Amy

I cast out my line and felt something tug at it, I pulled and pulled and from the depths I retreved a can of soda. I carefully retrieved it and tried to think about whether there was a point to this, I took in the mist, the fog, and just took the time to relax and live in the moment. We continued fishing until at an unseen moment we stopped and went to shore. Void brought something out of the van and started cooking.

"What are you cooking?"

"Beef and broccoli."

"Were's the beef?"

He shrugged.

"Rationing, couldn't get any beef."

"Then why call it beef and broccoli?"

The dried food started to smell good.

"It's the principle of the thing."

The food was simmering and I waited.

"Why did you decide to fish?"

"Why did you decide to come back?"

I tried to think about my day, I remembered very little about it, I was just going through the motions, wandering about in a daze.

"It was something to do."

He but some broccoli soaked in soy sauce on a plate and I started eating.

"Then that's good enough, isn't it?"

I felt a sense of frustration.

"Ok are you trying to teach me something? Trying to do the whole Zen survivor, sensei thing on me?"

"No I'm trying to fish, you decided to follow me Amy."

"Ugh."

"Why does everything have to have meaning for you? Why can't you just have a moment that's just you existing?"

"Because that's a waste of time."

"The time you enjoy wasting isn't wasted."

"Another quote of wisdom?"

"No just something I stole online, I used to stay up all night because someone was wrong online. I learned a lot that way, well a lot of useless crap but hey you pick things up."

He took a bite of the beef and broccoli without beef.

"There's no fish."

"Yeah thats true, there is no fish."

He took another bite, I tried to think about him.

"I read your old stuff on PHO, you're different."

"I was an obnoxious little shit."

I frowned.

"So not much different then now?"

"Well now I'm a slightly bigger shit."

I felt frustated.

"Why are you so goddamned down on yourself all the time?"

He took another bite.

"I could ask you the same question."

"I don't appreciate this Psych 101 bullshit Void."

"What's good for the goose is good for the gander."

He took another bite, the mist got thicker but the sun was still hiding behind the clouds somewhere. He looked at his food.

"I used to just drown in my feelings, when I was excited I was doubly excited, when I was angry I was furious, when was scared I was terrified, and when I was happy I was deliriously happy. I lived my life without a filter, I didn't care about what anyone thought."

"And?"

"And then I grew up, you can't live that kind of life forever, you can't live in a constant state of now. You will fuck things up for yourself, fuck things up for everyone else. Eventually you have to think, not feel and the world just gets a little bit greyer, a little more washed out."

He finished his food and brought the fishing lines out of the cannoe.

"Going back into the water?"

"Won't be able to see the shore in this fog, so I'm going to have to settle for fishing off the dock, want to join me?"

He offered a pole and I sat next to him, I threw out a line.

"I never wanted this."

The words came out unbidden.

"I never wanted to be a target, I never wanted to just hold back while everyone else fights. I wanted to be in the center of it all, I wanted to be just like mom, strong and defiant and holding my own and instead I'm just a band aid."

He nodded listening to me.

"And now my house is gone, My sister's boyfriend is dead, dad's depressed and-"

"Your family's alive?"

"Yeah we got lucky, again, everyone lived I do good work."

"Is it worth it?"

The question echoed in my head and I sighed.

"Yeah but... yeah it's worth it."

"Then that's all that matters."

We continued fishing.

"So someone saved me from Crawler."

He nodded.

"Good for you."

"Turned him into stone, and then something made that stone go boom."

"That's very interesting."

His face was pointed at the mist.

"Thanks."

We fished in silence for a bit.

"You know Void, you could be-"

"No."

"But-"

"No, I'm drawing a line, I'm not becoming a hero, or a villain, I'm neutral. I'm staying out of the game."

"But you could do so much good."

"I am doing good, I'm fighting the war, but when the wars over I want to stop fighting, your fight never ends."

I pulled up another tin can.

"But the world needs more heroes."

He frowned.

"The world needs a lot of things, but the world keeps on turning without us."

The mist continued to get thicker, the weather got chilly, I could see the sky getting darker. Then I felt the line go taunt, I stopped it and struggled trying to catch whatever was pulling the fishing line. Probably a can, or a bottle or a bit of garbage, but I poured my concentration into the task until something came up.

"But... you said all the fish died."

The tiny thing wriggled in the air, I stared at it.

"We could cook it up or let it go, your choice Amy."

I looked at the fish, stared at it. It wasn't supposed to be here, there wasn't supposed to be anything that was still alive in the bay. I grabbed it and healed it and let it go back into the bay. I watched it swim away.

"Why did you let it go?"

I came to a realization then.

"Because catching the fish wasn't the point."

I looked into his face, and his thousand yard stare and in that moment he smiled.

"Anytime you need to get away from the whole hero thing, I'm here for you."

"Thanks."

We continued fishing, the silence was no longer oppressive it was now in some way comforting, and we just let the day waste away