By Miku
* Standard disclaimer applies in this fic. Thank You. *
*sigh* I should stop doing fic with triangle pairings… yeah… and a fic with angst always in it…
Oh well… ^_^ Thanks for the review! ^_^ And… umm… well… I guess I wasted one chapter (?) of having both POVs? Right??? What do you think? But I just felt like I have to.
Oh… and I think that this story… is… well… getting out of hand again… ^^;; you see… I planned this to end happily but I guess… I would not… Ehehe… I would still try though… help me find a solution to make everybody happy and satisfied…
Training camp plot ended…
^_^ Fast, ne? Oh well… R&R and thanks!
Lastly: Please don't hate me for this chapter… WAAAAAA!!!
***********
Rukawa sighed after he paid his fare to the cab. He ascended the stair leading to the room he and Sakuragi shared.
At last, training camp had ended.
During those days he was with Sendoh brought back past feelings and he knew he would not forget them easily. They knew that they shared the same feeling… but they knew their current state and it could not be changed that easily unless they were some kind of unfeeling and insensitive creatures.
Sendoh and Rukawa spent the remaining days in the camp in a subtle way with a hint of intimacy at times and over concern. To the participants, they seemed like a brothers. To others, best friends…
But Ayako knew all along… she told them one time.
However, that was only it… both men knew they should avoid going far from caring words and actions.
And learn to forget each other once the camp was finish.
(à Well… I did not write the whole days Rukawa and Sendoh spent together… ^^;; but if you want for me to write them… ah… I dunno… perhaps this is the ending already. ^^;; Just one more "special chapter" and I'm done… there's nothing significant that happened during the training camp anyway other than what I've written before… ^^;; not even lime… ehehe… as I've mentioned in the story before… "They were avoiding it,"right? ß)
Rukawa opened the door and found the place too quiet. It was only seven in the morning anyway; perhaps his lover was still asleep. He wondered what would the redhead's expression be once he saw him. Hanamichi knew that today's Kaede's arrival but not this early.
He switched the light on the living room and proceeded to their room. He opened it silently… and the first thing he saw was Sakuragi, lying on the bed with a woman beside him, and only the dark blanket covered their nakedness. The woman had a shoulder-length brown hair and fair complexion. She was pretty. No wonder Sakuragi would like her. Much more… she was… Haruko…
Rukawa just stared at the sight of his lover with another woman. He just stood at the door with his eyes showing nothing but tiredness and indifference… He did not want to deal with other emotions… trying to forget a man he so loved was already spending too much of his energy.
"Hanamichi," he whispered the name jadedly.
After a few minutes, he walked silently and placed his bag on one corner of the room and left without even closing the door. It was a subtle way of informing Sakuragi of his arrival.
He went to the kitchen, opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and drank. Then he checked the cupboard for something to fry and he found a can of sausage. That would be enough to fill his aching stomach. But actually, he would just cook to have something to do… or else… he would be doing something… unnecessary and brash.
He was frying when he felt someone's presence standing on the open doorway of the kitchen. He needed not to turn to see who it was though. He perfectly knew that he was Hanamichi. Rukawa continued cooking.
Nobody spoke.
Rukawa was now fixing a plate for him when the redhead called out to him, "Kaede…"
He did not reply. What would he say in the first place anyway? Let Sakuragi do the talking and realize his mistake. But actually, he knew he had no right to be totally mad to the redhead… he himself betrayed him in some way… and he knew that his lover deserved more…
Rukawa was now setting the table. He actually prepared two plates… for him and Sakuragi. He pulled one chair and sat. Then he glanced at the redhead questioningly – an invitation to eat.
Sakuragi nodded and walked passed him to get to his chair. Rukawa immediately felt heat radiating from the redhead and smelled of something familiar. The first thing that entered his mind was… alcohol.
"Where's Haruko?" Kaede asked with no trace of malice or hatred in his voice. But as he suspected, Sakuragi bit his lower lip and stiffened with the mention of the name. After sitting, the redhead answered, "She… already left…" and Rukawa just nodded.
Silence.
"Itadaikimasu," both uttered silently. Rukawa started eating but Sakuragi was just sitting still with his grip tightening on the chopsticks and with eyes lowered.
Finally, Rukawa sighed. Without looking at Hanamichi, he said, "We could talk after we eat."
The redhead nodded and began eating slowly.
***********
"Do you want coffee?" Rukawa asked as he stood up from his chair and started fixing the dishes. Sakuragi stood as well and began helping him. "It would help you recover from hang-over," he suggested and Sakuragi only nodded still unable to look at Kaede straightly.
After they washed dishes, Rukawa started preparing two cups of coffee while Sakuragi sat on the chair still with his gloomy expression. The raven boy placed one cup in front of Sakuragi and the latter took it silently.
"Kaede…" Sakuragi attempted to speak only to be halted by the other boy.
"You better take a bath to refresh you," Rukawa suggested again and Sakuragi just nodded… again.
***********
He could hear the splash of shower in the bathroom… the sound comforted him somehow…
Now what?
What should he do to fix things up?
He was not mad. That was the weird truth. He was not even jealous. He was just quite stunned… and tired. He was not even hoping for Hanamichi to explain or even to apologize. He just… did not care… What he wanted was to know how things would turn up now…
It was a good excuse to break up with him now, right? Leave Hanamichi and then he could be free at last… but for what? But for whom? Akira? No.
He decided after the camp that he would not expect anymore… he would not hope anymore… He promised to himself that it would be the last time he would share his most intimate feelings to him…
And he did not intend to leave Hanamichi whatever the circumstances might be…
Unless the latter decided for it…
But now…
The bathroom door opened and the redhead appeared wearing only a faded jeans; a towel was hanging around his neck.
"You feeling good now?" Kaede asked as he continued unpacking his things. He saw the "tensai" sweater and he nearly smiled…
"Aa…" the redhead answered. He made his way to the bed where the raven boy was sitting and he sat beside him. "Kaede, I want to explain…" he started.
"Oh? But I'm not asking for you to."
Sakuragi lowered his eyes, ashamed. "We did not intend to… I mean… I did not intend to…"
"And she did?" Kaede asked suddenly wanted to challenge his lover.
The redhead sighed and stared at him. "Kaede…"
Rukawa took a hard heave and turned to look at Sakuragi who had a despaired and helpless look on the face. "Hana… it doesn't matter to me…"
Sakuragi's eyes widened as he heard Rukawa. And then they narrowed pleadingly as if he just realized something.
"And no," Kaede opposed as he comprehended what his lover could have been thinking, "It's not because I don't care about you… I just…"
"Tell me Kaede, do you want me to leave you now?" Sakuragi asked sadly ad his body slumped even more.
Rukawa was taken aback for a moment. Why would Sakuragi think about that? Just because of this mistake… but Rukawa did not really care about what his lover just did… because… he knew that he had done the same… only not in the physical way…
"Hana… I don't," Kaede confirmed.
"I thought you would want to… after seeing that spiky again…"
The raven boy was even more stunned. How did Hanamichi know? Did Ayako tell him?
"I heard Ayako asked him to call you… when I was on the phone."
Kaede could not speak for a while. So Hanamichi knew… but then… it was not a big deal to him anymore. Kaede nodded.
"Do you love him, Kaede?" the redhead asked staring deeply at Kaede.
"It's not the issue right now, Hana…"
"But you told me that you don't need my explanation… but I wanted to hear your answer."
Kaede sighed as he stood up to return some unused and already-washed clothes back to the closet. "I don't care about him anymore… and I don't care about what you did… I only care about how things would be now between the two of us," he answered knowing that part of it was a lie. He did care about Sendoh still…
"And… how would it be between us… now?"
Kaede sighed for the nth time. "I don't know Hana… the truth is… if you slept with a man, I would not care… but you just slept with a girl… Haruko for that matter… and you should know what I mean."
"Kaede…"
"I don't know what happened fully. And I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to decide. You can decide if you want. But what matters for me right now is her decision…"
Hanamichi stared at him questioningly that made Rukawa sighed again.
"Look. She would be the one gravely affected… that is… you should know what I mean," he explained as he returned to sit beside his wistful lover.
"I love you Kaede… I love you…" Hanamichi uttered desperately as he leaned to Kaede and rested his head to the latter's shoulder.
Kaede's eyes narrowed in pity as he began stroking his lover's back trying to soothe him. "I know… but I don't want to destroy one's life, Hana…"
"It would not be your fault, Kaede… I just hope that…"
Rukawa nodded knowing what the redhead wanted to say. If what happened between Haruko and Hanamichi resulted to another life… things would be so complicated… for Hana…
Because Kaede knew deep inside that he would not be too much affected and how he hated himself for that… he's so unfeeling… for his lover…
But that's the sad truth. He would not care so much if the redhead would leave him- that would be if Hanamichi did that willingly. He would not care so much if he would be alone again…
Because there would be one Akira who would accept him with open-arms?
No. At least… he would avoid that…
Unless Hanamichi would hate him as they separate…
But as long as the redhead love him, even when they part, he would not give himself the right to be happy… that would be the least he could do to make up with his cruelty… for he knew that he was the reason why each one of them were suffering…
***********
After opening the door of his former apartment, he roamed his eyes around noting every corner. The whole place did not change… why would it be anyway? He just left for not more than three years…
Three years…
He put his bag down and walked around the area. At least the place was already dust-free. He asked the owner of the apartment to have it cleaned before he returned. He opened the sliding door to the balcony, leaned against its frame for a while as he viewed the vastness of Kanagawa…
Back to this place again…
Back to where he belonged in the first place…
Of silence and coldness… of indifference and isolation…
Hanamichi would be married to Haruko next week. It would be useless to remain in their apartment anyway so he just decided to return to his old place, after all, Hanamichi had all the right to their apartment because he was the one who paid for it.
His lover, rather, former lover did not want to leave him. But fate decided for it already. Haruko was expected to bear a child now and the redhead was the father… Haruko knew the situation – that Hanamichi would marry her just because of the child.
And Rukawa knew that so well… that was why he decided to leave… he was now working his VISA to America. That would help all of them forget. Maybe it that way too, Hanamichi would regain his love for Haruko and finally be contented and happy with his family.
It was the right thing to do anyway. Compared to his relationship with Hanamichi before which was not publicly accepted, at least he could be involved now in a dignified status.
On the other hand, Kaede knew he could live alone. After all, he had been alone for almost the rest of his life.
But it would be hard now…
After experiencing being appreciated and loved…
He knew he would miss the feeling… a lot…
He would just find a course for him in the US and then maybe play basketball again… That was where he belong in the first place anyway… to the world of basketball and basketball alone…
Not to anybody's arm…
He shivered – feeling cold all of the sudden…
"Akira…"
Sendoh called to him before asking if he was alright. Of course he said he was. The spiky-head even asked if Rukawa would want for him to come or accompany him back to Kanagawa. The raven boy refused knowing it would only stir forbidden emotions…
Did he not promise to himself before that he would not make himself happy unless Hanamichi would already be?
But was he being unfair to Sendoh too?
He even told the other man not to communicate with him anymore… and that maybe he would be better off with Koshino… Sendoh just stayed silent on the line then and Rukawa knew he was really being unfair and cruel…
Just because he did not want to feel responsible for the unhappiness of the people around him…
But he was already…
How he hoped he could go to America already…
And months passed…
He was now standing in the departure area of the airport waiting for his plane…
He would leave Japan for now… perhaps he would never return again… He would finally work for his dream in America… the dream he disregarded for some time just because of his stupidity to love…
However, he could feel his chest lacking of air, like there was a lump waiting to be released. He could feel coldness from his feet creeping up to his cheeks and he shivered hating the feeling immediately… He scanned the place for a seat and finding one, he rested there for a while. He was still shivering… he was feeling cold inside and outside… and he knew why but he would just deny it…
Deny the truth that he was regretting this…
Feeling incomplete not having to see the people who he had treasured throughout his stay…
But he knew this would perhaps be better…
And they would not mind him leaving at all…
They would not mind at all…
He could feel his eyes heating up and again he hated himself for it. How could he be so sensitive now? Why should he feel this way now? Why was he gaining emotions all of the sudden…
He breathe in some air hoping in some way it would prevent the feeling to burst out and conquer him… but it was hard… as he could feel his heart clenching and in no time he knew he would suddenly cave in.
But not now… not while he was still in Japan… the land that knew nothing about the Kaede behind the coldness…
He heard the name of the plane he would take and he slowly stood up preparing himself. He watched as how most of the departing people in the place embraced their love ones and see their eyes shed tears. He watched as how some of them even refused to let go of the hold to the people around them. He watched as he saw sadness in their eyes… and he watched how the people they were going to leave behind smile to give them encouragement…
The feeling was back again to him… he looked above the ceiling so as to prevent any tears from falling… he inhaled deeply and bit his lower lip… Then he bent down to grab his traveling bag when a voice called him…
"Rukawa!" a woman…
He turned to recognize her and she was… Ayako… she was waving at him…
Kaede's eyes narrowed in confusion and then widened as he saw Kogure, Miyagi and Mitsui ascending from the escalator. Then they ran towards him… shouting his name… that made him part his lips in immeasurable astonishment… he could feel his heart clenching once more and tears swelling in his eyes again…
"Hey, you did not tell us you're leaving!" Mitsui scowled.
"We could at least gave you something for your trip, you know!" Miyagi nagged.
"Take care of yourself there, Rukawa-kun…" Kogure uttered with his always gently voice.
"Don't forget us, boy!" Ayako exclaimed as he slapped Kaede's back that brought the latter to stumble a little.
"What are you doing here…?" the raven boy asked, surprise and confusion obvious in his tone as well as other… denied… emotion.
"Bidding you farewell of course, kitsune…" answered a familiar voice behind the three former Shohoku players.
Sakuragi appeared, with one arms on his waist, smirking… his eyes sparkling with… genuine tenderness. Haruko was standing beside him smiling sweetly… as always…
Kaede suddenly felt shy all of the sudden as he lowered his gaze and but harder his lower lip. He felt Hanamichi stepping closer to him and cupped his chin lifting his face up.
"Don't be sad, Kaede… I'll feel bad if you do…" he uttered softly as he wiped away the tears that Kaede unknowingly released…
the raven boy shook his head and lowered his face again embarrassed of the freely gushing tears flowing from his closed eyes. "No… I'm just happy… to see you all…" he spoke silently as he felt the air jamming his chest suddenly exploded. He lifted one hand to cover his face as his body began trembling uncontrollably.
He never expected this.
He never deserved this.
Yet…
He felt arms wrapped around his back. He was so overwhelmed with emotions that his knees were starting to tire. He just rested his head to the redhead's shoulder.
"Take care of yourself there, Kaede, hm?"
He nodded while now sobbing.
"Here," Hanamichi said as he inched Kaede away from him and extended his arm to Haruko who lend Hanamichi something. Kaede could barely see with the tears clouding his sight. Hanamichi wiped some tears away again and smiled. "Here, take this with you…"
Kaede looked down and stared at the redhead's hand that was holding a cloth or something. Then he smiled upon recognition. "It's your tensai sweater…" he said as he took it from Hanamichi.
The redhead nodded. "Take care of it… and take care of yourself… and come back to us, okay?"
Kaede nodded feeling the tears swelling up in his eyes again… he never knew he had so much tears… and now he assured himself… he would come back…
"And Kaede…" the raven boy lifted up his eyes to see Hanamichi and stared at him inquiringly. The redhead continued, "And Kaede, I'm releasing you from me… I want you to be happy now… as what I know I would be…"
Rukawa parted his lips in a voiceless word, "Hana…"
"I know I'll learn loving her," Hanamichi whispered, "But I'll always held you precious in my heart…"
"Hana…" again he uttered the name silently and he trembled again and cried.
"Now, now…" Ayako intervened stroking the raven boy's back. "You'll be late on your flight unless you wanted to stay here a little longer," she reminded, her eyes teasing.
Kaede smiled in response and wiped his tear. "Aa… I know," he answered as he stepped back and looked at the people gathered around him. "T-thank you…"
They nodded and smiled genuinely as they watched Kaede slowly walked away from them.
He is Kaede Rukawa… a former student and player of Shohoku High. He had competed with great teams and he succeeded being known as the best player in Japan.
He was an aloof boy… fearing close contact with other people…
Until he met Hanamichi…
"Hey…" Kaede stopped upon hearing the familiar voice. He just stood still fearing to turn around and see… and expect…
"Hey, Kaede…" the man repeated as he stepped closer to him.
Yes… he was an aloof boy once… fearing close contact with other people, perhaps even until now…
Until he met Hanamichi…
And until he met Akira…
"You're leaving, I see…" he continued speaking as he wrapped his arms around the raven boy and pulled him closer into an embrace. "I'll miss you…"
"Akira…" he finally spoke as he turned around to face the other man who had closed eyes, lashes wet… almost near to crying…
"I love you Kaede… and I'll always do… I'll wait for you… even if it takes forever…" Sendoh said and pulled the smaller boy to him again almost refusing to let go.
Kaede smiled. "It doesn't have to be forever, Akira…" he started as he pushed the man gently to leave space between them. "It doesn't have to be…"
Sendoh watched Rukawa parted, with a smile etched in his face… a genuine smile that only Kaede could create…
Rukawa was smiling too, contented and happy for the first time…
It doesn't have to be forever Akira for I will return to this land… I will surely return… for the people I treasure… for you… because I love you… and I'll always do… and it is forever…
OWARI
***********
The end of Game Again minna… ^_^
Please review… I need it so badly this time… should I make another fanfic ^^;; I don't want to be cruel anymore… and was the last part too mushy? Ehehehe… I'm sorry… I'm not used to writing love stories actually…
So…
What do you think???
^^;;
For the Hana POV… I don't think I could make it now… ah… because… ano… I want to end this fic already… I don't want to write about this fic already… it makes me so sad… ehehe… you know I was crying the whole time I'm writing the last part that's why I could have probably made no sense… Please understand…
Ehehe…
There…
Thanks for reading.
But as I've promised, I'll write a happy HanaRu and maybe SenRu too… next time… I need to get inspiration first (of a happy and not angst-ridden plot).
Thanks again!