All characters herin belong to Marvel and I am not Marvel
All spoken dialouge in this part is from the comic (Excalibur 120).
Parting Thoughts
By: Hika-chan
Chapter 4: On the Docks - Meggan
Another ship is coming in and for the first time I am not solely focused on whether Brian is on it or not. My attention is divided between him and the raging storm of sad, dark emotions behind me. It shouldn't end like this, it's not fair! It's not fair for either of them!
Pete's such a good man who's lived a horrible life. And Kitty felt she had never truly felt love. Both thought they were resigned to their fates, he had given up hope of ever redeeming himself and she was almost without hope herself. They found love and happiness in each other, so much that it was impossible for me to feel sad around them. Pete never believed that he deserved her, that he deserved happiness. Kitty never imagined that she would ever find a man who would love her at the same time she loved him, and just as much. There is so much love between them even in this storm. It's like lightning in a storm, brief flashes of beautiful white hot light that when gone makes the darkness appear even more so.
I can't believe this is happening. Not only because of their love but because they fit so well together, like two pieces of a puzzle. I do not think I have felt that around any couple. It always felt like, still feels like they belong together. Like I belong with Brian. In the simplest terms I had always thought that the two of them were soulmates. People who would never be whole without the other. It's just not fair!
It'd be impossible not for me to feel him coming. I can feel both of them. What was once intense joy radiating off them like sunshine, now there is loniliness. Lonliness and pain and guilt and fear, loss, anger, helplessness. It's easy for me to feel allot of that simply because I am feeling it to, for my Brian. But now is not the time for me to think that. I will get to wallow in my own self pity when he leaves. He will leave, he's already decided, there's a stubborn determination inside him. That and his pain, hurt and anger have tied his love for Kitty down hand and foot. But he's uncertain, probably about wheter or not he'll ever return.
He desires, my guess? He doesn't want to think about what he's leaving behind, and that he wants and needs what he's leaving behind. Maybe he wants sympathy. He'll only get it because I'm an empath, because I know the pain he's feeling. He's leaving, just like Brain left. I can't feel all that sorry for him since it's his choice. But he's also waiting, just like me. He's probably waiting for Kitty to come running down to the dock to stop him. But she's waiting for him to turn around. They're too proud, too scared to risk hurting even more right now to do what the other is hoping for so much. I feel their pain, their sorrow. It's putting a lump in my throat. I can't even imagine how he manages to put up the front he's putting up now or how he can even think about smiling, much less actually manage it. "Waitin' for your ship t'sail luv?"
We befriended each other rather easily, expecially given my empathic nature. I am a little happy that he has manage to take a moment to ask about me out of genuine concern. But I am angry because he's also doing it just so he won't feel what he's feeling. He will never get over this pain if he keeps burying it. And he will not face it, I can guess he will try to drown it, but he will never give in. Too stubborn, too proud to cry. 'What fools these mortals be.' Why do so many people hide from their emotions? He has asked me a question. I finally take a moment to answer. "Every Morning, I sit here watching the trawlers come and go, hoping one of them will bring my Brian back to me. And Everynight, I get up and go back to my room. Alone." I feel his heart clench as does mine on the last word.
"That's life, girl." He takes almost no time to respond, then he throws his cigarette into the water. I feel it's fire get swallowed by the water, the minute warmth that transferrs to the chill waters. I am surprised I can feel anything natural with the amount of emotion Kitty and Pete are filling my senses with. His voice turns bitter. "Get used to it."
'Get used to it'? That's his great philosophy? That's how he plans on getting through this? "You don't really belive that, Peter. Do you?"
He knows he's going to regret asking me, but he does it anyway. "What do you think?" Maybe he just wants to hear someone say it outloud. I always tell the truth like Kitty does, but I do not always fear being so blunt. I will almost always speak my mind.
His emotions are flooding through me, so my mind takes those emotions and I feel them as I speak. First I am angry. "Sometimes I think you put on these crass, detatced airs to keep people off balance and at arm's length." Fear. Fear for friends and loved ones, fear of loosing, fear of not being able to get back what I have lost. "So they won't get close enough to see that behind the swearing and the cigarettes you're really no differnet than them." Need, want, desire. And love... Gods so much love under all that angst, fear and pain, so I feel that and my own pity for him. "That you need... and want.. their love and affection, and that you've got so much love inside you just waiting to burst out." The love the two of them felt was like a geyser... maybe.. maybe it was just too much for them. It must have been so overwhelming. Niether of them was used to it... maybe that's why on this first chance they got they both ran. Ran like water down the streaming river, retreated like rain into the ground. With one simple excuse they let the fear swallow their love like the cold waters just did the fires on his cigarette. "Maybe it's because I'm an Empath that I sense this..." Judging by his expression as he picks up his suitcase and stands up maybe he meant it as a retorical question. I have to smile a bit this. "But you asked me my thoughts and that's what I think."
"Yeah well... next time I won't ask." There is breif flash of another kind of pain. I guess he thinks he won't ever get the chance to ask me again. "Now If you'll pardon me..." the ship has docked, I spare it a spilt second of my attention, long enough to know Brian is not on it. I am almost glad that, this once, that is the case. I wouldn't want to add jealousy to the list of painful emotions Peter and Kitty are carrying "My ship's about to sail..." There's a last desperate surge of confusion, a moment to reconsider. This is his point of no return, his last chance to turn back to her. He steps aboard the ship gingerly. "And so am I."
After his feet are securely on the boat he casts his eyes back to the building, back to a window. I can feel the connection as their eyes meet, that mutual longing between them, that the other will do what they have not the stregnth to do. The desperate wish for it to be anyway but this. But both are too tired, too unsure, too lost, to make the wish a reality. As the ship begins to leave my heart breaks with the hearts of two of my friends'.
And so I let my tears fall, one for each of my friends... and then more for them. Loves like theirs should never end this way....
All spoken dialouge in this part is from the comic (Excalibur 120).
By: Hika-chan
Chapter 4: On the Docks - Meggan
Another ship is coming in and for the first time I am not solely focused on whether Brian is on it or not. My attention is divided between him and the raging storm of sad, dark emotions behind me. It shouldn't end like this, it's not fair! It's not fair for either of them!
Pete's such a good man who's lived a horrible life. And Kitty felt she had never truly felt love. Both thought they were resigned to their fates, he had given up hope of ever redeeming himself and she was almost without hope herself. They found love and happiness in each other, so much that it was impossible for me to feel sad around them. Pete never believed that he deserved her, that he deserved happiness. Kitty never imagined that she would ever find a man who would love her at the same time she loved him, and just as much. There is so much love between them even in this storm. It's like lightning in a storm, brief flashes of beautiful white hot light that when gone makes the darkness appear even more so.
I can't believe this is happening. Not only because of their love but because they fit so well together, like two pieces of a puzzle. I do not think I have felt that around any couple. It always felt like, still feels like they belong together. Like I belong with Brian. In the simplest terms I had always thought that the two of them were soulmates. People who would never be whole without the other. It's just not fair!
It'd be impossible not for me to feel him coming. I can feel both of them. What was once intense joy radiating off them like sunshine, now there is loniliness. Lonliness and pain and guilt and fear, loss, anger, helplessness. It's easy for me to feel allot of that simply because I am feeling it to, for my Brian. But now is not the time for me to think that. I will get to wallow in my own self pity when he leaves. He will leave, he's already decided, there's a stubborn determination inside him. That and his pain, hurt and anger have tied his love for Kitty down hand and foot. But he's uncertain, probably about wheter or not he'll ever return.
He desires, my guess? He doesn't want to think about what he's leaving behind, and that he wants and needs what he's leaving behind. Maybe he wants sympathy. He'll only get it because I'm an empath, because I know the pain he's feeling. He's leaving, just like Brain left. I can't feel all that sorry for him since it's his choice. But he's also waiting, just like me. He's probably waiting for Kitty to come running down to the dock to stop him. But she's waiting for him to turn around. They're too proud, too scared to risk hurting even more right now to do what the other is hoping for so much. I feel their pain, their sorrow. It's putting a lump in my throat. I can't even imagine how he manages to put up the front he's putting up now or how he can even think about smiling, much less actually manage it. "Waitin' for your ship t'sail luv?"
We befriended each other rather easily, expecially given my empathic nature. I am a little happy that he has manage to take a moment to ask about me out of genuine concern. But I am angry because he's also doing it just so he won't feel what he's feeling. He will never get over this pain if he keeps burying it. And he will not face it, I can guess he will try to drown it, but he will never give in. Too stubborn, too proud to cry. 'What fools these mortals be.' Why do so many people hide from their emotions? He has asked me a question. I finally take a moment to answer. "Every Morning, I sit here watching the trawlers come and go, hoping one of them will bring my Brian back to me. And Everynight, I get up and go back to my room. Alone." I feel his heart clench as does mine on the last word.
"That's life, girl." He takes almost no time to respond, then he throws his cigarette into the water. I feel it's fire get swallowed by the water, the minute warmth that transferrs to the chill waters. I am surprised I can feel anything natural with the amount of emotion Kitty and Pete are filling my senses with. His voice turns bitter. "Get used to it."
'Get used to it'? That's his great philosophy? That's how he plans on getting through this? "You don't really belive that, Peter. Do you?"
He knows he's going to regret asking me, but he does it anyway. "What do you think?" Maybe he just wants to hear someone say it outloud. I always tell the truth like Kitty does, but I do not always fear being so blunt. I will almost always speak my mind.
His emotions are flooding through me, so my mind takes those emotions and I feel them as I speak. First I am angry. "Sometimes I think you put on these crass, detatced airs to keep people off balance and at arm's length." Fear. Fear for friends and loved ones, fear of loosing, fear of not being able to get back what I have lost. "So they won't get close enough to see that behind the swearing and the cigarettes you're really no differnet than them." Need, want, desire. And love... Gods so much love under all that angst, fear and pain, so I feel that and my own pity for him. "That you need... and want.. their love and affection, and that you've got so much love inside you just waiting to burst out." The love the two of them felt was like a geyser... maybe.. maybe it was just too much for them. It must have been so overwhelming. Niether of them was used to it... maybe that's why on this first chance they got they both ran. Ran like water down the streaming river, retreated like rain into the ground. With one simple excuse they let the fear swallow their love like the cold waters just did the fires on his cigarette. "Maybe it's because I'm an Empath that I sense this..." Judging by his expression as he picks up his suitcase and stands up maybe he meant it as a retorical question. I have to smile a bit this. "But you asked me my thoughts and that's what I think."
"Yeah well... next time I won't ask." There is breif flash of another kind of pain. I guess he thinks he won't ever get the chance to ask me again. "Now If you'll pardon me..." the ship has docked, I spare it a spilt second of my attention, long enough to know Brian is not on it. I am almost glad that, this once, that is the case. I wouldn't want to add jealousy to the list of painful emotions Peter and Kitty are carrying "My ship's about to sail..." There's a last desperate surge of confusion, a moment to reconsider. This is his point of no return, his last chance to turn back to her. He steps aboard the ship gingerly. "And so am I."
After his feet are securely on the boat he casts his eyes back to the building, back to a window. I can feel the connection as their eyes meet, that mutual longing between them, that the other will do what they have not the stregnth to do. The desperate wish for it to be anyway but this. But both are too tired, too unsure, too lost, to make the wish a reality. As the ship begins to leave my heart breaks with the hearts of two of my friends'.
And so I let my tears fall, one for each of my friends... and then more for them. Loves like theirs should never end this way....