"I have a secret.
One New Year's - I saw him dance.
We usually left right after the evening meal. But that year, papa said he had business to discuss and we stayed the night at the Souma compound. Mamma wasn't happy about it: there was something about being at the Souma compound that always made her eyes dark and blurry. She'd become harsh, almost mean - as if she was possessed.
But I enjoyed the extra time with my cousins; many of them lived so far away that I didn't see them except at the New Year reunion. And we always have such great fun.
Plus it gave me extra time to watch the one cousin I was most interested in. The one I'd wondered about since I'd first seen him.
Blonde flowing hair, bright eyes that danced, a smile that could light up the darkest night.
The boy who looked like mamma.
I'd seen him many times. Lounging at papa's building. Running in the park. Walking by my school after classes. But all I knew about him was a jumble of overheard facts. Basically:
He was a Souma... His name was Momiji. He had a German accent.
Neither Mamma nor Papa liked to talk about him, when I'd ask. Papa would get very quiet and still and it felt like he was suddenly so very far away. Mamma would also get quiet, but it was like the quiet after shutting off a radio in the middle of song. Like everything was suddenly just stopped. Even her eyes stopped dancing.
So I stopped asking.
But I didn't stop wondering.
I wasn't afraid of him. My friends thought it was creepy how often he was around, but I felt safer knowing he was there. He did, after all, have the same smile as Mamma.
So when Papa told us that he had to stay to see someone, I was happy.
Little pitchers have big ears, they say, and I was a very quiet child. I soon learned that Momiji lived year-round at the Souma compound. I also learned that there was a special party New Years evening at midnight and that my mysterious cousin would be there.
It was dark when I slipped out of my room. I crept silently through the trees. Looking back, I am surprised I made it to the head house without meeting anyone. There surely must have been guards somewhere. But then maybe they don't need guards, eh?
But then, too, back then I didn't even consider the hazards of getting caught, except that maybe I would be spanked for being out of bed.
I managed to find an open window and crept inside. Following the most hauntingly beautiful music, I peeked into a large hall decorated with the symbols of both the old and new years. Long tables sat along the walls and in front of them sat almost a dozen of assorted Souma cousins. I spared them only a moment's glance because in the center of the room.
He danced.
He was wearing an elaborate costume - to this day I don't know how he managed to move so smoothly with all the silks, bells, and ribbons. It was so beautiful I almost cried. I don't know why, but I almost got the feeling he was sad. As if in celebrating the coming of a new year, he was bringing about the end of his own life.
When the dance ended, Momiji was lying on the floor. A door opened at the far end of the hall and another dancer came into the room, just as elaborately dressed, but in brighter, gayer colours.
I must have made some noise, then, because I suddenly noticed one of the older cousins looking across the room at me. His dark hair and sharp eyes stared at me for a moment and then he smiled softly and looked back to the dancers. I ran softly away, retracing my steps back to my bed.
I couldn't sleep that night. I didn't know anything more about my mysterious cousin. I didn't know why he looked like Mamma, talked like me, or watched over my family. But somehow, for a short while, I was content just having seen him dance.
I have heard that everyone has a secret. A secret so great that they can tell no one for fear no one else would understand it.
I have such a secret - I watched my brother's dance."
Momiji blinked. It had been in his inbox and was definitely not what the young teacher had expected to find inside a pink envelope covered with chibi figures from the latest popular anime.
Said envelope fluttered in the soft wind from the open window, threatening to fly off the desk. He reached for it and found another piece of paper still inside. It looked like it had been rather hastily ripped from a notebook. A young girl's handwriting was scrawled across the center.
"I'm sorry if you don't want to know me, but I am curious to finally meet my older brother. I will be at the café on the corner of 3rd and Terrace, this Sunday at noon. If you don't want to meet me, I will try to understand. -Momo Souma"
He shoved the letter and envelope into his satchel with his other papers and headed out the door. His sister. How did she know?
-- "Do you want to meet her?" Tohru took a bedsheet from the basket Momiji was holding and added it to the line.
"I don't know." Tohru looked at him and he stammered. "I mean. I mean yes, I do, but I don't know what I can and cannot say. What does she know? Who." he paused and a small frown crossed his face.
Tohru reached into the basket again. "Who told her?" she asked softly, and the unspoken hope weighed heavily between them. Tohru finished hanging the second sheet and reached for a third. "Momiji," she finally broke the silence. "I know it's scary, but sometimes it's not really as scary as it seems."
He looked up at her and she smiled as she threw the last sheet over the line and into the spring breeze. "Maybe your mother does finally remember you. Or maybe Momo found out on her own. Maybe she knows everything or maybe she's just guessing." Tohru turned back to him and reached out her hand to cup his cheek. "But no matter what, she's opened her own heart to you and you need to decide if you want to do the same."
He leaned into her hand and sighed. "But what do I say? How do you talk to a sister you've never known?"
Tohru shrugged softly. "With your heart, of course, silly." She reached for the full basket at her feet and turned back towards the house. "Now let's go tell Shigure that his favourite socks are dry. He was telling his editor last night that he couldn't finish his latest book without it. He'll be so pleased." --
Momiji looked at his watch for the third time in as many minutes. He still wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing, despite his talk with Tohru. The life of a Juunishi Souma was a difficult one and he more than many knew there were difficult choices to make because of that.
But then, he'd managed quite well by listening to Tohru's advice over the years.
He stepped out from the doorway and crossed the street to the café. He still wasn't sure what to say or how to say it. He didn't know how to tell her that their mother hated him so much that she'd eagerly undergone hypnosis to forget him. How to say that he was unable to contact her because of that. How to admit that he had loved her from afar and that was why he'd practically stalked her for most of her life.
The door jangled as he pushed it open and stepped inside.
I have heard that everyone has a secret.
Would she understand?
One New Year's - I saw him dance.
We usually left right after the evening meal. But that year, papa said he had business to discuss and we stayed the night at the Souma compound. Mamma wasn't happy about it: there was something about being at the Souma compound that always made her eyes dark and blurry. She'd become harsh, almost mean - as if she was possessed.
But I enjoyed the extra time with my cousins; many of them lived so far away that I didn't see them except at the New Year reunion. And we always have such great fun.
Plus it gave me extra time to watch the one cousin I was most interested in. The one I'd wondered about since I'd first seen him.
Blonde flowing hair, bright eyes that danced, a smile that could light up the darkest night.
The boy who looked like mamma.
I'd seen him many times. Lounging at papa's building. Running in the park. Walking by my school after classes. But all I knew about him was a jumble of overheard facts. Basically:
He was a Souma... His name was Momiji. He had a German accent.
Neither Mamma nor Papa liked to talk about him, when I'd ask. Papa would get very quiet and still and it felt like he was suddenly so very far away. Mamma would also get quiet, but it was like the quiet after shutting off a radio in the middle of song. Like everything was suddenly just stopped. Even her eyes stopped dancing.
So I stopped asking.
But I didn't stop wondering.
I wasn't afraid of him. My friends thought it was creepy how often he was around, but I felt safer knowing he was there. He did, after all, have the same smile as Mamma.
So when Papa told us that he had to stay to see someone, I was happy.
Little pitchers have big ears, they say, and I was a very quiet child. I soon learned that Momiji lived year-round at the Souma compound. I also learned that there was a special party New Years evening at midnight and that my mysterious cousin would be there.
It was dark when I slipped out of my room. I crept silently through the trees. Looking back, I am surprised I made it to the head house without meeting anyone. There surely must have been guards somewhere. But then maybe they don't need guards, eh?
But then, too, back then I didn't even consider the hazards of getting caught, except that maybe I would be spanked for being out of bed.
I managed to find an open window and crept inside. Following the most hauntingly beautiful music, I peeked into a large hall decorated with the symbols of both the old and new years. Long tables sat along the walls and in front of them sat almost a dozen of assorted Souma cousins. I spared them only a moment's glance because in the center of the room.
He danced.
He was wearing an elaborate costume - to this day I don't know how he managed to move so smoothly with all the silks, bells, and ribbons. It was so beautiful I almost cried. I don't know why, but I almost got the feeling he was sad. As if in celebrating the coming of a new year, he was bringing about the end of his own life.
When the dance ended, Momiji was lying on the floor. A door opened at the far end of the hall and another dancer came into the room, just as elaborately dressed, but in brighter, gayer colours.
I must have made some noise, then, because I suddenly noticed one of the older cousins looking across the room at me. His dark hair and sharp eyes stared at me for a moment and then he smiled softly and looked back to the dancers. I ran softly away, retracing my steps back to my bed.
I couldn't sleep that night. I didn't know anything more about my mysterious cousin. I didn't know why he looked like Mamma, talked like me, or watched over my family. But somehow, for a short while, I was content just having seen him dance.
I have heard that everyone has a secret. A secret so great that they can tell no one for fear no one else would understand it.
I have such a secret - I watched my brother's dance."
Momiji blinked. It had been in his inbox and was definitely not what the young teacher had expected to find inside a pink envelope covered with chibi figures from the latest popular anime.
Said envelope fluttered in the soft wind from the open window, threatening to fly off the desk. He reached for it and found another piece of paper still inside. It looked like it had been rather hastily ripped from a notebook. A young girl's handwriting was scrawled across the center.
"I'm sorry if you don't want to know me, but I am curious to finally meet my older brother. I will be at the café on the corner of 3rd and Terrace, this Sunday at noon. If you don't want to meet me, I will try to understand. -Momo Souma"
He shoved the letter and envelope into his satchel with his other papers and headed out the door. His sister. How did she know?
-- "Do you want to meet her?" Tohru took a bedsheet from the basket Momiji was holding and added it to the line.
"I don't know." Tohru looked at him and he stammered. "I mean. I mean yes, I do, but I don't know what I can and cannot say. What does she know? Who." he paused and a small frown crossed his face.
Tohru reached into the basket again. "Who told her?" she asked softly, and the unspoken hope weighed heavily between them. Tohru finished hanging the second sheet and reached for a third. "Momiji," she finally broke the silence. "I know it's scary, but sometimes it's not really as scary as it seems."
He looked up at her and she smiled as she threw the last sheet over the line and into the spring breeze. "Maybe your mother does finally remember you. Or maybe Momo found out on her own. Maybe she knows everything or maybe she's just guessing." Tohru turned back to him and reached out her hand to cup his cheek. "But no matter what, she's opened her own heart to you and you need to decide if you want to do the same."
He leaned into her hand and sighed. "But what do I say? How do you talk to a sister you've never known?"
Tohru shrugged softly. "With your heart, of course, silly." She reached for the full basket at her feet and turned back towards the house. "Now let's go tell Shigure that his favourite socks are dry. He was telling his editor last night that he couldn't finish his latest book without it. He'll be so pleased." --
Momiji looked at his watch for the third time in as many minutes. He still wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing, despite his talk with Tohru. The life of a Juunishi Souma was a difficult one and he more than many knew there were difficult choices to make because of that.
But then, he'd managed quite well by listening to Tohru's advice over the years.
He stepped out from the doorway and crossed the street to the café. He still wasn't sure what to say or how to say it. He didn't know how to tell her that their mother hated him so much that she'd eagerly undergone hypnosis to forget him. How to say that he was unable to contact her because of that. How to admit that he had loved her from afar and that was why he'd practically stalked her for most of her life.
The door jangled as he pushed it open and stepped inside.
I have heard that everyone has a secret.
Would she understand?