DEEP TALK 3/10
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun...
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer...:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL...
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!
*FROM PART 2*
"Mac, would you stop it. I am not jealous. I'm just worried about you, that's all" Harm finished in a small voice she rarely heard.
"Harmon Rabb, Jr. stop pouting"
"I am not..."
"Whatever... why don't you get in here so we can get this elevator rolling and I promise I'll stroke your ego some more when Commander Jackman's around huh?" a bright smile on her face.
"Maaac..." Her laughter drowned his words as the elevator door closed. "Just don't stop at my ego" he said to the elevator doors.
*PART 3*
UNKNOWN LOCATION
That evening
He sat on the old rugged couch he had bought a few days ago, his eyes fixed in a blank space ahead of him, the crumpled piece of paper he was torturing in his hand making a noise that spoke of the fury he felt within him. Why did other people always have what he wanted? Was he just not good enough?
Up until now, everything had gone according to plan. Well, almost everything. His intention had never been to give up his wings when he chose to attend law school. He wanted to keep them, just like Harm had done, but his abilities as a pilot were not nearly as good as Harm's, and unfortunately for him, the Navy hadn't deemed him worthy of the honor of wearing the coveted gold wings any longer. It had been a setback, but only a minor one. Law school had gone wonderful for him, and now the last phase of his plan was about to become a reality. The plan that would make his dreams come true.
"I'll show you, Harmon Rabb" he whispered, a derisive smirk on his face as he rose from the couch and headed for bed.
JAG HQ
NEXT DAY
1004 EST
Harmon Rabb, Jr. was mighty ticked off. Mac had avoided him all afternoon after their nice enough lunch the day before. 'What did you expect Rabb? You made a damn fool out of yourself' he scolded himself mentally wondering once again when he'd let his feelings for his Marine get so out of control. They'd worked together for six years, been through hell and back; why was it so hard now to see her and not think of the feel of her lips on his? Why couldn't he steal glances at her in court anymore without losing his verbal prowess? Why couldn't he brush against her without his mind conjuring images of her body pressed to his in an intimate embrace? Why...
"HARM!"
"Huh? Oh, sorry Mac. Can I help you?"
"Uh, yeah. Do you know where Commander Jackson is?" She wanted to laugh at his crestfallen expression, but if her plan was going to work out she had to keep a straight face. She would let him believe she was going out with Jackson and then surprise him Friday night.
A choppy "No" was her answer.
"Have you been hanging out with Webb? You sure sound like him"
"Is there anything else you want to know? Jackman hasn't told me where he's taking you if that's what you were after, but I'd say you better dress nice, I mean, who knows? He might give you a ring..." the bitterness in his words was overwhelming and Mac could do nothing but stare, not willing to believe this was the same man that she had considered her best friend for so long. The same man she loved.
A blow to her head would've surprised her less. Actually, it hurt. A lot. But she wasn't about to get into a fight with him, so doing what she'd done so many other times she dismissed his comment and chalked it up to lack of functional neurons. Come to think of it, Harm never said the right thing, why would he start now?
"Stop babbling" She ordered, once again hiding the pain behind her Marine mask. Harm glared for a second and then returned his gaze to the paperwork in front of him. He knew he should apologize and he also knew she was waiting for it. His eyes kept roaming over the papers in front of him. Like a petulant child he refused to look up at her, his determination not to apologize greater than ever. 'I am *not* going to....'
"I'm sorry, Mac"
She sighed and gave him the saddest look he'd ever seen. "Harm, one of these days you're gonna have to learn that being sorry is not enough sometimes" and with that she turned on her heels and left his office in a spur of anger.
"Mac..." he called after her, but she was gone.
"Damn it" he said as his fist connected with his desk, papers flying down to the floor.
The rest of the day went by with Mac in court and Harm hushed up in his office. He still couldn't believe the things he'd said to Mac that morning. He had absolutely no right... But damn it! How could she even think of going out with someone else now? Hadn't she learned her lesson from the Mic/Renee fiasco? He sure had.
Sturgis had observed Mac and Harm the whole day. He'd seen her rush out of his office that morning, incensed. He'd heard Harm's fist bang on the poor desk, and he'd also seen the defeated look on his buddy's face when the time came for lunch and he stole a longing glance at his best friend's office.
"Enter" Harm said, hearing the knock on his door. He knew it wasn't Mac. He could smell her perfume anywhere, so he didn't look up at his friend Sturgis as he entered and took a seat.
"Harm" Sturgis began only to be caught off by Harm.
"I know why you're here Sturgis. Mac and I had a fight all right? It happens. You've seen it before. We'll get through it like everything else"
"Actually, I just wanted to know if you'd like to come over and watch a baseball game with me tonight"
This caught Harm off guard and he thought for a minute. Maybe it was a good idea to go somewhere other than home for the evening. He knew he'd end up getting his ass drunk and a bad enough hang over to look dead most of Saturday. He'd done it enough when Mac was engaged to Mic. He'd done it enough when Mac had been TAD after his crash. He'd done it enough after she had returned and all they'd done was destroy what little they had left, and he was damn sure he wanted the vicious circle stopped. However, he knew it wouldn't happen overnight, so he chose to stay home, as always.
"No thanks, Sturgis. But we can do it some other day. Just not tonight"
"All right, well. If you change your mind..."
Harm nodded and attempted a smile. A lousy try was all Sturgis saw, but it was good enough for him. It wouldn't be easy, but he owed it to his friend to at least try to help. Heading back towards his own office his mind went over the little information he had on Harm and Mac and their relationship. He had to find the right words to say or he'd end up on Harm's 'I wanna beat the hell out of ya' list.
Another thirty minutes went by, and finally Harm decided it was time to head out. He had to admit, he usually got more paperwork done when Mac was mad at him. However, he sensed that this was not just one of those fights that go away at the end of the day. They'd have to talk about this. Sighing heavily, he leaned back on his chair, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, a pen twirling effortlessly in his hand. Looking out towards the bullpen, he saw Sturgis wave goodbye to him, and he responded, half-heartedly. Finally rising from his chair, he picked up his briefcase and cover and walked out.
"And the hits keep on coming" he muttered as he saw Mac close her office door behind her at the same time. Their eyes met and both froze. The slightly reddened eyes told her story, and Harm cursed himself for the millionth time that day for always being the one to hurt her.
"Mac.." he attempted as she broke off the visual connection and walked towards the elevator, her shoulders not as squared as usual. Quickly turning around she interrupted him.
"Please Harm, don't. I forgive you. I'll get over it" Sure, she'd led him on to believe she was going out with Jackson, but it backfired on her. Not in her wildest dreams did she imagine he'd react so vigorously. She wanted to tell him the truth. That she loved him and that she'd never even consider going out with anyone else, but she couldn't. Not at that moment after he'd hurt her so deeply with his words earlier. She needed time to regroup.
"Will you?" he whispered, his head hung low, his eyes still fixed on her.
"Don't I always?" And with that she left him there, alone with his thoughts, alone with his guilt, alone with... Jackman???
"Do you always work this late?" the voice he'd labeled as annoying after just a couple days broke through his thoughts. What the heck was he doing here? Didn't the Admiral send him to Quantico for the day?
"Not that it's any of your business, but I only stay this late when my work warrants it," Harm murmured distractedly, his gaze still fixed on the elevator doors that had seemed to swallow his best friend.
"Is that so?"
"Yes" Another choppy answer. Maybe he had picked up some habits from Webb. Well, it was good to know. Maybe Webb would give him a job after he got his ass discharged for strangling Jackman.
"I thought it had more to do with the Colonel being here so late as well." Jackson retorted with a smirk. After a long day and a fight with his Marine, few would consider the normally even-tempered Commander to be the poster boy for politeness at the workplace.
"Listen, Jackman..."
"Jackson"
"Whatever... I'm a pilot and a lawyer, but not a psychiatrist, so if you have a problem, I suggest you take it out on someone who cares." He was dangerously close to Jackson by the time he finished speaking, and normally smug Commander Jackson had apparently shrunk a few inches.
"I'm just trying to be friendly, Rabb. After all, we have to work together, and even though your friend the Colonel doesn't seem to pay me much attention now, I bet ya she will pretty soon..."
Harm's brain was in overdrive as he processed Jackson's words. So, she wasn't going out with him after all. This new revelation startled him. Mac turned Jackman down? 'Oh, Lord. Here we go again. Another hound chase after Mac' he thought fleetingly, his mind reliving the Bugme era of their relationship. Anger rushed through him as he realized Mac had lied to him, but his instinct to protect her was way more powerful than his urge to ran out the to the parking lot and question her.
"You touch her and I promise you you'll regret the day you set foot on this place."
"Geez, Commander. That's a little harsh, don't you think?" Jackson had spent countless hours trying to figure out how to get Rabb riled up. Finally, he had his answer. He had suspected it, but he never thought the pretty Marine had such a grip on Rabb's sanity.
"No, Jackman. I don't think it's harsh at all. Now if you'll excuse me"
MAC'S APARTMENT
LATER THAT NIGHT
Mac dragged herself through the door to her apartment, dropped her briefcase and cover on the side table and sank into the couch with a deep sigh. She leaned back with her eyes closed for a number of minutes, replaying her disastrous conversation with Harm. She felt like knocking her head against the nearest wall. "Goddamn it, why do I do these things?" she exclaimed. Receiving no answer, she got up and went to take a hot bath to try to relax.
The bubbles rose high above the bathtub when she sank into the tub. The candles reflected in the mirror and the music had been chosen for its calming effect. Mac sat in the tub thinking about everything and nothing all at once. As she mulled over the events of the past days, the pieces began to fall into place. She sat up with a start, not noticing the water splashing over the side of the tub. 'Of course he's pissed at me. I never should have let him believe that I had a date with Jackson. Ugh, I can't BELIEVE how stupid I am to try and make him jealous. OK so if I have to admit it, I will. Some part of me likes to see Harm jealous. His jealousy is one of the only concrete pieces of evidence that he lets me have about how he feels about me.'
Mac let out a groan and flopped back into the tub and she began to think about how she could apologize to Harm.
MONDAY MORNING
JAG HEADQUARTERS
The elevator doors slid open. Mac took a deep breath, stood high and walked out, right into Harm. 'Great way to start the apology, Marine, run the guy over..'
"Jesus, Mac, watch where you're going in those shoes!" The expression on Harm's face told Mac much more than she wanted to know about Harm's mood. She knew that it would take much more than a simple verbal apology to rectify this mess. "I'm sorry Harm, I-". Consulting her internal clock, Mac stopped short. "Wait a minute, why are you here before me? Did I miss something?" She tried to inject a bit of humor into the situation with a small smile.
"No, Colonel, I just have a lot to do this morning. If you'll excuse me." With that, Harm stalked off towards the Courtrooms.
'Colonel?! What the hell is up with that? Damn, I really have messed this one up. But he doesn't have to be so rude about it.' Still mulling over what had just happened, Mac turned into the bullpen and closed herself in her office.
A few hours later, Mac had finally been able to concentrate on work instead of Harm. A knock at her door interrupted her groove and she barked out an irritated "Enter".
On the other side of the door, a repentant Commander Rabb had been just about to apologize for his earlier surly behaviour. Hearing the curt word from Mac, he mentally quashed his apology. "Excuse me, Colonel. I wouldn't want to bother you when you are so obviously busy." Harm turned from Mac and quietly closed the door behind him. The soft 'click' of the door spoke louder volumes to Mac than a slam would have.
As Harm strode to his office, he felt like a cartoon character with black storm clouds surrounding his head. His mood was black and he felt the need to let some frustration out so he kicked his desk. Not realizing his own strength and frustration, he kicked harder than he had planned. Starting with a loud "OW!" he quickly degenerated into numerous colourful terms, using the most popular and then making up some of his own.
Mac heard a loud bang from Harm's office, followed by his epithets. She sprang up from her chair and raced over to his office while thinking 'Huh, so the straight laced Flyboy could have been a Marine after all.' She pushed the door to Harm's office open and was treated to the sight of Harm hopping around, red faced, with his foot caught up in his hands. "Harm, what happened?" she asked with a concerned look.
"I, uhhh, stubbed my toe on the corner of my desk" Mac guided him into his chair and pulled up one of his guest chairs next to his. "OK Harm, let me take a look," she said as she gently took off his shoe and sock. Mac realized that she had it worse than she thought as she saw Harm's foot and decided that it, too, was sexy like the rest of him. Her eyes met his as her hands ran over his foot, checking if any bones were broken. Her touch turned into a caress before Harm spoke. "Thanks Mac, I'm fine. I wouldn't want your new boyfriend to see you helping me or anything."
Mac saw red and dropped Harm's foot. "Harm, what's gotten into you? Are you that intimidated at the thought of my going out with someone else that you feel the need to become even more arrogant?" He stared at her but didn't give an answer. She stared back, demanding an answer. Neither noticed a petite blonde Lieutenant closing his office door to afford them some privacy.
Watching the door close, Jackson's suspicions were confirmed. Commander Harmon Rabb Jr's Achilles heel was definitely the beautiful Marine. 'Hmm, such useful information...what to do, what to do' he thought.
Meanwhile, back in Harm's office, Mac spoke again. "Harm, I asked you a question and I would appreciate an answer. What's up your ass the last couple of days?"
"You lied to me, Mac"
"Harm..." She should've known he'd figure it out by talking to Jackson probably.
"How was your date with Jackass?" Harm interrupted her snidely.
That was it. No matter what had happened, he had no right to react that way! He had no claim on her whatsoever and she would make sure he got it this time.
"Is that what this is about Harm? Are you jealous that I would consider going out with someone else? Allow me to point out that my phone isn't exactly ringing off the hook with anyone ELSE's offers!" She gave Harm a pointed look before continuing. "Ya know what, Harm? You need to grow up. You can't decide if you want me so in the meantime no one else can have me, is that it? Well, sucks to be you, Flyboy, because it's MY life and MY decision! Until such time that you decide that you're man enough to handle a relationship then you have ABSOLUTELY NO say in what I do!" She knew she was being unreasonable, but damn it, what would it take to get him out of his shell?
Harm stood up and came within inches of Mac. "How can I even get a chance to figure out what's going on when you flit from controlling bastard to controlling bastard. Christ, Mac, maybe you should learn to love yourself enough to take control over your own life before you go around asking someone else to love you. When and only when you think enough of yourself to be with a man who won't control you, and be honest to him and to yourself, THEN maybe we can work. Until then, you and I won't work because I don't want to control your life. I have enough trouble controlling my own!" He opened his door. "Thank you for your assistance, Colonel Mackenzie. Have a nice day."
Mac left Harm's office in a daze. She collected her briefcase and cover from her office and left the building, too shocked at Harm's words to tell anyone she was leaving and too shocked to notice that someone followed her out to the parking lot.
HARM'S APARTMENT
LATER THAT EVENING
"I yelled at her" Harm whispered dejectedly as he dropped back against the pillows. Never before in their relationship had he lost his bearings the way he had that afternoon. Well, at least he'd never let her witness his loss of control when it came to his feelings for her. Everything around him spun, as he tried his hardest to get a grip on what he was feeling. Was it hurt? Was it regret? Was it pain? Was it rage? 'All of the above' he thought, running the palm of his hand over his face, applying soft pressure on his closed eyelids as the tears threatened to fall.
It scared him, that at some level, he felt relieved that he had actually said those things to her. The love he felt for Sarah Mackenzie was never ending, nothing could ever make him love her any less, but it would take some time to get rid of the hurt that washed over him after he realized Mac had lied to him about her date with Commander Jackass. Was this all a game to her? Did she not realize how much it affected him? Harmon Rabb, Jr. was a lot more emotional than people gave him credit for. Allowing his jealousy and dislike of the new Commander to show had been a way for him to let Mac know how much he cared. To let her know that he wouldn't let anyone interfere with their relationship, not again. However, as always, something had ruined it all, and this time it had been Mac.
"What do you want, Mac? How much more of me do you want?" he whispered as the hateful words he'd uttered earlier inundated his mind once again.
JAG HQ
NEXT DAY
0915 EST
The next morning Admiral Chegwidden called a staff meeting. Noting the tension in the air among his subordinates, he wondered what Rabb and Mackenzie were up to this time. 'Oh boy, some days that baseball coaching position appeals more and more'. With a sigh, he peered over his glasses at the personnel assembled around the conference table. "Commander Rabb, pray tell, where is Colonel Mackenzie?"
Harm coolly replied with "I don't know the Colonel's whereabouts, Sir."
AJ took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he attempted to rein in his temper. "Well, then, has anyone ELSE seen her this morning?" he said through gritted teeth. A chorus of "no, sirs" came back at him before he proceeded to hand out the work assignments. "And if anyone sees Colonel Mackenzie, have her report to my office ASAP before I report her UA!"
TBC
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun...
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer...:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL...
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!
*FROM PART 2*
"Mac, would you stop it. I am not jealous. I'm just worried about you, that's all" Harm finished in a small voice she rarely heard.
"Harmon Rabb, Jr. stop pouting"
"I am not..."
"Whatever... why don't you get in here so we can get this elevator rolling and I promise I'll stroke your ego some more when Commander Jackman's around huh?" a bright smile on her face.
"Maaac..." Her laughter drowned his words as the elevator door closed. "Just don't stop at my ego" he said to the elevator doors.
*PART 3*
UNKNOWN LOCATION
That evening
He sat on the old rugged couch he had bought a few days ago, his eyes fixed in a blank space ahead of him, the crumpled piece of paper he was torturing in his hand making a noise that spoke of the fury he felt within him. Why did other people always have what he wanted? Was he just not good enough?
Up until now, everything had gone according to plan. Well, almost everything. His intention had never been to give up his wings when he chose to attend law school. He wanted to keep them, just like Harm had done, but his abilities as a pilot were not nearly as good as Harm's, and unfortunately for him, the Navy hadn't deemed him worthy of the honor of wearing the coveted gold wings any longer. It had been a setback, but only a minor one. Law school had gone wonderful for him, and now the last phase of his plan was about to become a reality. The plan that would make his dreams come true.
"I'll show you, Harmon Rabb" he whispered, a derisive smirk on his face as he rose from the couch and headed for bed.
JAG HQ
NEXT DAY
1004 EST
Harmon Rabb, Jr. was mighty ticked off. Mac had avoided him all afternoon after their nice enough lunch the day before. 'What did you expect Rabb? You made a damn fool out of yourself' he scolded himself mentally wondering once again when he'd let his feelings for his Marine get so out of control. They'd worked together for six years, been through hell and back; why was it so hard now to see her and not think of the feel of her lips on his? Why couldn't he steal glances at her in court anymore without losing his verbal prowess? Why couldn't he brush against her without his mind conjuring images of her body pressed to his in an intimate embrace? Why...
"HARM!"
"Huh? Oh, sorry Mac. Can I help you?"
"Uh, yeah. Do you know where Commander Jackson is?" She wanted to laugh at his crestfallen expression, but if her plan was going to work out she had to keep a straight face. She would let him believe she was going out with Jackson and then surprise him Friday night.
A choppy "No" was her answer.
"Have you been hanging out with Webb? You sure sound like him"
"Is there anything else you want to know? Jackman hasn't told me where he's taking you if that's what you were after, but I'd say you better dress nice, I mean, who knows? He might give you a ring..." the bitterness in his words was overwhelming and Mac could do nothing but stare, not willing to believe this was the same man that she had considered her best friend for so long. The same man she loved.
A blow to her head would've surprised her less. Actually, it hurt. A lot. But she wasn't about to get into a fight with him, so doing what she'd done so many other times she dismissed his comment and chalked it up to lack of functional neurons. Come to think of it, Harm never said the right thing, why would he start now?
"Stop babbling" She ordered, once again hiding the pain behind her Marine mask. Harm glared for a second and then returned his gaze to the paperwork in front of him. He knew he should apologize and he also knew she was waiting for it. His eyes kept roaming over the papers in front of him. Like a petulant child he refused to look up at her, his determination not to apologize greater than ever. 'I am *not* going to....'
"I'm sorry, Mac"
She sighed and gave him the saddest look he'd ever seen. "Harm, one of these days you're gonna have to learn that being sorry is not enough sometimes" and with that she turned on her heels and left his office in a spur of anger.
"Mac..." he called after her, but she was gone.
"Damn it" he said as his fist connected with his desk, papers flying down to the floor.
The rest of the day went by with Mac in court and Harm hushed up in his office. He still couldn't believe the things he'd said to Mac that morning. He had absolutely no right... But damn it! How could she even think of going out with someone else now? Hadn't she learned her lesson from the Mic/Renee fiasco? He sure had.
Sturgis had observed Mac and Harm the whole day. He'd seen her rush out of his office that morning, incensed. He'd heard Harm's fist bang on the poor desk, and he'd also seen the defeated look on his buddy's face when the time came for lunch and he stole a longing glance at his best friend's office.
"Enter" Harm said, hearing the knock on his door. He knew it wasn't Mac. He could smell her perfume anywhere, so he didn't look up at his friend Sturgis as he entered and took a seat.
"Harm" Sturgis began only to be caught off by Harm.
"I know why you're here Sturgis. Mac and I had a fight all right? It happens. You've seen it before. We'll get through it like everything else"
"Actually, I just wanted to know if you'd like to come over and watch a baseball game with me tonight"
This caught Harm off guard and he thought for a minute. Maybe it was a good idea to go somewhere other than home for the evening. He knew he'd end up getting his ass drunk and a bad enough hang over to look dead most of Saturday. He'd done it enough when Mac was engaged to Mic. He'd done it enough when Mac had been TAD after his crash. He'd done it enough after she had returned and all they'd done was destroy what little they had left, and he was damn sure he wanted the vicious circle stopped. However, he knew it wouldn't happen overnight, so he chose to stay home, as always.
"No thanks, Sturgis. But we can do it some other day. Just not tonight"
"All right, well. If you change your mind..."
Harm nodded and attempted a smile. A lousy try was all Sturgis saw, but it was good enough for him. It wouldn't be easy, but he owed it to his friend to at least try to help. Heading back towards his own office his mind went over the little information he had on Harm and Mac and their relationship. He had to find the right words to say or he'd end up on Harm's 'I wanna beat the hell out of ya' list.
Another thirty minutes went by, and finally Harm decided it was time to head out. He had to admit, he usually got more paperwork done when Mac was mad at him. However, he sensed that this was not just one of those fights that go away at the end of the day. They'd have to talk about this. Sighing heavily, he leaned back on his chair, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, a pen twirling effortlessly in his hand. Looking out towards the bullpen, he saw Sturgis wave goodbye to him, and he responded, half-heartedly. Finally rising from his chair, he picked up his briefcase and cover and walked out.
"And the hits keep on coming" he muttered as he saw Mac close her office door behind her at the same time. Their eyes met and both froze. The slightly reddened eyes told her story, and Harm cursed himself for the millionth time that day for always being the one to hurt her.
"Mac.." he attempted as she broke off the visual connection and walked towards the elevator, her shoulders not as squared as usual. Quickly turning around she interrupted him.
"Please Harm, don't. I forgive you. I'll get over it" Sure, she'd led him on to believe she was going out with Jackson, but it backfired on her. Not in her wildest dreams did she imagine he'd react so vigorously. She wanted to tell him the truth. That she loved him and that she'd never even consider going out with anyone else, but she couldn't. Not at that moment after he'd hurt her so deeply with his words earlier. She needed time to regroup.
"Will you?" he whispered, his head hung low, his eyes still fixed on her.
"Don't I always?" And with that she left him there, alone with his thoughts, alone with his guilt, alone with... Jackman???
"Do you always work this late?" the voice he'd labeled as annoying after just a couple days broke through his thoughts. What the heck was he doing here? Didn't the Admiral send him to Quantico for the day?
"Not that it's any of your business, but I only stay this late when my work warrants it," Harm murmured distractedly, his gaze still fixed on the elevator doors that had seemed to swallow his best friend.
"Is that so?"
"Yes" Another choppy answer. Maybe he had picked up some habits from Webb. Well, it was good to know. Maybe Webb would give him a job after he got his ass discharged for strangling Jackman.
"I thought it had more to do with the Colonel being here so late as well." Jackson retorted with a smirk. After a long day and a fight with his Marine, few would consider the normally even-tempered Commander to be the poster boy for politeness at the workplace.
"Listen, Jackman..."
"Jackson"
"Whatever... I'm a pilot and a lawyer, but not a psychiatrist, so if you have a problem, I suggest you take it out on someone who cares." He was dangerously close to Jackson by the time he finished speaking, and normally smug Commander Jackson had apparently shrunk a few inches.
"I'm just trying to be friendly, Rabb. After all, we have to work together, and even though your friend the Colonel doesn't seem to pay me much attention now, I bet ya she will pretty soon..."
Harm's brain was in overdrive as he processed Jackson's words. So, she wasn't going out with him after all. This new revelation startled him. Mac turned Jackman down? 'Oh, Lord. Here we go again. Another hound chase after Mac' he thought fleetingly, his mind reliving the Bugme era of their relationship. Anger rushed through him as he realized Mac had lied to him, but his instinct to protect her was way more powerful than his urge to ran out the to the parking lot and question her.
"You touch her and I promise you you'll regret the day you set foot on this place."
"Geez, Commander. That's a little harsh, don't you think?" Jackson had spent countless hours trying to figure out how to get Rabb riled up. Finally, he had his answer. He had suspected it, but he never thought the pretty Marine had such a grip on Rabb's sanity.
"No, Jackman. I don't think it's harsh at all. Now if you'll excuse me"
MAC'S APARTMENT
LATER THAT NIGHT
Mac dragged herself through the door to her apartment, dropped her briefcase and cover on the side table and sank into the couch with a deep sigh. She leaned back with her eyes closed for a number of minutes, replaying her disastrous conversation with Harm. She felt like knocking her head against the nearest wall. "Goddamn it, why do I do these things?" she exclaimed. Receiving no answer, she got up and went to take a hot bath to try to relax.
The bubbles rose high above the bathtub when she sank into the tub. The candles reflected in the mirror and the music had been chosen for its calming effect. Mac sat in the tub thinking about everything and nothing all at once. As she mulled over the events of the past days, the pieces began to fall into place. She sat up with a start, not noticing the water splashing over the side of the tub. 'Of course he's pissed at me. I never should have let him believe that I had a date with Jackson. Ugh, I can't BELIEVE how stupid I am to try and make him jealous. OK so if I have to admit it, I will. Some part of me likes to see Harm jealous. His jealousy is one of the only concrete pieces of evidence that he lets me have about how he feels about me.'
Mac let out a groan and flopped back into the tub and she began to think about how she could apologize to Harm.
MONDAY MORNING
JAG HEADQUARTERS
The elevator doors slid open. Mac took a deep breath, stood high and walked out, right into Harm. 'Great way to start the apology, Marine, run the guy over..'
"Jesus, Mac, watch where you're going in those shoes!" The expression on Harm's face told Mac much more than she wanted to know about Harm's mood. She knew that it would take much more than a simple verbal apology to rectify this mess. "I'm sorry Harm, I-". Consulting her internal clock, Mac stopped short. "Wait a minute, why are you here before me? Did I miss something?" She tried to inject a bit of humor into the situation with a small smile.
"No, Colonel, I just have a lot to do this morning. If you'll excuse me." With that, Harm stalked off towards the Courtrooms.
'Colonel?! What the hell is up with that? Damn, I really have messed this one up. But he doesn't have to be so rude about it.' Still mulling over what had just happened, Mac turned into the bullpen and closed herself in her office.
A few hours later, Mac had finally been able to concentrate on work instead of Harm. A knock at her door interrupted her groove and she barked out an irritated "Enter".
On the other side of the door, a repentant Commander Rabb had been just about to apologize for his earlier surly behaviour. Hearing the curt word from Mac, he mentally quashed his apology. "Excuse me, Colonel. I wouldn't want to bother you when you are so obviously busy." Harm turned from Mac and quietly closed the door behind him. The soft 'click' of the door spoke louder volumes to Mac than a slam would have.
As Harm strode to his office, he felt like a cartoon character with black storm clouds surrounding his head. His mood was black and he felt the need to let some frustration out so he kicked his desk. Not realizing his own strength and frustration, he kicked harder than he had planned. Starting with a loud "OW!" he quickly degenerated into numerous colourful terms, using the most popular and then making up some of his own.
Mac heard a loud bang from Harm's office, followed by his epithets. She sprang up from her chair and raced over to his office while thinking 'Huh, so the straight laced Flyboy could have been a Marine after all.' She pushed the door to Harm's office open and was treated to the sight of Harm hopping around, red faced, with his foot caught up in his hands. "Harm, what happened?" she asked with a concerned look.
"I, uhhh, stubbed my toe on the corner of my desk" Mac guided him into his chair and pulled up one of his guest chairs next to his. "OK Harm, let me take a look," she said as she gently took off his shoe and sock. Mac realized that she had it worse than she thought as she saw Harm's foot and decided that it, too, was sexy like the rest of him. Her eyes met his as her hands ran over his foot, checking if any bones were broken. Her touch turned into a caress before Harm spoke. "Thanks Mac, I'm fine. I wouldn't want your new boyfriend to see you helping me or anything."
Mac saw red and dropped Harm's foot. "Harm, what's gotten into you? Are you that intimidated at the thought of my going out with someone else that you feel the need to become even more arrogant?" He stared at her but didn't give an answer. She stared back, demanding an answer. Neither noticed a petite blonde Lieutenant closing his office door to afford them some privacy.
Watching the door close, Jackson's suspicions were confirmed. Commander Harmon Rabb Jr's Achilles heel was definitely the beautiful Marine. 'Hmm, such useful information...what to do, what to do' he thought.
Meanwhile, back in Harm's office, Mac spoke again. "Harm, I asked you a question and I would appreciate an answer. What's up your ass the last couple of days?"
"You lied to me, Mac"
"Harm..." She should've known he'd figure it out by talking to Jackson probably.
"How was your date with Jackass?" Harm interrupted her snidely.
That was it. No matter what had happened, he had no right to react that way! He had no claim on her whatsoever and she would make sure he got it this time.
"Is that what this is about Harm? Are you jealous that I would consider going out with someone else? Allow me to point out that my phone isn't exactly ringing off the hook with anyone ELSE's offers!" She gave Harm a pointed look before continuing. "Ya know what, Harm? You need to grow up. You can't decide if you want me so in the meantime no one else can have me, is that it? Well, sucks to be you, Flyboy, because it's MY life and MY decision! Until such time that you decide that you're man enough to handle a relationship then you have ABSOLUTELY NO say in what I do!" She knew she was being unreasonable, but damn it, what would it take to get him out of his shell?
Harm stood up and came within inches of Mac. "How can I even get a chance to figure out what's going on when you flit from controlling bastard to controlling bastard. Christ, Mac, maybe you should learn to love yourself enough to take control over your own life before you go around asking someone else to love you. When and only when you think enough of yourself to be with a man who won't control you, and be honest to him and to yourself, THEN maybe we can work. Until then, you and I won't work because I don't want to control your life. I have enough trouble controlling my own!" He opened his door. "Thank you for your assistance, Colonel Mackenzie. Have a nice day."
Mac left Harm's office in a daze. She collected her briefcase and cover from her office and left the building, too shocked at Harm's words to tell anyone she was leaving and too shocked to notice that someone followed her out to the parking lot.
HARM'S APARTMENT
LATER THAT EVENING
"I yelled at her" Harm whispered dejectedly as he dropped back against the pillows. Never before in their relationship had he lost his bearings the way he had that afternoon. Well, at least he'd never let her witness his loss of control when it came to his feelings for her. Everything around him spun, as he tried his hardest to get a grip on what he was feeling. Was it hurt? Was it regret? Was it pain? Was it rage? 'All of the above' he thought, running the palm of his hand over his face, applying soft pressure on his closed eyelids as the tears threatened to fall.
It scared him, that at some level, he felt relieved that he had actually said those things to her. The love he felt for Sarah Mackenzie was never ending, nothing could ever make him love her any less, but it would take some time to get rid of the hurt that washed over him after he realized Mac had lied to him about her date with Commander Jackass. Was this all a game to her? Did she not realize how much it affected him? Harmon Rabb, Jr. was a lot more emotional than people gave him credit for. Allowing his jealousy and dislike of the new Commander to show had been a way for him to let Mac know how much he cared. To let her know that he wouldn't let anyone interfere with their relationship, not again. However, as always, something had ruined it all, and this time it had been Mac.
"What do you want, Mac? How much more of me do you want?" he whispered as the hateful words he'd uttered earlier inundated his mind once again.
JAG HQ
NEXT DAY
0915 EST
The next morning Admiral Chegwidden called a staff meeting. Noting the tension in the air among his subordinates, he wondered what Rabb and Mackenzie were up to this time. 'Oh boy, some days that baseball coaching position appeals more and more'. With a sigh, he peered over his glasses at the personnel assembled around the conference table. "Commander Rabb, pray tell, where is Colonel Mackenzie?"
Harm coolly replied with "I don't know the Colonel's whereabouts, Sir."
AJ took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he attempted to rein in his temper. "Well, then, has anyone ELSE seen her this morning?" he said through gritted teeth. A chorus of "no, sirs" came back at him before he proceeded to hand out the work assignments. "And if anyone sees Colonel Mackenzie, have her report to my office ASAP before I report her UA!"
TBC