… something is wrong with the Index. That I know and yet I don't know. That I… feel."

She placed a hand on her chest. "I can still feel them. I can still feel the Reapers in here. They are quiet now – long dead – but I can feel them just the same— them and the tools they left behind."

I wasn't getting any closer to solving the mysteries that she had revealed. In fact, the opposite was happening. This was her second time mentioning the Gene Architects, and I was about to ask her about them when she suddenly mentioned the tools of the Reapers. What could she possibly mean? Did they leave behind something else that we didn't know about? All her talk about her knowing and yet not knowing and feeling was starting to make my head spin. The mysteries had multiplied and I was no closer to figuring out exactly what the hell the Index was.

I decided to go down one of the other paths that she had presented to me. "What tools Tanara?"

Tanara blinked and her brow scrunched up as well as she struggled to find the words. "The… music? The song? I can touch it… I can pick it up. I do not know how to say it…how to explain it. I know and yet I do not know," she repeated.

I wracked my brain, mentally combing through all the information I had on the Reapers in an attempt to puzzle out just exactly what she might mean, but I was coming up empty-handed. "Music? What?" I said.

Tanara just shrugged. Twilight had faded at last. The last of the sun's rays had slipped away and shadows now covered the entire clearing. The daylight had been replaced by the light of the three planets. Nighttime here was like nothing I had ever seen before. Night was not an absence of light but rather the arrival of a heavy blanket of gray. A thick fog now seemed to cover the floor of the clearing.

I was about to ask her another question when she suddenly jumped off the rotting log and gave me a big smile, once again barring her tiny, white fangs at me.

"Do you want to see your mother again?"

I stood up. "No," I said abruptly. "I don't want to see her again. Don't show her to me again!"

Tanara took a step closer. I tried to step back but my limbs would not respond.

She took another step, and then another, and then another until her toes were inches from mine. The star-child rose onto her toes and cupped both hands around her mouth.

Her eyes gleamed like pools of molten silver made all the brighter by the gray. "You're lying," she whispered.

April 1st, 2211, 0721 hours – En-Route to Sahrabarik System

SSV Excalibur, Deck 2, Officer's Quarters

(Spectre Operative 04272182-Cloud)

I sat up from my bed with a grunt. The cool air hit my sweat-stained back like a sledgehammer and the palms of my hands immediately went over my eyes. That blasted alien child had shown her to me again – had toyed with me using her face. If Tanara had been before me right now I might very well be tempted to slap her.

Life was one great, cosmic joke. I'd spent the last twenty-five years trying to recall my mother's face, and now suddenly there was a long-dead alien girl in my head who could dig it right out of my brain and show it to me. Now I couldn't get her face out of my brain. Funny how life has a way of giving you a twisted version of what you've always wanted.

I wasn't any closer to getting my questions answered by Tanara and to make things worse my temples were throbbing fiercely. It felt as if I'd had a double-sided migraine all night. My head felt tender and foggy and I almost missed the soft knock at my door. "Come in," in said.

Elektra poked her head in. "Percival sent me to check on you. Shuttles are leaving for the Wrath in ten. Do you need breakfast?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm not hungry. Just give me five minutes to gear up."

My friend glanced at stains on my bed, and though her expression remained neutral I could see the concern in her gaze.

"Take the five for yourself. I'll bring your armor onto the shuttle. You can get changed there."

I nodded gratefully. Elektra slipped away and I fell back down onto the bed. I gave myself an extra ten seconds to lie there, and then I swung my legs out of my bed and got up. I padded over to the refresher and ran the tap. My pale skin and blue eyes made the dark circles under my eyes stand out that much more. I looked like an albino raccoon.

For a brief second I thought I could hear someone whispering to me, but the voice disappeared as soon as I splashed some water on my face. I sighed and resolved again to update Jaelen on these annoying little developments with the alien in my brain. I brushed my teeth, pulled on some clothes, and made my way out of the room and down to the hangar bay.

There were two additional shuttles in our hangar bay this morning, courtesy of Garrus. Shepard had requested that we bring our entire fighting force up to the Archangel's Wrath for some reason or another. It was kind of a strange ask but we agreed to it without too many questions. Many of the Jaegers had been chomping at the bit to meet Shepard in the flesh ever since they had heard we had found her down on Latibulum.

To my surprise Revak was there too with a dozen Blue Suns. I guess he must have been invited to the Wrath as well. We exchanged quick, respectful nods and then went back to our own devices.

"Over here!" Cade waved from a nearby shuttle.

I quickly made my way over and hopped in. Rayla, Galen, Cade, Percival, and Elektra were already seated in the dropship, as was a squad from the Jaeger platoon. I think it was Lieutenant Chang's if memory served.

Cade pulled me onto the dropship and I immediately wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "Happy Birthday buddy."

"Thanks. What happened? You miss your alarm or something?" Cade asked.

"Just tired," I shrugged. "How did last night go?"

"We watched the newest Blasto and had one too many for Corribus," Percival said groggily from one of the shuttle seats. That part was self-evident. My friend's eyes were still a bit bloodshot and his blond hair sorely needed a comb, though I wasn't one to talk.

It was fine though. Percival had seemed a bit on edge recently and last night hopefully helped to pull him out of his funk. "Yeah, sorry I turned in early. I was really tired. Ellie, what did you end up doing?"

"Some of the gang and I played a few rounds of poker and we just talked. It was relaxing. A good way to spend some downtime," she answered. Both Rayla and Galen nodded in agreement. Elektra booted a crate containing my armor and gear over to me. "Better get changed quickly. We're going to be docking at the Wrath in three."

I nodded and began to pull my armor on. "Hey buddy, did you eat something yet?" Percival suddenly asked me.

I shook my head. "No, Elektra already asked. I'm not that hungry."

Percival shook his head and nodded at Cade. The turian nodded back and pulled out an edible gel – the kind filled with electrolytes and salt and tasted like fake fruit. I heard Cade uncap it and before I could blink he had it in front of my face.

"No, I don't want it," I said, irritated. Damn Percival and his mothering. I tried to brush it away but Cade wouldn't have it.

"You should have it just in case. Please."

"No!" I insisted. Cade responded by shoving it in a bit closer.

"Just drink it! For me! For my birthday!"

I let out a yelp as Percival suddenly wrapped me up in a big bear hug. I gave an exasperated sigh of defeat. Cade held up the gel pack and I ended up sucking it down. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Elektra whisper something to Rayla and Galen that made them both grin. Was something funny? I questioned Percival with a silent look and he just shrugged at me, equally as in the dark as I was.

"Good boy!" Cade said in an exaggerated, faux-happy voice. He wiped my mouth with his thumb and patted me mockingly on the head. I told him where exactly he could shove his finger. Out of the corner of my eye I saw both Rayla and Elektra both heaving with stifled laughter and Galen wiping a lone tear out of his eye. Even the Jaegers were hiding chuckles. What in the galaxy were they laughing at?

I finished gearing up and settled in, a bit peeved that they hadn't cared to let us in on their little joke. I could have used a good laugh this morning.

"Spirits, look outside," Cade pointed at the massive, metal behemoth that our shuttle was now approaching.

The Archangel's Wrath was the pride of the turian fleet. It clocked in at two-point-four kilometers in length, boasted two oversized thanix cannons, and had a mass accelerator cannon powerful enough to cause extinction-level events on garden worlds. With kinetic shields that could withstand several thanix salvos it was an equal match for at least five dreadnoughts and could probably wipe the floor with the three rogue dreadnoughts currently flying with the renegade Ninth.

The Wrath flew with a small flotilla of about a dozen cruisers. Dozens of small fighters swarmed around the Wrath and even more flew wide-range patrols around the flotilla. The Heirarchy's 32nd Rapid Reaction Fleet had split their numbers. Half had returned to their patrol route and the other half had remained to assist on Anhur. The flotilla would escort the Wrath all the way to the edge of the Attican Traverse before turning back.

We docked in the hangar bay of the Archangel's Wrath. My mouth dropped as soon as the shuttle doors open. The hangar bay must have been at least three hundred meters long and two hundred meters wide. You could have fit the entirety of the Excalibur in it.

But the sheer size of the bay was only part of the shock. All the machinery and fighters had been pushed off to the side and much of the hangar bay had been converted into what looked like a simulated battlefield. Crates in a dozen different shapes and sizes, energy walls, and sandbags served as makeshift barricades. Small pre-fab buildings were scattered everywhere, serving as artificial checkpoints. Elevation was created through the careful stacking of crates and at the farthest point away from the start of the course were three small pre-fab bunkers with flags on them. Vid drones zoomed overhead, capturing live footage of the arena that was then played over several large holo-screens that hung around the hangar bay.

I marveled at the creativity and at the effort this must have taken. To get this all done in a day or so would have been extremely difficult. The first thing Cade did when he spotted the field was groan.

Standing on a large catwalk that hung suspended over the simulated battlefield was none other than Commander Shepard herself. Unlike the last time we had seen her Shepard was now wearing a battered old set of N7 armor, scarred and pitted with burns and similar to Percival's but with an older, more outdated design. The armor looked good on her. It made her seem fiercer and more battle-hardened. More like a hero. The eyeliner also was still there in force. Had to admit, it was kind of growing on me. Respect.

Also on the catwalk were Garrus Vakarian, Miranda Lawson, and the woman I only knew as Kasumi, as well as half-a-dozen members of the turian Blackwatch – high-ranking ones if the insignia on their pauldrons were any indication. There was also that same middle-aged male with the leg braces, except this time he had swapped his cane for a bag of popcorn. Looking around, I could see more Blackwatch hanging around the simulation battlefield.

The Jaegers from the Excalibur immediately started whispering as soon as they caught sight of her. The whispering swelled and swelled but died like a candle in a rainstorm the very moment Shepard opened her mouth. I'd heard all the rumors there were to hear about her fighting skills and the carnage we'd witnessed at the hidden facility had supported them, but it was her oratory skills that surprised me the most. She had a, clear, powerful voice that could enthrall your entire attention with but a few words.

Shepard placed both hands on the railing. Her expression was cool and collected. She looked at us as if we were just another snot-nosed group of recruits she was training. Maybe it was easy to fall into old habits. Murgen had told me yesterday that it had actually been Shepard who had put together the Jaegers shortly after the war and that she'd trained the first few platoons herself.

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. As you may well know, I am Commander Shepard, of the Systems Alliance."

Everyone from the Excalibur stared at her, wide-eyed and totally enraptured. Even Revak and the Blue Suns looked as if they were hanging on her every word. The Commander cut an impressive sight, flanked as she was by her old comrades and several Blackwatch commanders.

Her eyes scanned each and every face standing in front of her before she continued with her speech – a little trick that politicians or officers used to suck you in and get you to do what they want. With Shepard however it felt different—more genuine. Though her face was a mask her eyes spoke volumes. She looked like she was worried for us. Cared about us. With oily politicians and hard-assed officers it was a one-way street. With Shepard the respect and attention seemed to run both ways. She was genuinely trying to connect with us.

"You are the tip of the spear in the galaxy's fight against the Project. That's not an easy job. The enemy has several advantages over you."

She let go of the railing and began to pace, back and forth. "They have the advantage of numbers. The Ninth fleet is filled with veteran marines and you can be damned sure that the salarian and asari defectors might include STG and commando units."

"They also have the advantage of being entrenched. We're the ones chasing the Project around the galaxy. That means that any fight we do pick with them will likely be on their turf. Under their terms.

She stopped back at where she started and crossed her arms. "Now I don't have any special equipment or weapons for you. At most I've got a few kinetic barrier and biotic upgrades and some ammunition mods. I don't have any crazy weapons or super-armor or magic stims."

Then Shepard tapped her head. "But what I do have is knowledge. The one thing I can do for you all is to teach you what I know best, and that is small-unit tactics. Most of you have been fighting in small units your entire life, whether it was in the Blackwatch, in the commandos, or in the Jaegers. You all undoubtedly have a strong and solid foundation or else you probably wouldn't have made it this far.

Shepard grinned confidently. "But I can make you better. I can make a three-man squad hit harder than an entire platoon in a firefight. I can make a platoon worth more than an entire company. I can teach you how to leverage each other's strengths and cover each other's weaknesses in ways you didn't think possible. I will teach you all the same tactics that I used to beat the armies of both the Reapers and Cerberus with no more than a handful of soldiers."

Black-armored Blackwatch troopers began to appear everywhere around the simulated battlefield, taking up position in buildings, behind barricades, etc. The squad-size seemed to start from three and go up by three. There had to be at least sixty of them total – or about two platoons.

Percival wrapped an arm around both Cade and I. "War games! War games! War games! War games!" he silently chanted into our ears. Shit, was that what this was?

"We have three days until we get to Sahrabarik. What I teach you in that time might be the best hope you have to for making it out of this war alive. Set your weapons to training mode and get ready. All of you will be running this course and participating in a mock assault against an entrenched, immobile enemy force in an attempt to wipe out each group of enemy defenders. If you make it to the end you can attempt to capture one of the three flags at the back of the bay, though that is optional at this point. Try your best, and afterwards we will debrief. Second Lieutenant Chang, your squad will be first. Please step up."

The Jaeger team made their way nervously over to the start of the course. Up on the catwalk a blackwatch soldier brought out a folding chair that the middle-aged man with the leg braces promptly commandeered. I wasn't sure what Shepard was expecting here. As good as the Jaegers were I would bet that the average Jaeger team wouldn't stack up against a seasoned Blackwatch squad. The Jaegers specialized in dangerous insertion methods and hostage retrieval. If you need someone to board and clear a ship or an orbital or underwater facility they were the best. The Blackwatch were more traditional special forces – deployed to tackle any mission considered too dangerous and too deadly for the regular infantry. The only group from the Systems Alliance that might be comparable in terms of skill would be the N7.

Shepard raised her hand and then let it fall. "Begin!" she called out.

The Jaegers began the course. We could observe them live courtesy of the vid drones and the holoscreens. They ran into their first Blackwatch team less than twenty seconds in – three troopers taking cover on a barricaded rise.

The Second Lieutenant's team took about ten seconds to flash a few hand signals to one another and then went to work. Thanks to their numerical advantage and a few well-placed grenades and omni-tool powers they managed to take them out in about a minute, but not before losing one of their own. That left five. Interestingly enough none of the other Blackwatch teams intervened during the fight. I suppose Shepard wanted the test to be somewhat manageable.

Chang's team ended up securing a total kill-count of five before being wiped on their next fight against a group of six holed up in a prefab. The Blackwatch troopers were simply better-coordinated and had the advantage of a well-defended position. Still, I thought that the results were flawed. The turians were being way too passive. That score would have been one or zero had the Blackwatch acted offensively instead of merely defensively.

"Not bad for a first try!" Shepard congratulated them. Garrus whispered something to her and she nodded. Behind her the Blackwatch commanders were each typing notes into their respective omni-tools. "You need to work on your opening. Every Jaeger squad has a biotic and each of you have standard military-grade omni-tool offensive and defensive powers. You showed me you know how to chain powers but I didn't see that in the second fight. It can become very easy in a firefight to fall back on only your guns, but that's a trap you'll need to avoid. Leverage all your powers, combine them into detonations, and you'll be able to magnify your damage. I'll provide a detailed report on each of your attempts afterwards."

Accer's team went up next. Like the first team they made it to the second group before being wiped. Still, it was tough. Poor Accer was hard-targeted by the Blackwatch and Sophie and Jay's relative inexperience compared to the rest of the team made them easy pickings for the seasoned turian special forces. Teewin in particular was fun to watch. He ended up wrestling the one of the Blackwatch troopers to the ground and got a surrender from him. Teewin then charged the trooper's teammates in a mock suicide rush and was almost instantly gunned down.

"Please take this seriously, Gunnery Chief. The mission isn't over just because you're the last one left. Otherwise, nice work," Shepard admonished the Jaeger. He muttered a sheepish apology and stepped off the ring. Shepard concluded the attempt by giving them pointers as well.

Murgen's squad did the best out of the Jaegers, taking out a dozen of them. Revak started the course with a dozen Blue Suns mercenaries. He lost most of his troopers to the first and second group but managed to make it to the third by himself. The specialists did extremely well, tying with Murgen's squad despite numbering less than half their strength. Garm was a walking gun emplacement and both Rayla and Galen were extremely skilled at close quarters combat.

Then it was our turn. The beginnings of yet another headache began to tug at my temples but the adrenaline was doing a great job covering that right up. I was pumped with excitement and Cade and Percival were the same. I'd never fought the Blackwatch before. Cade whistled a tune as he slid a new magazine into his Black Widow and prepared to square off against his former unit and Percival was limbering up with a few exaggerated, goofy-looking stretches. Only Elektra was a bit apprehensive, her eyes flicking warily across the battlefield at the turians.

I cracked my knuckles and shook my hands out, suddenly thankful that Cade had force-fed me that gel pack. With Elektra on the team we could put up some nasty biotic explosions, plus Cade, her and I all had the advantage of tactical cloaks. Percival had a modified tech armor module that would give him survivability exceed the capabilities of any other individual on the course.

We took our places at the start of the course. The crew from the Excalibur were whispering excitedly to each other, placing bets and cheering us on. Everyone was eager to see the Blackwatch finally get what was coming from them.

The first group of three went by quickly although they managed to almost burn through my kinetic barriers in the split-second I exposed myself to cast a singularity. Luckily Elektra managed to detonate it with a charge and then wipe them out before they could finish me. It looked like they were going to use the same strategy they employed against the biotics on the other teams.

"Hey Cade, got any tips?" I asked on our way to the next group.

The turian smiled. "Don't be as reckless as you usually are, even if they aere going easy on us."

Elektra turned to Cade. "They're going easy on us?"

"You bet girl," Cade nodded. "Even the most junior of Blackwatch members has on average about ten years of distinguished service. The Jaegers are great, don't get me wrong, but they're not on the same special forces tier as the Blackwatch. The only reason they're even making it to the second or third groups is because the commandos are pulling their punches. None of them have used a single tech power, tactical cloaks, or grenades. They're pretending to be rank-and-file infantryman right now. Remember the team we fought in that bank on Anhur? That would be a better example of a Blackwatch-level squad."

Elektra and I both nodded. That was true. The four-person team we had gone up against had done some serious damage to the four of us plus Accer's Jaegers.

"I figured that much. I bet the only group that could stack up against them from the Systems Alliance are the N7," Percival added from beside us, echoing the same thought that I had earlier.

"Probably," Cade agreed. "Although I think the N7 might actually have them beat. Turian Blackwatch commandos are excellent soldiers – probably better than the N7 – but the N7 have that resourcefulness that most of you humans seem to have ingrained, except to a higher degree. That resourcefulness gives them an edge."

"So you're telling us that perhaps the best way to beat the Blackwatch is to fight as unconventionally as possible?" Elektra sighed.

"Yes and no. Resourceful doesn't only mean unconventional. Surprise is a strong tool to use against any enemy."

The second group went by pretty easily as well using a combination of our tactical cloaks, biotics, and well-placed sniper shots and we were the only group to beat the third group of nine, leading to a round of cheers from the crew of the Excalibur. I couldn't help but notice that the turian crewmembers who had stopped by the hangar bay to watch the training hadn't cheered at all when the Blackwatch were handing our troops their asses. Stoic bunch.

With Percival to draw their fire and Cade to keep their heads down, Elektra and I had the room we needed to let loose. Still, it was difficult with several near misses. The Blackwatch were damn accurate and to stay out of cover or our cloaks for more than three seconds would effectively mean dying. Somehow we managed to wipe the third group of twelve with no casualties. The Excalibur gang erupted in wild cheers.

Then things went south faster than we could blink against the final group of fifteen stationed on one of the back towers with the flag. It was like a switch had been thrown. Elektra went down in seconds at the start of the fight from concentrated fire and me about a minute later, though not before I managed to take out four of them with a few well-placed detonations. Up on the catwalk, Shepard dug an elbow angrily into Garrus' side. The Primarch winced but the big, shit-eating grin never left his face. The guy with the braces was laughing so hard I thought he was going to piss himself/ Kasumi was smiling as well, but Miranda seemed to be on Shepard's team if the side-eye she was giving the turian was any indication. Some of the crew members of the Wrath smiled as we got what they saw as our come-uppance.

Percival and Cade traded fire with the rest of the last group but they were bunkered down too hard. Both were also out of grenades. My two friends decided to do a coordinated, frontal assault. Percival charged straight through the front door, his tech armor managing to keep him alive, and Cade slipped in with his tactical cloak once Percival began engaging the enemy in close quarters where their numbers and their shooting skills mattered less. Percival went down after dispatching three of them, his shields having been weakened by his charge.

Cade engaged the last nine Blackwatch in what had to be the best hand-to-hand I'd ever seen from him. I knew he was fantastic, being annoyingly-gifted and all and having had actual military training, but this was next level. With careful positioning he managed to turn them all into one-on-one fights, using his opponent to shield himself from the gunfire of the other Blackwatch commandos. He then used his Carnifex, knife, and even his tactical cloak to win them all. He'd activate it in the middle of his opponents swings and then reappear where they least expected it. That took a level of reflexes and timing that I would never have been able to reliably duplicate.

He somehow took out six of the Blackwatch before falling to the last two, and only because one of them landed a lucky burst while he was cloaked. It was an immensely impressive attempt. I was good at hand-to-hand because I was extremely unconventional and had a ton of experience fighting dirty, plus my biotics. Cade looked as if he had picked up a few of my tricks as well, and I'd seen some of them in the feints he had used against the Blackwatch. Combine that with his high level of natural skill and his actual military training he had the edge over me. My only advantage was that as dirty as Cade fought and as dirty as he thought I could fight, I could always fight a bit dirtier.

Everyone gathered around Cade and Percival to pat them on the back. A few turian crew members pointed at Cade and whispered amongst themselves. I could also see a few credits changing hands.

"Excellent work Operatives. Just what I would expect from the Spectres," Shepard said with a small smile. Unfortunately, the smile was short-lived. "However, there is still room for improvement. Operatives Lancelot and Kitiarian, I don't have any comments for both of you at this time but I may after I've reviewed the reports from the other evaluators. Operatives Cloud and Elektra, you're talented, but you don't work nearly as well in a team as you might think. Now I understand that neither of you have military training so some of that is understandable, but we will need to work on that in the coming days."

I was a bit taken back at first but I quickly swallowed my pride. I wasn't one to turn down any helpful criticism especially when it came from someone like Commander goddamn Shepard.

"Yes commander," I replied. "Is there anything more specific you can give us at this time?"

Shepard nodded. "Your target-prioritization mainly benefits you and you don't set up for your comrades as well as you could be. To put it bluntly, the two of you fight a bit selfishly. Aggressively as well. You two expose yourself unnecessarily more than anyone else."

Elektra and I both shared a look and we nodded. Bummer, I thought we were being careful. That was understandable. And fair. I wondered, had Corribus received the same training that these guys had? Had he ever been in the Blackwatch? We had never really talked about it. Whenever we met he'd just talk about his kids and how hard it was raising three kids as a single dad.

"Still," the Commander continued. "This was a great start to the day. Take a small break and then join me in the meeting room on deck three for lecture. The location should be uploaded onto your omni-tools shortly. Lunch will be served then. After that we're meeting back here."

Percival wrapped an arm around Elektra and I on our way up to the meeting room. "Well well well well well, looks like the two biotic wonderkin aren't as special as they thought they were," he said teasingly.

"Bugger off," Elektra grumbled. "And I'm not exactly too cut up over not measuring up to you two big-dick, bona-fide war-heroes. Besides, I was expecting a lot more from the two of you."

Percival scowled and ruffled her hair, causing Elektra to yelp in indignation. I gave a small smile but I didn't add anything.

Cade however couldn't resist. "See, harpy? Don't make me mad or I'll tie you into a danish."

"It's 'pretzel', you bird. And all I need to do is land a single punch and Cam will be spoon-feeding you for the rest of your days." That was somewhat true. Elektra was very talented at magnifying the force of her blows with her biotics. It wasn't something she could do for long, but typically she didn't need long. Like mine, her hand-to-hand was nothing to scoff at.

The lecture ended up being about tactics used by Reaper forces during the war. Shepard lectured us at length on husks and some weird things that I have never heard of that called adjutants which apparently had the ability to convert their victims into more of themselves. They were the closest analogue we had to the Corpsers. We watched videos on varren and other pack animals to learn how to fight against the Chasers and for the Changers we studied old, live combat footage of Banshees. Absolutely terrifying. We received lectures from Miranda and Garrus and Murgen, but also from two Blackwatch commanders who had also served during the Reaper War.

The creatures that the Project had inadvertently created really were similar to the old creations of the Reapers. I wondered if the Cris'paii DNA had been corrupted by some kind of Reaper tech. The Project knew that the Cris'paii DNA could survive harvesting and was capable of a virus-like level of reproduction, but maybe whatever the Reapers had done when they harvested the Cris'paii had corrupted that mechanism. That would explain the physical similarities.

We all listened to her as if our lives depended on it, which it did. We all took a notes down on our omni-tools. A cold lunch was had while the lecturers continued to teach and Elektra and I sucked down a few more gel packs and energy bars to ensure we could run our biotics. By the time we were finished it was mid-afternoon and then it was back to the hangar bay after a short break. Is this what school felt like?

Shepard and the rest of her team and the other Blackwatch commanders took their places back up on the catwalk overlooking the training field. Garrus once again had a big, shit-eating grin on his face, and though the Blackwatch commanders were a bit more reserved I could tell from their body language that they were also eager and excited. The question was by what. I had a bad feeling.

"Okay, now that you've all had practiced at being the attackers, let's see how you guys do as the defenders. Each team will take up a spot at one of the flag buildings and do their best to repel the invaders," Shepard called out.

Well shit. Guess the Blackwatch wanted to remind us just exactly who were the top dogs around here.

Shepard had them come at us again in waves that numbered in multiples of three. The Jaegers and the Blue Suns did even worse than last time, with Chang, Accer's and the third squad all somehow losing out to the first wave of three. Murgen's team managed to make it to the second group of six before being wiped. Revak and the specialists managed to make it to the second group too. The exercise was made harder by the fact that the Blackwatch were no longer being relegated to passive participants. They were employing advanced assault tactics and they were working seamlessly together.

Shepard was right, I was learning a lot. Not just small-unit tactics, but also that if I ever wanted to take out a renegade team from the Blackwatch I'd probably have to use explosives and booby traps if I wanted to get out in one piece. That line of thinking might come in handy the next time we squared off against Severus' commandos.

We ending up faring the best, losing out early against the group of twelve. This time they actually focused Cade first, taking him out with an impressive cross-fire. Elektra and I tried to hold them back but they kept themselves spread out, hitting us from half-a-dozen different angles. Percival was the last to fall.

"Great progress!" Shepard told the lot of us. "We're going to be switching it up back and forth until about 2100 ship-time."

The next round had us back as the attackers and we were all defenders once more in the fourth and final round. Bets were made, credits changed hands, and everyone's throats were sore from cheering each other on. Surprisingly Garm was my biggest cheerleader. All in all it ended up being a fun day – one of the most fun that I'd had in a while. It wasn't too tiring because we were all taking turns, and no one ended up with anything more serious than a couple of bruises.

We lowered our weapons for the final time. The Blackwatch troopers gave us grudgingly respectful nods as the four of us walked off the pitch. We'd almost beaten the group of twelve this time.

"Great work today everyone!" Shepard called out. "I'll have the performance reports sent to you within the hour. Kinetic barrier and weapon upgrades should follow around the same time. Please take a look at the reports tonight, install the mods, and I'll see you all back on the Wrath tomorrow at 0800 sharp. I want you to get in as much training as possible over the next three days."

Aside from being a great orator, I never realized Shepard was such a good instructor. She didn't take a hardline, asshole approach like some of the other drill sergeants Percival and Cade had told me about. Her praise was lavish and her criticism was thoughtful and felt well-deserved.

"Oh and one more thing. Can the following individuals stay behind? That would be Corporal Maljani, Private First Class Shizuka, First Lieutenant Burton, Staff Lieutenant Durant, Spectre Operative Cloud, and Spectre Operative Elektra. Each of you are going to be getting sized for new biotic implants that we will install in a few days."

Did she say what I thought she said?

April 5th, 2054 hours – En-Route to Sahrabarik System

SSV Excalibur, Deck 4, Engineering Sub-Deck

(Spectre Operative 04272182-Cloud)

"What are you doing down here alone?"

To hear someone else down here startled me, especially since I hadn't heard her come in. No one ever came down into the engineering subdeck except for whichever poor sap drew the short end of the straw on maintenance duties. It was a long, dark, and cramped hallway filled with knobs and dials and pressure gauges. At one end of the hallway somewhere close to the nose of the ship was a small, poorly-lit chamber that doubled as a storage room for unimportant items. Currently the only things in it were the crates that our rations had come in and a Spectre. Well, two now.

"Nothing," I replied. I set my journal down beside me and put one leg up onto the crate I'd been sitting on, wrapping my hands around my knee. "I come down here to be alone. To get away from it all."

Shepard had decided to forgo her armor and was instead wearing a simple set of Alliance fatigues. She didn't take the hint and stepped into the chamber. She pointed at the crate lying on its side a few feet opposite from me. "Is that seat taken?"

I shrugged. "Be my guest." What did she want?

She took a seat and crossed her legs. For the next minute she simply sat there, staring at my face with the same odd expression that she'd had back on Latibulum when she first saw me.

Not that I didn't appreciate it when a woman stared, but it was a bit weird when the woman doing the staring was old enough to be my mother. It was getting to be a bit awkward, so I decided to break the silence. "So, what are you doing down here? Is someone looking for me?"

My question jolted Shepard out of her reverie. "Nope. The Wrath and her escort are going to be turning back from here on out. My team and I are going to be riding the rest of the way with you to Omega. I just wanted to get to know you a little better. Talk to you a bit."

Weird, but okay. I just shrugged again. "Sure. Whatever."

Shepard crossed her legs a little tighter. "You know, I once knew someone who also liked to spend their time in a place like this," she said, waving her hand around the chamber. "When I first met her she was a quick-tempered, troubled, angry, kid. But she was lonely too. She used to stay down in the cargo hold of our ship for hours and hours, drawing pictures and reading books. Used to say it felt safe to her. She had a troubled childhood."

I know how to reply so I didn't, and I wasn't up for shrugging again.

She let her hand drop back into her lap. Her emerald-green eyes bore deep into my blue ones, as if she were trying to get a glimpse into what was going on in my mind. "Does this place make you feel safe?"

"No, I just wanted some peace and quiet," I told her.

"Okay," she nodded. "Do you want me to leave?" she asked me with a sad, pitiful expression on her face.

Damn her. "No, it's fine. We can talk if you want."

I expected another awkward question but what I got instead was more staring. Shepard was certainly an oddball. An awkward silence descended upon us once again, and again I felt compelled to break it.

"So, what happened to her? Your troubled friend?"

"Well, she became the head of Grissom Academy," Shepard said cheerfully. "She got married. Adopted two kids with her partner. Has a nice house down on Elysium and we exchange vid-calls every Christmas. Her kids are about twelve and fourteen now I think. Her son is a huge Blasto fans and her daughter is really into pottery. Really talented too."

I pulled my other leg up onto the crate and wrapped both my arms around my knees. "Sound's nice."

"It is," Shepard nodded. "She got the wonderful life that she deserved. The one she never knew she wanted."

The commander looked down and began to pick at one of her shoelaces. "So, word around the ship is that you were an orphan?"

Of course it was. "Is it now?"

"Yeah. I was an orphan myself you know. Born on Earth. Spent the first seventeen years of my life in London on my own before I joined the Alliance."

I gave her an interested look. Shepard was an orphan too? That I didn't know.

"Do you remember where you were born?"

"No," I shook my head. From time to time I'd have these dreams about an apartment that seemed familiar, but I could never end up placing where I'd seen it before. In all likelihood it was probably just an apartment that I'd once briefly visited on a mission once upon a time ago. Just something that my subconscious brain liked to use as a setting for whatever stupid game it decided to play while I was asleep. "I was too young."

Shepard leaned in. "Does the name Martha Killian mean anything to you?"

"No. Should it?"

The answer seemed to take the wind out of Shepard's sails for some reason I couldn't fathom. She muttered a quiet, sad little 'oh' and went back to staring at her combat boots. What in the galaxy was going inside that head of hers?

I was struck by just how human she was. Somehow in my head I always thought she'd be this higher being— a larger-than-life figure immune to the quirks and peculiarities and weaknesses that plagued us normal, lesser beings. Sure, I know just how stupid that sounded. After all, I'd met many people who had claimed to be such. Inevitably they would all end up showing their true colors. They would reveal themselves as weak, despicable people who did bad shit like sell drugs, diddle kids, or lie or cheat or steal. To no one's surprise.

However, I just figured that the odds were that there was at least one – at least one – individual in this goddamn galaxy who actually was this perfect person. I figured if it was anyone it had to have been Commander Shepard. The woman who united the galaxy and beat the Reapers. Was I wrong after all? Maybe such a person didn't exist.

I was curious to know more about her and what a person like her had been doing the last twenty years.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"That facility we found you in, what was it? Is that where you've been the last twenty years?"

Sehpard nodded. "For most of it, yeah. I mean, I went out from time to time disguised so it's not like I was stuck inside there. It used to be the old headquarters for Project Watchdog. After I shut it down I converted it into a retirement resort of sorts. I lived there full-time with a few of my old crew and everyone would use it as a little home away from home and gatherings from time to time."

I grunted, expecting as much. It was cute I guess. A little sanctuary for Shepard and all her old war buddies to hang out and reminisce about the old days. I wonder if Cade and Percival and I would have something similar when we grew older. Cade wanted a dessert shop slash bar and Percival had alluded to once wanting to run a restaurant. Me? I think I'd like a small bookstore-café. I think that would be the best of all three worlds.

But there was another more pressing question that I wanted to ask her. It had been sitting in the back of my mind, festering like an open wound and plaguing me relentlessly ever since we found her on that planet. I had to know the answer – I just had to.

"Can I ask you another question?"

The commander nodded again. "Yeah, go for it."

Up until now her eyes had been the one boring into mine, trying to dredge up whatever secrets she thought I was withholding from her. Now it was my turn.

"You knew what the Cris'paii DNA was capable of. You must have known early on what Alice Anders would try to do. Why didn't you do anything about it?"

Shepard immediately fell silent. Clearly she hadn't been expecting that question. A host of emotions began to play out over the commander's face, with pain, guilt, and sadness all vying for the top spot. I wasn't about to stop just because of who she'd been in the past. No one was above being held accountable.

"You know, because of you Alice Anders started the Project," I said vehemently. I was suddenly overcome with anger. Did Shepard realize what she'd done? Did she think about all the people she ended hurting by sitting on her ass all these years? Did she understand that they might have been saved had she'd done something? "She created that strain that turned everyone into those… those things. I saw those things wipe out an entire ship—an entire city!Shit, they almost wiped out an entire planet!"

My words struck deep. Guilt. That was all there was now, taking up every single square inch of her face and sinking its fangs into her soul.

That however wasn't enough for me. That wasn't good enough for everyone that died because she didn't do anything. I wanted her to feel hurt. I wanted her to hurt like I did when I watched all those people die. Everyone who died – Sarah, Astrid, Captain Barthilas, Sergeant Mardinus… all of them might still be alive today if Shepard had done something.

It was getting harder to breath now. She must have realized what doing nothing would mean for the galaxy. How long had that guilt been sitting there deep down inside of her? How long? No matter, I would drag it all up with my bare hands if I had to.

"All because you didn't stop her back then!"

Shepard still didn't say anything. I got up off of the crate and took a few angry steps at her.

"What, are you not going to say anything? Why didn't you do anything!? Why didn't you stop her!?"

Eleven hundred people on the SSV Hippocrates and hundreds of thousands – if not millions – on Anhur. All gone, and she didn't even have the decency to give me a good reason why. Shepard just stared at me with those big, green eyes. Why didn't she do something – anything?

"Because of you, good people died! Fathers, sons, daughters, and mothers… all torn the fuck apart by creatures that used to be the people they loved! Why didn't you stop them? Aren't you supposed to be a hero!?"

Say something.

"Say something!" I shouted hopelessly at her.

I was utterly spent after that. A heavy, tense silence rushed into the void that separated the two of us. Just when I had resigned myself to never getting an answer, Shepard began to speak.

"Heroes aren't born you know. They're not made either. Heroes decide to be heroes. They decide that what's out there is wrong and that can't just stand by any longer. They decide to act. By doing, so they are elevated into heroes."

She clasped her hands together and stared down at them, no longer able to meet my castigating gaze.

"I became a hero when I decided to go after Saren for trying to bring back the Reapers into the galaxy. I became a hero when I decided to stop the Reapers from abducting all our colonist…."

"I became a hero when I decided that I wouldn't just stand by and let the Reapers wipe out everything and everyone that I had ever loved."

Suddenly her voice began to quiver and I saw a teardrop splash onto her hands. "But what they don't tell you about being a hero is the weight that it places on your shoulders. The burden it places on your soul."

Shepard lifted her hands. "You feel like you're holding the galaxy and the fate of everyone in it in your own two hands, except that it feels too big for you to actually hold on to, and yet you know that you have to hold on anyways."

"God, I was so tired after the Reaper War," Shepard continued tearfully. "I tried to keep being the hero that the galaxy saw me as — I really did. I started Project Watchdog to investigate both the Phenomenon and old Reaper artifacts so that I could win Earth back for us and possibly save some lives."

She buried her head in her hands. "But I was just so tired. So, so tired."

I had been searching aimlessly these last few months for something I couldn't put my finger on. I didn't know what it was until I'd found Shepard.

I was looking for someone else to blame for the deaths of all those people. Anyone. Because if I couldn't find someone, then it had to be my fault right? All of it. Sure, I knew that the Project did this, but I was complicit even if my only crime was my own inadequacy. If only I'd fought harder on the Hippocrates then Sarah would still be alive and John would still have a mother. If only I'd killed the Chimaera back in the labs then both Syriah and Vidanor wouldn't have had to die to stop it. The list went on and on. More names than I can count and more wrongs then I could ever make right in a thousand lifetimes.

But looking at Shepard now, I knew I was wrong. I couldn't blame her. If I had been through everything she had I probably wouldn't have done anything differently. A person couldn't keep fighting their entire lives. It had to end sometime.

I swallowed. "I-I get it. You did try to stop them," I admitted apologetically.

"I really did," the commander nodded. "When Alice came to me her findings on the Cris'paii DNA, I realized the potential danger that it posed. I tried to turn her away. I shut down the project and everything, but Alice refused to give up. She left and she took her research with her."

Shepard took a shaky breath. "A small part of me knew what she'd try to do, but in that moment Alice was gone. Her wish was little more than a dream and the galaxy was finally in some semblance of stability. I didn't want to have to hunt her down. I'd seen enough of my friends die."

She lifted her head up from her hands. Tears ran in rivulets down her cheeks, streaking her mascara and eyeliner. Shepard let out a hopeless laugh. "The hardest decision I ever made was not my decision to become a hero. It was my decision to stop being one. I wanted peace. I wanted to finally enjoy everything that I had fought so hard for. I wanted to start a life with the turian I loved. I wanted children… I wanted to be a mother… I wanted everything that I never got to have growing up. Screw me right?"

She drew the back of her hand across her face, smearing her makeup everywhere. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't stop Alice and the Project sooner. I can see from your face that they've taken people close to you. That's why I'm here. I'm here to do what I should have done decades ago. No one else is going to die because of me."

I looked down at the ground, ashamed at my own childish lack of self-control. Shepard didn't deserve the pain that I had wanted to her to feel – to share. What the Project did… none of that was her fault. I knew it wasn't mine either, but knowing it was one thing. Believing it was another.

"Did you end up getting it?" I asked her quietly. "The things you never had? Peace?"

Shepard gave a sad little smile. "After the Reaper War I adopted a young boy with Garrus. He was a lot like you actually. Smart, resourceful, tenacious… always asking me questions about the War. He wanted more than anything to be a Spectre when he grew up."

"What happened to him?"

"He died. Leukemia. From an old nuclear weapon we ended up using against the Reapers during the war. He died right around the time Alice discovered the Cris'paii DNA."

My heart sank."I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she said with a shake of her head. "What's done is done. We adopted another child afterwards – a little turian girl. She's actually a Havoc trooper now. Dessia wants nothing more than to follow in her father's footsteps and become a war hero. I keep telling her that she has to be careful. I keep telling her that the galaxy has enough heroes and how most of them aren't alive anymore and how I'd much rather have her around, but you know how turians around her age are."

Shepard let out a weary sigh and turned away from me, likely staring at an old ghost that I couldn't see. "Still, I miss my son. I still think about him sometimes," she whispered.

The two of us sat there quietly afterwards, lost in our own respective memories and the suffering that there was to be had there. I couldn't imagine the pain she must have went through— to overcome every obstacle that fate had decided to throw at her and to still be forced to choose between her own happiness and the safety of the galaxy. How many times could a person be asked to make that decision? How many times could they be asked to pick the galaxy?

"Hey," Shepard said suddenly. "It's been about a day since we installed your new amp right? It should have bonded well enough for you to try it out."

"Yeah" I nodded. "I read the specs though. It's not one of the two that the other biotics got right?".

The other biotics had gotten either an advanced set of Adept or Vanguard implants depending on their specialty. Developed by Armax Arsenal, these latest implants allowed for faster recharge times and used a revolutionary, conductive nano-gel that allowed for less strain to be place on the nervous system when biotics were used.

"No, it's a copy of the one that I use. I had it specially designed for myself. Took Miranda and I almost three years to build it," Shepard said. Her eyes gleamed in the dim light and a wide smile had appeared on her face. She was excited. "I told a little white lie when I said that I didn't have any special equipment to give you guys. It comes with a few basic abilities that yours didn't have, but also some new, custom ones. Want me to show you how to do the mnemonics? It's kind of complex."

Why not. "Sure."

Shepard got up and pushed a large crate onto its side so that it was standing upright. She planted herself in front of it and began to move her hands, making these weird signs that I didn't recognize. She wasn't kidding. It was the strangest and most complex physical mnemonic I'd ever seen, taking her almost a full three seconds to complete. In fact, I'd never seen anything quite like it."

The result however blew my mind. My jaw dropped onto the floor. Damn, Shepard wasn't just eccentric. she was absolutely mad.

"Oh man, if you think that's cool watch this," she said exuberantly. She kicked away the ruined crate and began to move a bunch of new crates in place. "What's behind the wall over there? Anything important?"

"No, just hull plating. Why?"

"How thick?"

"Maybe eighty centimeters?"

"Great. Should be okay then."

I watched as she launched into another complex physical mnemonic. My mind was blown away again.