Disclaimer: All the Moulin Rouge characters belong to *alas!* Baz Luhrmann
and Craig Pierce.
A/N: Thx everyone who's reviewed, hope you like this one - it's kinda sad, but... Whatever, read and you'll see.
EYES LIKE YOURS
~ by Alicia Jo Twain ~
PART 2 - FOR CHRISTIAN: SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE
August 23rd, 1900
My dearest Christian...
I miss you sooooooooooooooo much.
I've been counting the days since that night, but they seem like years to me. Every day it gets harder and harder living without you by my side. Without you here to kiss me, to hug me, to make love to me... To feel myself becoming one with you, the way I'd never felt before. Every time we made love was so special, exploring each other's bodies like it was the first time, everything so new and exciting. It was all so wonderful - because it IS true - love is like oxygen, you can't live without it, and we did exactly that - we made love - we never had sex, because when we were together the most important thing was our love for each other. With each encounter my love grew, and with each day, as I miss you more and more, my love still grows. So much that I think I'll explode. I ache from loving you, but it's such sweet sorrow that I wish it would never go away. What makes it even sweeter is that I know it won't go away as long as I have my soul, and souls go on forever, they never die. Eventually there will be no more sorrow, just sweet sweet love. Because we will be reunited in Heaven above, I will be waiting for you, always.
I have to tell you something... I'm pregnant!!! Yes! For real!!! Remember all the times we dreamt of being married and having our own children?!! I'd said I wanted a boy just like you - with your hair and faith in love, and you said you wanted a little girl with my curly hair and blue eyes. What was it you said...? Ah! The bluest eyes you'd ever seen, the color of the sky - where you wanted to take me. I never told you this, but you already took me up there, your love took me everywhere I ever wanted to go. There's nothing else I want except you. And I've had you, so purely and perfectly, as no woman ever had a man.
Now that dream is a reality! I'm pregnant with a baby girl and I know she's going to be so perfect, just like her daddy. She is my gift to you. All I wanted was to give you my love, and I've done as I promised, "I will love you until my dying day." Now, I feel like I've cheated you of something. You came into my life like a storm, so unexpected and life- changing, but instead of bringing the rain and clouds, you brought the sun into my life. You gave up everything you knew to come to Paris, to the Moulin Rouge knowing you would find love. Knowing you would find me. You did it all because you had faith in love. I feel so lucky that you chose me to share that wonderful feeling with. I want to thank you for believing in love, for believing in me, for believing that I too could love, something I thought I'd forgotten how to do. But love is like riding a bicycle, I guess, you never forget, even if you try.
I feel like I'm betraying you by dying on you like this, leaving you, after all you've done for me. I never got to pay you back for your strength. You never paid me the way other men had, but what you gave me, expecting nothing in return, is worth so much more - more than all the diamonds and dresses in the world.
Your arms around me made time stop, one quick look from you made everything go away! There was nothing else in the world, just you and me, lost in each other's gaze. Your touch made my whole body tingle and the way you made love to me convinced me that everything would be all right and I knew you would love me till the end of time, just as I love you. You gave me all that and so much more that wouldn't fit into a whole universe!
All that resulted in our child - we have a daughter now - the incarnation of our love for one another. It's still so hard to believe that every once in a while I pinch myself to make sure that it's not a dream. This miracle God's given me - given us - is such a blessing that I know He'll make sure I deliver a healthy baby, just as I know she WILL find you, sooner or later.
I am feeling weaker as the days go by, I'll probably die at childbirth, I dreamt I would, but I don't care, because it's all going to be worth it - we will have created that little wonderful human being - together. It was meant to be this way and I have no regrets at all. As long as Christina's all right.
I've named her Christina after you, because you gave her to me, and now I give her back to you. She is my debt to you for showing me the world. The world that no one had ever showed me. No one else could, even if they wanted to - because you are the most unique being I know and you have the gift - only you - the gift of bringing worlds together with love... [the last word a little scribbled]
Oh! Christina just kicked. She's kicking more and more every day, but I don't mind. It's very comforting to be reminded that she's real and that she's yours. She'll probably play soccer better than any boy, she's getting enough practice :o)
I don't want you to think I've been spending my last days idly, crying over you. I have cried - many a tears - but I want you to be proud of me. I never did any honest work in my entire life, but I am changing that - I don't have much time left, but I'm trying to make it count. One thing I'll do to make this world a better place is bring Christina into it. At least I'll have done that.
I've written three letters to our daughter, telling her all about me, and us, our story, and told her to find you so by the time you'll be reading this I'll be long gone, but that'll mean that Christina will have found you and that makes me happier than you can imagine.
I've also been knitting her a woolen scarf; you know how the days in Paris can get cold in winter.
I don't know if you remember but you once told me that reading good books makes us better people. I can't say there are too many things in my life I'm proud of, but as I said, I'm trying to make up for that. Even if it's just by reading. But I want to make you happy. I know how much literature means to you. Now, I can honestly say it means the world to me. It reminds me of you and Emma.
I went through the first Greek writers - Homer, Aeschylus, Sophocles, Euripides, over the Roman poets, 12th and 13th century national epic tales, then the Italians - Dante, Boccacchio, and Petrarca. I love his poems - they are so sad, yet so sweet and beautiful. I can relate to them because I love you so much and yet we can't be together.
Shakespeare - he's almost as good a writer as you. Almost, but just not there yet :o) My favorite Shakespeare play is "Romeo and Juliet", just like yours. It is the most wonderful play in the whole world! After "Spectacular Spectacular" of course. I've also read all his other plays; I know he's your favorite author. I quite liked "The Taming of the Shrew" and "As You Like It", but I'm sorry to say that all those Henry's aren't as good. For me anyway, but what do I know.
My favorites are the women authors - Alcott, Austen and the Bronte's - I'm sure you'd approve, Emma did. You never told me that women could write as well. I never knew that! But I'm glad because I know Christina will have your talent and she will be the next Louisa May Alcott! Even better!!!
I've read most of the Dumas novels, and can you believe I cried all the way through "The Man in the Iron Mask"?!! Because it's so much like my previous life - I was Philippe, locked away forever, without any hope of escaping, wearing a mask, no one knowing who I really was. But then you came - you were my musketeer, taking me out of my darkness into the light.
Dostoyevsky's Raskolnikoff had love at the end of his tunnel - that made him survive prison, I have you and Christina at the end of my tunnel - that's making my soul survive death. If I hadn't met you my soul would have died along with my body, like Zola's Nana had - it makes me so sad that so many courtesans around the world end up like her. I cried all the way through her story too - because I WAS Nana before I met you. But you turned my life into an Andersen fairytale - it may seem like a sad end, but it's the middle of it that counts, not necessarily the end. Romeo and Juliet died, that doesn't make the story any less beautiful.
But you were right, books make us all better people. They help me forget that I'm dying and I relive our love through the love stories of the characters. I can so easily identify with all of them that I really feel that you and I met like that in an alternate universe, almost as real as reality. But it IS all real - in my imagination - you taught me that. Imagination is just a huge alternate world out there, where everything is possible and there are no chains keeping us from flying away.
I am Lizzie to your Darcy, I am Jo to your Professor Bhaer, I am Jane to your Mr. Rochester, I am Estella to your Pip, but above all
I am Satine to your Christian.
Our daughter - from me to you, Christian
With all the love in the world
Forever and always
Come What May
Satine
P.S. Reading all those wonderful books has inspired me to write a poem. It's my first and last poem so don't expect it to be too good, but it comes from the heart and you always told me that's what matters.
It's written for and dedicated to - you, dummy!
Tomorrow
When tomorrow starts without me
And I'm not there to see
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today
While thinking of the many things
We didn't get to say
I know how much you love me
As much as I love you
And each time that you think of me
I know you'll miss me too
But when tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand
That an angel came and called my name
And took me by the hand
And said my place was ready
In heaven far above
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love
But when I walked through heaven's gates
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me
From His great golden throne
He said, "This is eternity
And all I've promised you"
Today for life on earth is past
But here it starts anew
I promise no tomorrow
For today will always last
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past
So when tomorrow starts without me
Don't think we're far apart
For every time you think of me
I'm right here in your heart.
So don't worry about me, Christian. I'll be fine, as long as you and Christina are. As much as I long to be with you, I don't want you in Heaven until you have taught our little girl all you have taught me. When the time comes, you'll know. And I will be waiting with arms wide open, craving to be in your warm embrace once again.
A/N: So did you like it? Please review :o)
I would like nothing more, but to be able to take credit for this wonderful poem you just read, but *alas!* I can't. Talk about life not being fair. I found it on Aaliyah's official website after she died, and at the bottom it said,
"This poem was inspired by Aaliyah and written by a friend in return for the many things she gave him."
It is the *MOST* beautiful poem I've ever heard/read and it fit in my fanfic. So if the person who wrote this by any chance reads it, or someone who knows him, please don't be mad, because I LOVE the poem and wouldn't do anything to disrespect Aaliyah's memory. I think that the author would want other people to read the poem because it has such a beautiful message. And I am going to have it read at my funeral.
A/N: Thx everyone who's reviewed, hope you like this one - it's kinda sad, but... Whatever, read and you'll see.
EYES LIKE YOURS
~ by Alicia Jo Twain ~
PART 2 - FOR CHRISTIAN: SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE
August 23rd, 1900
My dearest Christian...
I miss you sooooooooooooooo much.
I've been counting the days since that night, but they seem like years to me. Every day it gets harder and harder living without you by my side. Without you here to kiss me, to hug me, to make love to me... To feel myself becoming one with you, the way I'd never felt before. Every time we made love was so special, exploring each other's bodies like it was the first time, everything so new and exciting. It was all so wonderful - because it IS true - love is like oxygen, you can't live without it, and we did exactly that - we made love - we never had sex, because when we were together the most important thing was our love for each other. With each encounter my love grew, and with each day, as I miss you more and more, my love still grows. So much that I think I'll explode. I ache from loving you, but it's such sweet sorrow that I wish it would never go away. What makes it even sweeter is that I know it won't go away as long as I have my soul, and souls go on forever, they never die. Eventually there will be no more sorrow, just sweet sweet love. Because we will be reunited in Heaven above, I will be waiting for you, always.
I have to tell you something... I'm pregnant!!! Yes! For real!!! Remember all the times we dreamt of being married and having our own children?!! I'd said I wanted a boy just like you - with your hair and faith in love, and you said you wanted a little girl with my curly hair and blue eyes. What was it you said...? Ah! The bluest eyes you'd ever seen, the color of the sky - where you wanted to take me. I never told you this, but you already took me up there, your love took me everywhere I ever wanted to go. There's nothing else I want except you. And I've had you, so purely and perfectly, as no woman ever had a man.
Now that dream is a reality! I'm pregnant with a baby girl and I know she's going to be so perfect, just like her daddy. She is my gift to you. All I wanted was to give you my love, and I've done as I promised, "I will love you until my dying day." Now, I feel like I've cheated you of something. You came into my life like a storm, so unexpected and life- changing, but instead of bringing the rain and clouds, you brought the sun into my life. You gave up everything you knew to come to Paris, to the Moulin Rouge knowing you would find love. Knowing you would find me. You did it all because you had faith in love. I feel so lucky that you chose me to share that wonderful feeling with. I want to thank you for believing in love, for believing in me, for believing that I too could love, something I thought I'd forgotten how to do. But love is like riding a bicycle, I guess, you never forget, even if you try.
I feel like I'm betraying you by dying on you like this, leaving you, after all you've done for me. I never got to pay you back for your strength. You never paid me the way other men had, but what you gave me, expecting nothing in return, is worth so much more - more than all the diamonds and dresses in the world.
Your arms around me made time stop, one quick look from you made everything go away! There was nothing else in the world, just you and me, lost in each other's gaze. Your touch made my whole body tingle and the way you made love to me convinced me that everything would be all right and I knew you would love me till the end of time, just as I love you. You gave me all that and so much more that wouldn't fit into a whole universe!
All that resulted in our child - we have a daughter now - the incarnation of our love for one another. It's still so hard to believe that every once in a while I pinch myself to make sure that it's not a dream. This miracle God's given me - given us - is such a blessing that I know He'll make sure I deliver a healthy baby, just as I know she WILL find you, sooner or later.
I am feeling weaker as the days go by, I'll probably die at childbirth, I dreamt I would, but I don't care, because it's all going to be worth it - we will have created that little wonderful human being - together. It was meant to be this way and I have no regrets at all. As long as Christina's all right.
I've named her Christina after you, because you gave her to me, and now I give her back to you. She is my debt to you for showing me the world. The world that no one had ever showed me. No one else could, even if they wanted to - because you are the most unique being I know and you have the gift - only you - the gift of bringing worlds together with love... [the last word a little scribbled]
Oh! Christina just kicked. She's kicking more and more every day, but I don't mind. It's very comforting to be reminded that she's real and that she's yours. She'll probably play soccer better than any boy, she's getting enough practice :o)
I don't want you to think I've been spending my last days idly, crying over you. I have cried - many a tears - but I want you to be proud of me. I never did any honest work in my entire life, but I am changing that - I don't have much time left, but I'm trying to make it count. One thing I'll do to make this world a better place is bring Christina into it. At least I'll have done that.
I've written three letters to our daughter, telling her all about me, and us, our story, and told her to find you so by the time you'll be reading this I'll be long gone, but that'll mean that Christina will have found you and that makes me happier than you can imagine.
I've also been knitting her a woolen scarf; you know how the days in Paris can get cold in winter.
I don't know if you remember but you once told me that reading good books makes us better people. I can't say there are too many things in my life I'm proud of, but as I said, I'm trying to make up for that. Even if it's just by reading. But I want to make you happy. I know how much literature means to you. Now, I can honestly say it means the world to me. It reminds me of you and Emma.
I went through the first Greek writers - Homer, Aeschylus, Sophocles, Euripides, over the Roman poets, 12th and 13th century national epic tales, then the Italians - Dante, Boccacchio, and Petrarca. I love his poems - they are so sad, yet so sweet and beautiful. I can relate to them because I love you so much and yet we can't be together.
Shakespeare - he's almost as good a writer as you. Almost, but just not there yet :o) My favorite Shakespeare play is "Romeo and Juliet", just like yours. It is the most wonderful play in the whole world! After "Spectacular Spectacular" of course. I've also read all his other plays; I know he's your favorite author. I quite liked "The Taming of the Shrew" and "As You Like It", but I'm sorry to say that all those Henry's aren't as good. For me anyway, but what do I know.
My favorites are the women authors - Alcott, Austen and the Bronte's - I'm sure you'd approve, Emma did. You never told me that women could write as well. I never knew that! But I'm glad because I know Christina will have your talent and she will be the next Louisa May Alcott! Even better!!!
I've read most of the Dumas novels, and can you believe I cried all the way through "The Man in the Iron Mask"?!! Because it's so much like my previous life - I was Philippe, locked away forever, without any hope of escaping, wearing a mask, no one knowing who I really was. But then you came - you were my musketeer, taking me out of my darkness into the light.
Dostoyevsky's Raskolnikoff had love at the end of his tunnel - that made him survive prison, I have you and Christina at the end of my tunnel - that's making my soul survive death. If I hadn't met you my soul would have died along with my body, like Zola's Nana had - it makes me so sad that so many courtesans around the world end up like her. I cried all the way through her story too - because I WAS Nana before I met you. But you turned my life into an Andersen fairytale - it may seem like a sad end, but it's the middle of it that counts, not necessarily the end. Romeo and Juliet died, that doesn't make the story any less beautiful.
But you were right, books make us all better people. They help me forget that I'm dying and I relive our love through the love stories of the characters. I can so easily identify with all of them that I really feel that you and I met like that in an alternate universe, almost as real as reality. But it IS all real - in my imagination - you taught me that. Imagination is just a huge alternate world out there, where everything is possible and there are no chains keeping us from flying away.
I am Lizzie to your Darcy, I am Jo to your Professor Bhaer, I am Jane to your Mr. Rochester, I am Estella to your Pip, but above all
I am Satine to your Christian.
Our daughter - from me to you, Christian
With all the love in the world
Forever and always
Come What May
Satine
P.S. Reading all those wonderful books has inspired me to write a poem. It's my first and last poem so don't expect it to be too good, but it comes from the heart and you always told me that's what matters.
It's written for and dedicated to - you, dummy!
Tomorrow
When tomorrow starts without me
And I'm not there to see
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today
While thinking of the many things
We didn't get to say
I know how much you love me
As much as I love you
And each time that you think of me
I know you'll miss me too
But when tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand
That an angel came and called my name
And took me by the hand
And said my place was ready
In heaven far above
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love
But when I walked through heaven's gates
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me
From His great golden throne
He said, "This is eternity
And all I've promised you"
Today for life on earth is past
But here it starts anew
I promise no tomorrow
For today will always last
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past
So when tomorrow starts without me
Don't think we're far apart
For every time you think of me
I'm right here in your heart.
So don't worry about me, Christian. I'll be fine, as long as you and Christina are. As much as I long to be with you, I don't want you in Heaven until you have taught our little girl all you have taught me. When the time comes, you'll know. And I will be waiting with arms wide open, craving to be in your warm embrace once again.
A/N: So did you like it? Please review :o)
I would like nothing more, but to be able to take credit for this wonderful poem you just read, but *alas!* I can't. Talk about life not being fair. I found it on Aaliyah's official website after she died, and at the bottom it said,
"This poem was inspired by Aaliyah and written by a friend in return for the many things she gave him."
It is the *MOST* beautiful poem I've ever heard/read and it fit in my fanfic. So if the person who wrote this by any chance reads it, or someone who knows him, please don't be mad, because I LOVE the poem and wouldn't do anything to disrespect Aaliyah's memory. I think that the author would want other people to read the poem because it has such a beautiful message. And I am going to have it read at my funeral.