LOD: The Book of Rambles!
Ramble #5: "Lover Boyz and the DUDE potion!"
Written by Rap's (RaptorJNB@aol.com)
Just so you guys know.... the next ramble im gonna be writing (#6) will feature Rose Angel, Bri, Sailor Jupiter, P-Chan Princess, and the infamous Dee (All psycho ramble authors like myself.) I hope you guys don't mind! Sorry i can't write for more, but too many characters get confusing. As for THIS ramble...
No, I don't know what the hell I was on. ^_^
*****
Rap's: Hrmmm.... *chinks a pencil against her Lime green Ibook laptop and scowls.* Very interesting *leans back in a teeny wooden chair* Damn... *blinks* Albert-sama.... ain't this weird!?
Albert: .... *is seated in a chair next to her, dozing*
Rap's: *looks at him*
Albert: ZZZzzzzzz.... ZZZzzzzzz.....
Rap's: ..... ALBERT!
Albert: HWAGGHH!!! What!?!?!? WHAT!?
Rap's: MWHAHHA!!!!!
Albert: .....
Rap's: Not much!! I just need to you to look at this for me! *grabs his ponytail and slams his head down on the laptop* What do you see!?!?
Albert: .... oh... ow.... nose.... broken....
Rap's: *blinks.* Oh... so THAT'S where all that blood is coming from. uh... sorry?
Albert: *whimpers*
Rap's: *puts a band-aid on his nose and then smacks his head into the table again* Well!?!?
Albert: ow....
Rap's: COME ON DAMNIT!!
Albert: *pushes himself upwards and winces at the data displayed on the laptop* it's... a... a table. a chart about something concerning Lavitz and Llo-
Rap's: EXACTLY!! WMHAHAHH!!!
Albert: ..... *whimpers again*
Rap's: you see, every time they encounter one another both embark on a string of; "DUDE! SWEET! COOL! AWESOME!!!" and the like. I'm trying to figure out WHY this is... and put an end to it once and for all!! Lloyd and Lavitz should NOT act like male ditz's! *points to the screen* And as you can see... these occurrences are becoming more and more frequent!!!
Albert: ..... And this requires your waking me up AND breaking my nose?!
Rap': eh... *heals him quickly* OF COURSE it does!! Besides, I wanna tell you now about my AMAZING PLAN TO CORRECT THIS MALE DITZ SYNDROME!!!!
Albert: ....
Rap's: I present to you.... *takes out a funky looking vial from her side pocket: THE DUDE POTION....
*Holy music plays*
Albert: it resembles pus, Rap's.
Rap's: .... Don't interrupt the holy music. *Eyes glow red*
Albert: .....
*Holy music finishes playing*
Rap's: Now... I have but to add a few more chemicals and it should work perfectly, if my calculations have been correct!!!
Albert: you tried to CALCULATE something!?
Rap's: .... YEAH!!! I spent ALL DAMNED NIGHT practicing my addition and subtraction before I made it, so HAH!
Albert: (Oh... My.... GOD...)
Rap's: DAMNIT!! I READ THAT THOUGHT BUBBLE!!!
Albert: .....
Rap's; Oh whatever!! you'll see!! Now... quickly... TO MY SECRET LAB!!!!
Albert: you dont HAVE a secret lab Rap's....
Rap's: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CALL MY CLOSET!?!?!?
Albert: A closet.
Rap's: Well if your going to be a wise-ass I just won't let you SEE IT!!
Albert: And thats a bad thing... how?
Rap's: SHUT UP!!! *drags him over to her closet* Now... BEHOLD!!! THINE SECRET LAB!! *opens the closet door and sits on a single bucket inside.* MWHAHAHAHH!!
Albert: .....
Rap's: Well? GET IN!! *is mixing assorted nasty looking items into the DUDE potion.*
Albert: .... Rap's- there is hardly enough room in there for YOU. We'd be squashed together!
Rap's: *grins up at him evilly* I know.... *bats eyes* Now get IN here...
Albert: ..... *sweatdrop*
((( A few hours pass...... )))
********
Lloyd: Eh.. Rose?
Rose: Babe?
Lloyd: Why DID Rap's invite us to her castle just so she could have us wait in a little room for three hours!? I still don't understand why we just didn't LEAVE after the first-
Rose: You mean BESIDES the fact that she has giant mutant gerbils patrolling the lawn outside to prevent our escape?
Lloyd: ..... *looks out a nearby window*
Rabid Mutant Gerbil: *Eyeing him through the glass.*
Lloyd: ......
Rose: Like I was saying. *Coughs* In any case... She'll have to make an appearance at SOME point, right?
Lloyd: yeah. I guess so. *Growls* But she's making us waste valuable make-out time!!!
Rose: *eye twitch* What the HELL do you think we just DID for the past-!!!
Lloyd: SHHH!! *points at the drooling rabid gerbil in the window* Do you want it to hear?!?!
Rose: .....
Lloyd: .....
Rose: It's a GERBIL, Lloyd. It's not like it has a tape recorder and is documenting our conversation.
Gerbil: *clicks off a tape recorder and continues staring at them through the window glass*
Rose: ....
Lloyd: ....
Rose: .....
Lloyd: Well- Could be worse. It could have had a camcorder and filmed us when we-
Gerbil: *waves a camcorder*
Lloyd: @#($^@*&# BASTARD!!!!
Lavitz; *Suddenly busts through the door* MWHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Rose and Lloyd: .....
Lavitz: *coughs* yeah. Um. Sorry. uh- I got an invitation to be here. So.... Hiya everybody!!
Lloyd: DUDE! How did you get past the Gerbils!?
Lavitz: DUDE! I DIDN'T, MAN! *turns around to reveal a gerbil attached to his ass* These fangs HURT, Dude!!!!
Rose: OH SHUT THE HELL UP!! I DO *NOT* WANT TO LISTEN TO THIS!!! Why is it that whenever you two end up together you both *rips the evil gerbil off Lavitz and tosses it out a window* End up acting like-
Lloyd: DUDE!! SHE THREW THE GERBIL!
Lavitz: DUDE!! THAT WAS SO SWEET!!!
Lloyd: SERIOUSLY!? DUDE?!?!?!
Lavitz: SERIOUSLY!!!!
Lloyd and Lavitz: *chest thump*
Rose: OH MY @#$&(@#*& GOD!!!!
????" MWHAHAHAHHHHHAHAHHAH
All: .....
Rap's: *walks into the room* HELLO my unwilling test subjects!!! *eyes lloyd and Lavitz* MWHAHAHAH!!!!
Albert: *wanders in after her, looking traumatized*
Rose: *blinks* Oh no.... Albert.... she dragged you into the closet again...
Albert: *Whimpers*
Rose: *hugs Albert* Poor thing!
Rap's: *glares at Rose* ANYWAYS... *takes out the DUDE POTION she had been working on earlier.* THIS IS IT!!! I INVITED YOU HERE SO THE BOTH OF YOU COULD BE SPRAYED WITH THIS VILE SUBSTANCE, AND IN TURN STOP ACTING LIKE MALE DITZ'S!!!!
Rose: ... WOW!?!!!! really!?!?
Albert: *grabs her shoulders* no!! You Don't understand!!! She did calculations!!!
Rose: oh my GOD... *swings around in an attempt to stop Rap's, but it's to late. She has already sprayed Lavitz and Lloyd with the substance.*
Lavitz and Lloyd: DUDE!?!?
Rap's: MWHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
Lavitz: *coughs* Dude this SUCKITH!! I .. can't... BREATHE dude!!
Lloyd: OH MAN! This is... Dude.. I...
Both: *fall on the ground twitching*
Rap's: .......
All: ......
Rap's: *takes out a notepad and writes in it quickly* Note to self. Always test substance on Albert first.
*Dart walks in*
All: .....
Rose: And you are here.. why!?!?
Dart: *watches Lloyd and Lavitz convulse* uh... I was on the Internet back in Seles and some Gerbils sent me this porn video over email.
All: ....
Dart: HEYY!!!! its not like I WATCHED it!!! I just wanted to know why Lloyd and Rose were at Raptors castle!!!
Lloyd: ...... *stops convulsing and sweatdrops*
Rose: ..... HOW THE HELL would you KNOW we were here!?!?
Gerbils: *Are on a computer outside with a camcorder plugged into it*
Dart: Um....
Lloyd: *jumps up and starts waving his fists at the Gerbils* YOU PERVERTED LITTLE BASTARDS!!!!!
All: .....
Gerbils: *chitter and throw a Richard simmons booklet at Lloyd*
Lloyd: ....
Albert: ..... what the HELL is going on!?!?? What video- and why did DART watch it!?!?
Dart: I didn't watch it!!!
Rose: *advancing on him* then HOW did you KNOW....
Dart: *pales* I... um...
Rap's: WHATEVER!!!!!!!! *waving her arms* We have a SITUATION here people!!!
Lavitz: *gets up* Not anymore we don't! Right dude!?!?
Lloyd: *now oblivious to everyone in the room once again* YEAH!! DUDE!!!
All: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Rap's: *scowls* I DONT Understand!! it should have worked!!! *sobs* Yet again!! FAILURE!!! *throws the vial to the floor* FAILURE!!! FAILU.... um...
Dude Potion: *breaks*
Insert very loud explosion here.
*********
((A hour or so later ))
Rap's: oooOOOoooo.... meee hheeeeaaaddd......
Rose: *is slowly beginning to get up from the ground.* Ohhhhh god... I HATE you, Rap's...
Rap's: *rolls over to her back and sneezes.* heheeh!!! yeah, i know. Gotta find da' boyzzz.... *SNEEZE*
Albert: *looks down at Rap's with a very odd grin*
Rap's; *blinks at him* Um... Hiya Albert! Your up already!?!? And here I thought the explosion would have utterly ripped you limb from beautiful limb!!!
Albert: *grins* of course not, Rap's! heh! *grabs her by both arms and hauls her upwards* ^_^ How you doing, angel?
Rap's: ...... *stares at Albert, freaked out*
Rose: *also staring at Albert*
All: .....
Rose: What... the... hell?
Albert: *looks over at Rose and winks* Heya babe- your up too?
Rap's and Rose: ......
Rap's: .... *whimpers* R..Rose...
Rose: .... y...y...yeah?
Rap's: Why'd he call me 'Angel?' and WHY is he smiling... like...THAT....
Both: *look at the stain on the floor where the DUDE potion fell*
Rap's: eh.. heh? Maybe me made some bad calculations?
Rose: ..... *tries to punch Rap's, but Lloyd suddenly grabs her from behind with kisses* WHAHA!!?!??
Lloyd: Rosie!!!! ^_^
Dart and Lavitz: *wake up*
Rap's and Rose: ....!?!!!!
Dart: huh? *looks at Lavitz* LAVITZ!!!
Lavitz: *looks at Dart* DART!!!!
Lavitz and Dart: *Hug*
Rose: *jabs a foot at the potion* RAPS!!! GODDAMNIT!! WHAT THE HELL WAS IN THAT STUFF!?!?!??
Rap's: .... um... some lemon juice.. Some sausage... and.. uh... love potion....
Rose: lemon juice, sausage and love potion!?!? THAT WAS YOUR BIG CALCULATION!!!!!???
Rap's: Well the love potion was red and I wanted the DUDE potion to look pretty!!!!!!
Rose: YOU UTTER AND COMPLETE SICK TWISTED FREAK OF NATURE I AM GOING TO SLOWLY CUT YOU INTO A BAZZILION MILLION PIECES OF RAW ROTTING FLESH AND SEND YOUR DECAYING BODY TO THE GERBIL FARM IN TEXAS!!!!
Rap's: *coughs* Well, no need to get so VIOLENT.... *Albert suddenly picks her up* iiiiEEEEEEeeee!!!! *blinks at him* eh.. heh???
Albert: What!? You can chase me and I can't pick up a girl as cute as you!?
Rap's: ....... *screams, scared as hell.* NO!!!!!! *IM* THE ONE THAT CHASES AND FREAKS _YOU_ OUT!! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!!!
Lloyd: MWHAH!!! *points at the gerbils outside* HEY!!! BRING THAT CAMCORDER BACK OVER HERE!!!!
Rose and Rap's; AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *break free of the men around them and run screeching out the door* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rose: *halfway down the hall, she stops*
Rap's: *growls* What the HELL are you stopping for!?!? I've turned our bishies into lovey dovey boys!!! *shaking* Albert called me HIS Angel... omg.. omg.... OMG... *freaking out* This is so wrong!!!!
Rose: yeah.. but.... I absolutely love Lloyd; you absolutely love Albert.... and we both just ran out of a room full of gorgeous men. Minus whatever in the heck Dart and Lavitz are doing...
Rap's: .... Oh yeah. Huh. I think Dart and Lavitz just got stuck with each other by default... don't worry; they'll come around soon enough I guess. Should sate those weird Lavitz/dart yaoi fans in the meantime though...
Rose: .... To bad your potion didn't REALLY end the dude thing..
Rap's: .... Yeah....
Rose: ......
Rap's: ......
Rose: First one back there gets to glomp Albert.
Rap's: YOUR ON!!!
*******
THE END!!!!
*******
BAHAHAHHH!!!!!! What do you EXPECT for something written at 3 in the morning!?!?!?!? I have no brain!! I have no life!!! AND I LOVE BISHOUNEN!!!
All: .....
FEAR ME!!!!
