Answering questions presented me on the last chapter: A "Fitzroy" is indeed, a futuristic car. To my knowledge the Fitzroy Auto Company does not exist, it was just a name I made up, like Ford or Chevy. My comics references were to "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac" (which I have read very little of), and to my own strange post-apocalyptic fantasy, "Paper Eagles", which can be found here http://www.quarmagnus.virtue.nu for anyone interested. They were the comics Knives Saverem was reading on the couch. The hair thing was in reference to Alex (remember, Rem gave Vash the dude's hair!). As for chapters, this thing is probably going to be 5 or 6 chapters now. I'm realizing that I need to flesh out some things before the end chapter.
Additional notes: The war...this fanfic is not meant to be in any way against people of Chinese decent. I simply chose China as the enemy country because of the government's dubious record thus far concerning human rights, which I'm assuming for this fic has continued into the semi-near future. When people refer to "the Chinese" they are referring to the government, not all the people. It is much like the common referring to the "Iraqis" as the enemy during the Gulf War...speaking about the government and the military personnel, rather than the civilian people as enemies.
Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun. I make no money from this. Ya happy? Please don't sue me, powers that be! I plan to be a nice person who lets and even encourages fanfiction of her original stuff if it ever gets out there. Free expression rocks.
THE ANGEL AND THE WARRIOR
Chapter 3
I don't think anyone knows exactly how the war started. An American diplomat and his associates had been captured by the Chinese government and were essentially held for ransom for access to Plant technology - which the American government was unwilling to give for a variety of reasons. The news came sketchy. The negotiations broke down and our diplomats were assassinated. Several of our overseas military bases and aircraft carriers were attacked.
In the midst of all this, I had been learning everything I could about the Plants. Alex told me all he knew, and took me to see Nova often. These visits stopped once the war began. As a Plant engineer, Alex was what was considered "essential homeland personnel", and he assured me that he would not be sent overseas. But, like all promises from authority in a time of chaos, Alex's status meant nothing.
He met with me in his apartment to discuss his mission. I was anxious, but I was glad for the fact that it was a humanitarian mission. He was to be a part of a crew dropping food and medical supplies on a civilian area that the Air Force had bombed by mistake, to help the survivors.
"The plane is one of our larger cargo vessels, runs on reserve Plant energy," Alex explained, "though there's no living Plant aboard, of course. The reserve energy can be unstable and needs a skilled technician to keep it contained. Oh, Rem, don't look so sad! I will only be gone for a week."
"But the danger, Alex!" I protested, "I thank God that you aren't fighting, but you're still going into a war zone! Humanitarian mission or not, those enemy gunners won't care!"
"Rem, please, I'll be fine. This is not the first run we've made and we've lost none of our cargo planes so far. The cloaks are working."
"I hate war," I sighed. I knew it was a stupid statement, for I couldn't think of any sane person who would like it. Mirroring my thoughts, Alex sighed.
"I hate wars, never been in one before now, but I hate them. I don't think anyone likes the idea of war, amazingly, we still have it. If everyone could learn to respect one another and not hurt their fellow people the world would be a paradise." He coughed, and continued, "The United States would have been happy to share Plant technology with China if we didn't fear them turning it into a weapon. Furthermore, their human rights abuses make it impossible to trust them with knowledge of the Plants. You know they are living creatures. The Chinese would drain them dry and try to replicate the conditions that led to them on innocent people."
I broached a question; "Isn't the real reason behind these tensions power? Isn't our government just afraid that with the Plants that China will usurp us as a world power?"
"Yes, that too," he answered, "Then the issue becomes liberty - our way of life, the right to disagree with those in power. China could take that away from us...but only if things were that simple...
"Few things are black and white, especially in war. They destroy, we destroy, it's all the same. I was trained to be a warrior, but I don't buy into that mentality...at least not anymore. I think...I think it can start with individuals..."
"What, Alex?" I asked, "What can start?"
"Peace," he replied with a sad smile, "Love and peace. If each individual could embrace these virtues - love his fellow man, seek peace rather than violent resolutions to issues, then maybe we wouldn't have wars so often...or at all. It certainly won't begin with governments, but maybe it could happen with individual lives touching every other life they come in contact with without destroying."
"That takes a lot of faith in humanity," I stated.
"Sure it does, and it is probable that not everyone will be reached, but by pursuing these virtues, a person may at least preserve their own dignity - even practice the very love of God. I'm sorry, I'm making no sense."
I clutched his hand in mine. "No, you are making perfect sense, and you are brave. Your willingness to go on this mission is putting these ideals into practice."
Alex hugged me, drawing me close to him. I rested my chin on his shoulder and breathed in his scent, an aroma of mild sweat and sharp aftershave. "Please," he sighed, "don't call me brave, Rem. I'm not. I'm terrified about this mission. Maybe that's why I'm randomly philosophizing. Inside, I'm shaking like a leaf in the wind."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walked home from class, the long way, taking the overpass bridge. The air was barely breathable, the horizon tainted brown. I had heard about more and more people enlisting in Project SEEDS, even talk about drafting people from China and other "enemy status" countries. Whatever wars the nations were fighting aside, this was a worldwide pursuit, as it could mean the very survival of the human race.
As bad as the planet was getting, anyway, war was only making it worse. In war, "the end justifies the means", and all parties will raze the earth if it will mean victory for them. Alex mentioned a desire to join the project, after the end of his Air Force hitch. It would be a few years yet before everything would be operational - giving us time to decide. I didn't know if I wanted to go. It was a romantic notion...traveling amongst the stars, discovering strange new worlds - and I was a sci-fiaholic, so it held special appeal for me, but I just wasn't sure if I wanted it. Signing on to the project would mean leaving everything I knew and everyone I loved.
Except for Alex. On Earth or in the stars, we would be together. The night before he left on his mission he proposed to me and I accepted.
I stepped in the door of the living room and set my bookbag down. Mom and Dad weren't home but Knives was there, watching a news program on the holovision and typing furiously on a keypad, engrossed in a chat.
"Rem," he said, turning to me, his face pale, "Two of our planes got shot down. News said one of them was a cargo plane, right on the China-Mongolia border. Wasn't that...Alex's flyover?"
A frigid feeling shot through me. It couldn't be...wouldn't his family be notified before it was on the news? I had closed the front door just a few minutes ago, and upon it came a knock. I opened it to see Amelia, Alex's little sister, just turned thirteen. I said a dull "Hello" to her and I think read each other's thoughts at that moment, from the expressions on our faces. My skin felt cold, I knew that my skin must have been drained of color. Amelia's face was tear-streaked, her eyes listless, like pale blue milk. She reached out to me and grabbed my arm gently with her right hand. Her words came shaky.
"Miss Rem Saverem? I...I have to tell you something..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Alex Thatcher was a man of humility and never liked being called a hero..."
I cannot adequately describe the numbness of my soul. I felt as if I had traveled outside of myself. My body was standing on the rain-soaked grass, Amelia Thatcher was lightly leaning on me and Knives was holding my hand. I stared straight ahead, my spirit dull and trapped within.
All of Alex's family and immediate coworkers were at the funeral. My mother, father, and Knives came to be there for me. I hated how everyone had been, for the past four days, been coming up to me and asking me if I was alright. I appreciated their concern but I didn't want to speak...or do anything...
He was gone, never to return, our dreams vanished, burned with the fire that consumed the plane on its decent. They wouldn't let me see him - Mr. Thatcher said I wouldn't want to. He said the funeral home did their best but the burns were really bad. At least, according to the autopsy report, Alex had died on impact, and suddenly, before the burning.
"Love does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own...love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things..." the reverend droned on, speaking of Alex's faith, and attempting to give words of comfort.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I ran to the flag-draped coffin and threw myself over it. "Alex! Alex!" I cried, as if my wailing could make him rise from that box. I grabbed at the flag, bunching the red and white stripes in my fingers, staining them with my tears. He didn't deserve to die! He didn't believe in taking life, despite his profession...my gentle warrior who cared so much about everything. I heard gasps, cries, and voices behind me, and I recognized the distinct voice of Alex's uncle.
"Stop her! She's defiling the flag!"
"Let her be!"
After a long while I felt a hand on my back and heard the soft, low voice of Reverend Peterson beckoning me to get up. I pulled myself up off my knees and attempted to smooth out the flag.
"It's alright, leave it," the reverend whispered, "you don't have to."
I walked over to my mother and she threw her arms around me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lying on my bed, watching the blades of the ceiling fan spin around and around...
Three days after the funeral and I had not ventured from this room. My upstairs bedroom, a sanctuary from the world... as I looked at the fan in it's continual motion, I thought about Arizona.
It was random. I remember Alex asking me if I had ever been to Arizona. He said the summers there were hotter than Hell, that people there sometimes ran their ceiling fans even in the winter. He said that I should see a desert in my lifetime, that southern Arizona was beautiful in and despite its starkness. I remembered his descriptions of scrub brushed hills, skies of clear turquoise, and the thunderheads of the summer monsoons sailing like miles-high grandiose flagships over the desert. I was used to cities, and sometimes visiting now rare forested hills, but had never seen a desert. I wanted to see one.
What I wanted most was to be in Alex's arms again. He always found ways to comfort me when I was upset, and now...it was over him, and he was dead. Dead. I couldn't believe it, yet I knew it to be true. We wouldn't be together, not on Earth, or in the stars. The scent of his aftershave was fading from my memory, so too, did I long to run my fingers through that crazy spiked hair of his just one more time - and to tell him all that I felt for him.
I wanted to join him, but I knew that I could not. If I killed myself...or let myself waste away, I would be betraying him. I remembered his words to me that night we met on the bridge. He told me that no one has the right to cheat a person out of their future, and that no one even has the right before God to do that to themselves. No one knows what the future brings, whether things good or bad, nor what choices one is going to make until the time comes for them to make them. Here I was, making the decision not to get out of this bed. I wanted to sleep for a year, at the least. I wanted escape from this grief and loneliness that was tearing my soul asunder.
I climbed out of bed and walked over to my desk, staring at my face in the mirror above it. I had a massive headache and my face showed it. I looked bloodless...I don't remember ever seeing my skin so white. I picked up my hairbrush and ran it through my hair. It was greasy, I needed to shower. I hadn't even the strength to do that in the last three days. Washing, drying and properly brushing it out would take at least an hour and a half, since it was so long. I had considered getting it cut, but Alex told me he liked it long, and I had been growing it out since I was ten and was rather attached to my "hippie" look. In any case, I decided that Alex wouldn't want to see me like this, and that if he was watching from Heaven, I was probably making him very sad.
So I looked at my reflection in the mirror and said to it, to myself; "You must survive."
I glanced down at a stack of papers on the desk, random mail from last week that I had not bothered to read. I picked up a little brochure, junk mail, but the colors and strong type caught my eye. It was a recruitment mailer for Project SEEDS. I'd seen these before, in card racks in public buildings, at tables with recruiters at the college. They recruited like the military. Opening up the brochure, I idly read...stuff about how only "the best of the best" will be selected, and even fewer into the various command positions...the project's goal being nothing less than the ultimate salvation of the human race but that they only wanted the best minds, blah, blah, blah.
I stared at the mailer. This was something Alex and I were considering anyway. This world was polluted, not only by random environmental destruction, but also by war, by murder. The project could offer a chance for change, a new hope for the future, and for my future. I didn't care anymore about leaving my family behind. I wanted off this awful planet! I was going to join Project SEEDS.
END CHAPTER 3.
2 or 3 more chapters to come, stay tuned.
Lady Shadowcat, aka S.E. Nordwall, 2002.
Additional notes: The war...this fanfic is not meant to be in any way against people of Chinese decent. I simply chose China as the enemy country because of the government's dubious record thus far concerning human rights, which I'm assuming for this fic has continued into the semi-near future. When people refer to "the Chinese" they are referring to the government, not all the people. It is much like the common referring to the "Iraqis" as the enemy during the Gulf War...speaking about the government and the military personnel, rather than the civilian people as enemies.
Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun. I make no money from this. Ya happy? Please don't sue me, powers that be! I plan to be a nice person who lets and even encourages fanfiction of her original stuff if it ever gets out there. Free expression rocks.
THE ANGEL AND THE WARRIOR
Chapter 3
I don't think anyone knows exactly how the war started. An American diplomat and his associates had been captured by the Chinese government and were essentially held for ransom for access to Plant technology - which the American government was unwilling to give for a variety of reasons. The news came sketchy. The negotiations broke down and our diplomats were assassinated. Several of our overseas military bases and aircraft carriers were attacked.
In the midst of all this, I had been learning everything I could about the Plants. Alex told me all he knew, and took me to see Nova often. These visits stopped once the war began. As a Plant engineer, Alex was what was considered "essential homeland personnel", and he assured me that he would not be sent overseas. But, like all promises from authority in a time of chaos, Alex's status meant nothing.
He met with me in his apartment to discuss his mission. I was anxious, but I was glad for the fact that it was a humanitarian mission. He was to be a part of a crew dropping food and medical supplies on a civilian area that the Air Force had bombed by mistake, to help the survivors.
"The plane is one of our larger cargo vessels, runs on reserve Plant energy," Alex explained, "though there's no living Plant aboard, of course. The reserve energy can be unstable and needs a skilled technician to keep it contained. Oh, Rem, don't look so sad! I will only be gone for a week."
"But the danger, Alex!" I protested, "I thank God that you aren't fighting, but you're still going into a war zone! Humanitarian mission or not, those enemy gunners won't care!"
"Rem, please, I'll be fine. This is not the first run we've made and we've lost none of our cargo planes so far. The cloaks are working."
"I hate war," I sighed. I knew it was a stupid statement, for I couldn't think of any sane person who would like it. Mirroring my thoughts, Alex sighed.
"I hate wars, never been in one before now, but I hate them. I don't think anyone likes the idea of war, amazingly, we still have it. If everyone could learn to respect one another and not hurt their fellow people the world would be a paradise." He coughed, and continued, "The United States would have been happy to share Plant technology with China if we didn't fear them turning it into a weapon. Furthermore, their human rights abuses make it impossible to trust them with knowledge of the Plants. You know they are living creatures. The Chinese would drain them dry and try to replicate the conditions that led to them on innocent people."
I broached a question; "Isn't the real reason behind these tensions power? Isn't our government just afraid that with the Plants that China will usurp us as a world power?"
"Yes, that too," he answered, "Then the issue becomes liberty - our way of life, the right to disagree with those in power. China could take that away from us...but only if things were that simple...
"Few things are black and white, especially in war. They destroy, we destroy, it's all the same. I was trained to be a warrior, but I don't buy into that mentality...at least not anymore. I think...I think it can start with individuals..."
"What, Alex?" I asked, "What can start?"
"Peace," he replied with a sad smile, "Love and peace. If each individual could embrace these virtues - love his fellow man, seek peace rather than violent resolutions to issues, then maybe we wouldn't have wars so often...or at all. It certainly won't begin with governments, but maybe it could happen with individual lives touching every other life they come in contact with without destroying."
"That takes a lot of faith in humanity," I stated.
"Sure it does, and it is probable that not everyone will be reached, but by pursuing these virtues, a person may at least preserve their own dignity - even practice the very love of God. I'm sorry, I'm making no sense."
I clutched his hand in mine. "No, you are making perfect sense, and you are brave. Your willingness to go on this mission is putting these ideals into practice."
Alex hugged me, drawing me close to him. I rested my chin on his shoulder and breathed in his scent, an aroma of mild sweat and sharp aftershave. "Please," he sighed, "don't call me brave, Rem. I'm not. I'm terrified about this mission. Maybe that's why I'm randomly philosophizing. Inside, I'm shaking like a leaf in the wind."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walked home from class, the long way, taking the overpass bridge. The air was barely breathable, the horizon tainted brown. I had heard about more and more people enlisting in Project SEEDS, even talk about drafting people from China and other "enemy status" countries. Whatever wars the nations were fighting aside, this was a worldwide pursuit, as it could mean the very survival of the human race.
As bad as the planet was getting, anyway, war was only making it worse. In war, "the end justifies the means", and all parties will raze the earth if it will mean victory for them. Alex mentioned a desire to join the project, after the end of his Air Force hitch. It would be a few years yet before everything would be operational - giving us time to decide. I didn't know if I wanted to go. It was a romantic notion...traveling amongst the stars, discovering strange new worlds - and I was a sci-fiaholic, so it held special appeal for me, but I just wasn't sure if I wanted it. Signing on to the project would mean leaving everything I knew and everyone I loved.
Except for Alex. On Earth or in the stars, we would be together. The night before he left on his mission he proposed to me and I accepted.
I stepped in the door of the living room and set my bookbag down. Mom and Dad weren't home but Knives was there, watching a news program on the holovision and typing furiously on a keypad, engrossed in a chat.
"Rem," he said, turning to me, his face pale, "Two of our planes got shot down. News said one of them was a cargo plane, right on the China-Mongolia border. Wasn't that...Alex's flyover?"
A frigid feeling shot through me. It couldn't be...wouldn't his family be notified before it was on the news? I had closed the front door just a few minutes ago, and upon it came a knock. I opened it to see Amelia, Alex's little sister, just turned thirteen. I said a dull "Hello" to her and I think read each other's thoughts at that moment, from the expressions on our faces. My skin felt cold, I knew that my skin must have been drained of color. Amelia's face was tear-streaked, her eyes listless, like pale blue milk. She reached out to me and grabbed my arm gently with her right hand. Her words came shaky.
"Miss Rem Saverem? I...I have to tell you something..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Alex Thatcher was a man of humility and never liked being called a hero..."
I cannot adequately describe the numbness of my soul. I felt as if I had traveled outside of myself. My body was standing on the rain-soaked grass, Amelia Thatcher was lightly leaning on me and Knives was holding my hand. I stared straight ahead, my spirit dull and trapped within.
All of Alex's family and immediate coworkers were at the funeral. My mother, father, and Knives came to be there for me. I hated how everyone had been, for the past four days, been coming up to me and asking me if I was alright. I appreciated their concern but I didn't want to speak...or do anything...
He was gone, never to return, our dreams vanished, burned with the fire that consumed the plane on its decent. They wouldn't let me see him - Mr. Thatcher said I wouldn't want to. He said the funeral home did their best but the burns were really bad. At least, according to the autopsy report, Alex had died on impact, and suddenly, before the burning.
"Love does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own...love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things..." the reverend droned on, speaking of Alex's faith, and attempting to give words of comfort.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I ran to the flag-draped coffin and threw myself over it. "Alex! Alex!" I cried, as if my wailing could make him rise from that box. I grabbed at the flag, bunching the red and white stripes in my fingers, staining them with my tears. He didn't deserve to die! He didn't believe in taking life, despite his profession...my gentle warrior who cared so much about everything. I heard gasps, cries, and voices behind me, and I recognized the distinct voice of Alex's uncle.
"Stop her! She's defiling the flag!"
"Let her be!"
After a long while I felt a hand on my back and heard the soft, low voice of Reverend Peterson beckoning me to get up. I pulled myself up off my knees and attempted to smooth out the flag.
"It's alright, leave it," the reverend whispered, "you don't have to."
I walked over to my mother and she threw her arms around me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lying on my bed, watching the blades of the ceiling fan spin around and around...
Three days after the funeral and I had not ventured from this room. My upstairs bedroom, a sanctuary from the world... as I looked at the fan in it's continual motion, I thought about Arizona.
It was random. I remember Alex asking me if I had ever been to Arizona. He said the summers there were hotter than Hell, that people there sometimes ran their ceiling fans even in the winter. He said that I should see a desert in my lifetime, that southern Arizona was beautiful in and despite its starkness. I remembered his descriptions of scrub brushed hills, skies of clear turquoise, and the thunderheads of the summer monsoons sailing like miles-high grandiose flagships over the desert. I was used to cities, and sometimes visiting now rare forested hills, but had never seen a desert. I wanted to see one.
What I wanted most was to be in Alex's arms again. He always found ways to comfort me when I was upset, and now...it was over him, and he was dead. Dead. I couldn't believe it, yet I knew it to be true. We wouldn't be together, not on Earth, or in the stars. The scent of his aftershave was fading from my memory, so too, did I long to run my fingers through that crazy spiked hair of his just one more time - and to tell him all that I felt for him.
I wanted to join him, but I knew that I could not. If I killed myself...or let myself waste away, I would be betraying him. I remembered his words to me that night we met on the bridge. He told me that no one has the right to cheat a person out of their future, and that no one even has the right before God to do that to themselves. No one knows what the future brings, whether things good or bad, nor what choices one is going to make until the time comes for them to make them. Here I was, making the decision not to get out of this bed. I wanted to sleep for a year, at the least. I wanted escape from this grief and loneliness that was tearing my soul asunder.
I climbed out of bed and walked over to my desk, staring at my face in the mirror above it. I had a massive headache and my face showed it. I looked bloodless...I don't remember ever seeing my skin so white. I picked up my hairbrush and ran it through my hair. It was greasy, I needed to shower. I hadn't even the strength to do that in the last three days. Washing, drying and properly brushing it out would take at least an hour and a half, since it was so long. I had considered getting it cut, but Alex told me he liked it long, and I had been growing it out since I was ten and was rather attached to my "hippie" look. In any case, I decided that Alex wouldn't want to see me like this, and that if he was watching from Heaven, I was probably making him very sad.
So I looked at my reflection in the mirror and said to it, to myself; "You must survive."
I glanced down at a stack of papers on the desk, random mail from last week that I had not bothered to read. I picked up a little brochure, junk mail, but the colors and strong type caught my eye. It was a recruitment mailer for Project SEEDS. I'd seen these before, in card racks in public buildings, at tables with recruiters at the college. They recruited like the military. Opening up the brochure, I idly read...stuff about how only "the best of the best" will be selected, and even fewer into the various command positions...the project's goal being nothing less than the ultimate salvation of the human race but that they only wanted the best minds, blah, blah, blah.
I stared at the mailer. This was something Alex and I were considering anyway. This world was polluted, not only by random environmental destruction, but also by war, by murder. The project could offer a chance for change, a new hope for the future, and for my future. I didn't care anymore about leaving my family behind. I wanted off this awful planet! I was going to join Project SEEDS.
END CHAPTER 3.
2 or 3 more chapters to come, stay tuned.
Lady Shadowcat, aka S.E. Nordwall, 2002.