Author: miku
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies in this fic.
Warning: This story contains shounen-ai (boy/boy relationship) and if that offends you, better leave. I may add some lime or something like that (m.a.y.b.e) but I'll warn you before you can proceed.
^_^ The story is getting better I guess.
^_^ Enjoy!
Part Twelve
Confusing Feelings
They were walking silently along the road at the seaside. Sakuragi was silent. He was under inner turmoil yet the presence of a certain raven-haired boy beside him was enough to somehow give him serenity.
Really strange…
He was surprised upon hearing Rukawa calling him.
You always walk me home, na? Rukawa asked before they left the court. He just smiled and nodded. But he was happy, very happy. He did not know why, though. And he was sure he hinted a trace of jealousy in Sendoh's eyes.
"Daijoubu, Sakuragi?" Rukawa asked, suddenly stopping. Sakuragi stopped as well and stared questioningly at Rukawa. "It's just…" Rukawa lowered his gaze unable to pursue. "Nothing…"
Sakuragi smiled softly, cupped Rukawa's chin, and lifted his face slowly. "Tell me… what is it?" If it would just be anybody then Sakuragi would not mind. But it was Rukawa and Rukawa was not the type who ask if somebody was feeling okay. "If you are going to say something then it would mean a lot. So?"
"That means I should speak more often?"
Sakuragi smiled and nodded.
He was sure Rukawa wanted to tell him something important. But it was also something that would prove Rukawa's weakness and softness and Sakuragi knew that the raven boy was not used to it – showing his real side.
"It's just that… you seemed not yourself nowadays. What's wrong?"
Ah. What's wrong? I can't tell you that it's you, na, Kaede? "Ah. I just have something in mind, that's all…" he answered beaming.
"Liar," Rukawa said and attempted to continue walking when Sakuragi held his wrist and pulled him into a warm embrace. "Saku… ragi…"
He did not know why but he just wanted to embrace the other boy. It felt like his body was following his… heart more than his mind. He smelled Rukawa's hair and it smelled sweet. After all, he had not played basketball that day.
"Hanamichi…" he could hear Rukawa's confused voice but he did not wish to say anything. He just tightened his hold of him and kissed his forehead.
"Hana…"
"I don't know, Kaede. I just…" I just what? "I'm just confused. I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling. Towards you. And it's confusing me," he replied truthfully, his grasp of Rukawa was getting tighter and tighter.
"Hana…"
"I'm not sure… am I… do I… I… I don't know…" his closed eyes shut even more if that was possible. He was beginning to tremble. He did not want to lose his hold of Rukawa but then he was feeling the need to run. Run to somewhere he could be alone and think. Somewhere. Somewhere just far from the person making him suffer. The person whom he also wanted to be close to.
But then, he chose to follow his head. Run. He pushed Rukawa gently, stepped back and looked at Rukawa shortly before he ran away.
"Hana…michi…" Rukawa uttered softly, confusedly, before he decided to walk home.
Coward! He told himself, tears were beginning to flow. Why. Why was it hard for him to understand his own feeling? Or maybe he already knew what he was feeling and could not accept it. He was a male for that matter. And Rukawa too. And he knew that falling for someone of the same gender is morally wrong. And Haruko… Haruko…
"He's still did not attend practice today," Haruko uttered sadly after going to the gym and found out that Sakuragi was still absent. It had been three days. School was over but the Shohoku team was still practicing for another Inter High games.
"Yeah. I wonder what's happening to him," Yohei agreed.
"You are his best friend, Yohei. Don't you know anything about what's wrong with him?"
Yohei shook his head wistfully. "I checked his house today and it was locked. Like the days before. But his neighbor said that he had been going out…"
"I see…" Haruko stared back to the gym and focused her eyes to Rukawa. "I wonder what's with him…"
"Sakuragi?" Yohei asked. Haruko shook her head. Yohei followed her gaze. "Rukawa?" She nodded.
"He had missed a few shots already. And he seemed… not on his playing mood."
Yes. That was the truth. The other members were not having a very difficult time guarding him like the way they used to. He seemed out of himself. The other members noticed that too.
"Yeah…" Yohei said in approval but chose not to broach the subject anymore. And Haruko seemed like she was thinking the same.
Rukawa knew he was not expected to do this but he felt somehow… in blame. He was not sure though but he just felt the urge to check for his teammate, specifically, a certain redhead.
He was not sure what to do either when he reach the place. Maybe he would retreat. Who knows? But then… at least… he wanted to do something even though it was so untypical of him.
It was already evening. He went to Sakuragi's house after practice.
He knocked but no one answered. Maybe no one was inside? Then maybe he should go?
But his body seemed opposing his mind. His hand slowly touched the knob and turned it slightly to find out that it's open.
Should he go inside? Or should he leave?
Maybe not, he confirmed his thoughts after seeing Sakuragi sitting in one corner of the house, a bottle of beer in his hand and many more bottles on the floor, half of it were opened and was already empty. Rukawa's brows furrowed and he made his way to the redhead.
"Sakuragi…" he uttered softly despite the desire to yell at him, shook him out of his current state and punch him.
Sakuragi lifted his face and was stunned upon seeing the raven boy. "Kaede…"
Rukawa gently took away the beer from Sakuragi's hand and placed it to the floor. "What's wrong? You're drinking and you know it's bad. You're an athlete, you know."
Sakuragi's eyes lowered again as if in embarrassment but his tone when he spoke was full of hatred for himself. "Athlete? I'm not meant to be one…"
Rukawa's eyes widened a little upon hearing him.
"I'm not worthy to be called one. I am not like you and that stupid jerk, spiky-head ace of Ryonan…" Sakuragi's voice was wistful and Rukawa could not help but pity him – like the way he felt upon seeing Sakuragi during his (Rukawa's) game with Sendoh.
He cupped the redhead's face with both hands and forced him to look at him. "Look at me, Sakuragi…" Sakuragi seemed refusing and was continuing to look somewhere else. "Look at me," finally Sakuragi looked at him quite reluctantly. "You don't have to compare yourself with me or to Akira…"
Akira… Sakuragi thought heightening his self-pity.
"You don't have to compare yourself to anybody, Hanamichi."
Hanamichi… Sakuragi thought this time and it somehow enlightened him. Somehow…
"No body's expecting you to do that."
"Because no body's expecting something from me…"
'You're wrong!"
Sakuragi was taken aback. There were so many emotions with Rukawa right now and he seemed that he could drown in them.
"You're wrong, Hana. Look. You're different from anybody and that's what the team wants you to be. They're not expecting you to be like me or Sendoh or any other because you're Hanamichi Sakuragi…"
Was he really hearing this from Rukawa? If so then he's happy enough and is willing to die at any moment.
"You're just the way everyone wants you to be. You're just the way you are meant to be…"
"Kaede…" Sakuragi was happy and at the same time sad. Two clashing emotions again brought about by this raven boy. Weird but it just seemed right… He could not help himself anymore and threw himself to Rukawa who wrapped an arm around him, the other soothing his hair.
"Kaede… I'm so confused…" he confessed. The alcohol had been on effect.
Rukawa bit his lower lip.
"I don't know. I think I'm falling for you yet I could not accept it. I kept on denying it. I'm not sure. It's wrong I know. People might hate me for it. And most all you might hate me for it but it just kept hurting me. It just kept hurting me every time I would try to deny it and see you with that bastard Sendoh. I don't know… I'm just… I'm really… I'm really confused…" Sakuragi confessed non-stop and Rukawa was silent all the while; his embrace of Sakuragi tightened a little hoping at least it would help eased the redhead.
They stayed like that for a long moment. Sakuragi's crying had turned to silent sobbing and then was gone. He was silently resting his head to Rukawa's chest and the other was resting his chin to Sakuragi's.
And finally, Rukawa realized that Sakuragi had just fallen asleep.
Rukawa stared at him for a short moment. Sakuragi looked so innocent, very contrary to the way he was used seeing him. And he looked very content too and seeing him like that brought Rukawa peacefulness too.
"You're the last person I expect to care for him yet you're the only person who could comfort him," Rukawa suddenly heard Yohei's voice. He turned to look at the new arrival. Yohei had been there all the time.
Rukawa sighed and tried to release Sakuragi but the latter tightened his grasp of him. Rukawa almost smiled. Almost.
He nodded, unknown if it was for Yohei or just for himself. Then finally, he managed to be free from the redhead and gently sent the boy to a more comfortable sleeping position. Then he pulled a blanket and wrapped it around the sleeping boy.
Done all of these, he stood up and made his way to the door passing Yohei.
"Rukawa…" Yohei called and the raven boy stopped. "Thank you… thank you for helping my best friend…"
Rukawa nodded again and left.
To be continued….
Miku: Poor Hana-kun, ne, Kaede-kun???
Rukawa: Ch.
Sendoh: How about me? Will Kaede-kun comfort me too???
Miku: Perhaps someday Sendoh-san! Someday… (in my other fic, hahahah)
Sendoh: Miku-chaaaannn!!!
Rukawa: Hn.
… Hana-kun's not around because he was crying …