13. LOVE HURTS
John was watching them to disappear in the distance, sitting on the window. Suddenly he couldn't see even their shadows. Christian and Satine left his life forever. This was the end of everything. He couldn't keep the tears, welling up in his eyes since the decision was taken. John grabbed his head and collapsed on the floor, desperately sobbing. At the beginning it was quite crying, but it turn into roar of wounded animal. His nails got into the skin of his face and left red scars. John didn't care about the physical pain. It couldn't compare with the feeling of loss and sorrow in his heart. The young man couldn't stop, it was too much for one day. He heard knocking from the lower floor, but didn't pay attention. What was their problem? Some noise? He had just divided with the love of his life and had the right of unburdening all the sadness and hurt.
"Satine." John whispered, wrapping hands around his neck. He wanted to die right now if it was impossible never to see hear again, to touch her skin and hair, to hear the sonorous voice and look at the sparkling eyes. Why everything should end in such a cruel and painful way? Why all his dreams were ruined? "One thing is sure." He thought through the ocean of misery. "I chose that. Now I have to pay for every precious minute with this angel. I took someone else's beloved. If now I'm like this, it's just because of me."
"How am I going to live without you?"
For a moment John wished if he had never gone to the park in this so far and cold morning. "No! How could I even think about this?" No matter how much he was suffering, this was the most beautiful period in his life. What if she was dead right now? And he would never know the true love with all its light and dark sides. Yes, now he knew everything about that feeling he had adored since his earlier years. It was the greatest thing in the world, to feel so connected with someone as you are breathing together and your heart is beating in one rhythm. This fire, this passion in the blood which is driving you mad, everything is so good. Like a paradise. Yes, this was the best word describing the weeks with Satine. Heaven. But when the things go wrong, this magic turns to nightmare. The love and every good feeling inside are becoming pain, sorrow and wounds. And the worst were the memories. The features of her face, her body, her smile, everything he loved. John would remember all this in his lonely nights, dreaming of her. His only solace would be in the dreams. The young man remembered one song.
"Is it written in the stars, are we paying for some crime, is that all in we are good for? Just a stretch of mortal time. Is this God's experiment In which we have no say. In which we are given paradise, But only for a day!"
This was his situation. She was happy right now and he hoped she wouldn't feel guilty for long time. But how John was supposed to forget his true love? He got up and shaking went to the other room leaning in front of the fireplace. He stared at the gleeds. His hand touched a piece of paper. The artist took it in front of his look. Satine's portrait. It woke up loads of tears. He pressed it towards his chest. It was almost finished and seemed really good and detailed. "May be I should keep it? It will be. a memory of my beloved."
"No! The pictures in my head are enough! I can draw her face in my mind every time. Let's not make things worst than they are."
With these words John decisively took the paper and threw it in the fire. The flame swept it and destroyed every bit of it. The beautiful face was burning faster than he thought.
"Farewell, Satine!" John whispered sadly. "Farewell, beautiful Satine. Be happy!"
He got up and rubbed his tears. Then all the dizziness and sorrow in his behavior disappeared. With furious energy the young man packed his things. After less than half an hour everything he owned was in condition for leaving. "There must have evening trains for Paris."
His trip to France would have started earlier than he suspected.
~ Song used: "Written in the stars" by Elton John and LeAnn Rimes.
John was watching them to disappear in the distance, sitting on the window. Suddenly he couldn't see even their shadows. Christian and Satine left his life forever. This was the end of everything. He couldn't keep the tears, welling up in his eyes since the decision was taken. John grabbed his head and collapsed on the floor, desperately sobbing. At the beginning it was quite crying, but it turn into roar of wounded animal. His nails got into the skin of his face and left red scars. John didn't care about the physical pain. It couldn't compare with the feeling of loss and sorrow in his heart. The young man couldn't stop, it was too much for one day. He heard knocking from the lower floor, but didn't pay attention. What was their problem? Some noise? He had just divided with the love of his life and had the right of unburdening all the sadness and hurt.
"Satine." John whispered, wrapping hands around his neck. He wanted to die right now if it was impossible never to see hear again, to touch her skin and hair, to hear the sonorous voice and look at the sparkling eyes. Why everything should end in such a cruel and painful way? Why all his dreams were ruined? "One thing is sure." He thought through the ocean of misery. "I chose that. Now I have to pay for every precious minute with this angel. I took someone else's beloved. If now I'm like this, it's just because of me."
"How am I going to live without you?"
For a moment John wished if he had never gone to the park in this so far and cold morning. "No! How could I even think about this?" No matter how much he was suffering, this was the most beautiful period in his life. What if she was dead right now? And he would never know the true love with all its light and dark sides. Yes, now he knew everything about that feeling he had adored since his earlier years. It was the greatest thing in the world, to feel so connected with someone as you are breathing together and your heart is beating in one rhythm. This fire, this passion in the blood which is driving you mad, everything is so good. Like a paradise. Yes, this was the best word describing the weeks with Satine. Heaven. But when the things go wrong, this magic turns to nightmare. The love and every good feeling inside are becoming pain, sorrow and wounds. And the worst were the memories. The features of her face, her body, her smile, everything he loved. John would remember all this in his lonely nights, dreaming of her. His only solace would be in the dreams. The young man remembered one song.
"Is it written in the stars, are we paying for some crime, is that all in we are good for? Just a stretch of mortal time. Is this God's experiment In which we have no say. In which we are given paradise, But only for a day!"
This was his situation. She was happy right now and he hoped she wouldn't feel guilty for long time. But how John was supposed to forget his true love? He got up and shaking went to the other room leaning in front of the fireplace. He stared at the gleeds. His hand touched a piece of paper. The artist took it in front of his look. Satine's portrait. It woke up loads of tears. He pressed it towards his chest. It was almost finished and seemed really good and detailed. "May be I should keep it? It will be. a memory of my beloved."
"No! The pictures in my head are enough! I can draw her face in my mind every time. Let's not make things worst than they are."
With these words John decisively took the paper and threw it in the fire. The flame swept it and destroyed every bit of it. The beautiful face was burning faster than he thought.
"Farewell, Satine!" John whispered sadly. "Farewell, beautiful Satine. Be happy!"
He got up and rubbed his tears. Then all the dizziness and sorrow in his behavior disappeared. With furious energy the young man packed his things. After less than half an hour everything he owned was in condition for leaving. "There must have evening trains for Paris."
His trip to France would have started earlier than he suspected.
~ Song used: "Written in the stars" by Elton John and LeAnn Rimes.