Chapter Sixteen: A Taste of the Past
In the other room, Schuldig had come too slowly. His head swam when he sat up too fast.
Crawford had fallen asleep on the couch, and didn't notice when he woke. Nagi twirled his water bottle cap on the table.
Schuldig glanced over to the young Japanese boy. "Where'd Adrian go?"
"He's in the kitchen." The boy replied.
Schuldig didn't particularly want to go into the kitchen with the man alone, but he wanted the aspirin more. He walked in quietly.
Adrian could tell that the boy was uncomfortable around him so he stayed silent. Finally, he motioned to the drawer. "The aspirin's in there."
Schuldig tensed visible. He now saw why Brad disliked him poking around in his mind.
"I'm sorry, it's a habit." Adrian apologized. He watched the boy carefully.
Schuldig kept his distance as he reached for the aspirin. "Do you have water?"
Adrian pulled down a glassed and held it towards him.
"Danke."
"Why are you nervous around me? I'm not going to hurt you."
"You make me uncomfortable."
"My apologies."
Schuldig shrugged as he filled the glass with water. His head was spinning and he didn't feel like dealing with this man any more than he had to at the moment.
Adrian's gaze left the German and looked over towards the living room. The American had no shields.
"How long do you think it would take him until he gets his shields back into place? He's a sitting duck for any telepath."
Adrian looked at him. "That depends on how long he keeps his energy on you, and how much mental power he has."
"He's strong."
"Yes, I know."
Schuldig swallowed his pills and set the glass on the counter.
"Takatori will be seeing you tomorrow."
"Will he know?"
Adrian glanced back towards the room Brad was in. "Not if he can help it."
"I can't let him go walking around with no shields."
"You'll do whatever he wants and you know it."
Schuldig glared.
"You're loyal. That's not something you see in our profession."
Schuldig looked into the living room. "I just don't want him to get hurt because of me. Or worse...."
"In the end that will be up to him. All you can do is be loyal. Which you are."
Schuldig nodded. "Ja. I suppose." He looked back at the bottle of aspirin. "How many of those was I supposed to take?"
Adrian blinked. "Two. Just two." Brad stirred in the living room.
Schuldig frowned lightly. "Oh well...."
Brad was dreaming and he knew his mind was open to anyone who wanted to read it, but he couldn't make himself wake up. He frowned and turned in his sleep.
"How many did you take?" Adrian asked. Schuldig didn't seem to hear him as he turned toward the living room. Something wasn't right...
"Four." Schuldig replied distantly. Brad jerked against the couch and muttered something in his sleep.
"You should have asked how many BEFORE you too them.' Adrian's voice was distant as the young German made his way to the couch. "Brad?" he whispered, touching his arm.
The American jolted awake with a cry, grabbing onto the couch cushions with one hand, the other going to his chest.
Schuldig leaned over his friend, eyes wide with concern. "You all right?"
He looked up at Schuldig. "Yeah, yeah, I'm okay," he said, breathing slowly.
"What were you dreaming?" the German asked quietly.
Brad lowered his eyes and thought. He met the German's gaze. "I can't remember."
"Sometimes it's better that way," Schuldig replied with a smile. "That's the way with my dreams anyway."
"It's not better if it was a vision." Brad said, still trying to recall what the dream was about.
"I can find it, if you want," his friend said slowly, almost unsure as he spoke the words.
Brad bit his lip. That would require Schuldig searching through his mind and maybe finding things that Brad didn't necessarily want found. But if it was a prediction that he couldn't remember..."Do it." he whispered.
Schuldig nodded and closed his eyes, placing a hand on the elder boy's shoulder. Concentrating, he found what he was looking for.
Schuldig nodded and closed his eyes, placing a hand on the elder boy's shoulder. He reached out with his mind, finding things that he wasn't looking for, but frightened him. A man looming over a young Brad. The man did not look happy.
Brad knew what he was going to see but didn't try to block it. He may as well know. He swallowed. They had to find out what the dream was, and if this was the only was, so be it.
Schuldig nodded slightly, even that movement causing pain.
Schuldig watched as they man yelled and screamed at the young Crawford, a hand reaching down and swiping him across the face. The memory faded.
Another replaced it. A woman was standing over him now, telling him sternly that he had to go away, because he was disrupting the family. He was turned out of his home, and that faded too. Crawford looked away from the German.
Schuldig stopped. He'd founded the dream. A mixture of images, blurred, but cruel. Memories. "You had a nightmare," he whispered. "That was it...."
The American shrank away. "I guess so," he said softly.
Schuldig glanced over to the kitchen where Adrian was watching them.
The older man walked back in to the living room. He didn't take his gaze off of Schuldig. "Why didn't you count the pills you take?"
"I never do. Gave up on that a long time ago."
"How long have you been taking medications?"
Schuldig blinked. "Depends on your definition. Are you talking about the heavy pain killers or the Aspirins?"
"I mean how long have you been overdosing to try and kill your pain?"
Schuldig looked away, feeling uneasy under his stare.
"That's what I thought. When did you stop taking street drugs? How long were you on that?"
Schuldig seized up, muscles tensing. "I... uh...."
"Are you still taking them? How long have you been a junkie, Schuldig?" Adrian demanded. Crawford stood. "How dare you,"
Schuldig's golden eyes remained wide as if Adrian were threatening to strike him. "A while..." he whispered. "I stopped a while ago...."
Brad turned a wide-eyed look on him. Adrian moved forward. "Right. That's what they all say. I've dealt with junkies before. You can't trust them."
Schuldig found himself behind his tall friend. Now what?
Brad stood between them, mind still reeling from the revelation. Never mind. "Get away from him. If he said he stopped, he stopped."
The young German fell back onto the couch. His head hurt. The voices were getting too strong too fast. Why couldn't Adrian just leave him alone?
Adrian took him by the collar. "Because your a threat to what we do. Your even a threat to them." he said, referring to Crawford and Nagi.
Brad shoved him away from Schuldig. "Did you not hear me tell you to stay away from him?"
Schuldig shuddered, then he looked up at Brad. /I'm not on them anymore, I swear./
/I know. You don't lie./ Brad replied, again between the two men.
Adrian glared at him. "You really want to work with a risk like that? He'll cost you your life, Crawford."
"I wouldn't," Schuldig said, half afraid to open his mouth again.
"Whose the precog, Adrian? And who are you to put a value on my life? You just leave him alone. He said he isn't taking them, and even if he was I wouldn't' blame him. Neither one of us can imagine the mental agony he goes through." Brad snapped.
Schuldig shook uncontrollably as he awaited the answer. Would Adrian tell Julia who in turn might throw him out on the streets, or worse, send him back to Rosenkreuz?
/No one is sending you back. Ever./ Brad said.
Adrian backed down and shook his head. "The key to survival is having a partner you know you can trust your back to. One day he'll choose the drugs over you, Crawford, and then he pain will be all yours."
Schuldig felt as if he were drowning in the voices now. Apparently his thoughts were seeping into other's minds as well, with the unvoiced questions being answered. He gritted his teeth in attempted to keep control.
Brad still had all his shields down, and with the frustration of trying to keep a block around Schuldig and fighting Adrian, he felt like either killing the man in front of him or flinging himself out the window. "Go. Away. You. Are. Making. My. Life. Difficult." he ground out.
"You'll regret it someday," Adrian growled. "And don't think Julia isn't going to hear about this."
"Not as much as you're going to regret it if you don't get away from me." Crawford said lowly.
Schuldig watched the man leave. He shuddered and sank back on the couch.
Brad had to relent and put a barricade around part of his mind. Behind it he kept a steady monotony up. /Don't look at the window. Don't look at the window. Don't look at the window. Damn. I had to look at the window./ He sat on the couch next to Schuldig and stared at the wall. /Don't look at the window./
Brad still had all his shields down, and with the frustration of trying to keep a block around Schuldig and fighting Adrian, he felt like either killing the man in front of him or flinging himself out the window
"Why'd you do that?" The German teen's voice was barely audible.
"Do what?" Brad muttered.
"It's true I was on them. I can't swear I'll never be on them again. That look you gave me..."
Brad could say nothing. He just stared at the wall. /Dead, or in this position. I wonder which could be possibly worse at this point?/ he thought behind the barricade.
Schuldig finally looked away, then stood. He said nothing as he started toward the door.
/Where are you going?/
/I think I've worn out my welcome./
/Where are you going to go, Schuldig?/
/I don't know. Guess I'll figure it out when I get there./
/Ah./
Schuldig gave him a weak smile. "I know where I'm not wanted," he said quietly. "I've learned to tell." He tried to force the memory of the look Brad had given him away. If he just walked out now, it would be better. They'd never see him again and he couldn't screw anything up.
The door shut with a soft click and Nagi looked at Brad with wide eyes. "You're letting him go?" Brad didn't answer the boy. He stood and went to the window. He pressed his hands against the fragile glass. /To the ends of the earth, ne, Schu? This is the end of the earth? If it is, we've both lived far too long already./ he thought dismally.
/I'm sorry, Brad,/ came the faint whisper in his mind before nothing. Schuldig sank into darkness as the voices became too strong and he fell to the floor outside of the apartment.
In the other room, Schuldig had come too slowly. His head swam when he sat up too fast.
Crawford had fallen asleep on the couch, and didn't notice when he woke. Nagi twirled his water bottle cap on the table.
Schuldig glanced over to the young Japanese boy. "Where'd Adrian go?"
"He's in the kitchen." The boy replied.
Schuldig didn't particularly want to go into the kitchen with the man alone, but he wanted the aspirin more. He walked in quietly.
Adrian could tell that the boy was uncomfortable around him so he stayed silent. Finally, he motioned to the drawer. "The aspirin's in there."
Schuldig tensed visible. He now saw why Brad disliked him poking around in his mind.
"I'm sorry, it's a habit." Adrian apologized. He watched the boy carefully.
Schuldig kept his distance as he reached for the aspirin. "Do you have water?"
Adrian pulled down a glassed and held it towards him.
"Danke."
"Why are you nervous around me? I'm not going to hurt you."
"You make me uncomfortable."
"My apologies."
Schuldig shrugged as he filled the glass with water. His head was spinning and he didn't feel like dealing with this man any more than he had to at the moment.
Adrian's gaze left the German and looked over towards the living room. The American had no shields.
"How long do you think it would take him until he gets his shields back into place? He's a sitting duck for any telepath."
Adrian looked at him. "That depends on how long he keeps his energy on you, and how much mental power he has."
"He's strong."
"Yes, I know."
Schuldig swallowed his pills and set the glass on the counter.
"Takatori will be seeing you tomorrow."
"Will he know?"
Adrian glanced back towards the room Brad was in. "Not if he can help it."
"I can't let him go walking around with no shields."
"You'll do whatever he wants and you know it."
Schuldig glared.
"You're loyal. That's not something you see in our profession."
Schuldig looked into the living room. "I just don't want him to get hurt because of me. Or worse...."
"In the end that will be up to him. All you can do is be loyal. Which you are."
Schuldig nodded. "Ja. I suppose." He looked back at the bottle of aspirin. "How many of those was I supposed to take?"
Adrian blinked. "Two. Just two." Brad stirred in the living room.
Schuldig frowned lightly. "Oh well...."
Brad was dreaming and he knew his mind was open to anyone who wanted to read it, but he couldn't make himself wake up. He frowned and turned in his sleep.
"How many did you take?" Adrian asked. Schuldig didn't seem to hear him as he turned toward the living room. Something wasn't right...
"Four." Schuldig replied distantly. Brad jerked against the couch and muttered something in his sleep.
"You should have asked how many BEFORE you too them.' Adrian's voice was distant as the young German made his way to the couch. "Brad?" he whispered, touching his arm.
The American jolted awake with a cry, grabbing onto the couch cushions with one hand, the other going to his chest.
Schuldig leaned over his friend, eyes wide with concern. "You all right?"
He looked up at Schuldig. "Yeah, yeah, I'm okay," he said, breathing slowly.
"What were you dreaming?" the German asked quietly.
Brad lowered his eyes and thought. He met the German's gaze. "I can't remember."
"Sometimes it's better that way," Schuldig replied with a smile. "That's the way with my dreams anyway."
"It's not better if it was a vision." Brad said, still trying to recall what the dream was about.
"I can find it, if you want," his friend said slowly, almost unsure as he spoke the words.
Brad bit his lip. That would require Schuldig searching through his mind and maybe finding things that Brad didn't necessarily want found. But if it was a prediction that he couldn't remember..."Do it." he whispered.
Schuldig nodded and closed his eyes, placing a hand on the elder boy's shoulder. Concentrating, he found what he was looking for.
Schuldig nodded and closed his eyes, placing a hand on the elder boy's shoulder. He reached out with his mind, finding things that he wasn't looking for, but frightened him. A man looming over a young Brad. The man did not look happy.
Brad knew what he was going to see but didn't try to block it. He may as well know. He swallowed. They had to find out what the dream was, and if this was the only was, so be it.
Schuldig nodded slightly, even that movement causing pain.
Schuldig watched as they man yelled and screamed at the young Crawford, a hand reaching down and swiping him across the face. The memory faded.
Another replaced it. A woman was standing over him now, telling him sternly that he had to go away, because he was disrupting the family. He was turned out of his home, and that faded too. Crawford looked away from the German.
Schuldig stopped. He'd founded the dream. A mixture of images, blurred, but cruel. Memories. "You had a nightmare," he whispered. "That was it...."
The American shrank away. "I guess so," he said softly.
Schuldig glanced over to the kitchen where Adrian was watching them.
The older man walked back in to the living room. He didn't take his gaze off of Schuldig. "Why didn't you count the pills you take?"
"I never do. Gave up on that a long time ago."
"How long have you been taking medications?"
Schuldig blinked. "Depends on your definition. Are you talking about the heavy pain killers or the Aspirins?"
"I mean how long have you been overdosing to try and kill your pain?"
Schuldig looked away, feeling uneasy under his stare.
"That's what I thought. When did you stop taking street drugs? How long were you on that?"
Schuldig seized up, muscles tensing. "I... uh...."
"Are you still taking them? How long have you been a junkie, Schuldig?" Adrian demanded. Crawford stood. "How dare you,"
Schuldig's golden eyes remained wide as if Adrian were threatening to strike him. "A while..." he whispered. "I stopped a while ago...."
Brad turned a wide-eyed look on him. Adrian moved forward. "Right. That's what they all say. I've dealt with junkies before. You can't trust them."
Schuldig found himself behind his tall friend. Now what?
Brad stood between them, mind still reeling from the revelation. Never mind. "Get away from him. If he said he stopped, he stopped."
The young German fell back onto the couch. His head hurt. The voices were getting too strong too fast. Why couldn't Adrian just leave him alone?
Adrian took him by the collar. "Because your a threat to what we do. Your even a threat to them." he said, referring to Crawford and Nagi.
Brad shoved him away from Schuldig. "Did you not hear me tell you to stay away from him?"
Schuldig shuddered, then he looked up at Brad. /I'm not on them anymore, I swear./
/I know. You don't lie./ Brad replied, again between the two men.
Adrian glared at him. "You really want to work with a risk like that? He'll cost you your life, Crawford."
"I wouldn't," Schuldig said, half afraid to open his mouth again.
"Whose the precog, Adrian? And who are you to put a value on my life? You just leave him alone. He said he isn't taking them, and even if he was I wouldn't' blame him. Neither one of us can imagine the mental agony he goes through." Brad snapped.
Schuldig shook uncontrollably as he awaited the answer. Would Adrian tell Julia who in turn might throw him out on the streets, or worse, send him back to Rosenkreuz?
/No one is sending you back. Ever./ Brad said.
Adrian backed down and shook his head. "The key to survival is having a partner you know you can trust your back to. One day he'll choose the drugs over you, Crawford, and then he pain will be all yours."
Schuldig felt as if he were drowning in the voices now. Apparently his thoughts were seeping into other's minds as well, with the unvoiced questions being answered. He gritted his teeth in attempted to keep control.
Brad still had all his shields down, and with the frustration of trying to keep a block around Schuldig and fighting Adrian, he felt like either killing the man in front of him or flinging himself out the window. "Go. Away. You. Are. Making. My. Life. Difficult." he ground out.
"You'll regret it someday," Adrian growled. "And don't think Julia isn't going to hear about this."
"Not as much as you're going to regret it if you don't get away from me." Crawford said lowly.
Schuldig watched the man leave. He shuddered and sank back on the couch.
Brad had to relent and put a barricade around part of his mind. Behind it he kept a steady monotony up. /Don't look at the window. Don't look at the window. Don't look at the window. Damn. I had to look at the window./ He sat on the couch next to Schuldig and stared at the wall. /Don't look at the window./
Brad still had all his shields down, and with the frustration of trying to keep a block around Schuldig and fighting Adrian, he felt like either killing the man in front of him or flinging himself out the window
"Why'd you do that?" The German teen's voice was barely audible.
"Do what?" Brad muttered.
"It's true I was on them. I can't swear I'll never be on them again. That look you gave me..."
Brad could say nothing. He just stared at the wall. /Dead, or in this position. I wonder which could be possibly worse at this point?/ he thought behind the barricade.
Schuldig finally looked away, then stood. He said nothing as he started toward the door.
/Where are you going?/
/I think I've worn out my welcome./
/Where are you going to go, Schuldig?/
/I don't know. Guess I'll figure it out when I get there./
/Ah./
Schuldig gave him a weak smile. "I know where I'm not wanted," he said quietly. "I've learned to tell." He tried to force the memory of the look Brad had given him away. If he just walked out now, it would be better. They'd never see him again and he couldn't screw anything up.
The door shut with a soft click and Nagi looked at Brad with wide eyes. "You're letting him go?" Brad didn't answer the boy. He stood and went to the window. He pressed his hands against the fragile glass. /To the ends of the earth, ne, Schu? This is the end of the earth? If it is, we've both lived far too long already./ he thought dismally.
/I'm sorry, Brad,/ came the faint whisper in his mind before nothing. Schuldig sank into darkness as the voices became too strong and he fell to the floor outside of the apartment.