Happily Never After
(A/N - Suggested background song for this chapter: Epiphany by Staind. The lyrics for this song will be present throughout this part as well. This chapter is kind of a sad turn for this fic. You have been warned.)
Stupid. Brainless. Dimwit. Fool. Moron. Idiot. No, these aren't the things I called Daisuke or anything like that. He's my friend, remember? No, these are the insults I can repeat for you that I was shouting at myself in my mind. Believe me there were more, but not all of them are as tame, let alone repeatable in public.
I stood there as rain began to drizzle around me, cursing myself out in my mind. I had just committed the single most stupid act I had ever done, and now I was just laying into myself for it. I had ruined everything I had worked towards all week with just three words that I had said to Daisuke the night before. Just three stupid little words had sealed it all.
"I'll help you."
I was watching as Daisuke ran into the theater I had promised to meet Hikari at for our date. I had changed the facts around and told him that Hikari had invited me along for a movie on Saturday, but that he could just as easily take my place and use that as his chance to rectify everything with her.
I saw Hikari standing near the window, looking around for me, and I almost called out to her even though I was outside and probably not visible to her inside. Daisuke approached her and they began talking. I felt my heart sink into my stomach. For the first time in my life, I think I actually felt hopeless. I found myself pleading with whatever deity might hear me that she would turn him away. Just please...let me have something. Don't let it end this way. I don't want to be alone! Let me have someone! Let me...
But it was too late. She turned away from the window and left with him for the theater that their movie was playing in. It was over. I had not only lost, but I had done so willingly.
~/o
Your words to me just a whisper
Your faces so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
o/~
Stupid. Brainless. Dimwit. Fool. Moron. Idiot. Why did I do it? Why couldn't I have just told Daisuke 'no'? Why didn't I try and fix this all with the truth instead of my stupid plan? I started walking back home slowly as the rain picked up. The rainwater mixed with the tears rolling down my face as I walked along, feeling totally bereft.
~/o
So I speak to you in riddles
'Cause my words get in my way.
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
o/~
As I reached the apartments, I walked up to one of the trees that stood in the playground nearby. As I stood there, I had another first for things I was feeling. But this wasn't sadness, or hopelessness...it was rage. My breathing became shallow at first as it built up inside of me, and then I took a deep breath and let out a yell that felt like it had come from the deepest, darkest corners of my soul. I balled my hands up into tight fists and began bashing them against the tree as hard as I could.
"Why!? Damn it all, why!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. "Why am I the one who is made to suffer, damn it! Tell me! Is this the reward I get for trying to be a good person? Tell me! Is it?!?! Or am I just Fate's whipping boy, to be toyed with and had fun with as Fate pleases?? Well?! Which is it! Let me know now, so I can get on with the rest of my useless, pointless, empty life!"
I continued to beat my fists against the tree as my anger took over. I felt shards of the bark scraping against my hands, but I didn't care. I had to let it all out now, or I didn't know what I would do. After a minute or so I finally stopped and just rested my head against the tree, sobbing uncontrollably as the rain intensified around me.
"Why?" I said to myself. "Why do I have to be miserable so everyone else can be happy? I don't want to feel like this anymore..."
~/o
'Cause I can't take anymore of this
I want to come apart.
Or dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
o/~
I finally made it back home and stripped down to my underwear in the genkan, not wanting to track water through the house. I suddenly felt very cold so I took a long, hot shower. It may have warmed my body up, but it did nothing to warm the coldness that I felt beginning to grip my heart.
'How ironic was all of this, then?' I thought as I just let the hot water wash over my head. 'All I wanted was a girlfriend, someone I could call my own. Someone who understood me and my feelings. Someone who cared for me. Someone who made me feel like I was something, instead of the nothing that I had always felt I was. All I had wanted was to find love. So many other people before me have found it so easily, so why does it elude me at every chance?
'And I could've had it! It could have happened with any of the girls. Sora-san...Miyako-san...Mimi-san...Hikari-san...they all cared about me, and I cared about them. I still do for that matter! But no...I threw it all away. Maybe I don't deserve to be loved after all.'
~/o
I am nothing more than
a little boy inside
That cries out for attention
yet I always try to hide
'Cause I talk to you like children,
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed
o/~
After making sure my hands weren't cut up too badly, which they somehow weren't, I retired to my room, put on a pair of boxers and an old t-shirt, and crawled into bed. My eyes hurt, as did my hands and throat, and I just wanted to shut the entire universe out. It was all over as far as I was concerned. There was nothing left for me to do or say.
Stupid. Brainless. Dimwit. Fool. Moron. Idiot. That's what I continued to think to myself as I began to pass into a deep, dreamless sleep.
~/o
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
o/~
The last thing I remember thinking to myself before I fell asleep that night was that at least it indeed was all over, and nothing else could happen now.
Fate, however, wasn't done with me yet.
_ _ _ _ _
And all of this brings us to today, Sunday. As you've no doubt noticed all along, all of this insanity has been presented to you in the past tense. I've been telling this story as I've been getting cleaned up and dressed in my room this morning. Of course I can hear the next question coming to me. That being, 'Why isn't this story over yet?' Well friends, to answer that I need to rewind things to tell you about what happened just this morning. Remember when I started this story I said that my name may as well be 'mud'? You're about to find out why.
I woke up this morning with a bad headache throbbing in my skull. My emotional break down last night was paying me back with some interest, and now it felt like one of Niisan's concerts was playing in my head. Actually, it more felt like one of his guitar amps had been shoved into my head, and he was practicing power chords right behind my eyes.
Eventually, I got up and slipped my bathrobe on, letting it hang loosely around me. I headed for the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I had to start laughing, as much as it hurt my head to do. I looked terrible, but in a hilarious way. My hair was pointing in about seven different directions. I looked like a reject from that old anime Dragonball Z. God, I hate that show.
Niisan always watched the reruns when he was visiting mom and I, which was more often than not because we had cable and dad doesn't. He'd even start mock-fighting like he was in the show, and would even start chasing me around. It got really old really quickly. I thought one time to invite Iori over, thinking maybe with him over Yamato wouldn't act like a moron. Bad move. Iori likes the show just as much, and I found myself being chased all over the apartment complex by both of them. I got back at both of them by making them watch Sazae-san with me while I watched Miyako's younger sister for her one time. It was fun to watch them squirm.
Back to the time at hand, though. I headed for the kitchen, where I found a note from mom saying she was out for the morning, but she'd be back around noon and would treat me to lunch out. She also wrote that she was a bit worried about me and reminded me that I could talk to her about anything. I thanked her in my mind, but there was no way I could tell her about what happened. She'd be even less understanding than the girls would be if they found out.
Oddly enough, just as I was about to open the refrigerator for some orange juice, our doorbell rang. I was in no sort of mood for visitors, so I ignored it at first. When the doorbell rang again, accompanied by several knocks at the door I grumbled and headed for the door. I tied my robe tightly around myself, unlocked the door, and opened it, putting my very best disgusted look on my face.
"What?!" I said angrily. And there, standing right outside my door, were Sora, Mimi, Miyako and Hikari.
"Boy, you sure don't wake up well, do you TK?" Sora commented. "Mind if we come in?"
Before I could say anything, all four of them filed past me and into the apartment, leaving their shoes at the genkan. I closed the door behind me once they were all in, a bit confused at the moment.
"Sorry about that. I've...had a really troublesome time recently is all. It's caused me some trouble sleeping." I said, shuffling past them all.
"Ahh, I see." Hikari said, folding her arms. "When would that troublesome time have begun, TK? Last night when we were supposed to see a movie?"
"Or maybe the night before that when we were supposed to meet in the park?" Mimi added.
"Or would that be the night after you and I were supposed to have some quality time at the library?" Miyako asked.
"Or after you were going to have lunch with me on Tuesday?" Sora said, finishing the round.
"Umm..." was all I could say. Once again, illustrating my utter capacity for totally not grasping the moment.
"We're waiting, Takeru-kun." Mimi said.
"Give me a minute, I'll think of something." I said. And for my credit, I was honestly trying to think for a moment. That is, until I realized that they'd all figured out what had been going on. I suddenly got the feeling that I should've gone with my gut instinct days ago and just shot myself and gotten it over with.
"Takeru-kun, why didn't you tell us what was going on to begin with?" Miyako asked, stepping up to me.
"Do you honestly think any of you would've reacted rationally, or even believed me for that matter, if I told you that you all had fallen for me in the same day?" I replied.
"The same day? What do you mean?" Hikari asked.
Since I had nothing left to hide, I explained what had happened on Monday to them all, and how Iori and I'd come up with the plan to get them all hooked up with other guys. I purposefully left out that I had been trying to save Hikari for myself, though. I was already on thin ice, and that would not have gone over well at all.
"Well...that explains a lot, I guess." Sora said after I finished. "But you still lied to us all, Takeru-kun."
"Sora, give me a break, will you? I..."
Suddenly I wavered and grabbed onto the couch to steady myself. My headache had flared up, and caused a bit of wooziness, which led to me losing my balance. Hikari was first over by me to check on me.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"I'm...I'll be fine, I just..." As I looked up I saw that hey had all crowded around me, so I struggled to back away from them for a moment. "Look, give me a little while to clean myself up and get dressed. When I come back out, you guys can tear into me however much you want. I guess I've been kinda preparing for this since the beginning just in case."
"But...but TK, we..." Miyako stated to say.
"Don't worry. I'm not running away or anything, Miyako. You guys have me pretty much cornered. Besides, I think I deserve as much anyways." I said as I headed back to my room. I could hear them all conferring amongst themselves, but I paid it no attention as I went back to straighten myself up. It was Judgement Day at last.
_ _ _ _ _
And that brings us right back to now. I've taken a couple of aspirin, and my head is feeling mostly better now. I've showered, brushed my teeth, and gotten dressed. I have on a pair of white cargo shorts and a green, buttoned shirt that I've left untucked. I grab my favorite hat, which is a fisherman's hat, and put it on my head. I take one last look in the mirror and sigh deeply. I know, all of this is a bit melodramatic, but I'm prepared for the worst. I mean, it's like I have any reason to expect anything but the worst after all.
Since you've heard my story this far, I guess it won't hurt if you tag along to see how it all ends for me. Come along, then, and see how this mess...this one divine mess that I created for myself turns out. I figure no matter what happens, it'll at least be good for a laugh.
(A/N - Suggested background song for this chapter: Epiphany by Staind. The lyrics for this song will be present throughout this part as well. This chapter is kind of a sad turn for this fic. You have been warned.)
Stupid. Brainless. Dimwit. Fool. Moron. Idiot. No, these aren't the things I called Daisuke or anything like that. He's my friend, remember? No, these are the insults I can repeat for you that I was shouting at myself in my mind. Believe me there were more, but not all of them are as tame, let alone repeatable in public.
I stood there as rain began to drizzle around me, cursing myself out in my mind. I had just committed the single most stupid act I had ever done, and now I was just laying into myself for it. I had ruined everything I had worked towards all week with just three words that I had said to Daisuke the night before. Just three stupid little words had sealed it all.
"I'll help you."
I was watching as Daisuke ran into the theater I had promised to meet Hikari at for our date. I had changed the facts around and told him that Hikari had invited me along for a movie on Saturday, but that he could just as easily take my place and use that as his chance to rectify everything with her.
I saw Hikari standing near the window, looking around for me, and I almost called out to her even though I was outside and probably not visible to her inside. Daisuke approached her and they began talking. I felt my heart sink into my stomach. For the first time in my life, I think I actually felt hopeless. I found myself pleading with whatever deity might hear me that she would turn him away. Just please...let me have something. Don't let it end this way. I don't want to be alone! Let me have someone! Let me...
But it was too late. She turned away from the window and left with him for the theater that their movie was playing in. It was over. I had not only lost, but I had done so willingly.
~/o
Your words to me just a whisper
Your faces so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
o/~
Stupid. Brainless. Dimwit. Fool. Moron. Idiot. Why did I do it? Why couldn't I have just told Daisuke 'no'? Why didn't I try and fix this all with the truth instead of my stupid plan? I started walking back home slowly as the rain picked up. The rainwater mixed with the tears rolling down my face as I walked along, feeling totally bereft.
~/o
So I speak to you in riddles
'Cause my words get in my way.
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
o/~
As I reached the apartments, I walked up to one of the trees that stood in the playground nearby. As I stood there, I had another first for things I was feeling. But this wasn't sadness, or hopelessness...it was rage. My breathing became shallow at first as it built up inside of me, and then I took a deep breath and let out a yell that felt like it had come from the deepest, darkest corners of my soul. I balled my hands up into tight fists and began bashing them against the tree as hard as I could.
"Why!? Damn it all, why!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. "Why am I the one who is made to suffer, damn it! Tell me! Is this the reward I get for trying to be a good person? Tell me! Is it?!?! Or am I just Fate's whipping boy, to be toyed with and had fun with as Fate pleases?? Well?! Which is it! Let me know now, so I can get on with the rest of my useless, pointless, empty life!"
I continued to beat my fists against the tree as my anger took over. I felt shards of the bark scraping against my hands, but I didn't care. I had to let it all out now, or I didn't know what I would do. After a minute or so I finally stopped and just rested my head against the tree, sobbing uncontrollably as the rain intensified around me.
"Why?" I said to myself. "Why do I have to be miserable so everyone else can be happy? I don't want to feel like this anymore..."
~/o
'Cause I can't take anymore of this
I want to come apart.
Or dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
o/~
I finally made it back home and stripped down to my underwear in the genkan, not wanting to track water through the house. I suddenly felt very cold so I took a long, hot shower. It may have warmed my body up, but it did nothing to warm the coldness that I felt beginning to grip my heart.
'How ironic was all of this, then?' I thought as I just let the hot water wash over my head. 'All I wanted was a girlfriend, someone I could call my own. Someone who understood me and my feelings. Someone who cared for me. Someone who made me feel like I was something, instead of the nothing that I had always felt I was. All I had wanted was to find love. So many other people before me have found it so easily, so why does it elude me at every chance?
'And I could've had it! It could have happened with any of the girls. Sora-san...Miyako-san...Mimi-san...Hikari-san...they all cared about me, and I cared about them. I still do for that matter! But no...I threw it all away. Maybe I don't deserve to be loved after all.'
~/o
I am nothing more than
a little boy inside
That cries out for attention
yet I always try to hide
'Cause I talk to you like children,
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed
o/~
After making sure my hands weren't cut up too badly, which they somehow weren't, I retired to my room, put on a pair of boxers and an old t-shirt, and crawled into bed. My eyes hurt, as did my hands and throat, and I just wanted to shut the entire universe out. It was all over as far as I was concerned. There was nothing left for me to do or say.
Stupid. Brainless. Dimwit. Fool. Moron. Idiot. That's what I continued to think to myself as I began to pass into a deep, dreamless sleep.
~/o
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
o/~
The last thing I remember thinking to myself before I fell asleep that night was that at least it indeed was all over, and nothing else could happen now.
Fate, however, wasn't done with me yet.
_ _ _ _ _
And all of this brings us to today, Sunday. As you've no doubt noticed all along, all of this insanity has been presented to you in the past tense. I've been telling this story as I've been getting cleaned up and dressed in my room this morning. Of course I can hear the next question coming to me. That being, 'Why isn't this story over yet?' Well friends, to answer that I need to rewind things to tell you about what happened just this morning. Remember when I started this story I said that my name may as well be 'mud'? You're about to find out why.
I woke up this morning with a bad headache throbbing in my skull. My emotional break down last night was paying me back with some interest, and now it felt like one of Niisan's concerts was playing in my head. Actually, it more felt like one of his guitar amps had been shoved into my head, and he was practicing power chords right behind my eyes.
Eventually, I got up and slipped my bathrobe on, letting it hang loosely around me. I headed for the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I had to start laughing, as much as it hurt my head to do. I looked terrible, but in a hilarious way. My hair was pointing in about seven different directions. I looked like a reject from that old anime Dragonball Z. God, I hate that show.
Niisan always watched the reruns when he was visiting mom and I, which was more often than not because we had cable and dad doesn't. He'd even start mock-fighting like he was in the show, and would even start chasing me around. It got really old really quickly. I thought one time to invite Iori over, thinking maybe with him over Yamato wouldn't act like a moron. Bad move. Iori likes the show just as much, and I found myself being chased all over the apartment complex by both of them. I got back at both of them by making them watch Sazae-san with me while I watched Miyako's younger sister for her one time. It was fun to watch them squirm.
Back to the time at hand, though. I headed for the kitchen, where I found a note from mom saying she was out for the morning, but she'd be back around noon and would treat me to lunch out. She also wrote that she was a bit worried about me and reminded me that I could talk to her about anything. I thanked her in my mind, but there was no way I could tell her about what happened. She'd be even less understanding than the girls would be if they found out.
Oddly enough, just as I was about to open the refrigerator for some orange juice, our doorbell rang. I was in no sort of mood for visitors, so I ignored it at first. When the doorbell rang again, accompanied by several knocks at the door I grumbled and headed for the door. I tied my robe tightly around myself, unlocked the door, and opened it, putting my very best disgusted look on my face.
"What?!" I said angrily. And there, standing right outside my door, were Sora, Mimi, Miyako and Hikari.
"Boy, you sure don't wake up well, do you TK?" Sora commented. "Mind if we come in?"
Before I could say anything, all four of them filed past me and into the apartment, leaving their shoes at the genkan. I closed the door behind me once they were all in, a bit confused at the moment.
"Sorry about that. I've...had a really troublesome time recently is all. It's caused me some trouble sleeping." I said, shuffling past them all.
"Ahh, I see." Hikari said, folding her arms. "When would that troublesome time have begun, TK? Last night when we were supposed to see a movie?"
"Or maybe the night before that when we were supposed to meet in the park?" Mimi added.
"Or would that be the night after you and I were supposed to have some quality time at the library?" Miyako asked.
"Or after you were going to have lunch with me on Tuesday?" Sora said, finishing the round.
"Umm..." was all I could say. Once again, illustrating my utter capacity for totally not grasping the moment.
"We're waiting, Takeru-kun." Mimi said.
"Give me a minute, I'll think of something." I said. And for my credit, I was honestly trying to think for a moment. That is, until I realized that they'd all figured out what had been going on. I suddenly got the feeling that I should've gone with my gut instinct days ago and just shot myself and gotten it over with.
"Takeru-kun, why didn't you tell us what was going on to begin with?" Miyako asked, stepping up to me.
"Do you honestly think any of you would've reacted rationally, or even believed me for that matter, if I told you that you all had fallen for me in the same day?" I replied.
"The same day? What do you mean?" Hikari asked.
Since I had nothing left to hide, I explained what had happened on Monday to them all, and how Iori and I'd come up with the plan to get them all hooked up with other guys. I purposefully left out that I had been trying to save Hikari for myself, though. I was already on thin ice, and that would not have gone over well at all.
"Well...that explains a lot, I guess." Sora said after I finished. "But you still lied to us all, Takeru-kun."
"Sora, give me a break, will you? I..."
Suddenly I wavered and grabbed onto the couch to steady myself. My headache had flared up, and caused a bit of wooziness, which led to me losing my balance. Hikari was first over by me to check on me.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"I'm...I'll be fine, I just..." As I looked up I saw that hey had all crowded around me, so I struggled to back away from them for a moment. "Look, give me a little while to clean myself up and get dressed. When I come back out, you guys can tear into me however much you want. I guess I've been kinda preparing for this since the beginning just in case."
"But...but TK, we..." Miyako stated to say.
"Don't worry. I'm not running away or anything, Miyako. You guys have me pretty much cornered. Besides, I think I deserve as much anyways." I said as I headed back to my room. I could hear them all conferring amongst themselves, but I paid it no attention as I went back to straighten myself up. It was Judgement Day at last.
_ _ _ _ _
And that brings us right back to now. I've taken a couple of aspirin, and my head is feeling mostly better now. I've showered, brushed my teeth, and gotten dressed. I have on a pair of white cargo shorts and a green, buttoned shirt that I've left untucked. I grab my favorite hat, which is a fisherman's hat, and put it on my head. I take one last look in the mirror and sigh deeply. I know, all of this is a bit melodramatic, but I'm prepared for the worst. I mean, it's like I have any reason to expect anything but the worst after all.
Since you've heard my story this far, I guess it won't hurt if you tag along to see how it all ends for me. Come along, then, and see how this mess...this one divine mess that I created for myself turns out. I figure no matter what happens, it'll at least be good for a laugh.