Just An Illusion Of Passion

Blue Dreamer

~*~ Chapter Ten: My revenge plan fails ~*~

February 2nd 2002:

Would Trunks bother if I date his friends ?A normal answer would be yes, isn't it ? Unfortunately it seems that he's absolutely not bothered … not bothered about me. I just feel like crap right now.

To be honest, right now tears are flowing down … Can you believe it ? I hate him, I hate him.

I believed it was going to be a good experience if I dated some of his friends. So, being desperate and all I dated his friends over the week end.

It all started at this club. Of course Trunks was no where in the scene . I'm sure he is scared of facing me … facing my reactions …

But then, can he be having feelings for me ? Guilt maybe ? Remorse ?

Or is he just scared that I'll blow off his cover in front of Samira ?

Anyways, I dated two of his friends there.

I flirted with his best friend of another guy … I also drank a lot … so things must have got quite heated and all … I can't really recall what happened exactly … but those guys were willingly complying.

They were not all good looking and all but I was really feeling lonely and all.

Marron was shocked when I told her this.

She told me

"Panny, you're worth so much more than all this bunch of useless men. You still have time. You still have to find the right one for you …

Don't worry, with time all happens. You have to learn and be more patient in life and in love"

She is right. Especially that after my dating all these wierdos … the whole town started talking behind my back and all … and all guys believed that I was some kind of cheap woman that was easy to get and throw afterwards.

My heart's already broken by Trunks … what's left of it was shredded into pieces by these people I dated.

I'm realising however that Samira really seems to be in love with him ? I really feel like telling her that her boyfriend has been flirting with me …

Should I tell her that or not ?

Whenever she tells me that I don't do something right, or that she's pretty and me not … and all those crappie stuff she can come up with I really want to snap back at her and tell her something like this "Maybe I'm ugly but your boyfriend wants to sleep with me !" or else when she criticizes me over my work tell her some other crap phrase like this "Huh ! Whatever u say but as for knowledge I know as much as you do when it comes to your boyfriend's anatomy !"

Hell, this is real bad !

It just wont come out though it is screaming in my mind. I felt like telling her, writing It to her, draw it to her … but nothing doing … last moment I always fail in doing so.

Is my life just going to be a total failure like this ? Probably is already !

Michelle is telling me to tell her the whole story … How can I ? Trunks, I'm sure will say that I'm at fault and then everyone would think I'm the slut in this story !

I really don't know what to do any longer. He does not love me at all !!!

He just used me and threw me after that … so then why I am still in love ?

Why can't I just forget him and continue on with my life …

I'm realising I'm leaving this place in ten days time … In a way I really want to get out of here. I want to go back home and or to University … anywhere where I won't be hearing things about me …

I came to Tokyo with a broken heart with a hope of it getting mended somehow … I'll be leaving the city realising that it's now too late and that it will take a long time for me to paste all the pieces back together ?

Will I ever be able to ?

I'm not really sure. For now I just want to disappear.

I have to go now and finish my report that I have to hand over to the University … To be honest I haven't even started on it …

*~*~*

February 14th 2002: Happy Valentines day !

What a crappy day ! Hate it ! Hate it ! Hate it ! I know Marron and Goten have taken a few days of their work and are romancing on a boat …

I'm so happy for them but I have to admit it …

I'm jealous …

Jealous on the fact that I'm alone …

Jealous on the fact that the people I care most about don't have as much time for me as before …

I feel so disgusted with myself to even think that way !

*~*~*

February 15th 2002: I'm leaving tonight.

It's my last day at work and everyone said bye to me and all … saying that I was pleasant and sweet and that it was nice having me around …

All did I say ? Well, other than Samira of course.

She told me to study hard at University …

She was happy to get rid of me … it just does not click between she and me …

Has Trunks already told her something about us ?

That's impossible as he would not want anyone to know

I guess it's just female instinct. You know that intuition women have and that can feel things ... she must have sensed danger being around me or something

So today I'm leaving Tokyo ??

I'm leaving behind a few good memories with Michelle, and the few friends I've made here … and I'm also leaving behind a lot of bad moments …

Unfortunately … in my bags … memories will follow

Hey, I better get going or else I'll miss my train. I don't want to stay here any longer.

U're the last thing I'm putting in dear Diary …

You, the only witness of my heart !

Bye for now

Panny

*~*~*

Please let me know how you like it so far by reviewing. It's hard writing about all this actually … The ideas are easy to find as this is based on actual fact regarding my life but to put it into words and in English is a different story … especially when the guy here "Trunks" is still on my mind for different reasons.

The real "Trunks" is a real player and is a real bastard (sorry about the language) but I'm wondering how I should continue on the story …

Should I continue in this manner and then it that case it leads to my fiction "Trunks" being a real jerk or should I eventually make "Trunks" be nice ???

One more reminder: REVIEW PLEASE !!!!!!

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"Dreams are the beginning of a never ending story"
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