Game Again *Special*
By Miku
* Standard disclaimers apply.*
***********
Hiroaki:
Date: Feb 13
I was watching you silently with a slight frown on my face, as you struggle in preparing a dish. You really looked so silly and… careless… but of course I knew that you were more than what you show me…
Akira… why did I love you in the first place anyway?
Because you're handsome? Nah. If you would come to think of it, a once-straight man would not love a once-straight man just because of physical appearance. It would be seldom for a man to appreciate if his friend (or best friend like in my case) was handsome and sexy (I could not find the closer word). It's like how a woman would seldom appreciate another woman's beauty (oftentimes, they wanted to be the one appreciated really).
Was it because you're so good at basketball? But just like the case I mentioned before, if a man was very skilled with something, his friend would not fall for him, right? They would just probably want to enjoy being with him and at times even want to compete with him. It would be the same in case the man was fun to talk to.
You were even so careless at times, not to mention, irresponsible – being late in any appointments you had, accidentally breaking things now and then… as if you were still a kid. You always flirt with women whenever I could not see you… you talk a little dirty at times…
So then why did I love you? Or rather, why do I love you?
Even though you were always smiling, they were not genuine… the smile you show to others (even to me at times) was just like a natural habit and held no special meaning… you just smile because… you were known to have been always smiling.
It was so seldom now to see you really happy. Before, when you talk about Rukawa, that beautiful (as what you implied back then) Shohoku ace, I could really perceive your happiness. Your eyes were sparkling like a child who just tasted his first candy. Your face would even flush sometimes – in that way, I could really know if you were excited.
And you know what, Akira? I was so jealous whenever I saw that expression on your face whenever the subject was that raven boy. I never saw that smile and look of you whenever we just talk about… other things… like… us.
You knew my feelings for you and I knew back then that you could only take me as your best friend. I tried to act normally during those days… until you finally told me that you loved me and that was days before Valentine's Day… before your birthday.
But I did not see the look of genuine happiness in your eyes when you told me those words…
Instead, I saw sorrow and helplessness…
And right at that moment I knew, I'm not the one you truly love… I could never be the one you could truly love… and I proved myself right, up until now…
Whenever we walk along the court where you and Rukawa played most of your one-on-ones, you would stare longingly at it, your eyes sparkling with… unknown emotion. I knew you were thinking of him during those moment.
And I could still remember the time when we were talking. You were silent all the while but were staring intently at me. I was uncomfortable that time… because I thought you were really staring at me. Until you said, "You're so much like Kaede…" I stopped talking. Your eyes widened and you immediately apologized. You said that you just remembered him… and that… it was nothing personal. I just nodded but I was hurt deeply inside. I knew you were still pinning for him… and sometimes I would even think that you were comparing me to him. You liked me because you could see a part of Rukawa in me… but you did not love me because I am Hiroaki. Perhaps you did actually love me… as your best friend.
I could read you like a book, Akira. I wondered at times if you knew that.
But I guess you did not.
And I guess you could not even read yourself clearly.
You still seemed to keep on denying that you were just lying about your real feelings… towards me… and towards him….
Even though we were already together for one year…
And now I realized that you could never be truly happy with me…
So I decided to finally set you free…
Because I love you…
Even though I do not know why…
I just love you because you are simply my Akira…
But that would be… just until today…
Tomorrow… you're birthday… I'd give you the gift you so deserve…
I only wish that you would finally gain the guts to fight for what is yours rightly…
Because I know too that… Rukawa still loves you.
That is because you are someone who could never be forgotten.
Date: Feb 14
You were so cheerful today… perhaps it was because of your birthday. You treated me to a dinner at an expensive restaurant and after that we went to the seaside because that was your favorite place.
You were embracing me but… why did I still feel cold?
Because I could sense that your mind was drifting somewhere… to someone…
And I knew I was right as I saw you staring at the bridge where you and Rukawa had your last conversation and your final goodbye as what you told me before.
Sometimes I would be jealous to that raven boy… he was the only one who could make you truly happy as well as the one who could make you deeply sad. Yet… that was because of the reason that he was the one you honestly love and I had no right to hate him… for you could be contented with him and I could not give you that how much I tried…
I sighed and it caught your attention. You turned me to look at you and you were staring at me curiously. I tried my best to flash a smile… probably… the last I could give you…
"It's time for my gifts to you," I uttered softly and you smiled. I moved a little apart from you so that I could get the thing on my back pocket. After finding it, I opened the case and I could see your stunned expression as I took the necklace from it. I knelt in front of you and locked the silver chain around your neck.
"Hiro-kun… thank you…" you said tenderly as you held the chain and the pendant with the inscriptions of our initials in it.
"That's my valentine's gift for you," I explained and sat in front of him and gazed at him sincerely. This could be the last time I could ever study his face again.
"Hm? There's two?" you asked curiously, cocking your head to one side. You looked so adorable you know that I… I almost wanted to back off. I almost wanted to be selfish… I almost wanted to just keep you mine… forever…
But I had to fight it… because I knew it would be the right decision…
"There's one more, yes," I started. I could feel tears already swelling in my eyes but I tried to hold them off… just a little longer… "I'd give you the greatest gift I could ever give… the gift that I know you deserved best…"
Your eyes narrowed as you contemplated on my words. You looked at me concernedly and held my hands…
"Hiro… what's the matter?"
I held his hands tighter… this would be the last time I could ever do that too… "I'm giving you your freedom, Akira…"
You stared at me confused. You frowned and cupped my face a little harsh. "What are you saying Hiro?"
"I'm setting you free… I'm giving you the chance to return to the one who could truly make you happy…" I answered as the tears I was holding back began to burst and flow freely.
You held my shoulders and shook me a little as if trying to wake me up from… a nightmare… "Hiroaki! What are you saying? What are you…"
"I could never complete you, Akira… so I'm letting you find that someone who could do that…" I bowed. I felt tired all of the sudden. I wanted just to lean to him and sleep and think that everything was just a bad dream… but now… I was making this dream… and though I wanted it to stop… I knew I'm making the right decision…
"Hiro, I love you!"
"You love me as your best friend, Akira. But you…"
"Look at me Hiro. I love you and…"
Stop lying anymore Akira… it would only hurt you… and me more… I might be tempted to just yield to you…
"But you love someone else greater than you do to me…"
He stopped for a while and stared me desperately. I confirmed that I was right…
"Hiro…"
"Akira, I love you. I love you so much that's why I'm doing this. Because you are still incomplete yourself and I want you to be with that someone who would truly give you contentment and peace…"
"Hiro…"
"Be with him. Be happy. And that would make me happy as well…"
I've never felt this pained before… I've never felt like dying… only until I pushed Akira away…
***********
End of Game Again Special (1st)
***********
What do you think minna? See? I'm a very mean person and I love bringing sadness to innocent people… but… I really liked this part. Actually, I don't know much about Hiroaki Koshino. I'm not even sure if he was Akira's best friend but I could say from the series that they were really the closest members in Ryonan team so I guess it was right.
I'm not a SenKosh fan actually and I don't know Hiro-kun's attitude… but… ehehehe… well… I really enjoyed writing this one… I hope I can do better with Hana-kun's POV. ^_^
Thanks for the patience!
^_^