Hi, so here is another chapter and yeah this is a smaller one as it deals with the death of a parent. I know James's parents were supposed to die together one after the other just after he graduated but I have changed this. I did some reading on dragonpox and didn't find much so I am treating it as the wizard's version of cancer in which it can inevitably kill you regardless of how long you've been free of it. That is what I've written for James mother. If this triggers or upsets you then I one hundred percent understand and it might be best to give this and the next chapter a miss.

Disclaimer-Nothing is mine.

Please Read and Review.

And again trigger warnings included. There will be a second 'part' if you can call it that to this coming soon.

Also some trigger warnings for underage drinking.

The Beginning Of The End

Chapter 8-Not Ready To Make Nice.

It's Christmas and James returns home to see his mother and get's the shock of his life as some gentle and terrible truths are explained. (James's point of view in this chapter only) Trigger Warnings for death of a parent. Part one of a two part handler.

His mother was frail.

There was no other way to describe it James thought. She was frail. She looked frail and she looked every bit of her age and older.

Actually sod that she wasn't just frail. He knew the second he stepped off the train and she wasn't there—the second he came home with Sirius to see her sitting in the living room as if she was too tired to move, what was wrong.

His mother was dying.

Something had happened in the months that he had been away. The dragon pox that had taken his father had affected her greatly and he knew from the gentle words the Healer's had used when he had been confronted at the age of fifteen with being an orphan, that once a person had dragon pox it was ultimately what killed them in the end. He had known deep down that his mother was not going to make old bones.

What he had not counted on was the speed of which she was suffering. He had not counted on going away to school and coming back to see her in pain and suffering before the year was even over and James looking at her as her hands shook over tea found that he wanted to cry. Because it didn't matter that his mother was dying or that her death was coming sooner rather than later, that he wasn't ready for her to die…that he knew he wasn't going to ever be ready.

How could he be ready?

How could he be an orphan at the age of seventeen? He could barely get dressed in the mornings sometimes. How could he go back to school and wait for the owl that would tell him his mother was dead? And even if he did get to the end of the summer how was he supposed to marry, have children, be with Lily (because he did believe in that) without his mother being there to watch?

How was he even supposed to go back to school and sit his exams and function without her there?

How was he supposed to get through the war?

That first night watching her and seeing the truth right in front of him he went downstairs and cracked open his father's old bottle of firewhiskey. It had been left untouched when he died and now was as good as time as any to finish the half bottle that was left. Certainly his father wasn't going to bollock him. James was the man of the house now. Had been since he was fifteen. He poured himself a decent tumbler and sat there watching the sun come up trying to numb the pain away. He wasn't ready to make nice with this world, any world where he was alone without either one of his parents. He didn't want his mother to notice how much pain he was in seeing her.

Sirius did though. Sirius noticed everyone and everything and he loved James's mother as if she was his own. Hell compared to what Sirius had grown up with she was his own. James knew that his best friend—his brother was suffering with him in the loss of the woman who had in some ways raised them both but they didn't need to put it into words.

The second night Sirius joined him.

They still had Christmas though and he was determined despite the weakened state of his mother that they would have the best Christmas possible and so they did the tree, decorated the house his mother watching from her chair with a faint smile. They talked and they laughed and they joked about everything and anything. They didn't talk about the war, about the rapidly changing state of the Wizarding World, about what they heard on the wireless, the worrying and quite frankly insane things that Barty Crouch was coming out with.

Instead they locked themselves away the three of them for that perfect little Christmas.

The night of Boxing Day his mother came down to join him.

"Pour me a tumbler son there's a good boy."

"Err…Mum…"

"James please. Your father used to sneak down and do this when you were asleep and he needed a drink to get through the two o clock, four o clock and six forty five feedings"

"Six forty five?"

"Yes you were an amazingly specific baby"

James laughed as he poured her a drink. She took the glass and he noticed her hands were trembling and he took a seat next to her as she looked at him.

"You were always a good baby James, a good boy, a good man. I am sadder beyond words that I won't get to see you grow up"

"Don't" he said feeling the tears come to his eyes though he tried to blink them back, to be strong, to be stable.

"Please don't Mum. Please I don't…I can't hear it."

Her smile told him more than her words ever could and he hated himself for how understanding she had to be. If he had been more of a man he would be ready to hear this.

(Though was anyone ever ready to hear that their parent was dying)

"You'll have to hear it James. Because while I don't want to die, I don't want to have come back and tell you again"

James huffed out a wet kind of laugh.

"Mum…"

"James…I could bore you with the details of the money, of the house off all of it. But your father when he first fell sick took care of that. All of it by wizarding law will pass to you. Your seventeen, legally you're a man now and Merlin knows you won't be a poor one. And I've left something for Sirius…and Remus…and even Peter. Not a lot, nothing that, that poor boy could consider charity but enough to take the edge of when the wolf catches up with him"

"You…you knew? That Mooney…"

"Oh James. Of course I know. I'm your mother. I know all about you and your friends. I just…I just wish that you'd have told me yourself. I…I wouldn't have minded. Neither would your father. Merlin knows it couldn't have happened to a worse boy. He's just…so nice."

"Mooney is nice" James said quietly wiping his face. His mother took her hand in his and smiled and this time it did meet her eyes.

"And Sirius…sometimes I think Sirius is the son that I never had after you. Your father and I…we waited so long and then you came along and you really were the miracle. A Christmas miracle or near abouts. And then you brought home Sirius and I thought to myself that's two boys. Even though I borrowed Sirius off his own mother from time to time—"

"Believe me" James interjected before he could stop himself. "His own mother doesn't mind"

"I can't understand that" his mother said with a wan smile. "I…I waited so long to be a mother and I've loved every second of it. I can't understand that woman…I can't understand any woman who has a child but doesn't love them for themselves. And Sirius is such an easy boy to love"

James took a sip of firewhiskey and then poured himself and his mother a top up each. The bottle was empty now and he thought that, that was a sign if nothing else was.

Or maybe he was overthinking things. It wouldn't surprise him.

"You know the only one I never really warmed to was Peter" his mother mused finally. "I mean he's a polite boy and I understand that he comes with the rest of them but he's…I don't know James…call it mother's intuition."

James opened his mouth and then shut it again because he honestly didn't know what to say to that one. Instead he let his mother tap her nails against the glass for a second as if she was thinking of what to say next.

"I wish I could meet that girl you like. Lily"

"Mum!"

"Well I do! The way you've been talking about her I wish I could…I really do. Because you deserve happiness James, and if she gives you happiness then you should grab it with both hands"

James said nothing for a second. There was too much of a goodbye in this and he didn't know how to bring the conversation back to the land of the living. His mother talking about things she was going to miss out on was like someone was taking a razor blade to his heart and turning it into hamburger meat with every breath.

"As it turns out" he said finally voice trembling a little. "She has agreed to go on a date with me. Only took me seven years"

"Atta boy"

He laughed a little and then an idea came to him that was so utterly radical that he immediately wanted to discard it but the more he sat there on his sofa the more the idea seemed to resonate with him. It was reckless, born no doubt of the firewhiskey that he had drunk and Merlin knew a good part of it depending on Lily Evans being in a good and understanding mood at two AM on Boxing Day (and what were the chances of that?) but then again…James was born to be a reckless rebel and this was that without a shadow of a doubt.

"Fuck it" he said under his breath. "Mum I'm just going to get Sirius for a second and then I'll come back. Please don't…"

He wanted to say please don't die but he couldn't force the words out of his throat. His mother looked at him and some of the fierceness in her flooded back into her face and her eyes and it was the most beautiful sight that James had seen since he had seen sunlight hit Lily Evans's hair for the first time and he had upended his ink bottle in response.

"I'm not dead yet boy. I'm sure I can survive you sticking your head out the door"

"Mum—"

"Please, Sirius you can come in now" she called her voice a thin, reedy cry.

Sirius stuck his head through the door with a wry grin that didn't meet his eyes. James wasn't the least bit surprised to see that the sneaky fucker had been waiting at the door. In fact he loved his brother for it.

"Heya Mrs P."

"Sirius can I have a word"

"Be quick James, I want to go to bed and I'll need your help"

"Sure Mum. Two ticks"

He dragged Sirius into the next room shutting the door behind him so that he wouldn't be overheard.

"Fuck" Sirius said rubbing a hand over his face as if to scrub away his very skin to detract from the pain that was coming their way like a runaway train.

"Don't" James warned voice wobbling. "Don't do that Sirius not yet. I need you to do something. I'd do it myself but I've had three firewhiskey and I am no longer safe to apparate so I need you to do it for me."

Sirius shot him a look. "You want me to apparate?"

"Yes. I need you to do something…utterly insane. And I'm not sure that it will work but I need you to try for me. For my mother as well. I need you to try and do this"

Sirius nodded his expression (pardon the terrible, terrible pun) serious. James remembered a time when that look didn't exist in his friends emotional repertoire. Now he had seen it more than he had seen any other look these last couple of days.

"Alright James" he said seeing the expression on James's face. "But it's a day away from full moon so if you want Remus here—"

"I don't" he said ignoring the fact that Sirius had clearly overheard some if not all of what his mother had been saying.

"I need you to get me someone else"

And there you go, I hope you enjoyed this one and the next chapter will come sooner rather than later. It will be a second part to this one.

Next Chapter-Lily get's the shock of her life. Sirius reflects. And someone dies. Trigger Warnings for next chapter.