Just An Illusion Of Passion

Blue Dreamer

~*~ Chapter Eight: I am going to tell her or not ? ~*~


January 28th 2002:

I realise I haven't written all this time but with Goten and Marron around, I was really kept busy. Michelle has been taking us to all the clubs in town.

I was happy to hear that Goten proposed to Marron and that she finally accepted. My uncle and best friend. Sounds really weird ha !

Marron told me that she talked to Goten about the abortion. Goten had been very upset on the fact that Marron did such a thing and worse did not tell him.

Uncle Goten would have felt so awkward about the whole thing.

Anyways, they are closer than ever. I wish I could find such a strong love like the one these two are sharing. They seem so right. They just need one another.

Watching the two makes me nostalgic. I have never really had a boyfriend. The only males that were in my life never lasted a long time.

After Trunks, I did not date anyone. I was too upset over the whole situation.

Marron asked me a though question. She asked me how could I still care for such a man ? After all not only did he use me, lye to me... but she made me realise that he had cheated on Samira as well.

Ever since I've been wondering ... should I tell Samira or not.

It's a tricky situation. I could tell her and then she would end her relationship with Trunks right away, right ?

I then realised it was not that simple. Indeed Trunks had an art when talking. He's the type of man that could charm a serpent without a problem. If I told her what he had done, well, I sure he would have

1. Denied the whole thing and tell her that my imagination's playing wild

2. Tell her that indeed something happened, but that I seduced him and used all my charms and that he pushed me off and that is why I'm seeking for revenge

3. Tell her the truth and then have a good reason to leave her once and for all ... this last solution is no not realistic.

Worse of all ... I love him and don't want to jeopardize his relationship with this girl ... what I mean is that I don't want to be responsible of their breaking.

I don't want to tell her... I would rather hope that Trunks would one day come to me and say "you're the woman of my dreams ... the one and only woman I could ever love"

Hey ... how stupid of me ... but I daydream of that moment everyday. What an idiot I am.

At many occasions, I somehow was really close to telling Samira about Trunks and me

One of them was the day I really got mad at Samira.

Indeed I believe she suspects something as I'm talking quite often about Trunks. She does not like me and I can feel it. She's always criticizing me on something or the other ... either work, on my dressing habits ... and so on ... something was wrong on me all the time.

It took all my self control not to tell her anything even though I was about to.

The other time was when Samira and myself were having a business lunch with important clients to the firm. For solving their accounting problems so fast, they invited the two of us for lunch (for information it was the of the sex shop owners). As we were eating, Samira inquired on what was the time of clientele that would go in there.

I can't remember how but the discussion switched over how men and women are unfaithful. I can remember how Samira was believing in true love.

That's probably the first time I took a liking in her. Indeed, after all she was a victim as well. Even though at office we hate each other, I was considering for the first time being friendly with her.

I actually felt a real pain for her.

Indeed she was a romantic at hear and was believing that her boyfriend was the one for her. She continued and told that she could not understand how men could cheat on their wives /girlfriends.

Mr Tamagu answered that not all people are not so well settled in there couple and that they do need to go and see elsewhere.

Samira's naives annoyed me quite a lot. How could this bastard of Trunks do such a thing. And to her and me ! I then told her that even though people can feel well settled, they could be having an urge to go and see elsewhere.

Samira shook her head in disbelief. She could not imagine such a thing happening ... and I answered back "Oh it does happen, and more often than one thinks"

Samira did not get the hint of my message ...

Please dear Diary, how I am to tell her ? Do I have to tell her ? Please help me through this. Oh gosh I'm realising that I really care about Trunks.

I'm sure now my chances with him are finished for ever.

My Trunks, the one I met not so long ago ... what's happened to you. Why could you have not stayed the same Trunks who kissed me so passionately.

Why is it that all you did was fake. Why did you use me like some kind of rag ? Why Trunks, why ???

Why did you make all this seem like an illusion ? Illusion of Passion.

How can I believe in love after all this ?

The problem is that I still do... I still love you Trunks ... I still need you so much ... so much that it hurts me jut thinking about you.

Nevertheless, Marron & Uncle Goten left two days ago ... I feel so lonely without them. Worse of all is that Michelle is somewhere in the States on business...

I am alone in this big town wondering what to do... should I tell her or not ? If I do how I am to tell her ? If I don't, how can I face a mirror ? Worse of all, can I face Trunks again without bashing his head against the wall ?

Have to go ... I have to write an important email.

Write down more later on as I have something to write about.


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"Dreams are the beginning of a never ending story"
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