Hello, all! *waves* I know, I haven't yet finished "The Old Switcheroo"
yet. I apologize, but I'm experiencing temporary writer's block. Plus, I'm
starting to lean to a darker side on that fic, and I needed something to
lighten me up! So, I wrote this. BEHOLD, THE EVIL BOOK OF DOOOOOOOM! My
sincerest apologies go with you if your sanity becomes lost after reading
this. I'll try to keep it as calm and sane as humanly possible, while still
writing pointless crap. ^^;
Pointless Note: Have you ever tried staring at a flashlight for a really, really, really long time? I did once with my cousin, and we were visually impaired for the rest of the night. She kept telling me my head was swelling and turning purple like a huge plum! Strange, ne? DO NOT TRY THIS! I WARN YOU! DON'T BE STUPID LIKE ME! I NOW NEED GLASSES! IT WAS AN IDIOTIC THING TO DO! SO, DON'T DO IT, DAMMIT!
There. I think I'm done for the rest of the chapter. ^_^ *cheesy grin* No, seriously. My smile is cheesy. Not the tacky, cheap, tasteless kinda smile advertisement guys flash at you. I literally have cheese in my smile, because I ate CHEESE! CHEESY SMILE! ^_^;
Okay, we're starting the fic now, honest.
--~~*~~--
Chapter One: To Kiss A Prince
--~~*~~--
Pichu was wandering up and down the aisles of books, stacked painstakingly neat on various wooden shelves. (Yes, the Smash Brother's Head Quarters has a library! Don't ask why, silly person! Just read and go along with it!) He was exceptionally bored. Bored enough to go and look for a book to read. He ran his paw over the various spines of the leather bound books as he walked, not really paying attention to the titles.
Humming to himself, Pichu continued to patter aimlessly down the silent rows of books. Suddenly, the window above him burst open, and a strong, biting wind ripped at the thin silk curtains, causing them to billow out eerily, like some kind of old, tortured spirits who were still sentenced to be chained against the confining walls.
Pichu screamed out loud, and tucked himself into a tiny space on the bottom shelf where some books had been removed. As he did so, a book fell out from above him, thumping dully to the ground. It lay, carelessly discarded on the carpet, its pages laid open and placed cover up.
Pichu curiously poked his head out of the shadows. "Poor book," he murmured to himself, "I'd better help it." His adorably tiny mind made up, the little mouse scampered over to the fallen book, sniffing cautiously at it before plucking it up and examining it. Propping it up before him like a door, he traced the elegantly curving golden letters engraved into its leathery surface with a gentle paw.
" 'The Book of False Rumors and Myths" Pichu read out loud. The wind howled exceptionally loud at this. Pichu glanced nervously up, then, seeing it wasn't anything to be frightened of, tenderly opened the worn cover.
A crisp, yellowed page covered with tiny, faded print greeted him. His head began to spin. He couldn't possibly read all that! The words began to blur before him. No, it was far too much for his tiny brain to handle. He needed assistance.
Slowly scooping up the huge, heavy book, Pichu balanced it on his head, keeping it in place with the help of his absurdly huge ears. Once he was satisfied it wasn't going to fall, he trotted off out of the library.
Once he'd slipped out of the room, the wind seemed to howl, "A great evil has left us! Party at my place! Whoo hoo! The book is gone, and the entire human race is doomed! Anyone for some champagne?" Then, as suddenly as it had snapped open, the window gently closed, the curtains calmed, and everything was as before.
--~~*~~--
Mewtwo glared down at the tiny yellow rat, lavender eyes hard and piercing.
"Why should I help you, pathetic creature? This book of which you speak is of no importance to me."
"Aw, come on, Mewtwo! Please?" Pichu gave the tall, slender gray feline his cutest smile, and his glossiest teary eyes. Mewtwo sneered.
"Do not attempt to sway me with your pathetic attempt to be adorable. I refuse to assist you in your pitiful ways."
Pichu was about to abandon all hope, when he suddenly struck a golden idea. Smiling innocently, he yanked a delicious-looking, chewy chocolate-chip cookie from hammer space. "I'll give you this cookie. . ." he coaxed.
"I. . . uh. . . refuse. . . to. . . um. . ." Mewtwo eyed the savory morsel, with its warm, chewy bread-like substance, sprinkled with delicious, melted chocolate chunks. It appeared that after a extended amount of time spent with humans, the powerful psychic feline had developed quite a sweet tooth. A cold sweat formed over his slender face and neck, as he continued to debate with himself.
Pichu smirked. "If you don't want it, Mewtwo, I can always find some room for it." He slowly began pulling the huge cookie that was practically half his size toward his tiny lips, opening his mouth and groaning at the delicious smell. "Oh, it smells so tasty, Mewtwo," he moaned, the cookie half-way into his mouth.
"All right, all right!" Mewtwo cried, raising his paws in defeat. With a flick of his wrist, he snagged the cookie from Pichu, glaring at the little mouse. "You fight dirty, useless one." he hissed, nibbling at the savory edges of the cookie. "Alright, hand me the book."
"Yay!" Pichu exclaimed, propping the book up on his head. Mewtwo sighed, and brought the book up to his face with a bit of floating psychic power. He moved his wrist ever so slightly, and the cover flipped open and revealed the first page. Raising an eyebrow (if he has one) Mewtwo began.
" 'The Book of False Rumors and Myths, written by various anonymous authors.' " Mewtwo paused, taking a small bite out of the cookie as he psychically turned the page. "Chapter one: The Kissing of an Ice Prince.
"A long, long time ago, there lived a terribly miserable prince. He was sick and tired of always being told what to do. How to rule. And, basically, how to do everything the proper, princely way, including such trivial things as blowing your nose and using a napkin. Eventually, he became so fed up with life, he decided to commit suicide, even though his girlfriend begged him not to.
"He tossed himself into a deep well, in the dead of the night, in the middle of an icy cold winter. The water had long since frozen over, and when he hit it, his neck snapped completely in two, and he died, slowly, painfully. In the morning, the servants found his frozen body when they went to attempt the drawing of water from the iced well.
"Everyone mourned over his death, wishing they'd been a little easier on him. His girlfriend was left alone with him, to mourn quietly by herself. 'I wish you didn't do it,' she whispered, and then, she did something no one else had dared to do. She lovingly kissed his frozen blue lips, not caring that he was dead.
"As she did, a miracle occurred. A blinding flash of light filled the entire palace, and the prince began to breath again. Everyone was ecstatic, and they told the prince of what had just happened. He was surprised, and touched that his girlfriend cared so deeply for him, and he promised her he'd never die again.
"And, indeed, he didn't. Long after his girlfriend died, he continued to live. Even to this day, the ice prince continues to dwell among us. It is said that, every century or so, he is kissed again, and fate allows the kisser to be granted any wish they desire. No matter how great. Such is the tale of the ice prince."
Mewtwo slammed the book shut. "There." he said, "That's as far as you get for one cookie."
"Aw!" Pichu whined, "Please, Mewtwo! Just a little more!"
"If you have another cookie. . ."
"I think I do!" Pichu began scampering around the room, searching for another tasty cookie. Mewtwo watched, an amused look playing across his face. Neither of them suspected there had been another listener.
"The Ice Prince, hn?" the mysterious eavesdropper mused, rubbing a gloved hand across his tanned chin, eyes glinting from beneath his visor, "We'll just see about that!"
With that, he sped off at lighting fast speed, his direction undoubtedly being the Fire Emblem boys' bedroom.
--~~*~~--
Roy sighed. He was laying back on his top bunk, idly balancing a pencil on his nose.
"So, what're we gonna do today, Marth?" he asked absentmindedly, the movement of his jaw causing the pencil to topple over and practically stab him in the eye.
The Altean prince put the final fold on his fiftieth paper airplane. "I really don't know, Roy." he said, lazily tossing the airplane and watching as it glided into the already overflowing trashcan. "Why don't you think of something?"
Roy tucked the pencil behind his ear, sitting up. "Okay, I'll try." There was a split second passing, and Roy collapsed back onto the bed. "Nope, couldn't think of anything."
Marth snorted, and was about to crack an insult, when a winded Captain Falcon burst into the room. The two youthful swordsmen turned to him, raising their eyebrows quizzically as he hunched over, hands on his knees, attempting to catch his breath.
"Geeze, Fal, where's the fire?" Roy asked, draping an arm lazily over the bunk bed railing as he stared down at the racer. Captain Flacon glanced up at the fiery-haired youth, then turned to his teal-haired companion. He looked rather icy, with his bored expression and blue clothing.
Taking a deep breath and uttering a quick prayer for success, Captain Falcon approached the tiara-wearing teen. "Mr. Ice Prince," he murmured, "I want a pony."
Marth opened his mouth, probably to say something along the lines of "What the hell?" but never made it. Captain Falcon's rough, chapped lips closed over his, cutting off his words, the racer's strong, muscled arms wrapped firmly around his shoulders and back.
Roy felt his breath catch in his throat, and his eyes locked onto the two. Marth was flailing wildly, kicking and punching the crazed Captain with all his might, yet having no effect. Captain Falcon was lost in the kiss. Wet, smacking noises sounded between the two Smashers as Captain Falcon continued to slobber all over Marth's face. Marth finally just fainted dead away, a disgusted look still on his face, even as he fell limp into the bounty hunter's arms.
Roy was in shock. He just sat there, staring blandly as the tight-suited man drooled all over and maybe even in his best friend's mouth.
Finally, Captain Falcon pulled away. He glanced around the room expectantly, tapping his foot. "I don't see my pony! Maybe I'd better try again."
He leaned over to plant another wet one on poor, defenseless Marth, but never made it. He was tackled to the floor by an enraged Roy. He screamed in shock and pain as Roy began beating the living Falcony-ness out of him, all the while shouting curses into Falcon's face.
"HOW DARE YOU! THAT WAS MORE THAN JUST DISGUSTING! THAT WAS VILE! THAT WAS DESPICABLE! THAT WAS CHEAP! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU WERE TRYIN' TO PULL, FALCON, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU JUST GET AWAY WITH THAT!"
"But, Roy!" Captain Flacon squealed, "The Ice Prince! And the wish- granting! And the kiss! And-"
"OH, SHUT UP! I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!"
Mewtwo and Pichu watched from the slightly ajar door, wincing slightly when Captain Falcon was hit by an exceptionally hard punch or kick. Pichu glanced up at the psychic kitty (aw, how cute!).
"Mewtwo, do ya think he overheard that story? And believed it?" the little electric rodent asked, gesturing to the beaten Captain Falcon Roy was now tossing out the window to the ground over three stories below. Mewtwo shrugged, turning away from the brutal sight and starting to float back to their room.
"I suppose so. What a pathetic fool." he stated simply. Pichu giggled, then followed Mewtwo back to the Pokemon Dorms.
--~~*~~--
Captain Falcon groaned. He could tell right away he had various broken bones. Dr. Mario was already at his side, spouting off pointless questions about how he was feeling, where it hurt, and if he could breathe correctly.
"But. . .the ice. . .prince," Captain Falcon gurgled, before falling unconscious. Dr. Mario sighed, shaking his head in pity as he scooped up the beaten racer and carried him to the Emergency Room.
"It's as I suspected. He's gone insane."
--~~*~~--
OWARI. . . Or is it?
--~~*~~--
TA DA! *fanfare* Sorry about the short Ice Prince story. I made it up in, like, ten minutes. ^^; Well, folks, there's. . . the first chapter. . .
Random Person: There's more?!?!
*knocks the random person off a cliff with a bump of her hip* Yupperoni! ^_^
Random Person: AIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!! *dead*
Next time, on the Evil Book of Doom. . . LUIGI DISCOVERS THE BOOK! OH, THE FRIGGIN' HORROR!
(ahem) Review! But please. Spare the air. No open flames. ^_^;
Disclaimer: (You can't sue me! Cuz it's here! Even if it's not at the beginning!) The plot and the Evil Book of Doom belong to me. The characters belong to Nintendo. Is that so hard to understand? 8_8
Well, buh byez 4 now! ^_^ The Kid has left the building! Hopefully, you're all just as sane as ever. Forgive me if you're not. Cpatain Falcon practically Frenching Marth disturbs me, too. ^^;
Pointless Note: Have you ever tried staring at a flashlight for a really, really, really long time? I did once with my cousin, and we were visually impaired for the rest of the night. She kept telling me my head was swelling and turning purple like a huge plum! Strange, ne? DO NOT TRY THIS! I WARN YOU! DON'T BE STUPID LIKE ME! I NOW NEED GLASSES! IT WAS AN IDIOTIC THING TO DO! SO, DON'T DO IT, DAMMIT!
There. I think I'm done for the rest of the chapter. ^_^ *cheesy grin* No, seriously. My smile is cheesy. Not the tacky, cheap, tasteless kinda smile advertisement guys flash at you. I literally have cheese in my smile, because I ate CHEESE! CHEESY SMILE! ^_^;
Okay, we're starting the fic now, honest.
--~~*~~--
Chapter One: To Kiss A Prince
--~~*~~--
Pichu was wandering up and down the aisles of books, stacked painstakingly neat on various wooden shelves. (Yes, the Smash Brother's Head Quarters has a library! Don't ask why, silly person! Just read and go along with it!) He was exceptionally bored. Bored enough to go and look for a book to read. He ran his paw over the various spines of the leather bound books as he walked, not really paying attention to the titles.
Humming to himself, Pichu continued to patter aimlessly down the silent rows of books. Suddenly, the window above him burst open, and a strong, biting wind ripped at the thin silk curtains, causing them to billow out eerily, like some kind of old, tortured spirits who were still sentenced to be chained against the confining walls.
Pichu screamed out loud, and tucked himself into a tiny space on the bottom shelf where some books had been removed. As he did so, a book fell out from above him, thumping dully to the ground. It lay, carelessly discarded on the carpet, its pages laid open and placed cover up.
Pichu curiously poked his head out of the shadows. "Poor book," he murmured to himself, "I'd better help it." His adorably tiny mind made up, the little mouse scampered over to the fallen book, sniffing cautiously at it before plucking it up and examining it. Propping it up before him like a door, he traced the elegantly curving golden letters engraved into its leathery surface with a gentle paw.
" 'The Book of False Rumors and Myths" Pichu read out loud. The wind howled exceptionally loud at this. Pichu glanced nervously up, then, seeing it wasn't anything to be frightened of, tenderly opened the worn cover.
A crisp, yellowed page covered with tiny, faded print greeted him. His head began to spin. He couldn't possibly read all that! The words began to blur before him. No, it was far too much for his tiny brain to handle. He needed assistance.
Slowly scooping up the huge, heavy book, Pichu balanced it on his head, keeping it in place with the help of his absurdly huge ears. Once he was satisfied it wasn't going to fall, he trotted off out of the library.
Once he'd slipped out of the room, the wind seemed to howl, "A great evil has left us! Party at my place! Whoo hoo! The book is gone, and the entire human race is doomed! Anyone for some champagne?" Then, as suddenly as it had snapped open, the window gently closed, the curtains calmed, and everything was as before.
--~~*~~--
Mewtwo glared down at the tiny yellow rat, lavender eyes hard and piercing.
"Why should I help you, pathetic creature? This book of which you speak is of no importance to me."
"Aw, come on, Mewtwo! Please?" Pichu gave the tall, slender gray feline his cutest smile, and his glossiest teary eyes. Mewtwo sneered.
"Do not attempt to sway me with your pathetic attempt to be adorable. I refuse to assist you in your pitiful ways."
Pichu was about to abandon all hope, when he suddenly struck a golden idea. Smiling innocently, he yanked a delicious-looking, chewy chocolate-chip cookie from hammer space. "I'll give you this cookie. . ." he coaxed.
"I. . . uh. . . refuse. . . to. . . um. . ." Mewtwo eyed the savory morsel, with its warm, chewy bread-like substance, sprinkled with delicious, melted chocolate chunks. It appeared that after a extended amount of time spent with humans, the powerful psychic feline had developed quite a sweet tooth. A cold sweat formed over his slender face and neck, as he continued to debate with himself.
Pichu smirked. "If you don't want it, Mewtwo, I can always find some room for it." He slowly began pulling the huge cookie that was practically half his size toward his tiny lips, opening his mouth and groaning at the delicious smell. "Oh, it smells so tasty, Mewtwo," he moaned, the cookie half-way into his mouth.
"All right, all right!" Mewtwo cried, raising his paws in defeat. With a flick of his wrist, he snagged the cookie from Pichu, glaring at the little mouse. "You fight dirty, useless one." he hissed, nibbling at the savory edges of the cookie. "Alright, hand me the book."
"Yay!" Pichu exclaimed, propping the book up on his head. Mewtwo sighed, and brought the book up to his face with a bit of floating psychic power. He moved his wrist ever so slightly, and the cover flipped open and revealed the first page. Raising an eyebrow (if he has one) Mewtwo began.
" 'The Book of False Rumors and Myths, written by various anonymous authors.' " Mewtwo paused, taking a small bite out of the cookie as he psychically turned the page. "Chapter one: The Kissing of an Ice Prince.
"A long, long time ago, there lived a terribly miserable prince. He was sick and tired of always being told what to do. How to rule. And, basically, how to do everything the proper, princely way, including such trivial things as blowing your nose and using a napkin. Eventually, he became so fed up with life, he decided to commit suicide, even though his girlfriend begged him not to.
"He tossed himself into a deep well, in the dead of the night, in the middle of an icy cold winter. The water had long since frozen over, and when he hit it, his neck snapped completely in two, and he died, slowly, painfully. In the morning, the servants found his frozen body when they went to attempt the drawing of water from the iced well.
"Everyone mourned over his death, wishing they'd been a little easier on him. His girlfriend was left alone with him, to mourn quietly by herself. 'I wish you didn't do it,' she whispered, and then, she did something no one else had dared to do. She lovingly kissed his frozen blue lips, not caring that he was dead.
"As she did, a miracle occurred. A blinding flash of light filled the entire palace, and the prince began to breath again. Everyone was ecstatic, and they told the prince of what had just happened. He was surprised, and touched that his girlfriend cared so deeply for him, and he promised her he'd never die again.
"And, indeed, he didn't. Long after his girlfriend died, he continued to live. Even to this day, the ice prince continues to dwell among us. It is said that, every century or so, he is kissed again, and fate allows the kisser to be granted any wish they desire. No matter how great. Such is the tale of the ice prince."
Mewtwo slammed the book shut. "There." he said, "That's as far as you get for one cookie."
"Aw!" Pichu whined, "Please, Mewtwo! Just a little more!"
"If you have another cookie. . ."
"I think I do!" Pichu began scampering around the room, searching for another tasty cookie. Mewtwo watched, an amused look playing across his face. Neither of them suspected there had been another listener.
"The Ice Prince, hn?" the mysterious eavesdropper mused, rubbing a gloved hand across his tanned chin, eyes glinting from beneath his visor, "We'll just see about that!"
With that, he sped off at lighting fast speed, his direction undoubtedly being the Fire Emblem boys' bedroom.
--~~*~~--
Roy sighed. He was laying back on his top bunk, idly balancing a pencil on his nose.
"So, what're we gonna do today, Marth?" he asked absentmindedly, the movement of his jaw causing the pencil to topple over and practically stab him in the eye.
The Altean prince put the final fold on his fiftieth paper airplane. "I really don't know, Roy." he said, lazily tossing the airplane and watching as it glided into the already overflowing trashcan. "Why don't you think of something?"
Roy tucked the pencil behind his ear, sitting up. "Okay, I'll try." There was a split second passing, and Roy collapsed back onto the bed. "Nope, couldn't think of anything."
Marth snorted, and was about to crack an insult, when a winded Captain Falcon burst into the room. The two youthful swordsmen turned to him, raising their eyebrows quizzically as he hunched over, hands on his knees, attempting to catch his breath.
"Geeze, Fal, where's the fire?" Roy asked, draping an arm lazily over the bunk bed railing as he stared down at the racer. Captain Flacon glanced up at the fiery-haired youth, then turned to his teal-haired companion. He looked rather icy, with his bored expression and blue clothing.
Taking a deep breath and uttering a quick prayer for success, Captain Falcon approached the tiara-wearing teen. "Mr. Ice Prince," he murmured, "I want a pony."
Marth opened his mouth, probably to say something along the lines of "What the hell?" but never made it. Captain Falcon's rough, chapped lips closed over his, cutting off his words, the racer's strong, muscled arms wrapped firmly around his shoulders and back.
Roy felt his breath catch in his throat, and his eyes locked onto the two. Marth was flailing wildly, kicking and punching the crazed Captain with all his might, yet having no effect. Captain Falcon was lost in the kiss. Wet, smacking noises sounded between the two Smashers as Captain Falcon continued to slobber all over Marth's face. Marth finally just fainted dead away, a disgusted look still on his face, even as he fell limp into the bounty hunter's arms.
Roy was in shock. He just sat there, staring blandly as the tight-suited man drooled all over and maybe even in his best friend's mouth.
Finally, Captain Falcon pulled away. He glanced around the room expectantly, tapping his foot. "I don't see my pony! Maybe I'd better try again."
He leaned over to plant another wet one on poor, defenseless Marth, but never made it. He was tackled to the floor by an enraged Roy. He screamed in shock and pain as Roy began beating the living Falcony-ness out of him, all the while shouting curses into Falcon's face.
"HOW DARE YOU! THAT WAS MORE THAN JUST DISGUSTING! THAT WAS VILE! THAT WAS DESPICABLE! THAT WAS CHEAP! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU WERE TRYIN' TO PULL, FALCON, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU JUST GET AWAY WITH THAT!"
"But, Roy!" Captain Flacon squealed, "The Ice Prince! And the wish- granting! And the kiss! And-"
"OH, SHUT UP! I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!"
Mewtwo and Pichu watched from the slightly ajar door, wincing slightly when Captain Falcon was hit by an exceptionally hard punch or kick. Pichu glanced up at the psychic kitty (aw, how cute!).
"Mewtwo, do ya think he overheard that story? And believed it?" the little electric rodent asked, gesturing to the beaten Captain Falcon Roy was now tossing out the window to the ground over three stories below. Mewtwo shrugged, turning away from the brutal sight and starting to float back to their room.
"I suppose so. What a pathetic fool." he stated simply. Pichu giggled, then followed Mewtwo back to the Pokemon Dorms.
--~~*~~--
Captain Falcon groaned. He could tell right away he had various broken bones. Dr. Mario was already at his side, spouting off pointless questions about how he was feeling, where it hurt, and if he could breathe correctly.
"But. . .the ice. . .prince," Captain Falcon gurgled, before falling unconscious. Dr. Mario sighed, shaking his head in pity as he scooped up the beaten racer and carried him to the Emergency Room.
"It's as I suspected. He's gone insane."
--~~*~~--
OWARI. . . Or is it?
--~~*~~--
TA DA! *fanfare* Sorry about the short Ice Prince story. I made it up in, like, ten minutes. ^^; Well, folks, there's. . . the first chapter. . .
Random Person: There's more?!?!
*knocks the random person off a cliff with a bump of her hip* Yupperoni! ^_^
Random Person: AIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!! *dead*
Next time, on the Evil Book of Doom. . . LUIGI DISCOVERS THE BOOK! OH, THE FRIGGIN' HORROR!
(ahem) Review! But please. Spare the air. No open flames. ^_^;
Disclaimer: (You can't sue me! Cuz it's here! Even if it's not at the beginning!) The plot and the Evil Book of Doom belong to me. The characters belong to Nintendo. Is that so hard to understand? 8_8
Well, buh byez 4 now! ^_^ The Kid has left the building! Hopefully, you're all just as sane as ever. Forgive me if you're not. Cpatain Falcon practically Frenching Marth disturbs me, too. ^^;