Always….
Chapter Seven
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters.
A/N: If the formatting on this chapter seems messed up, I apologize. I uploaded it wrong on ff.net the first time. I think I fixed the problem but if it's still showing up as all one big paragraph I'm sorry and hopefully they will update it soon.
Miaka stood at her office window, twisting a stray strand of hair around her finger.
It had been two days since she had run out of the coffee shop. Two days since she had seen or spoken to Nick; two days that had been spent in a fog, as she tried to sort out the conflicting emotions raging inside her.
There was no denying that everything he had said was true, but so what if Tamahome's touch now failed to cause a bolt of heat to travel through her body? Just because their passion may have cooled didn't mean that she didn't love him anymore. What did it matter if much of the time they spent together was filled with silence, with her working and he studying? And just because she couldn't remember the last time they had exchanged the words I love you didn't mean they didn't still feel that emotion for each other.
True, there was also no denying that Nick's touch did light her body on fire and the mere brush of his hand against her arm caused her to lose her train of thought. Still, that didn't have to mean that her feelings for Tamahome were any less. It was possible to be physically attracted to someone and not love them, wasn't it?
So Nick was wrong. He had to be wrong. She had been trying to convince herself of that fact for the past two days. But could she continue to deny the truth that was buried in her heart? A heart that told her she had fallen head over heels for the raven-haired man who had suddenly and shockingly reappeared in her life? Miaka's lips parted in a wry smile. The fact that she was certain he had been her dear friend, Nuriko had probably sealed her fate from the beginning… falling hopelessly in Nick was a result of the unacknowledged feelings she had held for Nuriko.
Her thoughts feverishly replayed the conversation she had overheard the night before he was killed., when he had confessed to Tamahome that he, Nuriko, was in fact in love with Miaka himself. And then there was the promise he had made to her with his last breath; a promise to find her again. To always love her.
"Miss Yukki?"
Miaka gave a start as Tanya's hesitant voice sounded from the open doorway.
"Yes… what is it?" .
"Mr. Casey is here to see you. Should I tell him you're out?"
"Nick's here?" Turning away from the window, Miaka smoothed a hand over her auburn tresses, her demeanor unconsciously brightening. "Um…no, actually…I'd like to see him. Please show him in."
Her assistant nodded, starting to retreat to do her employers bidding- and gasped loudly as she backed into the firm body standing directly behind her.
"Sorry…but I wasn't going to take no for an answer," Nick told the girl, with grim amusement.
"I can see that!" Tanya replied breathily, a becoming blush tinting her cheeks. She edged around him and left the room, closing the door softly behind her.
"Nick…"
"Don't say anything just yet." He cut in gently, while moving further into the room. "First, I want to apologize. No matter what my thoughts may be about your personal life, your relationship with Tamahome is none of my business and I shouldn't have said anything. And as for all that stuff I said about… wanting you, please just forget about it. Sometimes my mouth starts speaking before I give it permission." He stuck his hands in his pockets and gave her a sheepish grin. "What can I say…you're a beautiful woman, Miaka, and I'd be crazy not to be attracted to you." He shrugged.
Miaka smiled sadly.
"I owe you an apology too, Nick. I should have never said I was attracted to you. I…I knew it couldn't go anywhere and it wasn't fair to encourage you, even in the smallest way. Friends?"
She stuck out her hand, and Nick stared at it for a moment before reluctantly taking it into his. As he had feared, an overwhelming rush of excitement filled him at the small touch and his hand tightened unconsciously around hers.
As soon as she felt his touch, Miaka knew that offering contact had been a mistake. Heat began to build within her as she saw the open desire in his gaze. Her eyelids fluttered closed as Nick pulled her into his arms, and her heart pounded against her ribs as she felt the warmth of his breath when his mouth drew nearer to hers. She sagged against him, her knees weakening as his arms came around her to mold her body tightly to his.
"All my good intentions just flew out the window." He breathed against her skin. "What is it about you that makes me forget everything else?"
Her eyes opened to stare into his violet ones and she managed a small smile. "I…I don't know… but you seem to have the same effect on me..."
"One kiss." He said, his hand coming up to cup the back of her head.
"One kiss." She echoed, her arms coming up to wrap around his neck.
His other hand came up to caress her cheek, his thumb running gently over her full lips as he stared into her emerald eyes. Then, dropping his gaze to her mouth, Nick lowered his head, capturing her lips with his as his hand moved down to rest against the side of her neck.
Miaka's eyes closed as she felt his mouth move over hers and moaned softly as she felt the tip of his tongue run over her bottom lip. She leaned into him, opening her mouth as her arms tightened around his neck.
She made a sound of disappointment as his mouth left hers, trailing an open mouth kiss over her cheek to her ear.
"You feel it don't you?" He whispered. "You can feel how I burn for you." Taking her hand he placed it over his heart. "Feel how fast my heart is beating. It beats for you, Miaka-only you. And it has since the first time I laid eyes on you."
Miaka's eyes widened even as tears gathered to blind her vision. "I…I know." She whimpered pressing his hand against her own heart. "I know that because I feel the same way…and that's what scares me."
Pulling back, Nick gazed down into her eyes. "Why? Why should you be afraid of something that feels so right? What hold does this guy have on you that you think you have to love him?"
Miaka merely shook her head, unable to speak. How could she tell him that he wasn't the woman he thought she was. How could she tell him that the man she had fallen for so suddenly had once been her best friend-a friend that she didn't realize had fallen in love with her until it was too late? How could she explain that she was trying to do the right thing by trying to keep what Nuriko had worked so hard to accomplish; her and Tamahome staying together?
Putting a finger under her chin, Nick tilted Miaka's face up. When she tried to turn away, he bent his head and captured her mouth once more, putting all the passion he felt for her into the press of his lips against hers.
Miaka immediately felt the difference in his kiss and responded wholeheartedly, her free hand coming up to wrap around the nape of his neck. Her every thought disappeared as she felt his tongue meet hers in a caress that was sweeter than anything she had ever experienced. She had always wondered what kind of kiss she and Nuriko would have shared that night in the cave and now she was finding out…it was sweet and shy as well as intense and passionate and she found herself wishing that it would never end.
As he felt Miaka's fervent response to the kiss, Nick moaned deep in his throat, his body tightening with his need of her. Moving his hands to the small of her back, he pressed her high against him and tilted his head to deepen their kiss. Every night since he had met the woman in his arms he had dreamed of how it would feel to kiss her…to taste her. The reality was better than anything he had ever imagined.
As the kiss continued, and thoughts of making her writhe in pleasure beneath him inflamed his senses, Nick knew he had to stop. No matter how right this moment felt he knew it was wrong to make love to her now when her heart still belonged to another. Such intimacy would only end up hurting them both.
He slowly pulled away from her, capturing her bottom lip between his teeth and biting it in a gentle farewell before releasing her mouth completely. He drew back and stared down into her dazed with a frown.
"W-What's wrong?" She asked, between panting breaths.
Nick stepped away from her and ran a hand through his hair as he growled with frustration. "I can't do this, Miaka! I just can't kiss you like you're mine when I know there's no way I can ever make you mine! All I want to do is lay you down on that couch and make love to you until you forget all about Tamahome…but an illicit affair is not what I want from you."
Miaka felt intense heat filling her face, and knew it had nothing to do with embarrassment. Sparks of pleasure and arousal traveled through her with his every word.
"Don't look at me like that." Nick said almost pleadingly, as he moved close to her. Reaching up he placed a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his touch lingering on her cheek. "You are so beautiful."
"Nick… I…"
They froze as the office door suddenly swung open and Tanya appeared.
"Miss Yukki, could I have-" She broke off her question upon seeing Nick's hand upon her boss's cheek. "Oh! I'm so sorry- I f-forgot th-that….I mean, so sorry to interrupt!" She stammered, quickly turning to head back the way she had come in.
"It's all right, Tanya… I was just leaving." Nick said pleasantly. Placing a chaste kiss where his hand had just been, he straightened and walked away from Miaka without a backwards glance, leaving Miaka alone with her tortured thoughts.
************
Kathleen Casey looked guiltily at the man beside her and sighed. In the two days since she had met Tamahome they had spent almost every minute they could together. In those two days the guilt had only grown stronger.
"Something wrong?" He asked, taking his eyes off the road momentarily to throw her a quick grin.
"Actually yes. This isn't right." She blurted out.
"What? I'm going the wrong way?"
"No, I mean…this." Kate said, gesturing at him. "You and me….us. You're engaged to Miaka but you've barely spent any time with her the whole time you've been here."
"We're friends. There's nothing wrong with friends going out and having a good time, is there?" He pointed out reasonably. "Besides, Miaka's been busy working anyway so who else would show me the city?"
Kat hesitated. "Yes, I know…but there's the problem." Taking a deep breath she let it out slowly. "Wait, first…perhaps you should pull over."
Giving her a strange look, Tamahome did as he was requested and pulled over to the side of the road , and then cut off the engine and turning to face the woman sitting beside him. "Okay, shoot."
"All right….well you see….the problem is….I like you." She said in a rush, as she clasped her hands tightly together.
"I like you too, Kat!" He answered with a smile, reaching over to squeeze her knee.
She shook her head and shifted restlessly under his hand. "No…I mean… I like you. In a way that is anything but platonic."
"I see…wow, Kat…I…don't know what to say…except …I'm flattered." Tamahome stammered, when at last he could speak.
"I don't want you to be flattered!" She cried. "I want you to say that you think I'm really nice but you're engaged! I want you to say that it can't happen between us because you're in love with Miaka!"
"I see." Tamahome replied, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully. After a tense minute of silence, he finally withdrew his hand from her knee and he turned to restart the car.
"You are in love with Miaka….aren't you?" Kat asked him softly, placing a hand on his arm.
"Of course I love Miaka," He answered slowly. "I always have."
Even though it was what she had said she wanted to hear, Kat could feel tears of loss and longing springing to her eyes. ."I think maybe you should take me home now."
Tamahome nodded silently, careful not to meet her gaze, even as they pulled up to her apartment. Not waiting for him to get out and come around the car, Kat quickly opened her door and exited the car without saying goodbye.
*******************
Miaka sat at her desk staring blankly at an open manuscript. It had been over an hour since Nick left and she could still feel the press of his lips against hers.
He had been right to end their kiss. If he hadn't, she had no doubt they would have ended up on her couch. As soon as he had touched her all other thoughts had melted away. He had been the only thing that was important.
She knew they couldn't go on this way. There was no way they could work together with this strong attraction flowing between them. She had made her decision. Going back to Japan was the smartest thing for all concerned. After all, Tamahome had been practically begging her to transfer back and she knew Tetsuya wouldn't complain.
The only thing that had been holding her back was the thought of losing Nuriko all over again. When he had been killed on that icy mountain she had felt as if she had died right along with him. Despite her outward acceptance of the event, it had taken her years to get over his tragic death, and to this day, even now knowing his spirit lived on within Nick, she still could not think of it without tears filling her eyes.
The choice that had once seemed so simple was in fact the hardest decision she had ever had to make. Even harder than continuing her journey for the Shinzaho without him. But could she really give up all that her friends had worked so hard to achieve? They had all given up pieces of themselves- even their very lives- for the sake of her and Tamahome's love for one another. She now had to see things through with Tamahome, or those sacrifices would have been in vain.
Her decision made, Miaka reached for the phone and dialed, tapping her fingers nervously against the desktop as it rang.
"Forgive me…Nuriko." She whispered, just as Tamahome's voice answered her summons.