Chaper 9/9

A/N This is the final installment for the story – I do plan to write a  sequal if people want it… Thanks for all the feedback (especially MeggyEggy!! J ).

~~**~~

'I'm sorry Jen.' Dawson's comment was quiet and Jen had to strain to even hear it. She had been feeding Rebecca and was immersed in the job until he had spoken.

'Sorry for what Dawson?' She was ready to forgive him, she realised this, looking down at Rebecca as she fed her, made her realise that it was time for them to get back on with their lives. She still wanted children, this one setback, although horrific, should not stop this from happening.

'I'm sorry for the way I acted after we lost the baby.' He sat on the sofa next to her 'I think I had built the baby up so much in my mind that it was almost like losing a child that we had raised together for several years€¦. it's weird-'

'I know Dawson, it was the same for me but I-'

'What'.

She stood, carrying the baby over to the bassinet, shushing her to try to stop her crying that had seemed incessant since Joey and Pacey had left. She turned to face Dawson 'I felt like it was my fault and you were blaming me.'

'God Jen, how could you? I would never want-'

'It was my body that rejected the baby Dawson, mine'.

'It was nothing that you did Jen, the doctor said that there was no reason, it just happened'.

She nodded 'I know Dawson, I just can't help thinking that I did something.' The baby started crying louder and Jen picked her up again and cradled her in her arms.

Dawson crossed the room to stand next to her, looking down at the baby 'She ok?' He placed a gentle hand on her forehead to feel for any temperature, she felt slightly warm.

'I think she misses her momma'.

Dawson held out his arms 'Do you mind if I try?'

'You're welcome to try'

The baby quieted for a split second on being placed in Dawson's arm, staring up at the new face thoughtfully. It only lasted for a second though and moments later the shrill cries returned. Dawson looked back at Jen, a smile on his face 'I think you're right. It's amazing how she's only a month old and she already recognizes the fact that we're not her parents'.

Jen nodded, collapsing back onto the sofa 'I know'.

Dawson lifted Rebecca and rested her against his shoulder in a more upright position 'What do we do?' he shouted over her cries.

She grinned 'There's nothing we can do, she's been fed and changed, I think she just wants Joey or Pacey'.

He sat beside her on the sofa, the wriggling infant resting on his chest 'We can try for more children Jen'.

Their eyes locked, hers filling with more tears 'I'd like that Dawson, I'm just scared'.

He placed his arm around her shoulders pulling her closer, 'Me too, but I think as long as we're together we can get through anything'.

She nodded, leaning over and kissing him gently on the lips 'I've missed you'.

'I've missed you, I'm sorry Jen'.

'I know, me too'.

They were quiet for a moment, Dawson slowly rocking the baby trying in vain to get her back to sleep when the front door opened and Pacey and Joey walked in. Jen stood, her gaze going between the two of them, Pacey looked angry, the exasperation evident in his eyes 'What happened?' .

Pacey helped Joey off with her coat and left the room to place this and his own in the hallway 'The wound is infected and I've got to take some antibiotics'.

'Tell them the rest Jo.' Pacey stated after returning to the room, his gaze falling accusingly on his wife.

She turned her gaze on Pacey, knowing he was angry with her but pleading with her eyes, she couldn't look at them, choosing to look at the floor instead 'I may have already damaged my liver or kidneys by leaving it so long without being treated.' She moved across the room, taking Rebecca from Dawson's arms, the child stopped crying almost immediately and settled against her chest.

'If it doesn't clear up with the antibiotics they may have to operate to see what areas have been damaged.' Pacey explained the situation further. 'And we may not be able to have any more kids.' He couldn't help the anger in his voice, it had been brewing since the hospital and it had been all he could do not to say anything in the car. He knew Joey hadn't done it intentially, she had been scared. She had put at risk their hopes of further children, but worse than that she had jeopardized her own life and this scared him more than anything else. This fear had transgressed into anger and he knew that if he didn't get out of the house to sort his head out he would end up saying something he would regret.

Joey could see her husbands whole body begin to shake with emotion and she crossed the room to him, wanting to provide some comfort 'I'm so sorry Pace, I know you're angry with me but I….'.

For the first time since the hospital, he looked at her. Her eyes were full of tears making them seem even larger than normal and her face was pale. 'Jo, I just - look I need to get out of the house for a while-' .

She nodded and drew back her hand, rubbing it comfortingly over her daughters back. She turned away and headed upstairs not bothering to hide the tears that had spilled over and made a trail down her cheeks.

Pacey turned to Dawson and Jen who were sitting uncomfortably on the sofa 'Sorry guys, I'm going to go for a drive or something.' He grabbed the keys from the table beside the sofa.

Dawson stood and pulled Jen up from the sofa 'Don't worry about it Pace, look we're going to head home.' he smiled at Jen 'We've got some talking of our own to do'.

~**~

He returned to the house an hour later after having driven around aimlessly, it had helped, the drive, helped him put things into perspective. He had everything he wanted, for a split second he had been the happiest that he could ever remember being but as everything had been in his life, it never lasted. There was always something to set them back, obstacles and fears that sometimes overwhelmed them both.

He slung his jacket over the back of the sofa and trudged upstairs. He headed for Megan's room first of all, smiling at the scene that met him. She was sprawled on her front, her hair strewn haphazardly on the pillow and a blanket that had long ago been kicked to the bottom of the bed. He gently moved her legs and pulled the blanket back up and over her, tucking it in around her shoulders. He placed a hand on her cheek and leaned over and kissed it. Satisfied that she was tucked in for the night he left the room.

He glanced into the nursery that adjoined their bedroom and found Rebecca sleeping soundly, her face was screwed up and she seemed to be having a bad dream. She reached over and felt her forehead, frowning at how warm it still felt. He grabbed the thermometer from the dresser and placed it gently in her ear, 98. Better.

Once in his and Joey's room he removed his jeans and sweater and sat on his side of the bed, his gaze falling to his wife. She was curled on her side facing him, one hand stretched out to his side of the bed and the other on her stomach. The tank top that she was wearing had ridden up and revealed most of her stomach. He could see the gauze that covered the width of her stomach and winced at the blood that he could see had stained it.

She had been crying and he cursed himself silently, he wasn't sure if it was because of the pain her stomach was causing her or because of his reaction. He lowered himself on the bed and within seconds was asleep.

The next morning 7am

He heard the gasp from the bathroom as he woke and sat up instantly 'Jo?' .

'I'm in here.' her voice echoed through the bathroom. He heard a muffled sob again and stood and walked into the bathroom. She was stood in front of the mirror trying to renew her bandages but apparently was having difficulty removing the gauze that was stuck to her skin.

'Here let me.' he said softly, turning her to face him. She braced herself against the counter and he began carefully peeling away the gauze. He could feel her trembling as he was finishing and stopped, grabbing her hand that was clenched tightly against her side, prying it open and wrapping it in his. He looked up at her and their eyes locked, apologies and regret reflected in both of them. He finished the job and stood back to look at her stomach.

She reached down and gingerly touched it, noting that although still sore, it did look slightly better.

'How does it feel?' .

She nodded 'Better, it feels good to get some air to it.' She watched as he gently dabbed a damp sponge over the area 'That feels good'. He nodded, concentrating on cleaning and redressing the wound, once done, he returned his gaze to her.

'Pace, I'm sor-'

He stopped her, placing his index finger to her lips 'Don't Jo, it's okay, I'm sorry for the way I reacted'.

'I understand, you were scared'.

He helped her put her robe on and noted that she did seem to be moving easier 'What are your plans for today, I thought maybe we could take the girls out somewhere'.

She shook her head 'I've already invited Jen round for a coffee'.

'Girl talk?' he raised his eyebrows 'mmm, I think I'll make myself scarce!

She swatted his arm playfully and, smiled softly at him 'Can I have a hug?'

He moved forward without needing to respond, wrapping his arms firmly around her, mindful of her stomach. She hugged him back fiercely, burying her head in his shoulder 'I love you Pace.'

'I love you.' He couldn't keep the smile off his face.

She pulled back and regarded him confusedly 'What?'

'Everything's going to be ok'.

She nodded 'It is, isn't it'.

~~**~~

Epilogue - Six months later

Rebecca let out a loud cry as she was passed from her mother to Dawson 'Hush, it's only for a minute'.

Dawson smiled down at his goddaughter, watching at she stretched her arms back to where her mother was trying to grab her first bite to eat of the evening. He grimaced as she wriggled around in his arms, trying franticly to keep her from dropping to the floor. He turned, when he felt Jen's presence next to him and glanced at her with exasperation 'Do you want to hold her for a moment?' .

She grinned at him and took the wriggling baby from his arms. Rebecca was definitely more clingy than Megan had been and even she struggled to keep hold of her. Dawson wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer 'Do you think we should tell them now?' he nodded his head in the direction of Pacey and Joey who were seated on the sofa sharing a plate of food with Megan.

She shook her head, 'Not yet.' placing her hand on her stomach 'And besides it's their night'.

Dawson grinned 'I know they'd be happy for us'.

She switched Rebecca to her other hip and returned her gaze to Dawson 'I know, I just want to leave it as long as we can just in case' .

'Okay' .

'It's no good, this little one is just going to have to go back to her father.' she strode across the room and stood above Pacey.

He stared up at her with a mouthful of food 'Wha?' .

'I think she's trying to say that your fidget of a daughter wants to be with her father.' Joey smiled up at him and pulled Megan further into her lap, trying to stop her shoving any more of the chocolate cake she had already consumed into her mouth.

Pacey held his arms up and settled Rebecca onto his lap with practiced ease 'You're not a fidget are you?' .

The baby proved his point by closing her eyes and settling against his shoulder. He turned to Jen and Dawson with a smirk 'See'. They both snorted and crossed the room to get some food of their own.

Pacey switched his gaze from them to his wife and grabbed her hand 'Happy anniversary Jo.'

She raised his hand to her lips and kissed his palm. 'Happy anniversary Pace'.

**~** The end**~**