DISCLAIMER

I don't own Arthur Dent or any other characters or concepts from the Hitchhiker's Trilogy (in five parts). They belong to the (regrettably) deceased Douglas Adams. I'm just playing with his toys.

It happened quite suddenly, and caught both Arthur and Rex by surprise. They were three miles down the path, when they saw the sea. Arthur was very happy to see the sea. This is because when he was a boy, all of his fondest memories are of the sea. That is because Arthur enjoyed the seaside very much. In fact, he was almost always at the seaside. Come to think of it, the only time he wasn't at the seaside was when he was somewhere else.

Well anyway, the path took them by the sea. Arthur was enjoying the fresh salty breeze when he heard a surprised gurgle coming from behind him.

Now, ordinarily Arthur wouldn't offer assistance, he has been very against offering assistance ever since that day in the park when a man offered Arthur help in catching the new owner of a very nice wallet with a lot of cash in it that used to be Arthur's. Arthur foolishly accepted help, and ended up going home without wallet and shoes.

But now, on the coast of some Krikitian sea, Arthur heard the surprise gurgle, and turned around. He didn't turn around to offer assistance, he just had never heard a surprised gurgle before. He wanted to see what could make such a sound, and how it can be made.

Arthur turned around, and saw nothing of what he was expecting. He was expecting a (rather unpleasant) view of Rex and the source of the gurgle. It never occurred to him that Rex could be the source of the gurgle.

Rex was the source of the gurgle.

Arthur watched in fascination as the same salty breeze that he himself was enjoying, brought upon the early demise of Rex.

The salt content of the breeze ended it pretty quickly. As it was happening, Arthur saw the look on Rex's face suddenly become one of understanding. Then Rex looked at Arthur with such hate that Arthur took a step back.

I will spare you the grisly details, I don't feel like upping the rating. Suffice to say that in a matter of moments all that was left was a pile of clothes and a gray towel.

Arthur stared at this open mouthed for a few moments. Until he heard a fluttering sound. He looked up, and saw a scrap of paper wafting towards him on the breeze. It landed on the towel.

Now that he had something new to stare at, Arthur stared at the scrap of paper for a while. He then stooped, picked it up and looked at it in his hand. It was a note, and he supposed it was addressed to him. The words 'Dear Arthur Dent' at the top confirmed his suspicion. Arthur read the rest of the note. It said:

'Dear Arthur Dent

I hate you.

Love Agrajag'

Arthur puzzled over this as he continued on down the path. He was sure that he had heard that name before, Agrajag. Hmm. He also seemed to remember having to remember something very important. He just couldn't remember what. Well, he thought, it isn't really that important.

His meager musings were cut short by the sudden appearance of a sub-etha fax machine.

The machine didn't really appear, Arthur simply saw it for the first time around a bend in the path. And it looked like it had appeared out of nowhere.

Arthur walked up to it.

As he approached, he saw a sign explicitly explaining how to work the machine, and what to do.

'First take a piece of dried mulched tree from the stack,' Arthur read. He assumed that the sign meant the stack of paper on the side. He took a piece of paper.

He then followed the rest of the instructions, I won't bore you with them.

Having written his message on a piece of dried tree mulch using a graphite extract covered in wood, he sent his request to the Game Officials headquarters on Playnellius Beta. In it he mentioned a brief history of current events surrounding him.

'One Thursday afternoon my planet got blown up. I then spent an unknown amount of time wandering around the Galaxy. When I'd had enough of that, I then wandered around in time for a while. I spent 5 years on my planet approximately 2 million years before it got blown up. I then helped defeat the galaxy's worst menace, and brought peace to a civilization that has known only war for 5 of their years, and 5 million of ours. Then one day I got struck by lightning, and I would now like to compete in the strightling olympics. Please advise.'

Arthur sent the message, and waited for a reply.

Arthur is still waiting.

Arthur starts to twiddle his thumbs.

Arthur starts to stamp his foot out of impatience.

Arthur starts to pace back and forth in front of the sub-etha fax machine.

Arthur stops pacing and looks at the machine expectantly.

Arthur resumes pacing.

This continues for a while, but you are probably getting bored.

Arthur makes another meal of crickets. Seeing that his bottle of olive oil is almost empty, he makes a note to stop by a filming set for Star Trek and replicate some more olive oil.

As he pins the note to the pocket of his dressing gown, Arthur sees an identical note. He puzzles over this for a minute, and then looks at the sub-etha fax machine.

Still no reply.

Arthur puts his towel under his head, and falls asleep. I may have neglected to mention, but by now it's nighttime.

Arthur was startled awake. For a moment he doesn't remember where he was, what he was doing, and when lunch is.

Then the beeping repeats itself. Arthur gets up and walks over to the sub-etha fax machine. On it he notices a little red light that is blinking on and off. As he scrutinizes the light, he sees that it is attached to a button.

Arthur pushes the button.

He hears a whirring noise, and then a piece of dried tree mulch comes out of the machine. On it are words in a foreign language.

He attempts to read them anyway. To his surprise, the babble fish in his ear, translates the language as he speaks it.

'We are happy to inform you that you have been accepted to the Strightling Olympics. Please send us a doctor's certificate saying that you are clinically insane. Thank you for your cooperation.'

Arthur mulled this over. How could he get a doctor's certificate saying that he was clinically insane? He didn't know any doctors.

While thinking about being clinically insane, Arthur's thoughts turned towards his alien friends with whom he had shared some of his adventures. He suddenly wondered where they were and what they were doing. (And when was lunch).

At that very moment, on the other side of the galaxy, sitting in something that resembled a flying running shoe, sat the one-time president of the whole galaxy, Zaphod Beeblebrox the nothingth. And he was stone drunk.

A/N: You have just reading chapter 4. I sincerely hoped that you enjoyed it. I would be very grateful if you would write me a nice review. Please be sure to read chapter 5, which doesn't exist yet, but will hopefully be posted within a week.