"Going Home", Chapter 2
Disclaimer: I don't own Suikoden. Konami does. Simple enough.
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I sat up in my bed, gasping for air. The darkness and silence of the castle contrasted my breathing. It had been over a year since that day that I wished I could forget, except that I kept on dreaming about it. Nanami, Jowy. They were both gone, and here I was.
Shu had found me clutching Jowy's body, still crying. I don't really remember what happened after that, except I was in my room and it was morning. Eilie had brought breakfast up to me, except I couldn't eat anything. All I could do was stare at my right hand, unable to believe what had happened.
Now, here I was, still unable to grasp the fact that my best friend and sister were never coming back. I had never returned to Kyaro since the day the three of us fled, nor had I gone to Tenzan pass. What was the point of me returning? Everytime we had needed to make negotiations with Kyaro, I had sent someone in my place. Shu had understood, though I never explained my motives for not returning. How can one return to a place where things will never be the same?
I would always be the same, however. I was sixteen forever, for the rest of my sorry life. I don't think I would ever forget what happened over a year ago. Night after night, I would see Nanami being struck down by the arrows, Dr. Huan announcing that she had died, Jowy collapsing in my arms. None of the pain was fading, instead I think it just grew each day. I spent my days immersed as being president, trying to forget what had happened.
I got out of my bed and looked out my window, at the stars. Nanami and Jowy and I had always done that as kids. We had always tried to find constellations, but never really knew which was which. Jowy could sometimes figure out which was which, as he had the most schooling out of all of us. Now I looked by myself. Maybe I could find Jowy and Nanami in the stars, as stupid as that sounded. The stars looked nicer in Kyaro than outside my window. I had never said it, but I had always loved and missed Kyaro. How could I forget the place where I grew up? Where Nanami, Jowy, and I had traded secrets, played games, and had sworn that we'd always be together?
I headed downstairs silently, being careful not to wake the sleeping guards that protected me. As I entered the fourth floor, I noticed a light on in Shu's room. He was probably busy trying to do whatever a strategist does. I decided to enter his room, seeking solace of some kind.
He looked up at me from his stacks of paperwork as I entered the dim room, startled, possibly because I didn't have the manners to knock. "Lord Riou, what are you doing up at this hour?"
I looked down at my feet. "Shu…I can't sleep. I can't remember the last time I've slept a whole night. Every night, I either dream about Nanami or Jowy or Kyaro. I always see Nanami being struck from the arrows, or Jowy dying in my arms. I always dream of us being together, in Kyaro, living happily together. But it's never going to happen, is it." I looked up at him, my eyes bright with tears. "Is it."
"Lord Riou, I understand that you've suffered the most out of all of us during the past months. I'm not sure what I can tell you to do. Perhaps you need some closure of some kind?" He said gently.
"Closure. From what? How?" I asked him bitterly. "Nanami and Jowy are dead, that seems to be closure enough."
He sighed, probably because he wasn't used to dealing with angsty teenage boys at two in the morning. "I've noticed you've never returned to your hometown of Kyaro after the war ended, though everyone else returned. Why not go back there? Maybe you'll find some peace somewhere, somehow. I can arrange for you to be away on a "trip" to Harmonia or something, so you can manage to visit peacefully. You may leave in a few hours if you wish, Lord Riou."
I decided to accept his offer. Why not? What was the worst could happen? "Alright, Shu. Why not? I don't see how things could really get any worse. But thanks. I'll leave as soon as the sun rises." I turned left the room, closing the door silently behind me.
Kyaro. My home. My real home. I was going home.