LOD: The Book of Rambles

by Rap's

NEW RAMBLES!!!! Each chapter is a story-ramble and each story-ramble is a threat to your sanity. This is my book of LOD rants- fanfiction craziness like no other! Yes- be afriad!!

6. AUTHOR MADNESS!

LOD: The Book of Rambles Ramble 6: 'SHANA THE DESTROYER' MWHAHAHHH!!! Okay all!! I hope you enjoy this... ^_^ Bri, Sailor Jupiter, Rose Angel, P-chan, and Dee are all other authors who love to ramble. They ain't like original characters or anything- got that!? I've included them because... it's fun too! ^_^ Let the Insanity begin! This ramble is based upon Shana's attempts to take over the world... MWHAHAHH!!!! Guess who has to stop her!? *** *Shana is sitting on a throne of bones in the middle of her living room in Seles. Around her, evil minions of Darkness bow and light candles in her worship. Beside Shana's throne, general Rinoa (FF8) Stands silently. After all, A bimbo evil queen shall also harbor bimbo evil minions.* Shana: OUR TIME HAS COME!!! Minions: Yes our dark queen!!!! yes!! *bow and chant* Shana: No longer shall evil authors dare to insult me or my bimbo kind ever again! My ugly henchmen of doom... GO FORTH!!! Bring me these horrible rambling beasts! We shall cage them for all eternity, so our race is free to spread wimp-female lead stereotypes and cute language throughout all of Endiness!! WE SHALL RULE THE EARTH!!! All: *cheer* SH-AN-A!!! SH-AN-A!!!!! Shana: Indeed... mwhahah!!! Rinoa: I shall assemble the dark legions! We leave in five minutes!! Shana: DOUBLE indeed!! MWHAHAAHH!!! Dart: *wanders in, yawning* Uh.... hey- some people are trying to sleep, you know!?!? Dark Minions: *turn to look at Dart* Dart: .... *looks at Shana on her throne of skulls in their living room* Shana: ..... Dart: .... Dark Minions: .... Dart: Did I.... Come at a bad time? Shana: .... HANG HIM!!!! Dart: O.o!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! General Rinoa: *gets a giant whip* Dart: *scream* ****** ((( Meanwhile, on Fanfiction.net.... ))) Rap's: .... *aims a bowling ball* Okay... I SO got it this time... P-chan: But won't it hurt Albert very very badly when it connects with his head and shatters his skull like it did those poor old people? Rap's: .... P-chan: .... Old people: *twitching on the ground below* Rap's: Maybe? P-chan: *shrugs* HEY!!! THERE HE IS!! *points at Albert, who is walking under the very suspicious looking evil-author-ramble hideout.* Albert: *blinks and reads a nearby sign* Sign: "THIS IS NOT AN EVIL AUTHOR RAMBLE HIDEOUT." Albert: *looks up at the tree-house like hideout* Rap's: DUCK!!! *P-chan and Rap's hide* Albert: .... You two are really... REALLY pathetic. Rap's: AM NOT!!!!! *jumps up and points at him, then blinks* um.... but im NOT here and you did NOT see me! *hides again* Albert: Rap's? P-chan: Didn't you hear her!?!? We are NOT here!!!!! Now walk slowly under our evil hideout! Albert: ..... You aren't trying to drop a bowling ball on me again, are you? Rap's and P-chan: *from inside the hideout* _GASP_ P-chan: *whispers* How'd he KNOW!?!?? Rap's; *freaked out* I have no idea!! We've only tried this exact same thing about fifty times before!! Surely he can't know!!!! P-chan: ... I guess he's just really really smart. *blinks* Wow... Rap's: .... Dammit.... Plan B? P-chan: *Unsheathes her tickle-feather of death* yeah!! LETS JUMP HIM!!!! Both: MWHAHAHAHH!!! Albert: ..... *listens, shrugs, and is about to walk away when Lloyd tackles him head on* Lloyd: OMGYOUGOTTASAVEMEICANTGETAWAYANDTHEYWONTLEAVEME ALONEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! Albert: .... Lloyd? Lloyd: WHAT!?!!??? Albert: Get off of me, will you? Lloyd: *is attached to Albert's head* Albert: .... Lloyd: ..... heh... er... *climbs down and takes deep gasping breaths.* Albert: Now... whatever is the matter?!! Lloyd: *eyes get all big* she... they.... big... BIG truck.... Albert: What? Bri: *walks over to them* Hi guys! I'm looking for Rap's n' P-chan. Theya round!? I wanted to deliver SUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D Meru: *pops up* SUGAR!!!!!! All: ..... *From above, Rap's and P-chan run around frantically* Rap's: NOW!! NOW!! DROP IT NOW!!! HE MOVED UNDER THE TREE!!! P-chan: *disgards her feather a moment and drops the bowling ball.* Insert silence here. Rap's: ... I think you got him!!!! *both look over the railing of their hideout and blink* Bri: *twitching* P-chan: ....... Rap's: ..... um... Meru: *pokes Bri with a stick* hello? Bri: Chocolate bunny-mellows! tee he hee!! All: .... Lloyd: ... ANYWAYS.... *grabs Albert* YAGOTTASAVEME!!!!!!!!!! Albert: .... from WHAT!?!?? *Suddenly, the ground begins to shake, and Lloyd runs behind the base of Raptor's hideout cringing in terror. Meru and Albert flail for balance, and P'chan starts randomly dancing. Heavy metal music begins to blare from all directions of the area* All: ..... Rap's; the hell!?!? Whats going on!!!??? *flails and falls off the hideout* MWHHHAHAHA!! -smack- MWHAHAHAHAh!!!!! Albert: Pulls Rap's up as the ground stops shaking* ..... What in the... ? Lloyd: *creeps out into the open* i... i... is it... is it gone? P-chan: *strains to hear* I think so.... whatever it was... Albert: ..... Bri: .... *twitches* Meru: ..... okay!! everything is happy now! Lloyd: *begins to calm down* .... yeah! I guess your right *Giant 4 door Hummer vehicle suddenly crashes through a random brick wall and starts chasing Lloyd* All: .... Lloyd: NNOOO!!!!!!!! *running for his life* RA: MWAHAHAHAHHA!!!! *driving the hummer* LLOYD!! MY LITTLE WINGLY!!!! *coughs* nope... he's just not slowing down... Dee? Dee: *wearing a giant army hat* GWA!!! RA: .... Dee: .... RA: READY THE HARPOON NET!!! Dee: *jumps into the back of the Hummer and loads up a big-ass gun with the harpoon net* *Safari music begins to play* Lloyd: *running in slow motion* NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo.......!!!!! RA: FIRE!!!!!! Dee: MWHAHAH!! GIANT HARPOON OF DEATH--- BOMBS AWAY!!!! *hummer skids and slides as the giant gun fires. Lloyd is suddenly covered in a thick mesh net and falls to the ground entangled* Lloyd: *twitching* Dee: WOOOOOOO HOOOOO!!!! WHO IS A GODDESS!?!?! *points at herself* OH YEAH!!!!!!! RA: *stops the Hummer and gets out* MWHAHAHHAHAHH!!!! *coughs* BURN!!! All: .... *clap* RA and Dee: *bowing* Rap's: *runs up to them* MWHAHAH!!! Rose Angel!! Dee!! Hiya!! Did you come to help me and P-chan drop a bowling ball on Alberts head!?!?!? Albert... SO!!! that IS what you were up too!!!!! *points at them* AH HAH!!! WMAHAHH!!!! All: .... RA: Actually, we were chasing after Lloyd. He is our huggle prey. Dee: *nod nod nod* I have even perfected a special art of 'pouncing' in order to render him weak and submissive in my grasp!! Rap's; *eyes get all big* ooooo.... Can you show me how!??! P-chan: yeah!! ME TOO!! *gives Albert a weird smile* Albert: ..... um? Dee: welll.... not exactly. you see, it didn't work so well. All girls: *sigh dejectedly* Dee: BUT! me and RA just made up for that by getting a Humemr and running him down. It works just as well, cep't you get to fire big guns. Rap's; AH!! i see!! Albert? Start running in that direction. *points* I will then chase you with the Hummer. 'Kay? Albert: ... Don't I get a say in this? All: *laughing* Albert: ...... *sniff* P-chan: You COULD just use a feather like i do!!! *unsheathes the tickle-feather of death again* Economy size bishounen control. Oh yeah! Rap's: .... yea... but then I'd be being gentle with him and all... All: *think about that* RA: I just can't see it. Who votes to chase Albert with the Hummer? All: *raise hands* Albert: ..... _ Dee: NO NO NO!!! WAIT!! *Points at Lloyd* We haven't glomped him yet!!!! Lloyd: *is trying to crawl away* RA: .... Dee: .... Both: OH NO YOU DONT!!! *jump at Lloyd* Lloyd: *screaming* All: ...... Bri: *having finally come around, he now gets up and waves his arms* HEY!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!! *sniffs* I need a dramatic entrance too!! Like in a Hummer- but NOT in a Hummer! Meru: .... *throws down her stick* I wasn't done poking you!! Bri; ..... Meru: .... Bri: COME!!! I shall Dress up in a stay-puff marshmallow man costume and RULE THE WORLD!! WMHAHAHAH!! Jupiter: *falls from the sky, wearing a stay-puff marshmallow man costume* All: .... Bri: ..... Dammit.... Meru: *pokes Bri* Jupiter: HI EVERYONE!! SORRY IM LATE!! *coughs* but, i have a very urgent message for us all!!! *scary music plays* Rap's: .... you may wanna wait a few minutes... RA and Dee aren't done with lloyd yet. Jupiter: ... oh.... okay! Dee and RA: *form a cloud around Lloyd and continue to glomp him* Lloyd: *arms and legs flail* All: ..... Four hours pass Jupiter: *aiming a bowling ball* Rap's: Thats right!! A little more!!!! P-chan: OH!! OH!! DROP IT NOW!!!!!! Albert: *side steps, and looks up at Raptor's hide out* By the gods... this is the sixth damned time. your NOT going to hit me already... Jupiter: *shakes a fist at him* THATS WHAT YOU THINK, MISTER!!!! Albert: ..... Bri: Hey!! Didn't Jupiter have an important message for us all!?!? Jupiter: *points at RA and Dee* They still ain't done.... All: .... Another four hours pass LLoyd: .... oh.... GODS... have..... MERCY...... *Lloyd is curled up in a fetal position with Rose angel and Dee runing around him in some freakish indian style dance* RA: HO dilly dilly dilly ho dilly ho ho dilly dilly..... Dee:!? That's an Indian chant? RA: No- that is the BURN chant of Dilandu. Ho dilly dilly dilly ho ho dilly ho- Lloyd: YOUR GOING TO BURN ME?!??!?? RA: .... Now WHY would I burn your sexy self? Rap's: *calls out from the hideout* DAMN RIGHT!!!! And why are we STILL trying to drop a bowling ball on Albert's sexy self? Jupiter: *eating a sandwich* Technically we're not anymore. P-chan got out her tickle feather and is chasing him around the base of this tree house. Rap's: IT IS NOT A TREE HOUSE!!! IT IS AN EVIL HIDEOUT!!!! Jupiter: .... I like muffins. Rap's: ... me to!! AHAHAHAHH!!!!! P-chan: *from below* FEAR ME AND MY TICKLE FEATHER OF DEATH!!!!!!!! Bri: ... did you notice we ALL seem to have some sort of death weapons? *listens to Albert scream* Broom of death, tickle feather of death, spatula of death, poking stick of death.... Jupiter: or doom! dont forget doom! Meru: AHAHAHAAHAHHAHHHAHAHAH!!!!! *poke poke poke* Bri: @_@?!? Jupiter: ... OH!! Hey!!! *Everyone looks to Jupiter whom is now pointing in a random direction rapidly.* Jupiter: - THATS What I was going to tell you all about!! Albert: ... What? *looks* .... Oh, you mean that very large cloud of dust with random legions of warriors charging our way? *peers* ... Is that Shana on a throne of skulls? Bri: .... *peers too* .... yes? RA: ...? *squeezes Lloyd* ..... And is that Dart tied to the front of a stake being slung around like a baseball bat by Rinoa of FF8? P-chan: ... er.... *blinks* .... yeah? Rap's: ...... What do you suppose they be doin'? Meru: ...... Can I have a muffin? Dee: *is busy stocking up on bombs* - Well, I don't care WHAT they be doin'... all: ...... *watch Shana and her evil minions swing around various weapons of death as they roar over the terrain, flailing and screaming war cries as they go. They are getting closer. And closer. And are now lighting torches... nevermind the assortment of flaming pumpkins and machine-gun wielding bunnies in pink frills that march behind them.* Lloyd: ..... You sure we shouldn't be a *little* worried, here...? Jupiter; ^_^ yeah, I mean, afterall- I came here to tell you guys that they've come to DESTROY us and all... Albert: ..... That won't be necessary. All: ??? Albert: .... What? *looks at the group* - Me? Worried? Why would I be? Rap's: .... *looks back over the previous chapters of the Book of Rambles* .... is that a trick question? Albert: *sighs and folds his arms.* - Everytime something freaky happens, you authors ALWAYS create something JUST as freaky to save the day. What will it be THIS time, eh? MIGHT I ask? Giant ferrets? Talking taco's? Dee: *writes that one down* ^_^ Albert: ........ RA: ...... Actually, he's right you know... P-chan: ..... *nibbles on feather* ..... About the talking taco's? Meru: - NOPE!! ^_^ About Kongol's rabid twin brother Kongoul that has been fed nothing but pixie sticks for 18 years running and has been trapped inside the trunk of RA's Hummer for the past month in case something like this came up! All: ......... Bri: .... OOOOOOOoooooHhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Rap's: ^_^ COOOOOLLLLLL!!! Albert: ...... *EYE-TWITCH* ... SO then.... shall we unleash... Kongoul...? Lloyd: *is setting the Hummer on Fire* - MWHAHhahahhahHAHAHAHAH!!!! RA: - BAD LLOYD! *smack* Random Bagel: *bursts into flames* Lloyd: ...... *tear* *Meanwhile... Shana's army continues to edge closer.* Shana: ..... DAMNIT!!!! THEY ARE ONLY A FEW METERS AWAY- JUMP THEM!! Rinoa: - im sorry my dark lordess, but although we should have been upon them hours ago their incredible ability to talk and stall our movement inhibits us!!! *CRY* Shana: BAHHHHH!!! PREPARE TO DIE- YOU FOOLS!!! *moving like a mila-inch at a time* .... gggwaaaaarrrrr----!!!!!!! *EYES FLAME* Thousands of minions: SH-A-NA!!! SH-A-NA!!! SH-A-NA!!!!!!!!!!!! *chant* Albert: ..... *walks by Shana towards the Hummer and unlocks the trunk* Kongoul: *falls out* Lloyd: ..... RA: ........ Bri: ....... Jupiter: ........ P-chan: ........... Albert/Meru/Lloyd: ........ Kongoul: .... BwEH ehhe... HEEheheh........ Meru: .... Dude. is that normal? RA: .... I think this is where we all slowly EDGE AWAY.... all: .... *slowly edge away* Jupiter: ..... isn't he suppose to attack now? Kongoul: *googly eyes* Rap': ....... hmmm.... *thinks, looking at the big Lug* ..... I KNOW!!! *DANCES* KONGOUL!!! LOOKY!!! - *points to Shana* - BIG TWINKIE!!!!! Shana: @_@!?!?!??!!?! Kongoul: - TWINKIE!!!! ME LOVE!!!! *gets up* - WBHAHAHH!!!! *stompy stompy stompy* .... *eats Shana's head* ...... Rinoa: ..... Evil minions: ...... Albert: ...... Is it just me- or was that very.... anti-climatic? *Note: Shana suddenly calls upon her evil bimbo powers and somehow manages to become about as large as a skyscraper. All stare* Shana: *in one of those Darth Vader voices* - MWHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! NOW YOU SHALL PAY FOR DEFYING ME!! Dart: *accidentally pops Shana with his spiky hair. Que cheap fart sound as she flies around the area* Rap': ..... DUDE!! DART SAVED US!!! Albert: .... That was still REALLY anti-climatic.... Authors: *dance* Albert: ...... Lloyd: ..... *eats flaming bagel* .... ^_^ Meru: ....... *dances* Albert: ...... *looks at the people reading the fic* - this is obviously bad for your health and your sanity. Go. *Gets a channel changer from somewhere and points it at the computer screen* Raps': .. @_@ HEY!! WAIT A SEC!!!! WE STILL HAVENT DEFEATED THE EVIL MINI- ^blip^