DISCLAIMER: FFIX and all its related characters are the property of Squaresoft.
Attack of the 50ft Dagger
EXT. ALEXANDRIA PLATEAU - EVENING
A U.F.O is flying through the sky.
INT. BRIDGE - EVENING
Two PUPUs (from Final Fantasy VIII) are standing by the control panel.
PUPU #1
"I told you we should've made a left at that last meteorite. Now we're hopelessly lost."
PUPU #2
"We are not lost. We just... don't know where we are at this precise moment in time."
PUPU #1
"Well, let's settle the ship down here for the night. We'll continue our journey tomorrow."
PUPU #2
"No. I want to continue our journey now."
PUPU #1
"What you want, and what you get, are two different things, Number 2. Now, set this thing down right away!"
PUPU #2
"No!"
PUPU #1
"Do it!"
PUPU #2
"Make me!"
PUPU #1
"All right then! You asked for it!"
PuPu #1 wrestles PuPu #2 for the control stick. They both tug it back and forth.
PUPU #1
"Let go!"
PUPU #2
"Never!"
PUPU #1
"Give it up! I'm waaay stronger than you!"
PUPU #2
"And I'm Lord PuPu the 1st!"
PUPU #1
"No you're not! I am! You're Lord PuPu the 2nd!"
PUPU #2
"Oh, it's like that, is it?!"
They both tug at the control stick even harder.
EXT. ALEXANDRIA PLATEAU - EVENING
ZIDANE AND DAGGER are walking through, holding hands.
DAGGER
"Oh, Zidane, this was a wonderful idea: an evening stroll out in the countryside, just you and me. What could be better?
ZIDANE
"Hundreds and hundreds of gil... oh, wait a minute, we already have that."
Dagger cuddles Zidane. A loud explosion occurs in the distance.
DAGGER
"What was that?!"
ZIDANE
"...probably something we should stay well clear from. Let's go home, babe."
DAGGER
"No, Zidane. We must investage. It might have been an airship crash. People could be injured. Come."
Dagger runs off into the distance.
ZIDANE
"Dagger, no!"
DAGGER
(shouting)
"Come on!"
EXT. HILL - EVENING
The U.F.O has crashed into the hill. It is now nothing more than a wreck. A green light is emitting from the ship. Dagger approaches.
DAGGER
"Hello?! Hello?! Is there anyone in there?!"
She finds a hole in the side of the ship and walks in. Zidane arrives.
ZIDANE
"Dagger?! Dagger!"
Dagger walks out of the U.F.O. She is also surrounded by the strange green glow.
ZIDANE
"Dagger!"
DAGGER
"I couldn't find any survivors. It appears everyone onboard that ship is now... dead."
ZIDANE
"You're lucky you're not dead yourself! Running off in there like that! The thing could've exploded!"
Zidane thinks for a second.
ZIDANE
"Which reminds me... RUN!"
He grabs Dagger's hand and leads her down the hill. The U.F.O explodes, sending debris flying across the countryside.
EXT. ALEXANDRIA PLATEAU - EVENING
Zidane and Dagger are laying on the grass, covering their heads. A few pieces of small debris land near them. Zidane gets up, and then helps Dagger to her feet. He notices that she is covered by a strange green glow.
ZIDANE
"Hey, Dagger, since when has the green look come back into fashion?"
DAGGER
"What do you mean?"
Dagger looks at her hands. They are glowing.
DAGGER
"What... is this?"
ZIDANE
"I don't know, but we shouldn't take any chances. I'm taking you to see Doctor Tot."
EXT. TRENO - EVENING
Establishing.
INT. TOT'S TOWER - EVENING
Zidane, Dagger and DOCTOR TOT are there. Doctor Tot is examining Dagger. He also has a neck brace wrapped around his neck. (A reference to the previous Halloween tale, "The Sexorcist".)
TOT
"Good lord! You must be really sick, Princess. You've actually turned green! Now isn't that something?"
ZIDANE
"What's wrong with her, Doctor Tot?"
TOT
"Radiation poisoning."
ZIDANE
"Is it fatal?"
TOT
"Oh, God, no! Things like this generally tend to go away by themselves. Give her a few days, a week at the most, and I guarantee the Princess will be back to normal. Trust me, I'm a doctor!"
EXT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NEXT MORNING
Establishing.
INT. DAGGER'S ROOM - MORNING
Zidane, half asleep, puts his arm over Dagger. His eyes open in shock and he looks over at her. She's at least twice her size.
DAGGER
"Mmm... Morning, Zidane!"
ZIDANE
"Da-Dagger?! What the heck?! Did you... grow overnight?!"
DAGGER
(giggles)
"Silly Zidane! Everyone grows overnight! Our bodies are growing all the time! Except for when we get to Mother's age, of course. Then we start shrinking overnight."
INT. QUEEN BRAHNE'S CHAMBER - MORNING
QUEEN BRAHNE is sitting on her throne. She is a midget.
BRAHNE
"Hmph!"
INT. DAGGER'S ROOM - MORNING
ZIDANE
"No, I mean, Dagger, take a look in the mirror!"
Dagger gets out of bed, causing her end of the matress to spring up and reshape itself with the rest of it. She walks over to the mirror and takes a look inside. She faints instantly.
INT. DINNING ROOM - MORNING
STEINER, VIVI AND EIKO are sitting at the table, eating their breakfast. Zidane and Dagger walk in.
VIVI
"Oh, my!"
EIKO
"What the?!"
STEINER
"Princess?!"
DAGGER
"Good morning, everyone..."
Dagger sits down at the table. Steiner looks up at her.
EIKO
"How'd you get so big all of a sudden, Dagger? Is Quina's cooking really THAT good?"
QUINA walks in with Zidane and Dagger's breakfast on a tray. S/he sees Dagger, screams and throws the tray into the air in horror, and then runs off back into the kitchen.
DAGGER
"Oh, I'm a freak!"
She begins to cry into her arms. Zidane comforts her.
ZIDANE
"There, there, Dagger. You're not a freak."
DAGGER
(sniffs)
"Really?"
ZIDANE
"I... Dagger, please don't make me answer that. You wouldn't like what I have to say."
Dagger breaks down in her arms again. Her tears hit Steiner. He gets out an umbrella and puts it up.
INT. TOT'S TOWER - AFTERNOON
Zidane is talking to Doctor Tot.
ZIDANE
"You lied to us. You told us yesterday that Dagger's radiation poisoning wasn't fatal."
TOT
"It isn't."
ZIDANE
"Then what do you call that, smarty pants?!"
Zidane points towards the window.
EXT. TRENO - AFTERNOON
Dagger is standing by the tower. She is almost as tall as the tower itself.
INT. TOT'S TOWER - AFTERNOON
TOT
"So she grew a few feet. I wouldn't call that fatal."
ZIDANE
"A few feet? A few?!"
TOT
"Look, I specifically kept quiet about this because I didn't want to worry you, but this is perfectly normal for a patient suffering from radiation poisoning. But like I said, she should be fine by the end of the week, back to normal size and everything."
ZIDANE
"And what are we supposed to do until then? We can't keep her in the castle anymore. She's creating massive footprints in the floorboards. And don't get me started on those holes in the ceiling."
TOT
"I don't know. What am I, the answer to life's every question?"
EXT. ALEXANDRIA - EVENING
A 50ft Dagger is walking through the town, picking up buildings and destroying things. Residents are running through the streets, screaming and panicking.
ZIDANE (O.S)
"Dagger! Dinner time!"
DAGGER
"Dinner time?! Huzzah!"
She walks back towards Alexandria Castle.
INT. DINNING ROOM - EVENING
Zidane, Steiner, Vivi and Eiko are sitting at the table, eating their dinner. Dagger's foot is the only part of her body that can be seen. Her giant hand reaches down to the table and feels around. Everyone looks very nervous. Vivi pushes the salt down the table towards Dagger's hand. She picks it up.
DAGGER (O.S)
"Thanks, Vivi!"
VIVI
"D-Don't mention it, Princess!"
EIKO
"Does anyone else agree that Dagger's being here is causing some huge - and no pun intended there - problems around here? For a start, there's hardly anything left for us during meals anymore. Oh, and while we're discussing Dagger's new bad habits, has anyone seen the state of the bathroom lately? I found a clump of hair in the shower today the size of Lindblum Castle! Oh, and we can't forget about the-"
Dagger picks up Eiko by the head.
EIKO
"Hey! Hey!!"
Dagger lifts Eiko up into the air and, though not seen, eats her.
DAGGER (O.S)
"Mmm... crunchy!"
ZIDANE
"Dagger! You just ate Eiko!"
DAGGER (O.S)
"Oh. Well, can I have some Vivi on the side to go with that?"
VIVI
(panicking)
"Waaaa!"
EXT. ALEXANDRIA PLATEAU - DUSK
Dagger is laying on the grass. Zidane is laying on her belly.
ZIDANE
"Ah... this is the life, huh babe?"
DAGGER
"Zzz... Zzz..."
ZIDANE
"Dagger?"
DAGGER
"Zzz... Zzz..."
ZIDANE
"Ah, well. Might aswell have a little fun while she's asleep."
Zidane crawls up her belly and climbs into the top of her dress. He disappears between her breasts.
ZIDANE (O.S)
"Hee hee! I'll miss this when she's small again! Bing, bong, bong!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE END
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Story based on an idea by Ace11788
Attack of the 50ft Dagger
EXT. ALEXANDRIA PLATEAU - EVENING
A U.F.O is flying through the sky.
INT. BRIDGE - EVENING
Two PUPUs (from Final Fantasy VIII) are standing by the control panel.
PUPU #1
"I told you we should've made a left at that last meteorite. Now we're hopelessly lost."
PUPU #2
"We are not lost. We just... don't know where we are at this precise moment in time."
PUPU #1
"Well, let's settle the ship down here for the night. We'll continue our journey tomorrow."
PUPU #2
"No. I want to continue our journey now."
PUPU #1
"What you want, and what you get, are two different things, Number 2. Now, set this thing down right away!"
PUPU #2
"No!"
PUPU #1
"Do it!"
PUPU #2
"Make me!"
PUPU #1
"All right then! You asked for it!"
PuPu #1 wrestles PuPu #2 for the control stick. They both tug it back and forth.
PUPU #1
"Let go!"
PUPU #2
"Never!"
PUPU #1
"Give it up! I'm waaay stronger than you!"
PUPU #2
"And I'm Lord PuPu the 1st!"
PUPU #1
"No you're not! I am! You're Lord PuPu the 2nd!"
PUPU #2
"Oh, it's like that, is it?!"
They both tug at the control stick even harder.
EXT. ALEXANDRIA PLATEAU - EVENING
ZIDANE AND DAGGER are walking through, holding hands.
DAGGER
"Oh, Zidane, this was a wonderful idea: an evening stroll out in the countryside, just you and me. What could be better?
ZIDANE
"Hundreds and hundreds of gil... oh, wait a minute, we already have that."
Dagger cuddles Zidane. A loud explosion occurs in the distance.
DAGGER
"What was that?!"
ZIDANE
"...probably something we should stay well clear from. Let's go home, babe."
DAGGER
"No, Zidane. We must investage. It might have been an airship crash. People could be injured. Come."
Dagger runs off into the distance.
ZIDANE
"Dagger, no!"
DAGGER
(shouting)
"Come on!"
EXT. HILL - EVENING
The U.F.O has crashed into the hill. It is now nothing more than a wreck. A green light is emitting from the ship. Dagger approaches.
DAGGER
"Hello?! Hello?! Is there anyone in there?!"
She finds a hole in the side of the ship and walks in. Zidane arrives.
ZIDANE
"Dagger?! Dagger!"
Dagger walks out of the U.F.O. She is also surrounded by the strange green glow.
ZIDANE
"Dagger!"
DAGGER
"I couldn't find any survivors. It appears everyone onboard that ship is now... dead."
ZIDANE
"You're lucky you're not dead yourself! Running off in there like that! The thing could've exploded!"
Zidane thinks for a second.
ZIDANE
"Which reminds me... RUN!"
He grabs Dagger's hand and leads her down the hill. The U.F.O explodes, sending debris flying across the countryside.
EXT. ALEXANDRIA PLATEAU - EVENING
Zidane and Dagger are laying on the grass, covering their heads. A few pieces of small debris land near them. Zidane gets up, and then helps Dagger to her feet. He notices that she is covered by a strange green glow.
ZIDANE
"Hey, Dagger, since when has the green look come back into fashion?"
DAGGER
"What do you mean?"
Dagger looks at her hands. They are glowing.
DAGGER
"What... is this?"
ZIDANE
"I don't know, but we shouldn't take any chances. I'm taking you to see Doctor Tot."
EXT. TRENO - EVENING
Establishing.
INT. TOT'S TOWER - EVENING
Zidane, Dagger and DOCTOR TOT are there. Doctor Tot is examining Dagger. He also has a neck brace wrapped around his neck. (A reference to the previous Halloween tale, "The Sexorcist".)
TOT
"Good lord! You must be really sick, Princess. You've actually turned green! Now isn't that something?"
ZIDANE
"What's wrong with her, Doctor Tot?"
TOT
"Radiation poisoning."
ZIDANE
"Is it fatal?"
TOT
"Oh, God, no! Things like this generally tend to go away by themselves. Give her a few days, a week at the most, and I guarantee the Princess will be back to normal. Trust me, I'm a doctor!"
EXT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - NEXT MORNING
Establishing.
INT. DAGGER'S ROOM - MORNING
Zidane, half asleep, puts his arm over Dagger. His eyes open in shock and he looks over at her. She's at least twice her size.
DAGGER
"Mmm... Morning, Zidane!"
ZIDANE
"Da-Dagger?! What the heck?! Did you... grow overnight?!"
DAGGER
(giggles)
"Silly Zidane! Everyone grows overnight! Our bodies are growing all the time! Except for when we get to Mother's age, of course. Then we start shrinking overnight."
INT. QUEEN BRAHNE'S CHAMBER - MORNING
QUEEN BRAHNE is sitting on her throne. She is a midget.
BRAHNE
"Hmph!"
INT. DAGGER'S ROOM - MORNING
ZIDANE
"No, I mean, Dagger, take a look in the mirror!"
Dagger gets out of bed, causing her end of the matress to spring up and reshape itself with the rest of it. She walks over to the mirror and takes a look inside. She faints instantly.
INT. DINNING ROOM - MORNING
STEINER, VIVI AND EIKO are sitting at the table, eating their breakfast. Zidane and Dagger walk in.
VIVI
"Oh, my!"
EIKO
"What the?!"
STEINER
"Princess?!"
DAGGER
"Good morning, everyone..."
Dagger sits down at the table. Steiner looks up at her.
EIKO
"How'd you get so big all of a sudden, Dagger? Is Quina's cooking really THAT good?"
QUINA walks in with Zidane and Dagger's breakfast on a tray. S/he sees Dagger, screams and throws the tray into the air in horror, and then runs off back into the kitchen.
DAGGER
"Oh, I'm a freak!"
She begins to cry into her arms. Zidane comforts her.
ZIDANE
"There, there, Dagger. You're not a freak."
DAGGER
(sniffs)
"Really?"
ZIDANE
"I... Dagger, please don't make me answer that. You wouldn't like what I have to say."
Dagger breaks down in her arms again. Her tears hit Steiner. He gets out an umbrella and puts it up.
INT. TOT'S TOWER - AFTERNOON
Zidane is talking to Doctor Tot.
ZIDANE
"You lied to us. You told us yesterday that Dagger's radiation poisoning wasn't fatal."
TOT
"It isn't."
ZIDANE
"Then what do you call that, smarty pants?!"
Zidane points towards the window.
EXT. TRENO - AFTERNOON
Dagger is standing by the tower. She is almost as tall as the tower itself.
INT. TOT'S TOWER - AFTERNOON
TOT
"So she grew a few feet. I wouldn't call that fatal."
ZIDANE
"A few feet? A few?!"
TOT
"Look, I specifically kept quiet about this because I didn't want to worry you, but this is perfectly normal for a patient suffering from radiation poisoning. But like I said, she should be fine by the end of the week, back to normal size and everything."
ZIDANE
"And what are we supposed to do until then? We can't keep her in the castle anymore. She's creating massive footprints in the floorboards. And don't get me started on those holes in the ceiling."
TOT
"I don't know. What am I, the answer to life's every question?"
EXT. ALEXANDRIA - EVENING
A 50ft Dagger is walking through the town, picking up buildings and destroying things. Residents are running through the streets, screaming and panicking.
ZIDANE (O.S)
"Dagger! Dinner time!"
DAGGER
"Dinner time?! Huzzah!"
She walks back towards Alexandria Castle.
INT. DINNING ROOM - EVENING
Zidane, Steiner, Vivi and Eiko are sitting at the table, eating their dinner. Dagger's foot is the only part of her body that can be seen. Her giant hand reaches down to the table and feels around. Everyone looks very nervous. Vivi pushes the salt down the table towards Dagger's hand. She picks it up.
DAGGER (O.S)
"Thanks, Vivi!"
VIVI
"D-Don't mention it, Princess!"
EIKO
"Does anyone else agree that Dagger's being here is causing some huge - and no pun intended there - problems around here? For a start, there's hardly anything left for us during meals anymore. Oh, and while we're discussing Dagger's new bad habits, has anyone seen the state of the bathroom lately? I found a clump of hair in the shower today the size of Lindblum Castle! Oh, and we can't forget about the-"
Dagger picks up Eiko by the head.
EIKO
"Hey! Hey!!"
Dagger lifts Eiko up into the air and, though not seen, eats her.
DAGGER (O.S)
"Mmm... crunchy!"
ZIDANE
"Dagger! You just ate Eiko!"
DAGGER (O.S)
"Oh. Well, can I have some Vivi on the side to go with that?"
VIVI
(panicking)
"Waaaa!"
EXT. ALEXANDRIA PLATEAU - DUSK
Dagger is laying on the grass. Zidane is laying on her belly.
ZIDANE
"Ah... this is the life, huh babe?"
DAGGER
"Zzz... Zzz..."
ZIDANE
"Dagger?"
DAGGER
"Zzz... Zzz..."
ZIDANE
"Ah, well. Might aswell have a little fun while she's asleep."
Zidane crawls up her belly and climbs into the top of her dress. He disappears between her breasts.
ZIDANE (O.S)
"Hee hee! I'll miss this when she's small again! Bing, bong, bong!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE END
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Story based on an idea by Ace11788