"Is It Season Six Yet?" by Miss Pataki
Episode Three: Jane and the Pussycat
A/N: Just finished writing episode two and I'm already working on three. How's that for an over-achiever? Heh heh. Just kidding. "Adjust This" was particularly…dull to write. I think my favorite parts were writing the FC's parts and the montage to a song I love. Not TOO much shipper stuff in that chapter, but it worked. Yes, David and Alison will have parts in this fic. David makes an appearance in this chapter and Alison enters the story sometime later. I haven't exactly decided as the order of stories may change drastically. I don't want to put out the holiday episodes too early or late. Anywayz, thank you very much for reviewing and reading.
Disclaimer: I do not own Daria or the songs used in this work of fiction. I don't even pretend to.
--
DARIA
in
"Jane and the Pussycat"
SCENE ONE
INT: The diner.
(Jane sits alone at one of the booths, drinking a cup of hot chocolate. A plate of now-cold toast sits in the center of the table, a plate at either side. She stares out the window, looking bored. The door opens and Daria rushes in, carrying her backpack.)
Jane: (brightening up) Hey! I thought maybe you hadn't-
Daria: Can't talk. Late for class.
(She grabs a piece of toast and rushes out the door.)
Daria: Thanks for breakfast!
Jane: (mumbling) Sure.
(Cue "Tom's Diner" by DNA and Suzanne Vega. She studies her hot chocolate for a moment before taking a sip. When she looks up to take a swig, we see from her point of view. Just above the cup rim we see Valerie standing next to the table, smiling. Cut back to normal camera. Val's wearing a violet mini-skirt and a pink halter [her normal outfit].)
Val: Hi, Jane. What's up?
Jane: Oh, the same. I'm being stalked by three different people. You?
(Val laughs and slides into the booth on the opposite side.)
Jane: Want some toast? I was supposed to meet Daria here for breakfast, but she was late for class.
Val: Sure. But I can't stay long. I have to meet with one of my professors at nine.
Jane: Val, it's 8:50.
Val: What!? Oh god, I'm gonna be late.
(She stands up and jams a piece of toast in her mouth.)
Val: I'll come over later, okay? See you!
(She runs out the door.)
Jane: Bye. God, is this "be late for everything" day?
(She frowns and pulls out her wallet. A few folded bills sit in the old wallet. A white butterfly flies out.)
Jane: I think I need some more cash…
(She pulls out a couple dollars and places them on the table. As she stands up, she notices a sign posted on the wall, reading "Waitress Wanted." The screen blurs and goes to her imagination.)
SCENE TWO
INT: the diner.
(Jane, wearing one of those crappy 50's style waitress uniforms with her hair done up, waltzes up to a table of cheerleaders.)
Jane: (perky) What'll it be?
(The cheerleaders take one look at her and burst out laughing. Jane blushes bright red. She turns to Val, who's standing in front of her.)
Val: Jane, what are you wearing?
(Val starts to laugh. She laughs so hard tears come rolling down her cheeks. Jane blushes harder, if that's possible. Just then, the door opens and Tom and Daria walk in with Trent. Jane notices that Tom has his arm around Daria.)
Daria: Jane, did I tell you I got back together with-
Trent: (seeing Jane) Whoa.
Tom: You look like a…
Daria/Trent/Tom: Sell-out.
(The three begin chanting it, as do Val and the cheerleaders. Suddenly, the room starts to spin as Jane tries to plug her ears.)
SCENE THREE
INT: The diner, back in reality.
Jane: Nah.
SCENE FOUR
INT: Lawndale High.
(Stacy and Quinn are walking through the hall.)
Quinn: I talked to Mr. Paully and he said it was totally fine if you wanted to join the cast.
Stacy: Wow! Thanks, Quinn. That was really nice of you.
Quinn: I know.
Stacy: I just hope I can memorize all my lines.
Quinn: Don't worry. Jamie already said he'd write down all my lines on cue cards. I'm sure he wouldn't mind doing that for you too.
Stacy: You are such a great person, Quinn. It's easy to see why all the guys like you.
Quinn: Well, not all the guys…
(She motions with her head to a sad-looking Kevin standing by his locker.)
Stacy: I wonder what's got him down.
Quinn: He probably misses Brittany.
Stacy: Don't we all. She was so…perky.
(She and Quinn smile and walk on. Camera focuses on Kevin as he opens his locker. Inside, he grabs a book and stops to look at a picture of him and Brittany from his parents' barbeque [Mart of Darkness].)
Guy [Chris]: Hey, man. You okay?
(Kevin turns around to face Chris, who's pretty tall and looks like he could be Hawaiian.)
Kevin: (faking happy) Sure, man.
Chris: Just checking.
Kevin: Aw, c'mon, have a little faith, bro.
Chris: I do, but coach doesn't. He wanted to make sure you knew what time practice was.
Kevin: That's easy. Six o'clock. Right after "The Simpsons."
Chris: No. Three-thirty, right after school lets out.
Kevin: That's what I said. Four-thirty.
Chris: Just go to the field after the last bell rings. And wear your uniform this time.
Kevin: Whatever you say, man.
(Chris walks off. Kevin turns back to his locker, a sad look on his face. Cue "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd.)
SCENE FIVE
INT: A hall at Great Prairie State.
(Brittany is walking alongside one of the cheerleaders [Pick one.].)
Cheerleader [Jenny]: So what class do you have next, Brittany?
Brittany: (reading her schedule) Acting One-Hundred and One. Wow! I must be so good they put me in the advanced class!
Jenny: (faking a laugh) Yeah, advanced…
(They near a classroom.)
Brittany: Well, here's my class. See you later, Jenny.
Jenny: You too, Britt.
(Brittany enters the classroom and is immediately welcomed by a man with dirty blonde hair who appears to be in his late thirties, wearing a brown suit.)
Man: My, my, my. Who do we have here?
Brittany: My name's Brittany Taylor.
(He takes her hand to kiss it.)
Man: To what do I owe the pleasure?
(Brittany concentrates on his face for a moment.)
Brittany: You owe me something? I don't recognize you. Did you teach at Lawndale High?
Man: (laughing) You crack me up, Brittany. I'm Professor Lennon. You know, you could really go far in this class.
Brittany: Thanks. But I can't go until you let go of my hand.
(He laughs and lets go of her hand. As she walks off, he watches her, a funny look on his face as Kylie Minogue's "Can't Get You Out of My Head" plays.)
SCENE SIX
INT: Lennon's classroom.
(Lennon stands in front of the class, holding up a script. Everyone has a copy of the script on their desk.)
Lennon: Welcome to Acting 101, where we'll be learning to act better through experience. The first play we'll be reading is Antigone. Now, who would like to volunteer to read the lines for our heroine?
(Several girls raise their hands. Brittany doodles something with a feather pen, not noticing anything.)
Lennon: Miss Taylor, why don't you read for Antigone?
(A girl with brown hair puts her hand down and "hmph"s angrily.)
Brittany: Huh? Um, did I volunteer?
(Lennon laughs.)
Lennon: Start us off at the prologue, please. (pointing to the brown-haired girl) Oh, and you can play Ismene, Miss…Miss…
Girl [Aimee]: Echo.
Lennon: Yes, Miss Echo. Now, Brittany, will you begin?
Brittany: Sure! (In a dramatic voice) Ismene, sister, mine dear own sister, knowest thou what ill there is-
(She wrinkles her nose.)
Brittany: No one told me we were reading Shakespeare.
(Aimee rolls her eyes.)
Aimee: Actually, it's Sophocles.
Brittany: Ohhhhhhhhhh, Sophocles. (A bt.) Who's Sophocles?
Aimee: (raising her hand) Professor Lennon? Maybe I should read for Antigone.
Lennon: Well, Miss Echo…
Brittany: No, I can do it. I just need to…um, adjust to this style of drama. Now, where was I? (Dramatic voice) Knowest thou what ill there is, of all bequeathed by O…by Op…by Oped…
Aimee: It's Oedipus, Brittany. ED-ih-pus. Get it?
(Brittany's lower lip quivers.)
Lennon: Aimee, that's quite enough.
Aimee: (fake) Sorry for the interruption, Professor Lennon. I just thought she could use my help.
Lennon: Well, thank you, Miss Echo. May we continue now?
Aimee: (flashing him a smile) Go ahead.
SCENE SEVEN
EXT: Lennon's classroom.
(Brittany exits the room. Aimee stands in her way, her hands on her hips.)
Aimee: He's only nice to you because you have big boobs.
Brittany: (confused) What?
Aimee: If I were you, I'd be careful.
(She stomps off. Brittany looks after her quizzically.)
Brittany: Gee, I wonder what's wrong with her.
SCENE EIGHT
INT: Daria and Jane's kitchen.
(Daria opens the fridge and finding nothing inside, shuts it. Jane sits at the counter, drinking a glass of water. Daria's backpack sits on the counter.)
Daria: We really should buy some food. Pizza can only go so far.
Jane: Bite your tongue.
(Daria frowns and opens up her backpack, pulling out a candy bar.)
Jane: Geez, if you're going to protest by eating sugar, I guess I could go shopping.
Daria: I'm not protesting. I'm fueling myself for the rest of the day.
Jane: (raising an eyebrow) Is that what they're calling it now? Actually, I was serious about the shopping thing.
Daria: You're kidding, right?
Jane: Nope. I think I'm gonna get a job.
Daria: But you've got the gallery job.
Jane: Yeah, but I need something else to do with my time. Believe it or not, I don't want to lie around the house like Trent.
Daria: That's understandable. So what did you have in mind?
Jane: Whatever I can get. Except nothing in the food services.
Daria: Well, that narrows it down to twenty billion.
Jane: At least I know I have plenty of options. And it's not like it's permanent. It's just til I start at BFAC.
Daria: Good point. Well, whatever you feel like doing, as long as you stock up on groceries before the Apocalypse.
Jane: I can't make any promises, but I'll try.
(They smirk.)
SCENE NINE
INT: Shops at the Prudential Center
(Jane is standing in the middle of the Terrance Food Court, looking over a map.)
Jane: Okay, Janey, if you're going to be humiliated working, you might as well do it somewhere where everyone you don't know can see you. Now, where to start…
(Camera shows the map, which looks harder to read than hieroglyphics [It really does. I checked.].)
Jane: Well, maybe if I could read a damn thing…
(She frowns and crumples up the map before tossing it into a trash can.)
Jane: I'll just wing it.
SCENE TEN
EXT: Whipporwil Crafts.
(Josie and the Pussycat's "Pretend to Be Nice" plays.)
INT: WC.
(Jane stands at the counter, talking to the manager, a blonde woman wearing a clean, pressed white blouse and navy skirt.)
Jane: I just figured that as an artist, I could really help out at Whippor- what kind of name is that, anyway?
Manager: Excuse me?
Jane: What does it mean? Does having a weird name bring customers in?
(The manager frowns.)
EXT: The Museum Company.
("Pretend to Be Nice" still plays.)
INT: TMC.
(Jane stands near the entrance way, talking to a sales associate. He has brown hair and wears khakis and a white shirt.)
Jane: See, the Museum Company looks a little boring. I think you could use someone with youthful enthusiasm.
(The associate shakes his head.)
INT: Papyrus, a stationary store.
(Jane talks to a woman behind the counter.)
Jane: I'm very people-oriented. I love people. I mean, the smart ones.
INT: Claire's, a teeny bopper type store.
(A blonde girl in her late teens 'talks' to Jane as she prepares to pierce a young girl's ears.)
Jane: I never actually pictured myself working in a preppy store like this, but I think I could pierce ears.
Girl: (uninterested) Uh huh.
Little Girl: (to Jane) How many piercings do you have?
Jane: Three, but those are just the ones I can show in public.
(The sales girl's eyes bulge as the little girl gets a funny look on her face.)
INT: Dapy, a Spencers-like store.
(A man with bright blue spiked hair stands behind the counter, his arms crossed as Jane tries to reason with him.)
Jane: I really like this store, really. It's just too…spontaneous. Does that make sense?
INT: Software, Etc.
(A scrawny guy listens to Jane from behind the register.)
Jane: Um, I don't know a lot about computers. But I try hard.
Guy: Oh, that's okay. But you will have to follow a certain dress code.
Jane: You mean like white shirts?
Guy: Yeah. Except they should be tight.
Jane: Well, that's no-
(Her eyes bulge.)
Jane: See ya.
SCENE ELEVEN
INT: Terrance Food Court.
(Jane sits alone at a table, looking very blue.)
Jane: Okay, so nobody hired me. But at least they took my résumé.
(She frowns. A girl in her twenties approaches her and hands her an orange flyer.)
Girl: Rough day?
Jane: You could say that. What's this?
Girl: There's a new pet store down by Saks Fifth Avenue.
Jane: People don't kid when they say the most important rule is location, location, location.
Girl: You should check it out. You might find something you like. Besides, you'd be helping someone.
Jane: Who? The furry little animals?
Girl: The shop owners. They'll be out of business by next week.
(Jane smirks.)
SCENE TWELVE
INT: Kevin's room.
(Kevin's lying on his bed, flipping through a copy of Sports Illustrated. All around him, things litter the floor. He probably hasn't cleaned in years. Suddenly, he looks up.)
Kevin: Didn't I have something to get to? (Realizing) Oh no! Practice!
SCENE THIRTEEN
FOOTBALL FIELD
(Kevin comes running onto the field. It's dark outside, around ten. Sade's "King of Sorrow" plays.)
Kevin: Um, hello?
(A beat.)
Kevin: Oh, man, I missed it again. This never would've happened if Brit was here. I could just follow her since she always came to watch. This sucks. I guess I should face it. I'm nothing without her. If only I wasn't so dumb. Maybe then I could be at Great Prairie State with her. Aw, Brit…
(He collapses on his knees and looks up at the sky.)
Kevin: Babe!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
SCREEN: The associate at Claire's freaks out while the little girl looks strangely at Jane while Sade's song plays.
"Next week on Daria…Daria gets locked in the library…"
(Daria sits on the floor next to a big bookshelf, rolling a ball of rubber bands back and forth as U2's "Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of" plays.)
"And what is Jane doing?!"
(Jane and Tom are sitting on her and Daria's couch. Jane has her arms crossed across her chest. Suddenly, Tom pulls her into a lip lock. Her eyes bulge for a moment.)
"It's all in the next new episode of Daria!"
A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM MTV:
(Scene from the VMAs, with Jimmy Fallon imitating Eminem's "Without Me".)
Jimmy: (singing) This looks like a job for me so everybody come and follow me. 'Cos this is your one chance to see some music played on MTV!
(Picture freezes. A magical, disembodied voice speaks.)
Announcer: We at MTV would like to inform you that in no way do we confirm or deny Mr. Fallon's claims. Just because we're called Music Television does not mean we must show music videos, though we do. In fact, let's roll one right now.
(Plays about ten seconds of the end of Puddle of Mudd's "She Hates Me." Picture freezes.)
Announcer: See? Now, back to Real World Twenty-Two: Mission Hill.
SWIMF@N: Made it to number one on box office charts. "Wanna pretend it never happened?" Yes, despite the fact that Jesse Bradford is incredibly good-looking, I do. Is there no room for quality movies in this country?
NOW, BACK TO DARIA…
SCENE FOURTEEN
INT: Daria and Jane's apartment.
(Camera focuses on the TV screen.)
SSW Announcer: Kittens. Cute and fuzzy, right? Wrong!
(On screen, a woman bends down to pet a calico kitten. The cat hisses and jumps onto the woman's face. Screen switches to "Sick, Sad World" logo.)
SSW Announcer: What happens when you don't clean out the litter box, next on "Sick, Sad World!"
(Camera switches to Daria sitting on the couch. We hear the front door open and Jane comes into the living room, carrying a red box with a handle. Daria looks at her watch.)
Daria: Tsk, tsk. An hour past your curfew. What's your excuse?
Jane: But he was really, really cute, Mom!
Daria: I'm sure he was, but that's no excuse for bringing home a really ugly- what's in the box?
Jane: Don't freak out.
(She opens the box and pulls out a gray kitten. Daria's eyes go wide.)
Daria: Eep!
Jane: What's wrong? He's just a furry little thing.
(She picks him up and holds him above her head.)
Jane: (cute voice) Yes, you are a little furry thing, aren't you?
(The cat stares back at her, a vacant expression on its face.)
Daria: Excuse me while I go puke.
Jane: Aw, c'mon, Daria. Don't tell me you've never had a pet.
Daria: And you have?
Jane: We had a goldfish once. I was just a baby. Mom hadn't explained to Trent that Goldfish crackers don't swim.
Daria: It's a wonder you never got anymore pets.
Jane: Wind had a dog when I was three. Her name was Lady. Boy, Wind loved her. He used to feed her his peas from under the table and take her for walks as soon as he got home from school. But she ran away one day. Wind cried for days. You know, for a while, I thought maybe Lady had something to do with his relationship problems.
Daria: You don't say.
Jane: Penny's got her bird Chiquita though. That worked out. Dad always said we were alike. So I don't see why this can't.
Daria: Um…
Jane: Daria? Do you have something to say?
Daria: It's not important.
Jane: Spit it out, Morgendorffer.
Daria: Since you insist. I was merely going to point out that literally every relationship with someone outside your friends and immediate family has failed.
Jane: Like what?
Daria: Bobby Big-head.
Jane: I never loved him anyway.
Daria: Evan.
Jane: Hey, I was merely going on looks. It's not my fault he was a jerk.
Daria: Fine, Nathan.
Jane: I'd prefer it if you didn't mention that.
Daria: Too late.
Jane: Okay, so you know a couple relationships where I didn't hit it off with guys. So what?
Daria: I'm just saying. You need to be in it for the long haul if it's going to work.
Jane: Daria, it's a cat, not a freaking boyfriend.
Daria: Good point. Let's just forget I said anything, deal?
Jane: Deal.
Daria: Just don't be alarmed if you hear a thump and a yowl during the night. That's just me kicking it off my bed.
Jane: You sure know how to build up trust, Daria.
Daria: I do what I can.
SCENE FIFTEEN
INT: The apartment the next day.
(Jane is sitting on the couch, playing with the cat, otherwise known as Goya. Her easel sits on the right side of the couch. Goya sits on the left cushion of the couch, looking annoyed as Jane dangles a toy in his face. B*witched's "C'est La Vie" plays.)
Jane: C'mon, Goya. Don't you want the mouse?
(Seeing that she's not winning, Jane pets him. Goya yawns. Jane observes him.)
Jane: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to stick your finger in there?
(Daria enters the room, carrying a soda.)
Daria: Thankfully not. Hey, was there by any chance something you forgot to do yesterday?
Jane: Don't think so. Why?
Daria: There's nothing but Whiskas and Vanilla Coke in the fridge.
Jane: Oh yeah. Shopping. I'll do it as soon as I get a job or some more money comes in from the gallery.
Daria: So…sometime before the next presidential election?
Jane: That's what I'm hoping.
(Daria pulls out her wallet and in turn pulls out a bill.)
Daria: If I give you this, will you go right now?
(Jane stands up and grabs the bill.)
Jane: Now, what was it you wanted?
Daria: Anything edible. That excludes anything with the label "fat free."
Jane: Got it. Watch Goya while I'm gone.
(She exits. Goya lifts his head up from the couch and looks straight at Daria.)
Daria: What do you want?
(Goya meows. Daria sighs and sits down on the couch.)
Daria: There. You sit on your side; I'll stay on mine.
(Goya meows again and stands up. He walks over to Daria and rubs up against her arm.)
Daria: Oh no you don't.
(She gently shoves him away. Goya hisses at her.)
Daria: Look. I don't like you and you don't like me. But let's try not to kill each other when Jane's around, okay?
(Goya stares up at her.)
Daria: God, I've had this conversation before.
(Goya yawns and jumps down from the couch. He walks off screen. Daria watches him. After a moment, she wrinkles her nose.)
Daria: I am not cleaning out your litter box.
(A hiss comes from off-screen. Daria sighs.)
SCENE SIXTEEN
INT: Lawndale High cafeteria.
(The Three J's are sitting with Quinn and Stacy at a table. Tiffany and Sandi sit at the table next to them. Sandi glares at Quinn and Stacy.)
Stacy: Quinn, Sandi's making her lizard face.
Quinn: Just ignore her. She's just jealous.
(Camera switches to the opposite table.)
Tiffany: I think they're talking about us.
Sandi: They're just jealous because they finally see what a waste of time acting is.
Tiffany: Oh, right.
(Camera goes back to the other table.)
Jamie: And then she says, "Take out? I thought we were gonna make out!"
(The Three Js laugh.)
Joey: Hey Arnold is such a funny show… [What? I had to do some promo for it sometime. ;)]
Jeffy: Yeah, I like that kid with the football head. He cracks me up.
(Kevin comes over to their table, a nervous look on his face.)
Kevin: Uh…can I talk to you guys?
Quinn: Sure.
Stacy: Do you need some advice?
Kevin: No offense, but it's more of a guy thing.
Quinn: Oh, okay. Well, don't mind me and Stacy. We always eat in silence. Over here. Away from you.
Kevin: Thanks.
(He sits down next to Jamie.)
Jamie: So what's up, Kevin?
Kevin: (faking) Oh, nothing… (Breaking down) I miss Britt!
(He starts to bawl.)
Joey: Don't worry. You'll find someone else.
Jeffy: Yeah, I bet Brittany already has.
(Kevin bawls harder.)
Jeffy: What'd I say?
Kevin: I need…*SOB*…a soda.
(Stacy hands him hers. He looks at it.)
Kevin: Diet?
(He starts to sniffle.)
Stacy: Trust me. It's good. And there's no sugar. Just Nutrasweet.
Kevin: Um…okay.
(He takes a sip. He pauses for a moment before taking another sip and many more. Cue Duncan Sheik's "On a High.")
Quinn: Um, Kevin, you're drinking that pretty fast.
Kevin: It's good. I feel…happy.
(Stacy and Quinn exchange glances. Kevin finishes it and tosses the can onto the floor.)
Kevin: Thanks, Britt. I feel much better.
(He burps and stands up.)
Stacy: I'm not Brittany. I'm Stacy.
Kevin: That's what I said, Sandi. Anyway, see you later.
(He wanders off.)
Quinn: Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.
Stacy: I hope he doesn't drink too much. I heard that Nutrasweet stuff can act as a drug.
Quinn: I bet it's just a rumor.
Stacy: You're probably right. Well, now I need another soda. I only got one sip.
Jamie: I'll get one, Stacy.
Stacy: Um, thanks, Jamie.
(She smiles.)
SCENE SEVENTEEN
INT: Lennon's classroom.
(Brittany stands up at her desk, reciting Antigone. Lennon is leaning on his desk. Aimee is frowning as usual. "I'm Right Here" by Samantha Mumba plays.)
Brittany: You will remember what things I suffer, and at what men's hands because I would not transgress the laws of heaven. Come, let us wait no longer.
(Brittany smiles and sits down. Aimee groans.)
Lennon: Very nice, Miss Taylor. You've improved quite a bit from last time. Now, let's go back to Scene Three. What have we learned about Haimon, Creon's son?
(Aimee raises her hand.)
Lennon: Yes, Miss Echo?
Aimee: Haimon is your typical man stuck in a teenager's body. He's very passionate about his future bride and Creon's decision about Antigone's fate.
Lennon: That's correct, Aimee.
(Brittany raises her hand.)
Lennon: Something you'd like to add, Brittany?
Brittany: Haimon's a suck-up.
Lennon: How so?
Brittany: Well, he loves Antigone and when he hears his father sentenced her to death, he butters Creon up by talking about what a great king he is.
Lennon: Nice observation, Miss Taylor.
Aimee: Hmph.
Lennon: We'll continue the play tomorrow. I want you to read the last two scenes for homework and be ready to discuss the basic elements of drama inscribed in the play as a whole. There will be a test.
(Everyone groans.)
Lennon: Now, once we get the test out of the way, we will be performing Antigone for a select group of high school students from various schools. Everyone needs to find a monologue to perform so I can properly select someone for each role. Sound okay?
(Silence. Aimee looks annoyed. Brittany looks like her normal perky self.)
Lennon: Good. I'd let you out early, but I'm not sure what Dean Faris would think of my teaching skills. There are quite a few monologue books on my bookshelf in the back, so I suggest you use your time wisely and flip through them. (A bt.) You know what to do. Get to it.
(The students get out of their seats and head toward the bookshelf.)
Lennon: Miss Taylor, can I speak with you?
Brittany: Eep!
(She walks over to him, looking freaked.)
Brittany: Is something wrong, Mr. Lennon?
Lennon: Oh, no. Nothing's wrong. In fact, everything's just fine. You see, Brittany, you're my most promising student in this class.
Brittany: Really?
Lennon: Definitely.
Brittany: Wow. No teacher's ever said that to me before.
Lennon: So that makes me your first?
Brittany: (not understanding) I guess it does. Anyway, is that all you wanted to tell me, because I need to ask you what a monologue is. Everyone else seems to know, but for some reason, I've never-
Lennon: A monologue is a short, one person play.
Brittany: Ohhhhhhhhhh…
Lennon: Now, Brittany, everyone else is picking their monologue and you're welcome to do so, but I did have one in mind for you. It fits you like a glove.
Brittany: What kind of glove? I hope it's not the furry, wintery kind. Those itch.
Lennon: (ignoring her comments) Unfortunately, I forgot to bring it with me today.
Brittany: That's okay. I can get the glove next class, right?
Lennon: Actually, I think you should get as much time to memorize it as possible. Maybe you could come pick it up at my apartment at –say- eight o'clock?
Brittany: That sounds fair. But I don't know where you live.
Lennon: I'll give you my address.
(He takes a piece of paper and scribbles his address down on it. He thrusts it into Brittany's hand and then turns to the class.)
Lennon: (loudly) That's enough for today. We'll keep discussing Antigone next class period.
(The students exit the room. Once she's in the hall, Brittany opens the piece of paper. On it is scribbled, "Apartment 88, Nicoliss Apartments. Eight o'clock. Wear red." Brittany's face swivels into a confused expression. Aimee reads the note over her shoulder and smirks.)
Aimee: Tell us all if he's boxers or briefs tomorrow.
(Brittany gets an even more confused look on her face.)
SCENE EIGHTEEN
EXT SHOT OF "Slausen's Market."
INT: Slausen's.
(Jane is standing in line with a basket full of various groceries. She has an annoyed look on her face, waiting for the clerk to finish up with the four people in front of her. Behind her is David. The clerk is ringing up a woman in her twenties. He rings up a box of crackers.)
Clerk: Fat free? You don't need that. You should go for the real thing.
Jane: (muttering) You'll be puking it up later anyway.
(David smirks.)
Woman: (blushing) Well, I…
Jane: Should slap you in the face for taking so damn long.
David: Annoyed?
Jane: (turning around) You could say that.
(The line moves up as the blushing woman is now gone. A sixteen year old girl now takes her place, buying a pack of gum and some magazines. The clerk holds up one featuring the flavor of the week Britney impersonator.)
Clerk: You should be on the cover, not her.
Jane: Though I'd rather see you on the cover of Maxim.
David: Do you always act cynical or is this a special occasion?
(The line moves up.)
Jane: It's more a hobby than an attitude.
(David holds out his hand.)
David: I'm David Sorenson. I go to Raft. What school do you go to?
Jane: I'm entering BFAC mid-term. Jane Lane.
(She shakes his hand.)
David: Don't you have some work on display at Joseph Antonio's gallery?
Jane: Yeah, but I didn't know he put it up already.
David: Hm. Artist and Cynic. A real Renaissance woman.
Jane: You should meet my roommate, Daria. She kills you with sarcasm from the moment you talk to her. But she's a great writer.
David: Daria? Daria Morgendorffer?
Jane: Yeah. How'd you know?
David: We've got Russian History together at Raft.
Jane: (a mischievous look in her eyes) You don't say…
COMMERCIAL BREAK
SCREEN: Kevin bawls at Quinn's table while "On a High" plays.
COM. BREAK- MOVIE VERSION
CHARLIE'S ANGELS 2: HALO- Anyone else looking forward to this movie? I didn't think so. I really like the first movie and I can't wait to see the sequel. I liked Cameron Diaz's character best at first, but now I think I like Alex (Lucy Liu) better. She's quite an actress and I think she thrives in action movies.
TUCK EVERLASTING- If you're a fan of the book and you've seen the commercials for this movie, chances are, you're none too happy the way Disney's making it all a romance. An interview with Alexis Biedel revealed that she considers the movie to be a romance and action movie. If Disney was striving for accuracy to the story, they sure as hell didn't get it. This story is not about Winnie's passionate first love with Jesse. The girl is eleven for crying out loud. And no, I don't consider it action. It's much more of a drama. The only major action I can remember is Tuck shooting the man in the gold suit. Perhaps the break out of the jail is action, but I don't think so. What do I think the movie is really about? A girl who can't stand to be cooped up inside her house with stifling parents, a girl who is very headstrong and doesn't like taking orders, who gets a new perspective on life by seeing it through the eyes of those who have (highlight to read) immortality. This is not freaking Dawson's Creek. It's a story of life and death, not fiery, burning love.
BARBERSHOP- Anyone seen this? From what I've heard, it's pretty funny and has some good morals. I'm hoping to catch it while it's still in theaters and if not, when it comes on video. Eve and Cedric are in it, so all the more reason to check it out. I think the only thing stopping me from seeing it is language. I'm generally not a fan of movies that use the f-word more than once (And Eve6 is my fave band. Go figure.), though there are exceptions. I love "All the President's Men" for instance. And I eagerly await seeing "Ghost World" and "The Royal Tenenbaums." So I guess there's really no reason for me not to see Barbershop. It sounds like a good popcorn flick, something I could really use.
MORE DARIA NOW…
SCENE NINETEEN
INT: Daria and Jane's apartment.
(Daria is in the kitchen on the phone. In the background, we hear Jane coming in.)
Daria: So, um, call me back whenever you can. It's important. What the hell- it's urgent. You don't realize what I'm dealing with.
(She hangs up just as Jane enters the kitchen carrying two bags of groceries.)
Jane: Who was that?
Daria: Wrong number.
(Jane raises her eyebrow but lets it drop.)
Jane: So…did you and Goya have fun?
(Daria looks at Goya who's looking at her from the couch. Cue Garbage's "Shut Your Mouth". Daria's eyes bulge as she imagines him lunging at her.)
Daria: Um…yes. We had a…wonderful time. You got a package today.
Jane: I'll open it later.
(She starts putting groceries away.)
Jane: Guess who I ran into at the store.
Daria: Fidel Castro. No, Ms. Li.
Jane: What's the difference?
Daria: None whatsoever.
Jane: Anyway, what does your mystery guy look like?
Daria: Mystery guy?
Jane: You know, door boy?
Daria: Um…well, kind of tall, glasses, brown hair-
Jane: Ding ding ding! We have a match.
Daria: Say what?
Jane: I met him at the store. Apparently, he's seen my work at the gallery. He likes art. That automatically gets him to the top of the list in my mind.
Daria: Did he ask you out?
Jane: What? No. He likes you. By the way, yellow is a brighter color than gray.
Daria: Okay. So you met him. So what?
Jane: So I said he should come by and see you sometime.
Daria: What?!
Jane: I don't see what the problem is. He's a nice guy, Daria.
Daria: So is Tom.
Jane: Must thou keep pulling that card?
Daria: Sorry. But why would you do that? You know I don't do well with people.
Jane: I know, but I couldn't resist. Placing you in embarrassing situations with guys is more fulfilling than I remembered. It's been too long since I forced you to get up early to help out Trent.
Daria: So now you've successfully moved on to inviting guys I haven't said ten words to over. You know, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.
Jane: I know. But for the moment, Janey's denying all addictions. Now, where's the can opener? Goya needs his din-din.
(Daria grimaces.)
SCENE TWENTY
INT: Locker room.
(The Three J's are clustered around Kevin who has a dreamy expression on his face. Cue Melissa Lefton's "Sunnyville".)
Joey: Yo, Kevin.
Jamie: You better get moving before coach yells at you.
Jeffy: And this time it won't just be about leaving soap in the shower.
Kevin: Dude, let it go.
(He grabs a can of diet soda and starts chugging.)
Jamie: Kevin, that might not be such a good idea.
Kevin: Just cool it. It's no sweat. I could drink a hundred of these.
Jeffy: You already have.
Kevin: Oh yeah.
(He burps.)
Joey: Diet soda's not very good for you. It's got something bad in it.
Jamie: Oh yeah. That carbon stuff, right?
(Joey shrugs.)
Kevin: I know it looks bad, but when I drink this stuff, I don't think so much about Britt at Great Prairie. I feel happy.
Jeffy: Well, if it'll make you stop whining…
Joey: I'd get out of here if I were you, Kevin. Coach'll bite your head off if he sees you like that.
Kevin: (stumbling to his feet) Bite my head off? Maybe then the birds in my brain can fly away…
Jamie: Ms. Barch called you a bird brain. She didn't say there were really birds in there.
Kevin: Hm…bird brain…
(He stumbles out the door and almost bumps into Stacy and Quinn.)
Stacy: You almost broke my concentration!
Quinn: It's okay, Stacey. The nurse is an easy part. Are you okay, Kevin?
Kevin: Sure, babe.
Stacy: Ew! You smell like Diet Cola.
Quinn: Kevin, have you been drinking?
Kevin: Just a few cans…It's just to keep my mind off Brittany.
Quinn: Would she want you drinking diet soda obsessively?
Kevin: Don't tell me how she'd feel. If I wanted her opinion, I think I'd ask.
(He stumbles off.)
Quinn: Where are you going?
Kevin: Anywhere but not here. Wait…is that right? Oh well.
(Quinn and Stacy watch him go with concerned looks on their faces.)
SCENE TWENTY-ONE
EXT: Apartment number 88 in Nicoliss Apartments.
(Brittany stands outside the door, wearing a bright red button up shirt and red plaid skirt. She knocks once on the door and Mr. Lennon opens it, wearing a blue robe.)
Lennon: Brittany, come in.
Brittany: Thanks.
(She enters.)
Brittany: Gee, that's a neat outfit. Is it for, like, when we study Japanese kahooki plays and stuff?
Lennon: Um…yes.
(Inside the apartment, the curtains are drawn and the room is lit only by numerous candles. On one side is the TV and sofa. On another is the door to the bedroom.)
Brittany: Oh! You're one of those people that doesn't believe in electricity, aren't you?
Lennon: On the contrary, electricity is always important to me.
Brittany: (twirling her hair) So, like, do you have the…um…monotone thingy?
Lennon: Brittany, it's not often that I find myself with a student of your…stature.
Brittany: You're a sculptor too?
(He laughs.)
Lennon: Would you mind if I put some music on?
Brittany: As long as it's not stuffy old people music like the Beach Boys or U2.
(Lennon pops a CD into the player next to the TV on the stand. Within a moment Zero 7's "Destiny" begins to play. Brittany sits down on the couch. Lennon sits down next to her.)
Lennon: I think you could go very far in this class, Brittany. Maybe even all the way.
Brittany: All the way to what?
Lennon: Oh, come on, Brittany. You know what I'm talking about. You, a charming, beautiful student. Me, a handsome, experienced professor. Do the math.
Brittany: But I thought this was acting.
Lennon: Well, since this IS acting, play along.
(He places a hand on her leg. She looks down at it, confused. He moves forward and kisses her.)
Brittany: Mmph…this is just acting, right?
(He kisses her some more for a moment and begins to move even farther forward, moving his hand further up her leg. After a moment, she slaps him in the face.)
Lennon: Ow!
Brittany: Sorry, I forgot we were just- hey! You were trying to get my skirt off, weren't you? You…you…you big jerk!
(She slaps him again and heads out the door, slamming it.)
SCENE TWENTY-TWO
INT: Brittany's dorm.
(Brittany flops herself down on her bed, crying and letting her mascara flow. She mumbles something inaudible about Lennon.)
SCENE TWENTY-THREE
INT: Morgendorffer house, living room.
(Quinn is sitting on the couch and a pad rests in her lap. With a jaded expression on her face, she channel surfs on the TV. As Helen passes by from the kitchen, Quinn sighs.)
Helen: Something wrong, Quinn? You skipped right past the Boys R Guys video.
Quinn: Huh? Oh, no. I just don't know how to write to Daria.
Helen: (trying to contain her delight) Writing to your sister, really? Have you tried talking about what's going on at school?
Quinn: That's the problem. I think someone I know needs help, but I don't know how to help them. Daria's…you know, depressing, so I figured I could talk to her about how I could help this depressed person.
Helen: It's not Stacy, is it? That poor girl's taken more than her fair share of crap from Sandi.
Quinn: No, Stacy's fine. It's Kevin who has a problem.
Helen: (sitting down) The quarter back? Why would that be?
Quinn: He misses Brittany, who's at Great Prairie State and he's stuck repeating senior year at Lawndale. And the other day when he was depressed, Stacy gave him a diet soda. Ever since them, he's been going through them like they were metabolizer pills.
Helen: I see.
Quinn: It's really bad for him and everyone knows but nobody ever does anything about it. I don't know if it's because they're lazy or they just don't know what to do, but either way, it frustrates me.
Helen: Have you tried talking to your school counselor about it?
Quinn: Our school has a counselor?
Helen: Set up an appointment and tell him or her exactly what you told me. They'll know what to do.
Quinn: But what if they make Kevin go to rehab or military school or something?
Helen: (raising a finger to her lips) Don't mention military academy when your father's home. I doubt any of those things will happen, but even if you don't get to talk to your counselor, I'm sure Kevin and Brittany will sort this out on their own time.
(She heads upstairs.)
Quinn: (looking a little better) Thanks, Mom.
SCENE TWENTY-FOUR
INT: Kevin's room, morning.
(Kevin wakes up in his bed, holding his head. Pink's "Just Like a Pill" plays.)
Kevin: Man, what happened…
(He looks around and sees that his room is pretty much flooded with diet soda cans.)
Kevin: (sadly) Look at me. I'm just another really hunky QB who turned to diet soda to make himself feel better. And what am I after it? A not hunky at all addict with a room full of Ultra Cola and a full bladder. I'm never gonna get over Britt like this.
(He stands up and grabs a sack lying on the floor. Slowly, he begins to pick up the cans and puts them in the sack.)
SCENE TWENTY-FIVE
INT: Lawndale High the next day.
(Quinn is at her locker putting a book in her backpack, talking to Stacy.)
Stacy: Wanna take a look at the scenery for the play so far?
Quinn: Sounds good, Stacy. I just need to drop by the counselor's office first.
Stacy: The counselor!? Quinn, I know Sandi's shutting us out but now is no time to get depressed and think of hurting yourself or someone else. (Shaking Quinn) You have to fight it, Quinn!
(Quinn pushes Stacy away.)
Quinn: It's okay. I'm not going for me. I'm going for- Kevin!
Stacy: (confused) Kevin?
(Just then, Kevin walks by, whistling and with a smile on his face.)
Kevin: Hey Quinn.
Quinn: Kevin, what happened? I thought you were obsessed with diet soda.
Kevin: I used to be. But not anymore. Diet soda is only for losers.
(Stacy starts to stutter.)
Quinn: He didn't mean us, Stacy. We're the exception.
Stacy: Phew.
Quinn: I'm glad you think so, Kevin. I don't think Lawndale would be the same without the resident simple-minded jock.
Kevin: Thanks!
(As he heads off, Quinn turns to Stacy.)
Quinn: I'm beginning to understand what Daria means when she calls Kevin "brain dead."
Stacy: Why? Because his brain's, like, dead? Like it doesn't work?
Quinn: Um, never mind.
SCENE TWENTY-SIX
INT: Brittany's dorm.
(Her cheerleader roommate is pounding on the bathroom door.)
Cheerleader: Britt, honey, you've been in there all morning. I really need to shower. My hair's losing its bounce.
Brittany: Sorry, but I need to make sure I look unique and very pretty today. What do you think?
(The door opens and Brittany enters the dorm, looking exactly the same as usual, with one minor exception.)
Cheerleader: Um, no offense, Britt, but what's changed?
Brittany: My necklace!
(She points to the large, gaudy necklace Kevin gave her in "Mart of Darkness.")
Cheerleader: Ohh…
Brittany: And now, I'm afraid I have business to attend to.
(She strolls out of the room, leaving the cheerleader to scratch her head, wondering what's going on.)
SCENE TWENTY-SEVEN
EXT: Lawndale High.
(Kevin and the Three Js are walking towards the parking lot.)
Jamie: Do you want a ride home, Kevin?
Kevin: No thanks. I'll just walk. I have…uh, stuff to think about.
Jamie: See ya then.
(They walk off.)
Brittany: Kevie!
(Kevin turns to see Brittany running towards him.)
Kevin: Brittany!
(He starts to run towards her in slow motion. Cue "Nobody Wants to Be Lonely" by Ricky Martin and Christina Aguilera. When they meet, it switches back to real time as they embrace.)
Brittany: Oh, Kevie, it was terrible at college! One of my teachers tried to take off my skirt!
Kevin: Babe, I missed you so much I started drinking loser soda!
Brittany: From now on, we call each other every day and get together every weekend, babe.
Kevin: Sounds good to me, babe!
(Music continues into the next scene.)
SCENE TWENTY-EIGHT
INT: Daria and Jane's apartment.
(Jane is painting a picture of Goya on her easel in the living room. He's curled up at one side of the couch, grooming himself. Jane sets down her paints and watches him as he continues, undisturbed. Suddenly, he yawns. On a whim, Jane sticks two of her fingers in his mouth. He clamps down on them. Music immediately switches to "Smooth Criminal" by Alien Ant Farm. Jane's eyes bulge and she yelps.)
Jane: Let go off me right now, Goya!
(Goya clamps down harder. Jane tries to yank her hand up, but he comes up along with it.)
Jane: God, are you going for most vicious kitten of the year? Let me go!
(He bites down very hard and she yelps again.)
SCENE TWENTY-NINE
INT: Diner.
(Daria and Jane are enjoying a pie.)
Daria: So you finally figured out what it felt like.
Jane: Unfortunately. (Holding up her bandaged hand) And look what it got me.
Daria: Where's Goya now?
Jane: Back at the pet store. The owner's little girl seemed pretty pleased when I thrust him into her arms with this huge marshmallow on my arm.
Daria: I bet she trained him to bite people.
Jane: You're probably right. One thing's for sure: He was not a good cat.
Daria: I know what you mean. I should have said something earlier about it, but I didn't want you to get mad. I know you can be kind of touchy when I mention how I dislike your significant other.
Jane: That's putting it lightly. But I wish you had told me sooner. Maybe then I wouldn't be eating pizza with my opposite hand.
Daria: (shrugs) Live and learn.
Jane: Speaking of learning, how was your Raft experience today?
Daria: Same as everyday. One good teacher, one smart ass, more than one right answer…one sophomore asking for my number.
Jane: (not thinking) Oh, I figured David would- Wait. Did you say David asked for your number?
Daria: Affirmative. He wants to get together to "study" sometime.
Jane: Well, look at that. Just as my relationship is terminated, Daria's starts up. What a coincidence.
Daria: It's not a relationship.
Jane: Whatever it is, I wonder if it's long or short term.
Daria: As the Queens of the Stone Age would say, no one knows.
Jane: Sometimes I think not knowing what's going to happen next is the best part of the otherwise sucky thing called life.
Daria: Amen.
ROLL END CREDITS TO STRETCH PRINCESS' "You Should've Come."
A/N: Well, it's finally done! Do you think that took long enough? Don't worry. Episode Four won't take nearly as long. For a long time, I wasn't quite sure where I wanted this chapter to go, which is why I took so long in getting it done. But it's finally finished and I feel very proud of myself! It's over! LOL.
I'll now address concerns:
Daria's my cousin: Yup, I saw "Lucky Strike." Yes, I know Quinn told the FC Daria was her sister. However, it seems to me that she reverted back to her self-conscious attitude in IICY when she disguised herself when Daria was giving her speech. Obviously, her relationship with Daria is changing and things will be different when I start on Lucky Season Seven and at the end of this "season."
Tom and Jane hooking up: I know the possibility of anything else between them was very much trashed in the series, but things aren't so from my point of view. From what I was able to gather from various episodes and sites, Tom maintained a friendship with Jane after their break-up. So, let's say he's bummed (as we know he was) after Daria dumped him, wouldn't he need a friend to turn to? I know that when I got dumped, it made me look to anyone for comfort. Look for a more elaborate story in the next chapter. Now, since I'm on the topic, I'll explain why there's more to Tom and Jane than meets the eye. Since the series is aptly titled "Daria", we only really see things from her point of view. Just about every time we saw Tom and Jane together was when their actions had to do with Daria (i.e. bugging the hell out of her and Tom becoming interested in her.). We pretty much only saw them after the honeymoon ended and their points of view conflicted. Since we never saw much before this, we are left to imagine what things were like. From my POV, I imagine that things went smoothly for a while until Jane started going out of her way to create conflict. Why this is, we can only speculate. But I have some ideas of my own. If you watch Jane's pattern of relationships, none of them worked out and ended quite soon. While a lot of people claim that breaking up doesn't affect them, for most it does. I've never met a person who knew that without a doubt he or she had done the right thing by breaking up with someone else. And while short-term relationships don't cause long periods of self-doubt, they do create some murky thoughts, some of which can be hard to get out of your head. My guess is that even while Jane knows who she is, that doesn't stop her from doubting about some of her actions. I am very sure of myself, but that didn't stop my own demons from beating me up after my break-up. This can be extremely torturous and is not something I like going through by any means. That said, when Jane realizes her relationship is nearing the end of its honeymoon, it would be natural for her to create a little conflict in order to speed along the break-up process which in turn would speed up the healing process. She probably did it subconsciously without really thinking that she was destroying her relationship. Tom obviously doesn't like taking crap, so he did the natural thing to do. He shifted his focus from his now falling apart relationship with Jane to Daria. While the blame for their break-up doesn't all rest on Jane, the bulk of it would simply because she was looking out for herself. She didn't want to undergo a long period of self-doubt. Tom's attraction to Daria only fueled her more and the looming break-up would have been hard to prevent as both were stuck on something. Technically, the main factor which caused it was selfishness. Jane was full-speed ahead on conflict whereas Tom did nothing to work at the relationship. If anything is to come of them, both have to be willing to compromise and agree to disagree when the situation calls for it.
Look for "It's Been a Summer or Two", up soon!