Title: The Wall
Song preformed by: Kansas
Warnings: Shonen-ai 1+3, OOCness (it always happens for me. ~.~)
Disclaimer: I don't own the GW characters, or the song used here! Please don't sue me! I have no money! ::cries:: I want some though, care to share?
Notes: Well some of you asked for a sequel to "Dust in the Wind", so here it is! Proud of me? ^__^ But, I must apologize for a few things that are in this fic. 1) I think DitW was much better then this one. ^^; I don't know if anyone is going to like how this one goes. But, it is the sequel, and it happens about a month after the mission in the previous part. I tried to recapture what I had going in the first one, but I wrote DitW over a year ago… so, it was really hard. Mmm, that's all I'll say not. More notes at the end.
|KEY|
[song lyrics]
//voice 1\\
|voice 2|
-----
[I'm woven in a fantasy; I can't believe the things I see]
Trowa walked down the street, not really sure where he was going or why. He just needed to walk, let his mind think. It was a cold "night" on the Colony where he was. Most of the colonies have pretty much mastered the art of weather making, but Trowa never figured why anyone would want to be this cold. He frowned slightly, pulling the jacket he was wearing closer to his body. He let out a sigh, and watched as his breath formed into a little cloud and then disappeared just as fast.
It has been almost a month since he had been on assignment for the Preventers. It had been simple enough, and after the first few minutes, of the actual mission, he had noticed that is was unnecessary for all five of them to have been there. With all of the Gundam pilots they had finished a lot faster then any of them alone, but still he hated feeling useless, and that's how he felt when he was there. He had been assigned backup, but he never had to fire more then a few rounds from his gattling gun. Useless was what he was there.
He was glad to be back on the road with the Circus and away from Heero. It had been even more apparent that he had fallen for the Wing Pilot at the end of the mission. He had been almost tempted to pull Heero aside and tell him his feelings. Almost. The voices in his head kept saying things like:
//It's now or never!\\
and:
|Who knows where he will disappear to after this is over and you leave!|
But he had ignored those voices and left the next day, giving the others a quick good-bye and not looking back.
[The path that I have chosen now has led me to a wall
And with each passing day I feel a little more like something dear was lost]
He couldn't look back. He couldn't face the possibility of rejection from the one person he knew he truly loved. He didn't think he could ever believe the saying: It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all. It would have been better to have never fallen in love with Heero, and then he wouldn't be feeling so much pain now.
'Why does it hurt so much?...'
//Because you are an idiot and should have listened to us.\\ a voice sighed in exasperation.
|Yes. Maybe then you would be nice and warm cuddled with your ~love~.| the other voice laughed slightly at picturing Heero cuddling with ANYTHING.
'Just… shut up.' Trowa glared ahead at nothing, though he was telling himself that the glare was for the voices.
//Why? Because you know we are right?\\
'Just, leave me alone. Go bug someone else.' Trowa sighed, his hands slipping into his coat pocket as he continued to walk aimlessly.
|Sorry, can't.| Trowa could tell this voice would be smiling if he could see its face. |We are stuck with you.|
'…'
//Aw, don't be so down Trowa-~chan~. This is what you wanted! You should be happy!\\ the voice growled.
|Yeah! You brought this misery upon yourself!|
'Yeah…' He sighed once more, his eyes glancing to the right as he neared a Travel Agency. He moved up to the window, his body easily shifting through all the people along the busy street, like he has been doing for the past hour. Posted on the window of the Travel Agency is a poster for the Tropics back on Earth. The picture shown is of the beach, palm trees, blue sky, and deep Blue Ocean. 'The blue almost matches Heero's-' Trowa cut that thought off before it finished.
//Matches Heero's what? His eyes?\\ the first voice asks softly.
|Yes it does.| the other voice whispers back. |Beautiful.|
[It rises now before me, a dark and silent barrier between
All I am and all that I would ever want to be]
'Yeah… damn it…' Trowa shook his head and quickly walked away from the window. 'He would never want me, the way I want him.'
|How would you know?| the voice wondered/
//You never even gave him a chance to say one way or another.\\ the other pointed out.
'It's easier this way!'
//Is it!?\\
|Look at yourself!|
//You're depressed!\\
'I am not!'
//Oh please!\\
|You're out here moping!|
Trowa stopped when he heard this. They were right, he was moping. But depressed? He never thought that would be a word used to describe him. Well, not when he was being depressed about the effects of love. Shaking his head and deciding to ignore the voices, Trowa began walking once more. This time he was heading back to the Circus.
[It's just a travesty, towering, marking off the boundaries my spirit would erase
To pass beyond is what I seek; I fear that I may be too weak
And those are few who've seen it through to glimpse the other side]
It didn't take him too long to reach the grounds were the Circus was located this month, he had been walking in a circle subconsciously and wasn't more then a mile away.
He headed straight for his trailer; he didn't want to deal with anything, or anyone, right now. He had made sure to feed the animals before he left for his walk, which was his only chore for the evening. 'Hopefully I won't be needed…' With a sigh Trowa opened the door to his trailer and he stepped inside the cold quarters. After locking the door and turning on the light, he made his way to his bed and sat down on the end slowly.
Trowa let his eyes roam over the trailer. It was an average sized trailer, there was room for a bed, a dresser with a television set a top it, a small kitchen area and then there was a shower on the other end. It wasn't much but Trowa was comfortable there.
But then there were times when just being in his trailer made his heart hurt. He could remember the time that he spent taking care of an injured Heero and then after. Heero had seemed so fragile when he was unconscious for those weeks, just lying on Trowa's bed unmoving. And then, once Heero had woken up, he was as strong as before even with his injuries.
Trowa stood up slowly and made his way over to the lone chair across the room. He sat on it, his hands folding upon his lap, but only for a moment, before one of his hands went up to his face.
[The promised land is waiting like a maiden that is soon to be a bride
The moment is a masterpiece, the weight of indecision's in the air
It's standing there, the symbol and the sum of all that's me]
'I felt so stupid now.' Trowa's mind sighed.
|Go with the feeling.|
//Yeah, I would have to agree.\\
'Okay, okay. I get it now.'
//Wow, and it only took what?\\ the first voice tried to sound of it was curious.
|A month.| the other sighed.
//That long huh?\\ the first tried to sound surprised.
|Afraid so.|
"Would you both just shut up? You know how long it has been!"
|We do.|
//But we have to make you suffer.\\
'Why?'
|Because you are making us suffer!|
'What?...'
//You are so dense sometimes! Don't you even know what we are?\\
'…?'
|He doesn't get it.|
//That's obvious.\\
'What are you?'
//I'm your heart.\\ the first finally sighed, after several minutes of silence.
|And I'm your soul.| the other added.
[It's just a travesty, towering, blocking out the light and blinding me
I want to see]
"What!?"
//It's true.\\
|We have been talking to you so you would understand.|
//But you never want to listen.\\
|You are tearing us apart.|
//We had hoped that when you agreed to the mission I would feel so much better. I have been yearning for Heero for so long. I had tried to keep the feeling away, I knew how much you wouldn't allow love to be apart of the picture.\\
|Soon I was affected by your heart desire. I was obligated to give myself to him, if he would except! But I will never know now! You are being so… so…|
//Stupid!!\\
'What are you saying?' Trowa shook his head, both of his hands now covering his face. 'I don't understand… you are the one that has been making me feel this way?'
|//Yes\\|
'Why?... just make it go away.'
//I can't do that. Not now.\\
|The feeling is too strong.|
[Gold and diamonds cast a spell; it's not for me to know it well
The treasures that I seek are waiting on the other side]
//You have to see him.\\
'I can't.'
|Why not?|
'He'll think I am weak. And he would be right.'
//Why?\\
'Because soldiers aren't supposed to feel this way. Not perfect soldiers anyway.'
|What a load of crap!|
//You are just afraid!\\
'So what if I am. I want to see him again. I want to tell him everything. But I can't.'
//I'm getting sick of 'I can't's!\\ the first voice sighed out in exasperation.
|Me too. You can. You just don't want to.|
'I do want to…' Trowa's head sank even more, his hands still cradling his face. "I want to tell him…"
[There's more that I can measure in the treasure of the love that I can find
And though it's always been with me
I must tear down the wall let it be]
|Then tell him Trowa.|
//He deserves to know.\\
|He might even return our feelings.|
//You might have a chance to be happy.\\
|Truly happy.|
//If it wasn't meant to be, and then we can deal with that.\\
|But you aren't giving us a chance.|
//Just give us a chance.\\
Trowa slowly let his hands fall from his face, his eyes holding back a tear that had been threatening to escape. He nodded slowly as his eyes fell up the wall ahead of him. "I want that chance."
[All I am, and all that I was ever meant to be, in harmony
Shining true and smiling back at all who wait to cross]
Trowa made his way out of his trailer, it was early morning now and he had several things to do before he left. First he needed to feed the animals and then he needed to leave a note where Catherine was sure to see it. He couldn't face telling her he was leaving again to her face. It was harder and harder to each time. She always gave him that sorrowful look. Sometimes there was a smile trying to overshadow the sorrow, but it never worked.
-----
After doing the tasks he had listed to himself, Trowa was ready to leave. He went back to his trailer to grab the small duffel bag he had packed the night before. Soon he was walking down the crowded street once more. He was heading for the shuttle port; he needed to catch a shuttle back to Earth. When he was there he would start searching for Heero. He knew it would take a while to locate the Wing pilot, but he would take as long as needed.
Just as Trowa was making his way into the shuttle port a figure walking out caught his attention.
[There is no loss]
"Heero?" Trowa stopped dead in his tracks, his body frozen at the sight of the man that has captured his heart.
//He's here!?\\
|What for?|
"Trowa." Heero bowed his head slightly in greeting, his eyes focused on Trowa.
"Wh-what are you doing here?" Trowa kicked himself mentally for the way the question came out. His voice cracked slightly and he couldn't help but stutter.
"I came to see you."
===to be continued===
CCT: Yes I know! A bad place to end. o.o I can be so mean when I want to be. But there is good reason! … I got stuck~ But, it's okay. I'm going to write one more part, and hopefully it will get wrapped up there. ::needs to find lyrics for that part. should be more Kansas lyrics, keeping with the theme:: Oh! And like what the voices really are. ^__~ That's what I had planned on them being, but never got a chance to say in the first one, so I stuck it in here. Well, please review and tell me what you think. I'll try working on the third part soon, but I have other fics working now as well. (Mainly, "Truth, Lies and Everything In-between" and my new Gravitation fanfic "Autumn's Raine"). But I'll try to hurry!