Always…
Chapter Nine
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or its characters, etc, etc.
A/N: This chapter has a very strong R rating for adult content.
"As much as I like you, Nick, if you don't stop glaring at me I'm going to punch you! I want to help you, I really do but she doesn't want to see anyone…especially you." Tanya quickly held up a hand to stop another angry retort. "Her words- not mine," she stated quietly, giving the man in front of her a humorless smile. "She's been in there crying all day. Please, don't make this any worse on her."
"Worse on her?" Nick braced his hands on the assistant's desk. "How do you think I feel?" He let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head. "If you're not going to let me in, can you at least give this to her for me?" He held out a thick manila envelope with Miaka's name scrawled across the front. Tanya nodded and took the heavy package.
"Thanks." Nick said.
He cast one last longing look at the closed office door, then turned on his heel and strode away.
******************
The soft knock on the door startled Miaka so badly she jumped violently, the box of tissues sitting her lap tumbling to the floor. She blew her nose and wiped the mascara from her face before calling out.
Tanya entered the office, careful to keep her expression blank. The last thing her superior needed right now was a show of pity. She knew from experience that would be the last straw before completely losing all composure.
"Nick Casey was just here-" She began, but Miaka interrupted.
" Did you tell him I was here?"
"No, he figured it out…and was very insistent about coming in here. I told him you weren't seeing anyone today." Bringing the large envelope from behind her back she held it out, finally dropping it onto the desk's surface when she was ignored. "He left this for you. It seemed rather important that you open it as soon as possible."
"Thank you, Tanya."
Biting her lip, the young blonde nodded. "Sure thing."
As she turned to leave she stopped, hearing the auburn-haired woman's soft voice. "Wait." When Tanya turned to face her once more, Miaka smiled weakly. "I..I know it's none of my business but….did you and Nick have a good time last night?"
Tanya hesitated before answering, debating on how direct she should be. One look at the misery etched in her employer's face helped her come a decision. "Yes and no. Overall it was a pleasant evening, but I could tell his mind was somewhere else."
"Oh…" Miaka was trying hard not to look relieved, but not succeeding. " I'm sorry that things didn't work out."
"Are you?" Tanya asked gently.
"Well, of course I am!" Miaka lied. Her eyes dropped away from her assistant's knowing expression to the envelope that had been put on her desk. "Nick's a wonderful guy, and someone worth pursuing. Don't get discouraged."
"I'm not discouraged, but I am a realist," Tanya said, smiling sadly. "It's a waste of time to run after a guy who wants someone else. "
Miaka quickly looked up, but her assistant had already turned to exit the room. Before she could find the voice to call Tanya back, the door had closed behind the blonde with a sharp click. For a moment Miaka felt paralyzed, not knowing what to do. Eventually she decided the safest course was to take a look at the envelope. Heart pounding with excitement, she opened the package with trembling fingers- and pulled out a thick manuscript.
Intense disappointment smothered the hope she had felt rising within her. Apparently Nick had merely stopped by to drop off his latest effort; everything was business as usual with him. Tears blurred her vision for what seemed like the thousandth time that day, and she angrily blinked them back. ~You have a job to do, Miaka. Pull yourself together and be as professional as Nick! ~As her vision cleared , she forced herself to scan the top sheet- and then gasped loudly as she spotted the name "Nuriko" inscribed upon the first page. Reaching out with a shaking hand, Miaka slid the manuscript closer to her, and began to read.
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Nick paced his apartment, resisting the urge to pick up the phone and try Miaka's number again. He had left her numerous messages all day but had gotten no response, so he didn't even know if she had bothered to open the package he had left her.
Tanya had refused to get into the middle of it, merely taking his messages and promising that she would make sure Miaka received them. He fumed silently, feeling helpless in knowing that Miaka would talk to him only when she was good and ready and not a second before. She had always been headstrong when it came to battling with Nuriko, and it certainly hadn't changed with him.
The thought made him smile for the first time that day and he finally allowed himself to reflect on all that had happened those years ago. After the initial shock of remembering his past life, he had quickly pushed the memories back, not wanting to feel the strong emotional tide that overcame him.
In this life he had learned to shield his feelings, never letting anyone know exactly how he felt about anything. That ability had served him well all these years, the teasing and rude comments barely denting the wall he had built around himself. Kat was the only person who really knew him, that is, until Miaka came back into his life and touched something in him that up until now he hadn't understood.
He had always loved her and always would love her. She was his destiny and he would do anything to prove that to her.
The revelation spurred him to take action. He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door, yanking it open to reveal his startling looking sister, whose hand was poised to knock. Nick froze as his eyes traveled over her set features. Tears pricked behind his eyelids.
"Nick?" She asked, her expression sharpening with concern and worry as she saw he was about to cry. "What's wrong? Are you feeling ok?" She reached up and pressed a hand against his forehead to check for a fever. Nick grabbed her hand and pulled her into a tight embrace as tears fell down his cheeks. Burying his face in her hair, he clung to her as if she would disappear if he let go.
"Kourin…" He whispered brokenly.
"N-Nicky? You're scaring me." She didn't try to move from his embrace; instead her arms came around his waist and held on tight. Tears came to her own eyes but she didn't know why, only knew that there was something significant about this moment.
As Nick held his sister in his arms, he wept, remembering the vibrant little girl that had been so full of life, and how that life had been snuffed out suddenly and painfully. After several minutes the storm of emotion abated, and he was able to ease his hold on Kat, and then eventually release her.
He smiled down into her tear-streaked face, and reached out to smooth a tender hand over her hair. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. It…. well, it's been a long day that's all." His smile slowly faded as he remembered seeing her the night before. "We need to talk, Ko…Kat."
"I know, that's why I came by. I…I need to tell you something too…." Kat stopped, seeing Nick's attention shift to something behind her.
"Miaka," He said, hope filling his voice.
Heat rose to Kat's face as she turned to face the woman she had all but betrayed. Averting her gaze she threw a weak greeting in Miaka's general direction, and then quickly turned back to her brother .
"You know what, Nicky? We can talk later. I-I'm sure Miaka needs to talk to you more than I do." She patted his arm, then, with a nervous smile still pasted to her lips, she edged around Miaka and quickly skipped down the porch steps before Nick could object.
When she was gone Nick look at Miaka, for once at a complete loss for words.
Miaka smiled. "Can I come in?"
"Oh yeah! Sorry." Standing back, Nick opened the door wider for her to pass. Closing it behind her he sucked in a deep breath. "Did you read what I left for you?" He asked in a rush, both excited and afraid to hear her answer.
"I'm here because I wanted to say goodbye in person." She answered, avoiding his question. "I didn't want…I couldn't leave things the way they were between us. And I wanted to tell you that you were right, I shouldn't have been jealous about Tanya." Taking a seat on the couch she patted the cushion beside her.
Nick eased down beside her and took her hand in his. "It doesn't matter if you should have been or not. I know from experience having no claim on someone doesn't mean you aren't jealous to see them with someone else." He said, silently urging her to meet his gaze.
She squeezed his hand and felt tears come to her eyes but blinked to keep them from falling. She would get through this…she had to. "When I told you last night that we could still work together I meant it but Tama…I mean I decided that it would be better if I just resign from the company. So you'll be working with another editor starting next week. I've already spoken to her and she has no idea you're a man. As long as you don't tell her she'll never know."
"Miaka…I need to tell you something. I remember-"
Acting quickly, Miaka put a hand over his mouth, smothering his words. "Please don't say anything more Nick. Just…j-just…." She looked into his eyes, and what she saw within them caused the barely suppressed tears to spill over and stream hotly down her cheeks. Love for him as he was now and as he had been then filled her and she suddenly longed to be closer to him, as close as it was possible for her to be.
Slowly moving her hand from his mouth Miaka leaned forward and kissed him.
At the first touch of her lips, Nick felt as he had died a small death. How many times had he imagined what her lips would feel like; imagined how sweet she tasted. How many times had he watched her press those tender lips against Tamahome's, wishing all the while he was the one who held her? How many times had he lain in the bed beside her, suffering both the pleasure and pain of forbidden desire because everyone assumed he was 'safe'? And how many times, while lying in that bed, had he watched her sleep, watched her chest slowly rise and fall, a small smile of happiness on her lips. How many times had he fantasized that she was dreaming of him? Millions of times, a small voice answered him, but now you don't have to imagine any more.
He raised his hands to cup her face and his body tightened with desire when her lips parted to deepen the kiss. As her eager tongue rose to meet his, he knew that his imagination had been sorely lacking and that no fantasy could ever have prepared him for the sweetness of tasting her. He was no longer Nick Casey; he was Nuriko, holding his beloved Priestess in his arms; no longer an experienced man, but the inexperienced virgin of his former youth, excited and eager to please the only woman he had ever loved. Pulling away from the kiss for a moment, he looked into the eyes of the woman he loved more than life itself, his thumbs caressing her cheeks and his body shaking from the emotions that were overwhelming him.
Then her hand rose to cover his, and Nick forgot everything as he saw the answer to his unspoken question shining in Miaka's eyes. He sighed deeply as a great sense of peace filled him as he realized that at least for now, she was his, and that although there had been a time he had been forced to worship her from afar, this night he would finally worship her with his body. What happened afterward didn't matter; the only thing that mattered was that at this moment she finally wanted him as a man.
Nick smiled into her eyes, then stood up and drew Miaka to her feet, placing a light kiss on her temple before taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom. Once they were there he didn't stop until they had reached the bed
He sat, and then pulled Miaka to stand between his knees. Not wanting to waste any more time, he immediately began to unbutton her blouse inch by agonizing inch, his lips caressing each patch of skin he exposed. She moaned softly, her head falling back as he finally slipped the blouse from her shoulders and down her arms. He buried his face between the soft swell of her breasts, and then turned his head to kiss one then the other, his tongue tracing small circles on her sensitive skin. She arched into the caress, her hands coming up to hold his head to her. Suddenly impatient to get at the rest of her, he reached behind her to unhook her bra, sliding the dainty material down her arms with a frustrating slowness.
His eyes drank in the sight of her exposed breasts, and he reached up a hand to run his knuckles lightly over the hardening tips. A smile came to his lips at her soft gasp and his hands moved down her slim waist and slid the slacks she wore down her hips.
Miaka slipped out of her shoes, kicking the clothing aside as it hit the floor. She now stood before him completely bare and she knew it was more than merely her naked body that lay open to him. Staring down into the violet depths of his eyes she felt the love he held for her and basked in it. Seeing the tears misting his eyes she caressed his cheek, saying the only thing she knew at the moment. The one thing she should have said all those years ago but was too blind to even realize.
"I love you." She whispered, as her lips lowered to meet his. The gentleness of his tongue against hers inflamed her senses and she buried her fingers in his hair, letting out a soft moan. As their lips parted she saw the tears leaving a trail down his face and she kissed them away before placing a small touch of lips against each closed eye.
Nick's hands ran a feathery light trail over her body, feeling the silkiness of her skin against his fingertips. He then stood taking her hands and kissing each finger before laying her down on the bed where his mouth explored what only his fingers knew.
Miaka's head dug into the pillow as her body arched to meet his mouth, moaning softly as he took his time, inflaming every sensitive point on her body. When his fingers touched and caressed her in the most intimate of places she cried his name as her body quickly responded, pleasure washing over her in waves. As she came back down to earth he was there, placing small kisses on her breasts and neck his hands stroking the hips that still seemed to have a mind of their own as they moved restlessly against him.
Nick left briefly to strip off his own clothes, which now seemed almost unbearably suffocating, then returned, his body moving up and over hers with a grace that only he possessed. Their fingers entwined as she accepted him into her, and as their bodies joined, Nick knew the greatest pleasure he had known in either life. Being inside her was indescribable; like the beauty of a sunset or the crashing of waves against the shore. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever experienced.
He closed his eyes, his body moving steadily against and inside her as he whispered words of love into her ear that fanned the flames burning within her.
Miaka felt her body quicken to his slow, sustained stroking, and wrapped her legs around his waist to take in as much of him as she could. As her climax drew near, she turned to catch his mouth with hers, her tongue feverishly seeking out his as ecstasy found her for the second time. She cried out his name into his mouth, her hands squeezing his tightly.
Nick felt her body convulse around his and the tight hold he had on his self-control snapped. He drove into her with increasing ferocity. His hands left hers to cup her lovely face and he sent his tongue deep into her mouth, until his final deep thrusts began to send him over the edge. He threw his head back , the tendons in his neck straining as his body stiffened. He vaguely conscious of crying out and Miaka's arms hugging him fiercely to her before mindless pleasure consumed him.
When it was over, he rested his forehead against hers, his breathing heavy. Opening his eyes, he met the emerald gaze of hers and smiled dazedly, the enormity of what had just happened between them rendering him speechless. He rolled to his side and took her with him, wrapping her tightly in his arms, never wanting to let her go. As he listened to Miaka's breathing slow and felt her body relax into slumber, he stroked her hair. Despite his best efforts to stay awake, his eyes started to close as well, but just before sleep fully claimed him, Nick managed to say a quick prayer, asking that Miaka would still be with him when he awoke.
*********************
A few hours later Miaka slipped quietly from the bed, not wanting to disturb the man sleeping next to her. She got to her feet, and then turned to stare down into the exquisite face she had loved for so long, knowing she was taking the coward's way out by leaving him like this.
But when hadn't she taken the coward's way when it came to dealing with her feelings for Nick? Surely it wouldn't come as a surprise to him.
Reaching down to push back a lock of hair that had fallen over Nick's eyes, Miaka covered her mouth to smother the anguished sound that escaped her throat. He looked like he had that day on the mountain; satisfied and at peace…
Nick wouldn't understand why she had left him, or why she had not wanted to talk about his memories- or to even hear him tell her who he had been. He obviously knew that he had died for her and found her again, just as he had promised he would.
As Miaka gazed down at Nick, she suddenly realized that this time she couldn't run away. She couldn't simply leave him with no explanation. She owed her beloved Nuriko so much; at the very least he deserved to hear the truth.
Tearing her gaze away from the tranquil beauty of Nick's features she dressed quickly, and then headed for the living room in search of paper and pen.