| Ramble #4: Pycho-dragoon therapy.
By Rap's, the raptor queen!
Rose, Lloyd and Albert: ".... This is going to SUCK."
****
Lloyd: So... you know? it's just like... I don't know what to do about it! I mean, I like her a whole lot... but then.. WINK comes along and it's just like..
Psychotherapist: Um hmmm, yes, yes- I see.
Lloyd: plus this OTHER guy... and he's supposedly SOOOO good looking which REALLY pisses me off because IM the hottest guy in LOD and EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW IT!!!
Psychotherapist: And this upsets you, correct?
Lloyd: Yeah!! because.., You know? And its like... well... YOU KNOW!!!??
Psychotherapist: *drawing pictures of cheese logs on his notepad.* Yes, I understand. Of course. Please continue. *The therapist is sitting in a small chair behind Lloyd, who is laid out on a big fluffy couch in the room around them.*
Lloyd: yeah.. Well... I dunno. That's basically why I've come to you. I don't know what to do!! I mean- I LIKE Wink and All... but Rose is... so deep and neat and HOT- you know!?!? I mean... Recently? At this place called fanfiction.net? People are constantly pairing us up in fanfics and it's kind of really helped out our relationship because we can get a feel for our own problems.. And then... well..
Psychotherapist: Yes?
Lloyd: Wink!!! I told her that I wasn't interested and it was all cool... but now she's hanging out my bedroom window at night and just STANDING there. Plus I get this weird phone calls and all... and she's like: "But Lloyd I loooovveeee youuuu!!!" And I'm like: NOOOO!!!! ya know!?
Psychotherapist: Interesting. Do you feel threatened by this woman?
Lloyd: WHAT!?
Psychotherapist: I wasn't threatening your manhood. Just answer the question...
Lloyd: I never said you were! What the hell!!??
Psychotherapist: CONTINUE, Lloyd...
Lloyd: oh- yeah.. Well... no- I guess not. But sometimes she calls Rose and threatens to beat her with plastic forks. That's kind of scary, you know?
Psychotherapist: And you are living with this Rose?
Lloyd: Yeah....
Psychotherapist: And is your relationship a healthy one?
Lloyd: Yeah!!!!
Psychotherapist: BEYOND Sex.
Lloyd: OH!! heh- yeah!! We get along really well!
Psychotherapist: *draws some more cheese logs* Yes.... good, good... alright then. I think I've worked out the problem. Are you willing to listen to my advice?
Lloyd: I didn't pay 120 bucks to say NO, doc.
Psychotherapist: (CRAP! *looks at the cheese logs*) Well, first off, I say you should beat that Wink woman over the head and deposit her lifeless body outside an orphanage where she will be taken in and given appropriate care. Well... that or be eaten by cats.
Lloyd: WHAT!!?? NOOO!!! I LIKE Wink!! She's cool!!
Psychotherapist: Were you ever beaten as a child?
Lloyd: um.... WHAT!? *tries to jump around to face the psychiatrist, but 2 Mafia guys pop out of small boxes on either side of the room and hold him down*
All: .....
Psychotherapist: your problem lay with Lavitz, doesn't it?
Lloyd: *Stops struggling against the evil Mafia guys* Y... You know about.. L.. Lavitz!?!?
Psychotherapist: indeed. The fanfiction author told me about him and your... interesting relationship.
Lloyd: *curses Rap's* I AM NOT GAY!!
Psychotherapist: I meant about the pokemon...
*thunder crackles in the distance*
Lloyd: please.. Don't... MENTION that...
Psychotherapist: Ah- so this IS the root of your problem!!!
Lloyd: no- its just ANOTHER problem!!!
Psychotherapist: We shall see. Lavitz?
*Lavitz pops out of a small box*
Lavits: DUDE!!!
Lloyd: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Must.. Resist... evil... temptation... to....!!!!
Lavits: *takes out his pokemon deck* I got a new card, dude!
Lloyd: WHAT!? Seriously!? DUDE!?
Lavits: DUDE!!!
Lloyd: DUUUUDEEE!! That is so SWEET!!!
Lavits: ya man!! DUDE!!
Lloyd: DUDE!!!
Psychotherapist: That's quite enough!!! Release the rabid gerbils!!
*Rabid gerbils come out from under the chairs and drag Lavitz into a nearby closet.*
All: ....
Psychotherapist: I see, yes.... hmmm... hmmm... *drawing more cheeselogs* This concludes our session for today. Please send in the next patient...
Lloyd: *twitching helplessly*
******************
Albert: NOOOOOO!!!!!! *running around the room*
Rose: Albert- STOP IT!!!
Albert: NO!! NO NO NO!! I WILL NOT GO!! GET AWAY!! EVIL!! EVIL!!
Rose: YOU NEED THERAPY MORE THEN ANY OF US!! *kicks him repeatedly until Albert falls to the floor and curls up into a ball*
Meru: ....
*Meru, Albert and Rose are all in the waiting room outside the Psychotherapists office. Rose is still kicking Albert- and Meru is simply eating the sample cheese logs from a tray nearby. They are awaiting Lloyd's return.*
Rose: *leans down and pokes Albert* ... um.... Maybe I shouldn't have done that...
Meru: *shrugs and then glances at Albert* Aww!! He's a little heap on the floor!! That's so CUTTTEE!!
Albert: *shivering*
Meru: awww!! And now he's all drawn up in a fetal position!! *points and giggles*
Rose: .... yeah.... *pokes Albert again* Come on- im sorry, okay? But Meru is right!! Maybe this will help you!! IM going in aren't I? And My beautiful, manly, adorable, determined, gorgeous... *shakes her head and smiles* um... Wingly... Already went in!!
Meru: .... *rolls eyes* Don't talk about Lloyd- you get all mushy and then you freak Albert out even MORE!!
Albert: *slowly rocking back and forth in a nearby corner*
Rose: ..... *looks at Albert- and then around the room* They don't have complementary straight jackets in here, do they?
((The door suddenly clicks open, and out comes a traumatized Lloyd.))
Rose: *SMILE* hey!!
Lloyd: *looks completely past her and at Albert* YOU!!!! I AM SO MUCH SEXIER THEN YOU AND YOUR JUST GOING TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT!!!
All: .....
Lloyd: *Rambling* DON'T YOU SEE, Rose!?!? HE'S EVIL!!! THEY ARE ALL EVIL!! I AM SEXIER THEN HIM AND I AM NOT A POKEMON FREAK AND LAVITZ IS SO NOT GOING TO CONTROL MY LIFE ANYMORE AND I AM GOING TO FEED WINK TO CATS!!!!
Lavitz: now now.... *walks out of the office* no need to resort to profanity. ta ta! *prances off*
All: ....
Lloyd: NOOOOO!!!! *falls down on the floor and begins to twitch* NOOO!! NO!!!!! THE POKEMON!! THERE ON ME!!! I CANT GET THEM OFF!! OMG!!! OMG!! *rolling around* NOOOOO!!!!
Meru: *runs up next to Rose, who is shaking Lloyd by the shoulders* Rose!! This is crazy!!! the Psychotherapist guy in there must be a real wacko!! Lets get Lloyd and Albert out of here before...
((The door clicks open again, two Mafia guys come running out, grab Albert, and then run back in.))
Rose: *looks up, and then glances at Alberts corner* OMG!!! NOO!!! WE CANT LET THEM TAKE HIM!!!
Meru: *wails* HE"LL GET EVEN WORSE!!! *begins to kick at the door* Let him go!!! you hear me!!?!? *pounds on the door* BAHHH!!! BOOGENHAGEN!!!! *KICK* ooowww!!! *sniff* DIE Door! DIE!! *kicks again* ooowww!!
Rose: *runs up to her* Dammit!!! *takes out her sword- and then suddenly an electric fence surrounds the entrance.*
((Rose and Meru just stare, and then turn to look at Lloyd, who is still rolling around on the floor.))
Meru: This is bad, ain't it?
***********
Mafia guys: *throw*
Albert: GAHHHHHH!!!! *bounces off the couch and out a nearby window*
Psychotherapist: .... *sigh* Well? Go get him...
((five minutes later.))
Mafia guys: *light toss*
Albert: *bounces off the couch and onto the floor* ...... ow...
Psychotherapist: now... Albert- is it? please take a seat on the couch. *Walks over* I'm going to show you these ink blots, and then you tell me what you see, okay?
Albert: .... *crawls back onto the couch and hides under a pillow*
Psychotherapist: Interesting. *Draws a cheeslog in his notepad and then holds up a card. Now, lets begin. What do you see?
Albert: .... *blinks* NOOO!! OMG!! GET IT AWAY!! GET IT AWAY!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!
Mafia guy: *SLAP*
Albert: .......
Psychotherapist: .... yes, well... let's try this next one. This time, if it scares you.... tell me why, okay?
Albert: *mini-nod* uh huh.
Psychotherapist: *holds up a card*
Albert: AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! NOOO!!!!!! OMG!!!!
Psychotherapist: And your scared because....? *accidentally drops all his cards onto the floor* Oh dear, clumsy me, i- I....
Albert: *SCREAM* AAAHHHGGGGGGAAHAHHHH!!!! *jumps up on top of a lamp*
Mafia guys: *grab and throw*
Albert: *bounces off the couch and out the window again*
Psychotherapist: .... bob? Joe?
Mafia guys: Boss?
Psychotherapist: *slaps them*
((five minutes later))
Albert: *sitting on the couch again, while the therapist takes up his customary seat behind the couch and begins to talk*
Psychotherapist: Now, tell me... what did you see?
Albert: ... HER....
Psychotherapist: Hmmm... hmmm.... yes.... and she is?
Albert: .... HER ....
Psychotherapist: yes, but WHO?
Albert: The evil one!! The one that stalks my every move! With the glowing red eyes!!! HER!!!! *freaking out* HER!!! its HER!!! HErRRRR!!!!
Mafia guys: *SLAP*
Albert: *sniffs*
Psychotherapist: .... You wouldn't be talking about... Rap's- would- *can't finish his sentence, as Albert throws himself to the floor and begins to convulse* I.. uh.. BOB!! JOE!!! MORPHINE!!! GET THE MORPHINE!!!
Mafia guys: *tackle Albert with syringes*
Albert: YEEEKKKK!!! DONT TOUCH MY @(#&$(@*#& HAIR YOU GIANT @#(&$@(*#&$ OAFS!!!!!!
Psychotherapist: *watches as Albert throws the Mafia guys into the rabid gerbils closet and then wobbles back over to the couch.*
Albert: ......
Psychotherapist: .....( Note to self... do not touch hair....) *coughs* Okay- now... um.... hmmm... it seems as if we have identified your problem. Do you know the-
Albert: you don't understand!! NO ONE understands!!! Fanfics.. the FANFICS.... and she rambles!! oh god! and... and I... *twitching* noooooo!!!!
Psychotherapist: Albert?
Albert: ......
Psychotherapist: Look behind you.
Albert: *turns to look back at the Psychotherapist.*
Psychotherapist: *puts on a Rap's mask* BOOGA BOGGA!!!!!
Albert: *jumps out the window*
Psychotherapist: *draws another cheese log* interesting... interesting... *calls for his Mafia guys, who run out of the closet and then go off to fetch Albert again.*
((Ten minutes later))
Psychotherapist: Albert? You okay?
Albert: *shaking uncontrollably*
Psychotherapist: Good. Look behind you once more.
Albert: *looks behind him*
Psychotherapist: *puts on a Dee mask* BOOGENHAGEN!!!
Albert: *jumps out the window again*
((The Mafia guys are already going to get him. Six minutes later, they return.))
Psychotherapist: Good. Albert? look behind you...
Albert: N.. no...!!!!
Psychotherapist: I PROMISE I won't do the booga booga thing again.
Albert: O.. or... th..e... the boogenh..h... hagen thing?!
Psychotherapist: promise.
Albert: *looks behind him*
Psychotherapist: *Puts on a Sailor Jupiter mask* CATNIP!!!!
Mafia guys: *close the window- and Albert bounces off it and back onto the couch*
Albert: *SLAM* OOOWWW!!! GODDAMN YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!!! *gets up on the couch and starts to scream aloud.* YOUR ALL A BUNCH OF EVIL FREAKS AND I WILL FEED YOU TO MY PET MOOSE!!!
Psychotherapist: *coughs* Release the gerbils again!!
Gerbils: *lunge for Albert*
Albert: TOASTY GERBIL MARSHMELLOWS!!! *Kick*
Psychotherapist: What? *watches as Albert runs under the couch.* What the hell!?!?
???: Squeak!! SQUEAK!!! Sque.. EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKkkkkkkkk...............
All: .....
Albert: *comes out from under the couch and coughs* Now....
Psychotherapist: What.. WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY ARMY OF GERBILS!!????
Albert: *sadistic grin* Oh? Gerbils? *takes out a tray of gerbil heads from behind his back and smiles* GERBILLSSS!!!!!!
Mafia guys: *jump out the window- right through the glass*
Psychotherapist: NOOOOO!!!! YOU (#@&$(@*&# MONSTER!!!! how could you!?!??
Albert: MONSTER!? *I* am the MONSTER!??! MWHAHHA!! HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHH!!!!!!! *laughs* I am a KING and I can do whatever I WANT! *throws the gerbils heads at him* YOU SHALL FEEL MY WRATH!!!
Psychotherapist: ...... AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *falls to the floor in slow motion* nnnnoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
((at that moment, Rose and Meru come running into the room. How'd they get by the electric fence and why didn't they get in when the Mafia guys kept running out? Who knows!))
Rose: ALBERT!!! put the gerbil heads DOWN....
MEru: Technically he already threw them....
Lloyd: *runs in and points at Albert* YOU!!!
Rose: GAHH!! he';s awake again!!
Lloyd: I AM SO MUCH SEXIER THEN YOU!!
Albert: *tosses his hair behind one shoulder and puts a mega-bishounen smile on his face that causes a random group of woman outside to swoon and go unconscious*
Lloyd: .....
Albert: SEXIER THEN ME!!??!? I AM A SEX GOD! *takes a gerbil head and throws it at Lloyd* HHAHAHAHHHH!!!!
Lloyd: ..... *gerbil head bounces off his chest.* mkay... shut me up....
Rose: Does anyone HONESTLY care who is more sexy!? And why the HELL Are we even talking about this!!???
Lloyd and Albert: *both put on mega-bishounen smiles*
Rose and Meru: *fall over*
Albert: *jumps up on the couch and begins to preach about gerbils. The Psychotherapist, meanwhile, has managed to crawl outside.*
Lloyd: WHAT!? Quickly my smurfs- KILL him!
*smurfs flow out of Lloyds pockets and eat the Psychotherapist alive*
((At This point, Rap's, who has overseen all this carnage, is getting a little freaked out. Afterall- Lloyd has a river of smurfs in his pocket and Albert declared himself a sex god. yeah- time to stop this....))
Rap's: *pops up* HIYA guys!
Albert and Lloyd: .....
Rap's; Miss me!?
Albert and lloyd: *fall on the floor and begin convulsing*
Rap's: *dusts claws together* I ROCK!!! And now, with everyone either unconscious or dead... it's time to end this fanfic!!! *dances around, grabs Albert by his cape, and drags him over to the couch*
*SLAP*
Albert: ..... baka.... _
Rap's: Luv me?
Albert: no.
Rap's: Luv me?
Albert: no.
Rap's: Luv me?
Albert: no.
Rap's: Luv me?
Albert: no.
Rap's: Luv me?
Albert: no.
Rap's: Luv me?
Albert: NO!
Rap's: Love me!?
Albert: What part of N and O did you NOT understand!!!??
Rap's: .......
Albert: .......
Rap's: Luv me?
Albert: no.
Rap's: Luv me?
Albert: no.
Rap's: Luv me?
Albert: no.
Rap's: Luv me?
Albert: no.
Rap's: Luv me?
Albert: NO!
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And thus, yet again, I have proven my insanity. *peace sign*
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
