THE ANGEL AND THE WARRIOR
Chapter 5
How many years had passed with my body and soul frozen in time? I "died" five times in the Coldsleep chambers of the SEEDS command ship, yet I held no recollection of visiting Heaven or Hell, nor even of dreaming. The sleeping was deep and dark, a coma from which one remembered nothing of what lay on the other side. The Coldsleep technology improved with time, both within my years of life and my absence from it. The last freeze I went through was painless, needleless, and quick, and all of my blood stayed in my body.
My two-year shifts went as quickly and as surreal as dreams. The Coldsleep slowed the aging process in waking as well as in coma. When I began my fifth shift, I should have aged ten years, but I remained as young as I was when SEEDS had embarked, give or take a year's aging. Truly, I was over one hundred years old. Between my sleeping and waking, the SEEDS fleet had been drifting through deep space for eighty-two years.
In every shift I had, I was with the same command crew – Joey as Captain, Rowan as the Computer Technician and Medical Tech, Mary as our Navigational Technician, and our head Plant Maintainer and General Mechanic, Steve.
Steve was an okay guy. He was brilliant working with the Plants, even if I didn't always appreciate his dirty jokes when we worked together. He hit on me a few times, but quickly refrained when I showed I wasn't interested. Mary, however, indulged his advances toward her, much to Rowan's dismay. I had known that Rowan had liked Mary for a long time. After a while, Mary seemed to tire of Steve, though he continued flirting, often in Rowan's full view.
Mary laughed about the ship love triangles, as she called them; Rowan, Steve and her, Joey and me. Joey and I had taken meals together a few times, but there was little romance in it. Most of our private meetings were matters of command, the others a matter of friendship. I could tell that Joey was a lonely man and that he wanted more of our relationship, but I wasn't ready. My thoughts still dwelt upon Alex, despite the many years he had been dead, and I just didn't share Joey's feelings.
Our fifth shift began as mundanely as the rest. I made the usual daily transmissions into the project log and worked with Steve maintaining the Plants. As I sent the daily reports into the command ship's computer to be transmitted into the computers of the entire fleet, I began noticing something unusual in Recorder Oliver Tavistock's files. Tavistock was the archiver who was on shift just before I was awakened. I had Joey look over his transmissions from the last month before he went into Coldsleep.
Plant 1 on our ship, according to Tavistock, had been experiencing strange spikes in its energy level, increasing in frequency. There had been no such spikes on Steve's watch until…
"Rem, get in here, quickly!" I was reviewing the log with Joey when I got an urgent call on my transmitter from Steve. I rushed to the Plant Monitor Room and saw him frantically working the console of Plant 1, trying to balance her levels.
"Crap!" he cried, "I think it's gonna blow! What are you standing around for? Rem, get your rear end over here and help me!"
"Calm down, Steve!" I pleaded, "There has to be a solution to this as long as we keep our heads clear! Alright, here we are…" I pressed in one sequence, then another. The energy levels began evening out, but the Plant's internal sensors indicated an anomaly.
Joey gave the order for all of us to suit up and go inside the containment unit. We rushed in. I brought up the rear and saw everyone standing in a semicircle amidst the yellow energy haze. I saw Joey draw his laser-guided pistol. I couldn't imagine why…was he going to shoot the Plant? Then – I saw them.
Two tiny, naked bodies squirmed, rolling and tangling themselves in their umbilical cords, which were attached somewhere in the yellow fog to the floor of the Plant's containment unit. It was the strangest sight I had seen in my life – two male babies, humanoid infants, apparently birthed by the Plant.
Joey, Mary, Rowan, and Steve all had their pistols trained right on them.
"What are you doing?" I shouted as I jumped in between the babies and the crew.
"Rem, move." Joey commanded, his voice like steel, "We don't know what they are."
"What do you mean you don't know what they are?" I demanded, "They're babies!"
"Baby whats?" Steve said, "They're some kinda mutants the Plant made! They're monsters!"
"He's right, Rem," Joey spoke again in that cold, serious voice, a voice I did not believe possible from him, a voice that profoundly scared me. "Steven is right. We don't know what they are. They could prove hostile to us. They may jeopardize the mission."
"How are they a threat to us?" I asked, "You have your guns aimed at helpless infants!" I noticed then that the crew's gun sights were all trained on me. There was a red dot on my left thigh, another on my right arm, another, I guessed from what I could see of the light, aimed at my forehead, and the light from Joey's gun fell on the center of my chest.
"Rem, please move," he sighed, "It is an order. Don't make me shoot you. As Captain my first priority is to the mission. If sacrifices have to be made to preserve the safety of the whole-"
I trembled but stood still. I would never forgive myself if I let the crew gun down helpless children. "Please! Don't!" I cried.
The crew looked at me for a long time. Mary was the first to lower her weapon. "I can't," she whispered. Rowan holstered his gun, shaking his head. Joey put his pistol away. Steve still held his gun aimed at my head. I blinked as the red light shined in my face.
"Steve!" Joey barked, "Lower your firearm! Steve!"
I opened my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief as the light left my eyes. I fell to my knees, smelling the sweat and warm staleness inside my suit.
"They are yours," Joey stated. "They are your responsibility, but if at any time they pose a threat to the mission I will not hesitate to kill them myself."
"Thank you." I managed a whisper. Mary went to get equipment from the Medical Bay to test and monitor the babies, and to see if they could safely be taken outside of the Plant. I dared to gently pick up one of them. He weakly wriggled in my arms and opened his eyes. He stared at me for a long time before falling to sleep. His eyes were the clearest and purest blue-green I had ever seen.
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I named the twins Vash and Knives, in remembrance of my little brothers. Little Knives was Millions Knives, with "Millions" in his name as homage to my aunt Fé, whose maiden name had been Millónes. "Knives," also felt like the most appropriate name for him, as, like a knife divides, he and his brother had caused division among the crew. He was the larger and stronger of the brothers, Vash being more delicate in his features, thus prompting me to name him for my poor, frail, long deceased brother, while praying that he would not share his fate.
I was quite alone in caring for the infants at first. Mary began helping me when she saw me, between them and my duties, being run ragged. Gradually, the crew began to accept the boys, even Joey. They did too many cute things for him not to, he told me. Steve remained suspicious of them, however, and I was very careful in watching them when he was in the vicinity.
Vash and Knives grew quickly, unnaturally – for human children. I had no idea of their aging in relation to the Plants. The Plants seemed never to age, timeless beings that only demonstrated signs of wear when too great of an energy demand was being pressed on them. After only a month and a half they resembled full-fledged "terrible" two-year old toddlers. Taking their first steps so young and beginning to talk – those things could be considered simple precocious ness, signs of prodigy – but their growth in size and aging in features betrayed the unnatural.
Not that a mother cares what the world labels her children. They were my boys, though I couldn't bring myself to truly consider myself a mother. This experience was foreign to me, something I was least ready for. I never taught the twins to say "Mama," instead; they learned my name and called me "Remu." Darling little Vash…his second word was "do-nut." Rowan said that I indulged them in treats too often.
The toddler-month was the most harrowing. I found myself exhausted from chasing them around, keeping them from getting into things, and keeping them from trying to pull the tail off Joey's cat. Mary gave them an apt nickname: the Twin Typhoons.
They grew over the months, continuing at a strange rate. Joey helped me to teach them when he had the time. I lamented that proper schooling was not available to them. I had about as much experience as a teacher as I had being a mother. Vash and Knives picked up things quickly – I was amazed at how swiftly they went from learning the basic English alphabet to reading from the ship's library.
The twins learned the technicalities of many things so quickly that teaching them the underlying meanings of things became difficult. Children – all of us - take time to understand life in its many layers.
The three of us were walking in the Recreation Room one morning when Knives found a dead sparrow that had fallen from the apple tree. He picked it up in his tiny hands and asked what was wrong with it.
"It has died," I said sadly, "It's asleep and will never wake up."
"Is there any way to make it wake up, like you do with the people?" he asked me.
"I'm sorry, Knives, I can't."
Vash shot me a look of hurt.
"I can't," I explained, "this is different than with the people. Its soul has gone away and can't be brought back."
"Where did its soul go?" Knives queried.
"Well," I tried to explain, "people have many different beliefs about that…" I had spoken of God to the twins before, though not much of my beliefs about eternity.
"What do you believe, Rem?" Vash asked brightly, "Where is the bird's soul now?"
I sighed. "I believe God cares for every creature. I think that the sparrow went to be with him – in the Land of Angels."
We made a grave and had a little funeral for the sparrow.
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I was getting the boys ready for a bath. I pulled Vash's shirt off over his head and was shocked at what I saw.
"Vash, what happened?" I yelped, fearing some terrible fall, wondering why he had not told me he was hurt. His pale, soft skin was covered in dark blue and purple bruises. He looked up at me, his lower lip trembling.
"It's why I didn't want to take a bath tonight!" he cried, "Now, I'm gonna die!"
"What?" I asked, hugging Vash close, "No, honey….you're going to be just fine, just tell me what happened…please?"
"Steve." Knives said from the stool where he was sitting, having been watching me wrestle Vash into the bathroom, waiting patiently.
Vash began crying. He buried his face in my shoulder. "Steve said he'd kill us if we told anyone."
Frigid terror seized me. I felt as if my heart had stopped beating for just a moment. "What's been going on?" I demanded, facing Knives. I felt horrible an instant later, seeing Knives' small face staring at me with shocked wide eyes. I put a hand on the boy's shoulder and softened my voice.
"What does Steve not want anyone to know?" I asked urgently, "I have to know. I can stop him from doing what he has been doing to you if only I know."
"He says we're monsters!" Vash sobbed, "He caught me in Plant 2's room and beat me – he threw me to the floor and kicked me."
"It's not the first time it's happened." Knives said dully, "He's hit us both…but this is the first time it's been this bad – this time with Vash was the worst."
Frigidity left me. I felt fire rush through my veins, pure, hot anger. "You two stay here," I instructed, putting Vash's shirt back on him, "the bath can wait."
I located Steve in the cafeteria not five minutes later. I could have gone to the captain, but something within me told me that doing that might worsen the situation. Steve was an integral part of the team and Joey would be reluctant to take disciplinary action against him that would impede the performance of his duties. I was taught that matters are best solved the fewer people get involved. Steve was sitting at a table, a glass and a bottle beside him. My nose caught the sharp, distinctive smell of alcohol and the odor of sweat.
"Steven, I wish to speak with you," I uttered, and he turned around, his face in shadow, and stared at me.
" 'Bout what?" he coughed.
"The boys," I said, indignation rising in my voice, "Vash is all bruised up. He and Knives say that you've been hitting them."
"Dammed little liars!" Steve shouted. I startled. "Bet you believe everything those little monsters tell you."
"I've no reason to believe they would lie," I protested, "especially about something like this…Vash was crying he was so afraid…"
"Little beasts! Shouldn't be meddling where they aren't supposed to be!"
I gasped as Steve rose from his seat and strode up to me, breathing hot in my face. "They aren't human you know," he growled, "Who knows what they are? He was in the Plant room, could've been trying to sabotage us! I might have saved the mission!"
"What are you talking about, Steve?" I shouted, "They are children!"
"They're monsters!" he yelled, grabbing my shirt collar. "You know how we use the Plants, Rem. That's what they are. They could be plotting against us! Some kinda revolution! Are you so naïve? Those 'children' will be the death of us all! How long will you pretend they are human?"
"St-Steve…" I trembled, "please let me go…" he had both of his large hands on my shoulders and he was gripping hard. I stepped back. He grabbed my right wrist. I tried loosing it from his grasp, but he held tight. I reached for the communicator hanging from my neck. Steve wrenched me forward and grabbed the chain, breaking it and throwing it to the floor. I struggled and he slapped me across the face.
"You cannot protect them!" he screamed. "Your nice little synthetic family, pathetic substitutes to drown out the memory of your dead boyfriend! You can't shelter them forever! The others will see what they are and you won't be able to save your precious little mutants then! Just you watch!"
"Please, Steve!" I cried, my vision blurred with tears, "Stop it! Stop it! Let me go! You're drunk! Sleep it off!"
By this time, I was trying to fight myself free, pelting Steve's broad chest with my left hand clenched in a fist. I was hurled backward. I felt a ripping pain in my arm, sudden and terrible. I heard a loud cracking sound and felt the wind knocked out of my lungs.
I was on the cold steel floor, a throb wracking my body, pulsing through my arm. I saw Steve staggering away. I glimpsed flashes of white light before me. Thoroughly confused for just a moment, I attempted to get up. I felt the flesh of my right arm stir, apart from itself, the stiffness of bone, broken, shifting within the muscle. Then, the pain hit and I screamed. I don't know how long I lay there moaning. I might have blacked out a couple of times. When I was aware of my surroundings, I was in a fog of agony.
"Rem?" I heard a soft voice. I glimpsed the tear-stained faces of Vash and Knives above me. "We were worried when you didn't come back," Knives said, "and we heard screaming."
I groaned. "Boys, get Rowan, quickly!"
Rowan and Joey came and lifted me up gently, helping me to the infirmary. Soon, I was lying on a lounge with my arm in a tank of blue suspension fluid, tiny robots probing the flesh and mending the bone. I was given a shot of localized heavy painkiller and tried to reassure the twins. My poor angels were very upset, but Vash seemed more frightened than Knives. Knives had always been quite reserved, Vash the more sensitive of the two.
Joey was infuriated and paced the floor in front of me in an agitated fashion. While I was being treated, he had led Steve to the Quarantine Room and sealed him in. He pronounced sentence: Steve was to spend a week in quarantine for attacking me – the Quarantine Room the closest place we had on the ship to a brig or a prison of any sort.
"Vash and Knives will just have to avoid him…" Joey said. My jaw hung in disbelief. "I wish there were some other way…the stupid idiot…but, he is a part of the team."
I nodded solemnly. We both knew what could be done with Steve…but there was nothing set up for due process aboard the ship with the small crew. It would not be fair to condemn him to indefinite freezing for a simple drunken indiscretion. I was not hurt badly and Joey, I was certain, would aid me in keeping track of him and the twins more closely.
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I could not believe what was happening. Vash had hit me. My face stung where had smacked me.
"Are you just going to let it happen?" he screamed. "It happened again! He kicked Knives! Aren't you going to do anything?"
"I can't!" I cried, "I know you don't understand, but I can't! I can't!" My soul was torn in pieces and I had never before felt so helpless – powerless to protect my own children without committing some horrible act I was unwilling to do. I had been teaching the boys that words were the way to solve conflicts, that peace was to be valued above all. Now, Steve's violence had transferred to Vash, my precious little Vash, his hand raised in anger against me.
Vash stood staring at me, then, he began to weep. He threw his small arms around me.
"Rem!" his voice came anguished, "I'm so sorry!! I promise – I promise I will never hurt you again! Ever!"
I held him close, my fingers clutching at the long blond hair that fell down his back, lush and golden like a young lion's mane.
"You're afraid of him, too, aren't you?" he whispered. Then he said something that utterly surprised me. "Maybe Knives and I should leave. I'm not sure how we got here, but no one wants us around."
"No, no, no!" I soothed, "Don't ever say that. I love you very much and the others will see how beautiful you are in time. This is your home and when we find a planet to settle on, that will be your home – our home, too."
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We discovered a planet. After nearly a century of nothingness in deep space, the fleet sensors registered a faint blip on the computer monitor. Within the week, we approached close enough to gather data. Everyone was on the bridge to celebrate when we learned that it was possible for life as we knew it to survive there.
Rowan read of the statistics of the world: no oceans, an atmosphere with the same makeup as Earth's, but arid overall encompassing the whole, barely habitable, but the only planet in its twin-star system with any chance to support life. I asked Rowan if there were any flowers there. He accused me of not listening to a word he said. Joey contended that the planet might, indeed, have flowers, but that we would need a closer inspection to determine that, and that the desert world didn't appear to be anything to be too excited about.
Steve wanted to land. Joey's decision was that we approach, then lay in an orbital course when we got close enough and spend some time analyzing the planet. I had a feeling that this world, as harsh as it seemed to be, would become a new home for humanity.
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The children began taking an active role in our mission. They helped me with adjusting and maintaining the Plants. It began as a question of Vash's to me, when looking out over the command crew Coldsleep room. He asked me why we didn't wake everyone up, complaining that the ship was too lonely. There were children in some of the chambers – not only on the civilian ships, but in our ship as well, as some of the command crews had brought their children with them. My poor boys…Vash and Knives had no children to play with besides each other.
I decided that it was the right time to explain to the twins exactly what the SEEDS mission was all about. Joey assisted me, and I sensed that it was as painful for him as it was for me to have to tell the children that the reason for us being out here in space was because we were destroying our own home planet. I missed Earth, terribly. When I signed on with SEEDS a lifetime ago, I did not believe that I would miss Earth at all, save for my family. I had wanted to flee a world so full of misery. I had carried the hope to create a world where none would ever die as a result of war like my Alex did, even now I carried the hope, but I had not realized how much I would miss looking at the sky through my bedroom window and seeing cerulean instead of black, of walking down a city street past shops and many people going about their lives, and of vast spaces, not artificial, but true, real.
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I decided that the boys needed a haircut. By this time, they resembled 10 year olds in nearly every way, except, with their hair, they resembled 10-year-old girls more than they did 10-year-old boys. They were rivaling me in hair-length. I feared that if we let it grow much longer, Vash and Knives would be tripping over their own locks.
Vash insisted on going first, so I sat him down in a chair in the Recreation Room with a smock while Knives waited his turn nearby. I clipped his long mane, watching the clumps of hair fall to the grass below. I was no professional hairstylist, but I knew my way with a pair of scissors. I snipped his hair up to chin length, then didn't know quite what to do with it. I thought for a minute on a cut that would enhance his fine-featured face. Then, a grand idea hit me. I felt so silly doing this to him. I had brought a little styling gel with me and slapped globs of it into Vash's hair to get it just right. Finally pleased with the result, I handed him a mirror.
"It's stickin' up!" he yelped.
I thought it accentuated his features perfectly. It was Alex's hairstyle, slightly modified. Alex's hair had been shorter in relation to his head than Vash's currently was. Vash smiled. I told him that the style looked good on him, and – I told him of Alex. Then Vash blurted out something that startled me. The child always had ways of surprising me. It made me smile, the innocence of his words.
"If you're ever lonely, you always have me. I won't leave you, because…because, I love you, Rem!"
I turned around to tell Knives it was his turn, but he was missing. Vash and I found him in one of the vacant quarters and he had taken a pair of scissors and cut his own hair. I wondered why he had not waited for me, and his style didn't look entirely bad, and actually pretty good, considering that he had done it himself.
That night, in the cafeteria, everyone commented on the boys' new looks. I agreed with Rowan that Knives looked like a little philosopher. The hair fit his personality. Steve was acting up, however.
I took offense when he called the boys monsters…he was trying to convince the crew to join him in his paranoia. I grew tense, hoping another situation with him wouldn't arise. I breathed a sigh of relief when he decided to leave the room, and remained disturbed and puzzled by Knives' words concerning him, that Steve was afraid of them.
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The twins and I were taking a walk in the Recreation Room the next morning. The fleet was nearing the enigmatic desert planet, and soon, we would be in orbit around it. Vash saw a little butterfly caught in a spider's web.
I had taught the twins about predation long ago. It was a difficult lesson. A few months ago, they had seen one of the stray cats in the Recreation Room with a dead mouse in its mouth. There were more cats aboard the command ship than just Joey's pet – a few strays had gotten aboard before our liftoff from Earth and had lived and bred within the storage areas and the Recreation Room. The old orange tabby tom ate the mouse in front of the boys while keeping itself a safe distance away from us – leaving me to explain why. I had to tell them that cats were a race of creatures that needed to eat other creatures in order to survive, and that they couldn't help it. I told them of the balance of nature, that without the cats, that the mice would breed too many numbers and destroy their food supply, and that without eating the mice, the cats themselves would starve. Knives had asked what would happen if there became too many cats. I told them that the cat population had ways of balancing itself out and that we had to respect all life, even the stray cats.
Vash stared at the spider's web, his fingers carefully creeping towards the trapped butterfly. He was trying to decide on the best way to free the tiny creature. I watched him, thinking that what he was doing was so cute. He knew that the spider would have to eat insects to survive, but he wanted to save this one butterfly. Then, Knives came up beside him, I assumed to help.
He swiftly grabbed the spider in his hand and crushed it. I was appalled. He was quick, precise, and cold. He disregarded the right of the spider to live outright, and also the feelings of his brother, for he could clearly see what Vash was trying to do. I confronted Knives about it, and he simply argued with me. Vash threw him to the ground, yelling. I broke the boys up and told them to stop fighting, and we took some time to calm down.
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Something terrible happened. It seemed the closer we got to a possible landing, the more tensions rose among the crew. Now, Steve was in a straight jacket in a Coldsleep chamber with Rowan prepping the controls for a freeze.
Mary testified that he had come into her quarters the night before and raped her. It wasn't that I discounted her testimony, she was my friend and I tried my best to comfort her, but I felt, when I heard Steve screaming from the chamber, that we should listen to his testimony before outright freezing him! I knew that Steve was capable of cruelty, especially when drunk, but I could not believe that he would go as far as rape. I saw Rowan smiling as he sat at the computer panel, and I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong. I pleaded for a something resembling a proper trail, but my voice went unheeded as Joey pronounced sentence and Rowan started the freeze.
That evening, I mourned the crew's decision, and my powerlessness to stop it. Vash was with me, and asked why people couldn't get along with each other. I wondered the same thing, but shared my thoughts. We walked down one of the corridors leading to our quarters and met up with Knives. Then, we heard gunshots.
They sounded like they had come from one of the ports, and I ran toward the sound, the boys following me, though I motioned for them to stay back. I didn't want them hurt. I pressed my communicator, but it shorted out, and I couldn't get any report to Joey. I skidded to a stop in the doorway of the port, to see, to my absolute horror, Rowan holding a pistol, firing bullets into the body of Mary, which was lying on the floor.
I felt the pulsing of my veins in my head, and pleaded to Rowan to put the gun down. He looked at me with desperate, wild eyes and spoke incoherently. He told me that Mary had brought her death upon herself and that something inside of him was broken. I felt hot tears stream down my cheeks. I shook and managed to speak gently. I don't know why I was so calm. Perhaps, God was giving me an inner strength, a supernatural peace in order to do what needed to be done. I wanted Rowan to put down his gun and to let Joey and me help him. I did not care at that moment that he had committed murder, I just wanted to heal him. I stepped towards him, and he pointed the gun at Knives.
"It's his fault! He's the reason Mary had to die!"
"What are you talking about, Rowan?" I cried, standing between him and Knives. I didn't understand. I felt a sense of déjà vu, the memory coming to me of the day in the containment unit of Plant 1, when Vash and Knives were infants and I stood between them and the crew. I was afraid, imagining the sensation of a bullet ripping through my heart, or worse, the sight of a bullet going through little Knives' head.
I reached out to Rowan, offering to take his firearm from him. "No one has the right to take the life of another," I said. I stepped closer, and closer, my heart pounding, my hands open to receive the gun. Rowan's brow was covered with sweat, and he begged me not to make him shoot me. His eyes softened, and he was about to make a decision, he was about to hand me his gun when…
The airlock opened and Rowan, with Mary's corpse, was sucked through into the unforgiving cold of space. I reached out to him, trying to grab his hand, screaming, leaning over the port guardrail, air rushing around me, feeling the breath being sucked from my lungs. And, I failed to save him.
After the airlock sealed, I managed to get Joey on my com unit. I demanded an explanation from him. I fell to my knees, crying into the communicator. I could not believe it. Why? Rowan was about to hand me the gun, why?
So suddenly…our crew reduced to two, and the twins. Knives went to the bridge, telling me that he wanted to talk to Joey. I sat down, and cried. Vash tried to comfort me, bless his heart, and he cried with me.
The next thing I knew, the Red Alert alarm sounded. I rushed out into the corridor leading to the bridge and Knives met up with me. Vash, Knives, and I ran to the nearest navigational display. The fleet was headed on a collision course for the desert planet! At the rate and trajectory, every ship in the fleet except for the Plant ships, would hit the outer atmosphere and explode upon impact.
Knives told me that Rowan must have programmed this total annihilation in his homicidal/suicidal rage and that Joey had instructed us three to board one of the escape pods. The three of us quickly suited up and headed for the Pod Bay.
As I ushered the twins into one of the pods, I noticed Frankenstein the cat inside of it, curled up with an orange stray. Strange, the little things one notices in high stress situations. I stood at the pod's entranceway. Vash cried for me to get in. I stood there, thinking. Joey knew the navigational computers well, but I thought of him trying to correct the fleet alone. At the rate the command ship was going, if the rest of the fleet could be saved, the command ship would probably burn up. The thought of leaving Joey to sacrifice himself made bile rise up in my throat. And, I felt…that something was wrong.
I did not want to leave Vash and Knives. I pressed in a key code to the pod, and I knew that it would carry them to land safely on the planet. They were smart. I knew that they would find a way to survive, especially if Joey and I could save the fleet. The boys would find survivors, and they would have the Plants. If no one would accept them, I knew that they would have each other. My mind turned to Knives… so reserved, so cold, even, of late. Steve's words about the twins being our death echoed in my memory. I felt a discord, a strange suspicion about Knives. Could he? I knew that Vash understood respect for life, and love. I wanted more time to teach Knives love. Knives had always taken care of Vash, acting like the older brother.
Vash begged me again to get in the pod. My own words about the purpose of Project SEEDS paraded through my brain. In my mind, I saw the face of Alex. I knew…I knew that if I stayed, it was certain death – the ship was going just too fast. But…Alex… my warrior, my angel… he had given his life trying to save the lives of other people. I knew that if he were in my position, that he would decide to stay and do all he could to make sure the mission survived.
I pushed Vash inside the escape pod and told him not to worry. I cried for my boys, and told Vash to take care of his brother. Vash screamed my name as the door sealed shut and the pod jettisoned off. I ran as fast as I could to the bridge.
Joey…I saw Joey slumped over a computer console…blood…blood coming from his head, dripping off the monitor, his gun on the floor beside him. No…this couldn't be happening! Bone fragments…brain matter…on the monitor…Suicide? Murder? Bile rose up in my throat again. I swallowed it….no time to be sick…
It's strange the thoughts that go through the mind when one is facing death. I'm here now, mind churning, remembering…as if I am talking to someone, telling a story for someone to hear, or to write down in a book. Rem Saverem: Her Life Story, how strange… Dear God, are you listening? Please! Please let this work! Ah…there…yes….yeeeeeees…that's it, that's it! The reverse thrusters will engage in five minutes… No…too late for that ship…and that one…but the others…most of the fleet, yes…
Yes, it's going to work! They won't all crash! I just hope the survivors and the Plants can make a way of life on that desolate sphere…and my twins… This ship…no, the way it is going… wait…It feels like it's slowing down, just a little bit. Maybe, just maybe… there's a chance! The ship might make it! If I can get it to land, I can find my boys…that's the first thing I'm going to do…find Vash and Knives… if I make it. Three more minutes and the thrusters will engage. Yes…please… yes… I might have a chance to surv-
END.
Lady Shadowcat, 2002