Lily left Hogwarts that summer with more questions than answers, she was somewhat comforted by the headmaster's words of reassurance but at the same time, it left her realising how many unanswered questions she had.

She couldn't help but feel somewhat down at the prospect of riding the Hogwarts Express, it would be the first time she'd rode it without her best friend for company the entire journey even though they'd tended to split off after a while to sit with their respective friends from their own house but this time she knew she'd not see him at all. They often didn't talk much these days as he'd sit in his corner and immerse himself in a book for a good part of the journey but she still found herself missing his quiet presence and the companionable silence already. This was going to be a very strange summer, she realised.

She felt increasingly conflicted as the holidays drew on. She would see him regularly from the street and when passing her window that overlooked the local park. Rain or shine he'd be there when she got up in the morning till it got dark she'd see him on the swings that they used to frequent regularly or stretched out beneath one of the old trees on a sunny day or huddled up under the thick canopy as though for warmth on the cold rainy days.

Not that she was surprised, she knew that his mother had passed recently and even though she had not had the pleasure of meeting his father his reputation preceded him and she couldn't imagine that the atmosphere at home would be at all pleasant. She certainly couldn't blame him for avoiding that place and staying out of the man's way.

Quite often, she observed that he'd be reading some thick volume leaned forward, fully immersed in whatever text he was reading. Other times he'd sit for hours so still that he appeared to be made of stone and sometimes he'd look so thoroughly depressed and forlorn sat by himself that part of her wanted to just rush out and hug him.

She didn't though, part of her longed, to go out and talk or comfort him so that things could just go back to the way they were before and they could pretend none of this ever happened. At the same time though she wasn't sure what she'd do when face to face with him, what would she say? What could she say after those revelations? Moreover, in the back of her mind was the thought would he even listen to her or would it end as disastrously as last time?

Dumbledore said he had received distressing news and had a lot to come to terms with, and how long would it take before he'd be ready to talk to her assuming he was ever ready to talk.

On top of that, she had to deal with her parents, her father wasn't so bad but her mother was constantly asking her why he didn't come around anymore:

"I told you Mum he's busy"

"Oh nonsense, surely he can't be all that busy that he can't come round once to pop in, in more than six weeks, you know he used to be round here almost every day last summer. Something's happened between you two hasn't it?"

"It's nothing Mum, we just had a bit of a disagreement, he said something that upset me but it's fine now, he's got a lot on his mind" she finally told her, exasperated.

"Oh?" she clearly didn't believe it and continued lecturing her, "Well, I do hope you're not going to let something as silly as a little tiff get between you. You know I've watched you two grow up together, I've seen how close you two are. You should talk to him you know and patch things up, after all, you know that poor boy doesn't exactly have any other friends, I'm sure whatever he's going through he could still use his friend for support."

"I know Mum, I am planning to talk to him it's just" she started then stopped hesitant to talk about their last conversation.

"What is it, love?" "Well it's just that the last time we talked he just spouted a load of nonsense and I couldn't get a straight answer"

"I see and you're worried that it will be the same this time?" she looked at her mother and nodded "just give him a chance and be patient with him, things'll turn out alright, you'll see, he's got a good heart that one even if he hides it well" she reassured her. She smiled at her mother she was right, even though he couldbe easy to anger and quick to lash out underneath his gruff exterior and acidic tongue was a gentle soul that had simply been hurt one too many times to trust people easily.

In the end, it was her mother's words that spurred her into action and towards the end of the holidays, she finally braced herself to face her best friend. She saw him as she approached the playground sitting bent forward on one of the swings, clearly immersed in whatever he was doing.

She approached him "Severus?" she called out hesitantly from behind him. He startled at the sound of the voice and whirled around eyes widening in shock "Lily?" he asked in disbelief "what are you doing here?" he looked around as though expecting his housemates to jump out suddenly from behind a bush "you shouldn't be here, it's not safe."

He couldn't tear his eyes away from her whilst drinking her in as though she were a mirage that might disappear at any moment.

His summer so far had been absolutely wretched, the worst he could remember since he'd met Lily all those years ago.

His father had only become more drunk and more abusive without his mother's presence to hold him back and in the absence of being able to visit his best friend the park had been the only place where he could find enough peace and quiet to relax and concentrate even in the blazing heat and pouring rain.

He'd been kept busy with studying Occlumency and Legilimency on top of his usual summer assignments and his only correspondence had been from Lucius and some of the people in his house who tolerated his presence and that had been at Dumbledore's insistence that he should try to cultivate relationships with them in order to ingratiate himself in the Death Eater social circle.

Unfortunately, with the exception of the older Malfoy, who had always seemed interested in him and was now proving a useful source of information, most of the conversation was hardly stimulating.

He couldn't believe Lily was actually here now after the way he'd acted earlier.

"Don't be silly, who exactly's going to spot us here?" She said, walking around and slowly lowering herself to sit on the swing next to him as his eyes tracked her every move, "I spoke to Dumbledore before I left. He confirmed what you said to me but he wouldn't tell me very much, he said it was sensitive and that I'd have to ask you so I came here because I wanted to talk to you" she said starting to swing slightly as she spoke and slowly lifting her eyes to meet his, watching his response. Up close, she noticed the change in him, he looked older but also more tired and drawn.

His face moved in a silent 'oh' and he seemed to think long before starting to speak "I'm sorry about what I said before I didn't mean it, I was just upset and it slipped out before I realised what I said, I can't believe I said that I don't really think that I swear" he blurted out.

She sighed, "I know, it really hurt at the time but you were upset and you weren't thinking straight, I get that now. I'm sorry too" he looked at her in surprise "I should have come to talk to you sooner but I wasn't sure what to say or if you'd be ready to talk to me then my Mum reminded me that I was being an idiot and it's not just about me, it's about you as well. You're clearly hurting as well and I wouldn't be much of a friend if I just ignored you without at least giving you a chance to explain"

He nodded in acceptance of her apology it was more than he'd expected and certianly more than he felt that he deserved "so are you going to try and explain things to me?" she said in an attempt to break the uncomfortable silence "he said you'd received some news?" she asked him

"Oh yeah right, uh just hang on" he said getting up "Sev?" she questioned wondering if he was going to run out on her again "just wait here, I'll be back in a few minutes promise, I've just got to fetch something alright" he explained over his shoulder as he dashed off in the direction of his house.

She sighed feeling a bit put out that he'd run off at the first chance. Well she supposed she'd just have to find something to do until he got back and proceeded to look around until her eyes alighted on the neat stack of books by the swings. Intrigued she picked up and read the strange titles The Art of Occlumency and Legilimency and shielding your mind, she'd never heard of these strange words, curious she started flipping through them.

She looked up at the sound of her friend returning and carefully put his books back on the ground. He was breathing heavily and clearly out of breath when he reached her, which she supposed wasn't surprising if he'd just run to his house and back, based on what she knew of his father he would want to be in and out as quickly and quietly as he could to avoid disturbing him.

When he'd recovered sufficiently, he reached into a pocket and pulled out a crumpled letter, which he held out to her. She looked at the letter and then up at him in confusion "I can't, I can't explain it, it's easier if you read this, it'll make more sense" he explained.

Taking it from him, she opened it and read through it with increasing alarm, what it was implying was horrific. Suddenly recent events made much more sense and she felt guilty for not being a better friend. No wonder he was so upset and had been acting strangely of late.

He barely dared to look at her as she read that horrible letter certain, as he was that, she would surely want nothing to do with him after reading that he was related to the monster who was leading the fight to bar muggle-borns from the magical world and was quite probably responsible for many of the recent attacks so he was quite surprised when she did speak.

"Oh Sev, I'm so sorry I didn't realise" he looked up at her in surprise.

"What?"

"I've acted like such an idiot, can you forgive me?" She asked, close to tears.

"Uh of course Lily" he replied feeling baffled by her response.

"So that monster's really your father then?" she asked concern evident in her voice.

"Yeah" he admitted glumly, "Dumbledore, confirmed it" he said before briefly relaying their conversation.

"So he thinks that Voldemort probably abducted my Mum after she graduated and forcefully impregnated her so she could bear his child and then he wiped her memory and abandoned her in Cokeworth."

"You mean he raped her?!" she exclaimed in shock and outrage.

He nodded grimly "yeah that was pretty much my reaction as well" he grimaced.

"That's awful!" she exclaimed, "I'm so sorry" she told him, patting his arm reassuringly, he let a weak smile grace his lips at the gesture before continuing.

"That's not all, he reckons he deliberately manipulated my parents or cast some kind of spell over them so they'd neglect and abuse me so that I'd grow up to be bitter and twisted and hate muggles just like he did" she shook her head unable to believe what she was hearing, no words could begin to describe it.

"That's not the worst of it though" she stared at him, unable to believe there could be more that could be worse than what she'd already heard. "He did a scan on me and it showed there was dark magic residue inside of me. He pinpointed it to this" he said pushing back his hair to reveal the tiny snake-like scar "I always thought it was a birthmark, but he says that kind of shape only occurs as a result of someone casting a curse at someone using dark magic. He thinks it's a Horcrux"

"A Horcrux!" she exclaimed, she'd never heard the term, but she could tell just by the sound of it that it couldn't be anything good, that the very name sounded evil "I've never heard" she trailed off.

"I'm not surprised. Apparently, it's one of the most evil branches of dark magic. A person deliberately rips their soul apart to make themselves immortal by committing murder in cold blood, you then use a dark ritual to remove the soul piece and place it in a vessel"

She looked horrified and he turned away resignedly waiting for the rejection he was sure was coming, after all, how could she possibly want to be friends with him now that he knew what a monster he was with a piece of that thing's soul inside him.

He was so lost in these gloomy thoughts that he was caught totally by surprise when she flung her arms around him and hugged him. He looked at her in absolute shock "Lily what are you doing?!" he exclaimed horrified.

"I'm hugging you silly" she replied from where she had her face buried in his chest.

"Well yeah I gathered that, but why?" he replied sheepishly feeling a bit, as though he was the one who was being stupid.

"I thought that was obvious because you're my friend and I think after that you more than need a good hug" she told him as he allowed himself to relax into her embrace and enjoy the comfort that he had not expected to experience again.

"You mean you don't think I'm a monster?" he asked.

She drew back to look at him "what? Why would I think that? Wait is this why you've been acting all funny around me because you were afraid I'd abandon you just because of what this, this monster's done to you?"

He looked uneasy as he looked away unable to meet her eyes "well, yeah I guess kinda" he replied running his hand through his hair feeling uncomfortable, "I mean come on, it's not exactly unreasonable, everybody else has rejected me before they've even given me a chance, most people already think I'm evil and unlovable just because I got sorted into Slytherin. You heard what Potter said he was hexing me because I dared to exist, if people knew the truth about me I'd be well and truly shunned from society" he said bitterly.

"Oh Sev" she said sympathetically, feeling tears well up "Potter's a moron and an arrogant, self-entitled bully. Besides you forgot one thing" he looked up at her cautiously, interested to hear what she had to say, "I've never thought ill of you or looked down on you. I don't think any less of you and I certainly don't think you're a monster, you're my best friend" she told him smiling and giving his arm an encouraging squeeze.

"And you're mine Lil"

"Right now, tell me something Severus, did you ask for this?" He looked at her "no, of course not" he objected "did you choose this, any of it?" "No, I mean, I was going to you know but not now."

"Right so none of this is your fault, we can't choose our family and they don't define us, our choices define us and just because this person who claims to be your father is a mad psychopath who wants to kill all muggles doesn't mean you have to be like him. Wait, you're not going to be like him, are you? You're not still planning to join the Death Eaters, are you?" She asked, suddenly concerned.

He looked down at his feet as though they were suddenly the most interesting thing there "it's not as though I've got much choice, is it?"

He could see her disapproval but she didn't argue with him "look Lil it's not exactly as though I want to after he's lied to me and messed up my whole life but he's already said I'm his heir. He's made it clear that he has certain expectations of me, I either have to go willingly or go in shackles, you know he can use the Imperius curse on me if I don't do it right? He can force me to serve him against my will, in fact, I'd bet he'd enjoy that parading me in front of his Death Eaters like some kind of trophy knowing there's nothing I can do to stop him"

"You could ask Dumbledore, I bet he'd help you if you just asked him I'm sure he'd find some way to protect you so you didn't have to go through with it"

He could see she was getting caught up in her idea and decided he had to stop her before she got too caught up. "I did, I told him I didn't want to be a Death Eater anymore, I practically begged him for help."

"And?" she asked expectantly.

"He said that it was best if I take the mark, he said if I didn't it would probably be seen as a sign of disloyalty and that I would be worse off than if I appeared to be loyal"

"Oh"

He looked at her and saw her clear disappointment and rushed to reassure her "it's alright though, he's not giving up on me though, he said he's going to keep searching and doing all he can to help me in secret. Oh yeah, that's the other thing I meant to say, he's got a plan" he said eagerly as she looked up at him intrigued, "you see he's setting up this group dedicated to fighting Voldemort and his followers, but he needs someone on the inside who will appear loyal but who he can trust to pass information back and not betray him."

"So he wants you to spy for him, isn't that terribly dangerous?" she asked with concern as she realised what he was getting to.

"Lily my life's going to be in danger anyway if he forces me to take the mark, at least this way I'm doing something useful. He also says he's not going to let me go in as a spy if he doesn't think I'm totally ready. That's why I've been coming out here and reading these books" he said indicating the pile "he tried to read my thoughts and I blocked him without thinking about it. He says I'm a natural Occlumens"

"Oh well, that's good, right? I mean Dumbledore must be a pretty powerful wizard right?"

"Yeah but he says that I need to be able to block him without him realising it by showing him false memories and emotions whilst shielding what I'm really thinking, that's why I've been working really hard to master Occlumency"

"It looks difficult"

"It is. It's not just that though I need to be convincing and act flawlessly like I believe in all this stuff like I'm a loyal Death Eater, oh" he seemed to deflate as he remembered something.

"Sev, what is it?" he peeked up at her from behind his long hair, "he says we can't be friends anymore in public" he said despondently.

"What?"

He hated himself right then, he'd only just managed to make things up with her and now he was having to let her down and betray her. He could see she was full of indignant anger and about to go off on one "look Lil I know what you're going to say, you're going to object and give me a load of reasons why we should remain friends. I'm not saying I'm any happier about it than you are cause I'm not but he's right"

"So you're going to throw away our friendship just like that, these past seven years mean nothing to you?"

"No, of course not. Look Lily you're the most important person in my life, I care about you more than I could ever possibly say but that's why" he searched for words to express himself.

"You and your family are the only people who've ever cared about me, if anything happened to any of you I couldn't bear it, it would kill me, I can't risk that. I know it's hard but I need you to be strong, and pretend like I mean nothing to you when we're at Hogwarts, people are going to be watching me, judging me, if they see us together it won't just be me who is at risk you'll be a target, they'll use you against me and he won't have any qualms about hurting you. Please, I wouldn't ask if there wasn't any other way" he reached out, taking her hands in his own.

He held her gaze, praying that she would see how much this was killing him, as much as he knew it was killing her, to have to do this, and how she meant the world to him. His eyes implored her to see how important this was.

A sea of emotions flashed across her eyes before she finally sighed, "Alright I get it, I hate to admit it but you're right if you're going to be a spy then we can't be together"

He breathed a sigh of relief "but it doesn't mean I like it though or that I'm going to accept it lying down. There's got to be some way we can make it work even if we can't be together. I care about you Severus, a lot" she admitted blushing and wrapping her arms around him.

He looked at her amazed she could think that about him of all people, the pale, greasy Slytherin, Death Eater spawn, son of a muggle-hating monster.

"Uh I care about you too, I always have" he admitted feeling somewhat embarrassed. She was perfect, his fiery-haired emerald green-eyed angel, he wanted to hold her and never let her go. She was his best friend, his first friend, his only friend but she was so much more, she was his rock in a raging sea that threatened to engulf him but she was also the one thing he could never have.

"But we can't be together?" she asked sadly.

"No we can't" he agreed with bitter regret, "you know what's funny though?" she glanced up at him "Voldemort wanted to control me and shape me so I'd grow up just like him bitter and hating muggles. You're the most important person in my life but I think he probably would have succeeded if I hadn't met you and your parents, no one cared about me not even my parents but you taught me how to love and gave me hope. If I hadn't had that, I think I probably would have become so bitter and angry that I probably would have just accepted what he wrote without question. Now I can't even be with the one person I care about the most"

She considered him for a moment before gently stroking his cheek "you're amazing you know that to come through all of that, all of his plans and manipulations, all his attempts to try and make you like him and yet you're not at all like him. You've been hurt and rejected so many times and yet you still have the capacity for love. I know everyone else only sees the stone-cold front you put up but under all that there's a kind heart and gentle soul" she told him and kissed him lightly.

"Come on, my Mum's been going on at me to talk to you and bring you round"

"But …" he started to object.

"I know we can't be friends at Hogwarts but we're not at Hogwarts yet and there's still a few days of the holiday left, we can at least enjoy these last few days of freedom"

"But I need to study" he reminded her.

"You do know you can study at my house, you could even stay over. I'm sure it'd be a lot quieter than your house"

"It may be quieter but I'll bet there'll be more distractions" he replied raising an eyebrow as though challenging her.

"I won't distract you promise, well not too much anyway" she teased flashing him a mischievous grin causing both eyebrows to shoot up, "besides it might be a good test of your skills to see how you cope with distractions" she pointed out, causing him to blush.

She looked him up and down, he might have grown some but he certainly hadn't filled out any if anything he looked skinnier than usual, not exactly surprising if he was relying on the senior Snape to bring home food or even money to buy said food.

"Besides I'm sure you could use some good food and I know you can't resist my Mum's cooking" she grinned knowing that she'd got him hooked with that argument.

Any protest he might have had died quickly as his stomach decided to choose that moment to rumble its assent causing him to look away embarrassed "come on, it'll be alright you'll see" she said gently taking his arm.

"Hi Mum, guess what, I've brought a guest back with me" she called out in greeting as they stepped inside her house.

Her mother emerged from the kitchen with her sleeves rolled up and wearing one of her cheerful aprons clearly in the middle of baking something. She was drying her hands with a tea towel but stopped and dropped it when she saw Severus who was looking even more uncomfortable

"Severus! What a lovely surprise, are you alright dear? We haven't seen you all summer, we were worried about you, my you've certainly grown dear"

She said all this while rushing over, engulfing him in the kind of motherly hug that he never got at Spinner's End, the kind that he'd missed so much these past months. She pulled back to look him up and down and proceeded to fuss over him like many a mother up and down the country whilst bombarding him with questions.

"I'm sorry some stuff came up and I've had a lot to think about"

"Is everything alright?" she asked him with concern.

"Uh it's fine just a bit complicated" he said running a hand through his hair nervously.

Lily noticed and interceded before he faced more of a grilling "he can't really talk about it Mum"

"Oh alright, well if you're sure but if there's anything we can do to help, don't hesitate in letting us know dear"

He readily agreed before Lily interceded again "we were going to do a bit of studying and I suggested Severus could stay over for a while if that's alright?" she said and her mother looked at her and exchanged a sympathetic look with her daughter.

"Of course, you can stay as long as you like, we'll set up the camp bed for you later. I'll bring you up some snacks and drinks in a bit" she said happy to have him back in the fold and to be able to feed up the boy she'd come to think of as her adoptive son.

"Now then we were thinking of going to Diagon Alley later this week to pick up school supplies, if you wanted to come with us you'd be more than welcome"

"Oh uh thank you, I'd love to but the headmaster's helped me out this year, he released some school funds and ordered most of what I needed and I picked the rest up the other week before things got busy" He explained, it was pretty much the truth as well, Dumbledore had been much more kind and sympathetic towards him since learning of his situation.

He'd also encouraged him to write to his peers in Slytherin and ask them about meeting up. He'd given him more than enough money for his school supplies and robes. The result was that he'd spent a somewhat less enjoyable few hours going around Diagon and Knockturn Alley with the sadistic vultures Mulciber and Avery who he normally hung around with at Hogwarts.

He'd already bought and shrunk most of the more mundane supplies and made a note of some books that may be of use so they'd spent their time mainly looking through the more dodgy stores, looking at all manner of interesting and often creepy-looking dark arts books and dark artefacts with the other two boys laughing and exchanging sick jokes at some of the gruesome spells and Severus trying to look like he was still interested and amused by their morbid sense of humour.

Fortunately, none of the other Slytherins knew how he normally paid for his supplies so he was able to make the excuse that Lucius Malfoy had taken a special interest in him since he was due to be initiated into the Death Eater ranks next year and had decided to sponsor some of the more disadvantaged Slytherin recruits something which he imagined may not be far off from the truth, the Malfoy heir's own perverse form of charity to aid the next generation of Death Eater, suddenly he saw all the lavish gifts in a new light as he realised that they'd been nothing more than bait being dangled on a hook for him.

Either way, with that excuse, it gave him reason to follow up on Dumbledore's suggestion that he buy himself some fancy robes and high-quality school uniforms, something which would be expected of a student being sponsored by a Malfoy although he would have to take great care to hide it from Voldemort until he had either roped Malfoy into the lie or managed to come up with a believable reason as to why someone growing up in poverty would suddenly be able to afford such nice robes.

He would have much preferred to have gone to Diagon Alley with Lily and her family and pretend it was like old times pouring over books and potion ingredients together and enjoying an ice cream at Flortescues but he knew it wasn't possible, if anyone saw the two of them together it would most certainly spell trouble so he'd just have to make up some excuse. "Oh gee that's really nice of you to offer, I'd love to but I've really got to catch up on my summer assignments" he said looking to Lily for support.

"Oh well that's a pity but if you're sure"

"Don't pressure him, Mum, we'll just have to bring him something nice back" she grinned "come on, we'd better go study" she said leading him up to her bedroom.

The next few days made up for the miserable start to the holidays. They spent much of the time in Lily's bedroom with the two of them spread out on her bed while she completed her assignments or snuggled up close to him while he read his Occlumency books, sometimes they'd stop for a snack or a chat or she'd put on some of her music for him. It was pure bliss, he finally felt clean, he was able to get a decent night's sleep and was never hungry, and he'd never felt more wanted and loved than he had in the company of Lily and her parents. He wished that last week would never end and that he could be a part of this family forever.

One day during the week Lily and her parents left him alone in the house while they went to pick up her supplies from Diagon Alley, he relaxed and settled down to his studies, after making up with Lily he found it much easier to clear his mind. Several hours later, when he'd retreated upstairs, he was brought out of his readings by the sound of the Evan's family returning.

"Hey, we're back" he heard Lily's cheerful voice from downstairs and got up to greet her.

"You have a good time?"

"It was great but not the same without you. Oh wait, I've got something for you" she said fishing in her bag and bringing out two books covered in brown leather, "you remember I said I'd look for a way for us to communicate in secret?" he nodded "look at these, I found them in one of those funny shops that sell all manner of magical odds and ends. I asked the sales clerk and they explained that they're a matching pair and you use them so that two people can communicate in secret, they're old stock so I doubt anyone else will know about them. They've got all manner of protective charms on them and best of all whatever you write in them can only be seen by the person who owns the matching journal everyone else just sees a blank page. You just need to prick your finger and press it on one of the pages and then write something in and it will tune itself to you, see"

She demonstrated before writing something in one of the journals "now you try" he looked at her wearily before copying her and writing in the other journal, to his surprise the writing glimmered before disappearing "now cast revelare quod est absconditum he did and was surprised to see Lily's message suddenly appear above his own.

"This is great but isn't it going to look a bit odd if people see me writing in a journal but when they look the page is blank?" he asked.

"Oh right, hang on, I'm sure they mentioned that" she scrabbled around some more "that's right see, I think you cast this spell over it, celare scripturam and it'll make it look like you're writing something else in it to other people."

"Brilliant" he grinned.

It was with some reluctance that he left the Evans family after receiving plenty of hugs, not least from Lily, who told him to take care and write to her in his journal and some sandwiches from her Mum to go back home and retrieve his trunk. He'd left it as late as possible after being convinced to stay one last night and stop for an early breakfast and he was very tempted to take them up on their offer of a lift to the station and ask them to drop him off somewhere out of sight of the main building but decided it would be easier and less risky to just hail the Knight Bus then there'd be no chance of anyone spotting anything suspicious.

Translations:

revelare quod est absconditum = reveal what is hidden

celare scripturam = hide writing